"The man in black ran across the desert . . . "

[slyc_willie]

Stephen King said he wrote that single line years and years ago and put the beginnings of what would become one of his most celebrated series on a shelf for a while before getting back to it. I believe he stated, in a preface to the eventual publication of the first Gunslinger novel, that that single line haunted him for more than a decade.

Really? That line? "The man in black ran across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

Breaking it down, that line doesn't really have much oomph, does it? I mean, sure, it gives a basic gist as to what the story is about, but it doesn't tell us much. It's like the opening line of a voice-over for a Sergio Leone movie (if he had ever used voice-overs) telling the reader "you're about to read a story involving two-dimensional characters." And in the resulting story, there are a lot of failings. The Man in Black being revealed as the Gunslinger's beloved Walter at the end, with absolutely no foreshadowing of Walter anywhere in the preceding story, stands out.

To me, the first book of the Gunslinger series was a complete washout. But then King executed a 180-degree turn and poured an incredible amount of depth into the remaining books.

You could say he polished a ball of crap into a diamond.

I have a story idea that starts with what I think is a great line:

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost."

Yet, I have tried and tried again to follow that line, only to feel that I have fallen flat. I think, at this point, I have about half a dozen stories starting with that singular line saved to my hard drive, and not one of them, I feel, is doing justice to the story I want to write. And it makes me think that maybe that opening line isn't quite as good as I think it is.

But damn it, just like King, I wanna use it.

Talk about frustrating . . . .

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Stephen King said he wrote that single line years and years ago and put the beginnings of what would become one of his most celebrated series on a shelf for a while before getting back to it. I believe he stated, in a preface to the eventual publication of the first Gunslinger novel, that that single line haunted him for more than a decade.

Really? That line? "The man in black ran across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

Breaking it down, that line doesn't really have much oomph, does it? I mean, sure, it gives a basic gist as to what the story is about, but it doesn't tell us much. It's like the opening line of a voice-over for a Sergio Leone movie (if he had ever used voice-overs) telling the reader "you're about to read a story involving two-dimensional characters." And in the resulting story, there are a lot of failings. The Man in Black being revealed as the Gunslinger's beloved Walter at the end, with absolutely no foreshadowing of Walter anywhere in the preceding story, stands out.

To me, the first book of the Gunslinger series was a complete washout. But then King executed a 180-degree turn and poured an incredible amount of depth into the remaining books.

You could say he polished a ball of crap into a diamond.

I have a story idea that starts with what I think is a great line:

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost."

Yet, I have tried and tried again to follow that line, only to feel that I have fallen flat. I think, at this point, I have about half a dozen stories starting with that singular line saved to my hard drive, and not one of them, I feel, is doing justice to the story I want to write. And it makes me think that maybe that opening line isn't quite as good as I think it is.

But damn it, just like King, I wanna use it.

Talk about frustrating . . . .

OK Steel yourself for what follows, the intent is loving but you may hate it.

Your sentence is laden with good ore AND larded with rock. Polishing the rock wont improve the ore. You gotta remove the ore or the rock. The ore is: THE MIST EXPOSED THE ISLAND FOR WHAT IT IS.

Now! Mount a diamond in your gold setting and Bob's your uncle.

 

[TxRad]

JBJ, As usual, you mine the gut out of it.

Willie, the problem is more of over use. There is or was a TV show that had the same type opening and there are several novels the same. Maybe you should turn it around.

A ghost of an Island rose from the sea-born mist.

 

[hoo_hoo_boo]

Stephen King said he wrote that single line years and years ago and put the beginnings of what would become one of his most celebrated series on a shelf for a while before getting back to it. I believe he stated, in a preface to the eventual publication of the first Gunslinger novel, that that single line haunted him for more than a decade.

Really? That line? "The man in black ran across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

Breaking it down, that line doesn't really have much oomph, does it? I mean, sure, it gives a basic gist as to what the story is about, but it doesn't tell us much. It's like the opening line of a voice-over for a Sergio Leone movie (if he had ever used voice-overs) telling the reader "you're about to read a story involving two-dimensional characters." And in the resulting story, there are a lot of failings. The Man in Black being revealed as the Gunslinger's beloved Walter at the end, with absolutely no foreshadowing of Walter anywhere in the preceding story, stands out.

To me, the first book of the Gunslinger series was a complete washout. But then King executed a 180-degree turn and poured an incredible amount of depth into the remaining books.

You could say he polished a ball of crap into a diamond.

I have a story idea that starts with what I think is a great line:

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost."

Yet, I have tried and tried again to follow that line, only to feel that I have fallen flat. I think, at this point, I have about half a dozen stories starting with that singular line saved to my hard drive, and not one of them, I feel, is doing justice to the story I want to write. And it makes me think that maybe that opening line isn't quite as good as I think it is.

But damn it, just like King, I wanna use it.

Talk about frustrating . . . .

