The Marriage Sabbatical
- Thread starter *bratcat*
- Start date
KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
- 25,603
When he was army I used to. I don't count the truck driving stint because he became even more invasive with all the fucking phone calls. If I didn't answer the phone he would call neighbors, friends, and the police. Vastly irritating. But when he was in the army, they took him away several times a year and kept him away from the phone and too busy to check up.
I miss that.
I miss that.
registered "^^"
"^^"
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2001
- Posts
- 2,869
If it was on Oprah, it has to be gospel!
Weinergirl
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2000
- Posts
- 68
marriage and flunking basic math
One reason I think this marriage sabbatical idea is gaining some steam and attention is because people are starting to realize when you get married you don't become this blob person. Two becoming one is a crock. "One" is actually 3;you, your spouse and the relationship. I think people put so much into the relationship and the other person and they starve themselves.
To be honest I never wanted to get married. B/c I don't really love my husband of 7 years? Nope. I'm more crazy about him than ever. The reason is b/c what marriage means today wasn't the public statement I wanted to make about our relationship. I didn't know a way to really do that but the piece of paper and the ring ( I have one he doesn't and I rarely wear mine. I sport a variety of cheapie silver bands that may happen to match my earrings that day) represent a popular fallacy. Marriage by today's standards -what I see not what they say-is a bad joke and seems to be truly a ball and chain for some people. They feel they have to submerge part of themselves to keep the peace. Eventually they lie, cheat, and/or alienate themselves from their spouses. Sometimes they divorce, sometimes they stay miserable till someone dies, or on the rare occassion they tear up the model and construct a union that works for the two people in it-screw what everyone else thinks.
So many people I know get caught up in the fantasy of marriage and when they find the ugly reality of being with someone and really knowing all thier gross habits that hormones helped you ignore before they; can't believe what they've done. Soon depression follows. I take a female perspective based on my own observations and in many cases the statistics don't lie men are happier and live longer when they are married. So many of my girlfriends, including my mother are so frustrated and bitter, about all the good years they "wasted". When in reality no one made them do anything-they made decisions based on a formula that didn't really exist or in best case is horribly outdated. News flash the world is not flat!
I believe in love. I'm not a ball busting feminist in any way -some day I'll get into what I think of feminism. I don't think there is a name for what I am and that's ok with me and the people who love me. I know all my husband's dirty secrets and really gross habits. He knows mine and that I am mentally disturbed. We have two kids and we're still crazy about each other. I do what I want when I want and he does the same. We will grow and change as our lives evolve. There has to be some flexibility (respect for the individual as well as the relationship)within the bonds that will allow for that -or somethings gonna break. That's exciting to us-we'll figure it out as we go. I may not understand half of what he does and he nor I. We bump heads about the differences from time to time but it's ok. If I wanted a clone I'd have just waited a few years instead of marrying him.
I think I may have digressed here and there but my main point is you have to maintain your integrity as an individual. If taking a "scheduled break" will help you keep some perspective and clarity do it. I think a lot of the pressures and stresses that would attract someone to the idea of a sabbatical in the first place could be lessened greatly if we stop believing two shall become one. I suck at math but 1+1 =2 in my book.
Wg
One reason I think this marriage sabbatical idea is gaining some steam and attention is because people are starting to realize when you get married you don't become this blob person. Two becoming one is a crock. "One" is actually 3;you, your spouse and the relationship. I think people put so much into the relationship and the other person and they starve themselves.
To be honest I never wanted to get married. B/c I don't really love my husband of 7 years? Nope. I'm more crazy about him than ever. The reason is b/c what marriage means today wasn't the public statement I wanted to make about our relationship. I didn't know a way to really do that but the piece of paper and the ring ( I have one he doesn't and I rarely wear mine. I sport a variety of cheapie silver bands that may happen to match my earrings that day) represent a popular fallacy. Marriage by today's standards -what I see not what they say-is a bad joke and seems to be truly a ball and chain for some people. They feel they have to submerge part of themselves to keep the peace. Eventually they lie, cheat, and/or alienate themselves from their spouses. Sometimes they divorce, sometimes they stay miserable till someone dies, or on the rare occassion they tear up the model and construct a union that works for the two people in it-screw what everyone else thinks.
So many people I know get caught up in the fantasy of marriage and when they find the ugly reality of being with someone and really knowing all thier gross habits that hormones helped you ignore before they; can't believe what they've done. Soon depression follows. I take a female perspective based on my own observations and in many cases the statistics don't lie men are happier and live longer when they are married. So many of my girlfriends, including my mother are so frustrated and bitter, about all the good years they "wasted". When in reality no one made them do anything-they made decisions based on a formula that didn't really exist or in best case is horribly outdated. News flash the world is not flat!
I believe in love. I'm not a ball busting feminist in any way -some day I'll get into what I think of feminism. I don't think there is a name for what I am and that's ok with me and the people who love me. I know all my husband's dirty secrets and really gross habits. He knows mine and that I am mentally disturbed. We have two kids and we're still crazy about each other. I do what I want when I want and he does the same. We will grow and change as our lives evolve. There has to be some flexibility (respect for the individual as well as the relationship)within the bonds that will allow for that -or somethings gonna break. That's exciting to us-we'll figure it out as we go. I may not understand half of what he does and he nor I. We bump heads about the differences from time to time but it's ok. If I wanted a clone I'd have just waited a few years instead of marrying him.
I think I may have digressed here and there but my main point is you have to maintain your integrity as an individual. If taking a "scheduled break" will help you keep some perspective and clarity do it. I think a lot of the pressures and stresses that would attract someone to the idea of a sabbatical in the first place could be lessened greatly if we stop believing two shall become one. I suck at math but 1+1 =2 in my book.
Wg
