The Nature of Friendship.

[Samuari]

Recently, there was thread that became a discussion about the nature of friendship. It seems that one person divulged to her friend something that at least was not very smart, and could be considered unethical or immoral by a large segment of society. The friend was simply supportive, telling her to ‘go with her heart', while refusing to make any judgement at all. For the most part the other posters to the thread applauded that action saying what a good friend she was not giving any moral direction, and ‘just being there for her.'

I was against a dead line, and would not be able to stay on line long enough to give the issue the attention that I thought that it deserved. I have since been unable to find the thread to post to it, and it is perhaps better to reopen this discussion in a thread of its own, as it has bothered me all week.

I have very few friends that I trust enough to confide personal information that could be damaging to my family or others that I'm close to, but those few, I trust completely. One of the things that I would be asking for with my admission would be their moral judgement. I'm daily reminded that I make mistakes, so I seek the advice and council of those whom I trust. Part of that trust is that I know that these folks are as committed to me as I am to them, and that even if I chose to not follow their advice, they will remain my friend.

In Moral Theology, it is the process of separating the act form the actor. Christians are commanded to hate the sin, while loving the sinner. I may hate what my friend does, but I will still love, and respect that person, and will ‘be there for them'. Indeed, for me, it would be a cop out to not provide my opinion to my friend. It would be part of ‘always being there for them'. Anything less, and they would not be getting the fullness of who I am.

 

[Guest]

Friends

Hey Sam!

Long time no see!

As to your post.....a really GOOD friend will tell you their opinion, may not like the option you chose, but love you anyway. I could tell you stories, but I think that's it in a nutshell. Hope you don't mind me posting this here, as this is so very true.....

A Friend....
Accepts you as you are
Believes in "you"
Calls you just to say "HI"
Doesn't give up on you
Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
Forgives your mistakes
Gives unconditionally
Helps you
Invites you over
Just because
Keeps you close at heart
Loves you for who you are
Makes a difference in your life
Never Judges
Offers support
Picks you up
Quiets your fears
Raises your spirits
Says nice things about you
Tells you the truth when you need to hear it
Understands you
Values you
Walks beside you
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Yells when you won't listen and
Zaps you back to reality (OUCH!)

Da Moon

 

[Laurel]

In Moral Theology, it is the process of separating the act form the actor. Christians are commanded to hate the sin, while loving the sinner. I may hate what my friend does, but I will still love, and respect that person, and will ‘be there for them'. Indeed, for me, it would be a cop out to not provide my opinion to my friend. It would be part of ‘always being there for them'. Anything less, and they would not be getting the fullness of who I am.

I can see that point of view. I think it depends on the nature of the transgression. If what the friend has done is relatively minor and in character as far as how I perceive that friend, then I can forgive (eventually) and move on. However, if what they've done that hurt me is so severe or so strange that it changes my perception of who they are, then sometimes I can no longer love that person.

I had a situation like that in high school in which a supposed "best friend" said some extremely nasty things about me to many, many others. I had always perceived her as a quiet, nice, non-gossiping person. That assumption formed part of the foundation of my friendship with her. Once that was gone, the friendship crumbled. It wasn't a choice I made consciously - I just no longer had any interest in being around her. I no longer loved her - or, more accurately, I loved who I thought she was, not who she turned out to be.

 

[Guest]

fergot to mention the ABC'S.....notice each starting letter? I really should highlight that.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: The Nature of Friendship.

I loved who I thought she was, not who she turned out to be.

I didn't get that this "friend" was doing anything against the other friend. What you are stating is a whole different ballgame, IMHO.

MoonWolf

 

[Laurel]

Huh?

 

[Samuari]

fergot to mention the ABC'S.....notice each starting letter? I really should highlight that.

Nah just leave it and let them figgure it out for themselves.

Laurel, i see what you mean and sort of thing can really shake your confidence in your ability to judge people, cann't it? I think that they way that I would look at it is that person who I thought was my friend, never really existed, and that I loved the person that I wanted them to be rather than the person that they really were.

 

[Guest]

Huh?

I'm assuming (I hate to assume) that you are talking to me. What I understood from Sam's post is, a friend talked to another friend that was somewhat 'immoral' and not a front against he/she personally. Like she was married as was gonna go out with a married guy, or something like that. Instead of saying, that is not proper, and you shouldn't do that, the friend incouraged he/she to do same.

If a person that was a 'friend' revealed a personal issue about me, well, they would need to answer to that. Two different issues here.

MoonWolf

 

[Samuari]

While there are indeed two different issues here, I don't think that they are unrelated, and both are wothwhile discussing. Larule's comments brought to mind an aspect that I hadn't concsidered.Something that is good for the "little grey cells".

 

[Laurel]

Laurel, i see what you mean and sort of thing can really shake your confidence in your ability to judge people, cann't it? I think that they way that I would look at it is that person who I thought was my friend, never really existed, and that I loved the person that I wanted them to be rather than the person that they really were.

Exactly.

 

[Cheyenne]

I have very few friends that I trust enough to confide personal information that could be damaging to my family or others that I'm close to, but those few, I trust completely. One of the things that I would be asking for with my admission would be their moral judgement.

My approach is to not ask questions if I already know the answers.

I don't need a friend to tell me if they think my actions agree with their morals. Chances are I already know if they do or they don't.