The man in black would run across the desert. He'd have a problem with flies. Most people familiar with a desert would wear light coloured fabrics, particularly white. Flies are attracted to white. They land on the shirt and when they find sweat they stay. It's not long and the shirt is black. Black doesn't attract them so much, the flies simply keep buzzing round and are a problem. It's a good idea to wear a shirt that is a lighter colour than one's face. That's what I was taught.

In a way, I think picking fancy sentences can be dangerous. Outstanding sentences spoil the rhythm of the story. They make the story difficult to write.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

How did Johnny Cash get in this thread?

 

[Handley_Page]

From Willy:
"I have a story idea that starts with what I think is a great line:

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost." "

But we had to concentrate upon getting away whilst their views were made difficult. The Oarsmen pulled with determined skill as we slid away to freedom. . . .

 

[PennLady]

From Willy:
"I have a story idea that starts with what I think is a great line:

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost." "

But we had to concentrate upon getting away whilst their views were made difficult. The Oarsmen pulled with determined skill as we slid away to freedom. . . .

This puts me so much in mind of Michael Moorcock's Elric saga. And maybe a FAWC idea? Everyone starts with the same sentence?

I have never quite held to the idea that the first sentence is do-or-die with a story. I think it should be interesting and grab one's attention, but I have never not read a book or story based on just the one sentence. I always read a few graphs, if not a few pages.

As for King's sentence in particular, I can see where the image would stay with you, and as simple and even general as the sentence is, it makes me want to learn the specifics. Man, I read that series so long ago that reading it now would be like reading it for the first time.

 

[SecondCircle]

To be truthful, I absolutely loved the line.

The man in black ran across the desert and the gunslinger followed.

When I read that line, I don't know why, but it intrigued me. And it has stuck with me to this day. Seems like I should have hated it. It's just a blunt and straightforward kind of opening line. It sets the tone for what ensues, and did hold its own sort of allure.

Maybe its my interests, but something about that simple line made me want to read more. And it did perfectly set the tone for the story. A mysterious man in black, a hardened gunslinger, one iconic struggle that is the theme of the entire tale.

Lots of people hated this series. There were several times I wanted to turn away as well, because of the far fetched story that spirals into craziness. Yet... I guess it appealed to some adventurous side of me. It was like tumbling down King's rabbit hole. And for all the "Carrie, Salem's Lot, and It" 's there are, this was actually a wild crazy ride that I found entertaining.

And in the end, the story came full circle, the man in black stayed as a metaphorical kind of goal, along with the dark tower itself, all the way back to that single line.

The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed.

 

[D_Lynn]

How did Johnny Cash get in this thread?

I have to admit, I clicked on this thread because I thought Slyc was going to tell us that there have been Johnny Cash sightings, much like we used to hear about Elvis sightings all the time.

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost."

...I think, at this point, I have about half a dozen stories starting with that singular line saved to my hard drive, and not one of them, I feel, is doing justice to the story I want to write. And it makes me think that maybe that opening line isn't quite as good as I think it is.

But damn it, just like King, I wanna use it.

Talk about frustrating . . . .

Have you forgotten that writing is not about the words? Words are just the window-dressing for the story.

 

[sr71plt]

Damn, I thought this was the opening thread for the next FAWQ contest.

That said, I think the King opening sentence is just fine. The current trend in literature is to surface questions and engage the imagination in the opening sentence--even paragraph and section--not provide any answers.

As for the thought of not completing a story because you don't think the opening line is good enough, give some thought to maybe you've been tricked by amateurs into thinking the opening sentence is more important than it is. If it propels the reader into what follows, it's just fine as an opinion sentence. The mind engages more deeply on perplexing questions than it does on limiting definitions.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

I know how Mr. King feels, though.

Maybe the line didn't haunt me for ten years, but certain phrases always beg to be written.

"And his body was a dark pillar against a sugarcoat of stars."

That line taunted me. Because I had to set up a whole story, just to use it.

 

[SecondCircle]

Sometimes I think one simple point of inspiration CAN actually conjure an entire story, long or short.

In one of my last stories, the inspiration came from a time I woke up in the dead of night thinking someone was tapping at my window. I passed it away as nothing, but the feeling stuck with me, and an entire story spawned from the idea of being watched by... something?

A single thing, be it an object, a written line or spoken expression, a person, or whatever... may not form the whole story or even be the main idea, but can certainly wield enough power to get the wheels turning.

 

[hoo_hoo_boo]

Sometimes I think one simple point of inspiration CAN actually conjure an entire story, long or short.

In one of my last stories, the inspiration came from a time I woke up in the dead of night thinking someone was tapping at my window. I passed it away as nothing, but the feeling stuck with me, and an entire story spawned from the idea of being watched by... something?

A single thing, be it an object, a written line or spoken expression, a person, or whatever... may not form the whole story or even be the main idea, but can certainly wield enough power to get the wheels turning.

Yes, some times it can conjure a story. I find though later it often doesn't sit well in the story and should be deleted. I have learned to look at opening paragraphs. I often simply delete them because the second paragraph is a much better start and the first was simply pretentious. Some times I look at all one hundred and some thing paragraphs and delete the lot.

