The most clever thing you've ever said

An angry trucker said to me : "Suck my dick, bitch !"

I replied : "No, thanks. I wouldn't suck on anything that small."

( Later, we ended up having coffee and dating, and I found out his dick was HUGE)
 
KatherineBlackers said:
An angry trucker said to me : "Suck my dick, bitch !"

I replied : "No, thanks. I wouldn't suck on anything that small."

( Later, we ended up having coffee and dating, and I found out his dick was HUGE)

It is really amazing how an insult match results in renegotiation.

"Well, if he's really that good with his tongue...I wonder..."
 
Stuponfucious said:
Someone giving up on rational discussion because you've turned into a raving, dictatorial harpy does not count as a "win".


Oh look. It's my favorite troll. :D
 
Recidiva said:
Is there a system? "Uglier than 13/27ths of a bucket of assholes"

Yes...but they're divided into quarters...

you can be as ugly as a 1/4 bucket of assholes

you're about as ugly as a 1/2 bucket of assholes

you're as ugly as a 3/4 bucket of assholes

you're uglier than a bucket of assholes


hope this clears it up....
 
Rambrat said:
Yes...but they're divided into quarters...

you can be as ugly as a 1/4 bucket of assholes

you're about as ugly as a 1/2 bucket of assholes

you're as ugly as a 3/4 bucket of assholes

you're uglier than a bucket of assholes


hope this clears it up....

Damn you and your standards.

Of all the things I hate, it's having to be precise.

*mutter*
 
huskie said:
to my ex wife; "I'm leaving you and am going to divorce you."
Oh.... she'll probably like the divorce thing again. Give her a chance to get whatever was left over from the first one. You must enjoy the agony of defeat. lol :D
 
Recidiva said:
Damn you and your standards.

Of all the things I hate, it's having to be precise.

*mutter*

oh, they're not my standards...those are the work of the Association of Bucket Asshole Uglies...

hell, as far as I'm concerned...you can divide that bucket into any fraction you wish...

even go for decimal equivalents...


which the Association frowns upon
 
Rambrat said:
oh, they're not my standards...those are the work of the Association of Bucket Asshole Uglies...

hell, as far as I'm concerned...you can divide that bucket into any fraction you wish...

even go for decimal equivalents...

which the Association frowns upon

*looks scared*

Are there fines?

I...I'll be good. Standard bucket and all. I'll mark them careful.
 
MorgaineLaFay said:
It's a toss up between "... wow, yeah I see you have that whole 'guy' thing working for you ..." and "fuck off" - The latter isn't quite as clever as it is charming followed up with a killer smile and blue eyes.
I kinda love it when a woman does this. Especially when she uses those little 'laser beam' I dare you looks. Then acts oh so sweet. Turns me inside out trying to remain cool, calm, and collective. But MY eyes say "Oh, I'm gonna fuck you so good, sweet little bitch". Then I'll spoil ya rotten!
 
Just because I'm listening, doesn't mean I care. - To ex who use to whine a lot while I was trying to get ready for a party
 
LadyAria said:
Just because I'm listening, doesn't mean I care. - To ex who use to whine a lot while I was trying to get ready for a party
You mean your ex didn't 'help' you get ready for parties?
 
MisterEdMe said:
You mean your ex didn't 'help' you get ready for parties?

He did do my laces that night. But at the time, I was putting on make up. He did not help me with my make up. Also, he did not go to the party.
 
MisterEdMe said:
I kinda love it when a woman does this. Especially when she uses those little 'laser beam' I dare you looks. Then acts oh so sweet. Turns me inside out trying to remain cool, calm, and collective. But MY eyes say "Oh, I'm gonna fuck you so good, sweet little bitch". Then I'll spoil ya rotten!

That's the whole point ;)
 
When someone asked for positive things came out of the totally elective war in Iraq, Huskie said, and I quote "It destroyed a Hitler like thug that could have started another world war with his mind set and financial backing.... We should'a finished the fucker off back in 1990 though."

I simply replied "Back when he was Governor of Texas?"

Judging from the effeminate spluttering squeals of situational outrage by Groingo, that comment was the Lit equivalent of a tape-measure home run. Upper-deck city, baybeeeee!
 
MisterEdMe said:
I kinda love it when a woman does this. Especially when she uses those little 'laser beam' I dare you looks. Then acts oh so sweet. Turns me inside out trying to remain cool, calm, and collective. But MY eyes say "Oh, I'm gonna fuck you so good, sweet little bitch". Then I'll spoil ya rotten!

Hehe, whatever you say. ;)

Got another one... I didn't say it, but it's from Will and Grace. When Karen told Grace that her chest was on backwards (she has small breasts)... lol, it was so great.
 
someplace said:
Oh look. It's my favorite troll. :D

As far as I can remember this is the first time I've ever even acknowledged your existence, so I'd hardly call my comment trolling.

Snarky, yes. Trolling, no.
 
RobDownSouth said:
When someone asked for positive things came out of the totally elective war in Iraq, Huskie said, and I quote "It destroyed a Hitler like thug that could have started another world war with his mind set and financial backing.... We should'a finished the fucker off back in 1990 though."

I simply replied "Back when he was Governor of Texas?"

Judging from the effeminate spluttering squeals of situational outrage by Groingo, that comment was the Lit equivalent of a tape-measure home run. Upper-deck city, baybeeeee!

HAHAHA...!

No.
 
sexychik69 said:
Hehe, whatever you say. ;)

Got another one... I didn't say it, but it's from Will and Grace. When Karen told Grace that her chest was on backwards (she has small breasts)... lol, it was so great.
Well if quotes from TV shows are up for grabs, here's one I've always remembered:

Her: Oh honey, you are having a Great Butt Day!
Him: I take it that means I should keep parting it in the middle?
 
this thread is a little self congratulatory.

many of the things you say are only clever in the context they were said. relisting them here just diminishes their wit, for the most part.

half the comments i've read haven't struck me as clever in the least.
 
bg23 said:
this thread is a little self congratulatory.
Just like a huge percentage of Litster's signature lines ;) I've come across sig lines which are entirely composed of their own "clever" quotes. I guess if no one else is a fan, it's best to be your own :D
 
Tinkersquash said:
Just like a huge percentage of Litster's signature lines I've come across sig lines which are entirely composed of their own "clever" quotes. I guess if no one else is a fan, it's best to be your own

i love people who quote themselves and feel the need to attribute it to " -- me"

it's a bit silly. if you're saying, then you don't need to tell anybody it's you saying it. the only time you attribute quotes is if you're quoting someone else.
 
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