It's funny what can happen once the enthusiasm for a story wanes and a little honesty can be applied.

 

[SecondCircle]

Yes, some times it can conjure a story. I find though later it often doesn't sit well in the story and should be deleted. I have learned to look at opening paragraphs. I often simply delete them because the second paragraph is a much better start and the first was simply pretentious. Some times I look at all one hundred and some thing paragraphs and delete the lot.

It's funny what can happen once the enthusiasm for a story wanes and a little honesty can be applied.

Yeah I think that happens with anything. When something is new and fresh, it's exciting and seems like we can't get enough of it. But when it becomes institution, or normal, we lose that initial excitement.

...actually I think King covers this in the fourth book of that very series. Strange....

 

[emap]

Sometimes the one line shouldn't be in the story, it's just the idea of the story.

 

[OMGURNaked]

Guess it's all in the eye of the reader. I thought "The man in black ran across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." was a great opening line. I also thought the first book in the series was the best one (the second and third also being great).

 

[patientlee]

And maybe a FAWC idea? Everyone starts with the same sentence?

.

I like that idea. I wouldn't want to steal Slyc's sentence though.

 

[StrangeLife]

"The man in black ran across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."...

Loved that line - it compelled me to read on. True, it makes little sense but it creates a certain atmosphere that permeates the first book in the series.


Another great opening is the first Harry Potter book:

"Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."

It's the "thank you very much" at the end that makes it good. It conveys exactly what type of people we are dealing with. Stiff upper lip and all.


I also like the opening of BioShock Infinite a lot:

"Booker, are you afraid of God?
No, but I'm afraid of you."

Yeah I know. It's not a book - it's a game. But it's built on one hell of a story and you feel as if you've read a great novel after having played it.



Your opening certainly has possibilities too...

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost."

... though I would probably exchange "ghost" for "ghostly panorama" or "otherwordly landscape" or something like that.

 

[SecondCircle]

Loved that line - it compelled me to read on. True, it makes little sense but it creates a certain atmosphere that permeates the first book in the series.


Another great opening is the first Harry Potter book:

"Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."

It's the "thank you very much" at the end that makes it good. It conveys exactly what type of people we are dealing with. Stiff upper lip and all.


I also like the opening of BioShock Infinite a lot:

"Booker, are you afraid of God?
No, but I'm afraid of you."

Yeah I know. It's not a book - it's a game. But it's built on one hell of a story and you feel as if you've read a great novel after having played it.



Your opening certainly has possibilities too...

"The sea-borne mist rising from the waters turned the island beyond into a ghost."

... though I would probably exchange "ghost" for "ghostly panorama" or "otherwordly landscape" or something like that.

Careful, there. Quoting games like that will bring down the wrath from those who think them mindless and irrelevant.

...even if BioShock had one of the most riveting tales....

 

[sheablue]

Actually, it's ...

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

It makes a difference, don't you think? I love that opening line. And I think the first book (followed by #2 and #3) was the best in the series.

The man in black fleeing, instead of just running, tells more of the story. I think this line speaks volumes. He is fleeing from the gunslinger, which infers he just did something wrong, or else maybe he would be just running. What did he do? Also, I think it speaks volumes that the gunslinger is following, not chasing or sprinting or running, himself. It speaks of the gunslinger's weariness, or that he knows he doesn't have to hurry because he will catch up with him eventually, or that he's been chasing him so long he can't even run after him anymore, or that the man in black is so far ahead, always, that all the gunslinger can do is try his best to follow.

Now, maybe I'm saying this because I know that story and I can look back at this line and know what it means. But I still feel that the simple line using simple words are more compelling than some fancy words and sentence structure.

I love this series so much I have held off from reading the last book because when I do, it will be over. But now it's been so long that I'll have to read at least the last three again. The first 4 I've read so many times they are burned into my brain. Blaine! Blaine is a pain!

 

[StrangeLife]

Blaine! Blaine is a pain!

Agree - one of the best insane computers ever created. Up there with HAL9000.

 

[SecondCircle]

I can't remember the exact way it goes, but it was the fourth book about the gigantic Mexican standoff in the bar between Roland's friends and the Casket maker's. (I think that's his name)

Where Roland walks in and puts the gun to the last guy's head and says something like...

"Drop it. Do it or die."

And then the way it talked about the absolute finality of his voice. Like all the games were done. This teenager with the quick draw is done talking. He's just gonna blow your head off if you say one more word.

That scene and that line was epic to me.

 

[sheablue]

Agree - one of the best insane computers ever created. Up there with HAL9000.

Absolutely.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I currently have an opeing scene I am trying to put a story too. It's short and goes like this...

Death.

Death would be a solace, but I can’t worry about being comfortable now.

Death.

I was fighting for my life. Breath in, exhale. That was my existence.

Death. Oh how I wish it would come. Perhaps there was a better place on the other side of life.

Death. He approaches, yet I still run.

 

[SecondCircle]

I currently have an opeing scene I am trying to put a story too. It's short and goes like this...

Nice. It's interesting. I'd read it.