The lit old timers thread

[Lorilei]

Dixon Carter Lee Nov. 22 1999
Lasher Dec 19, 1999

For a second I thought this was the memorial thread, and you scared me.

 

[someplace]

Jesus. That’s a kick to the heart.

I'm sorry for your loss. My memory is a bit fuzzy about the long past, but didn't you meet him here?

I didn't know Bluesboy died. I'm sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss.
My parents have a temper pedi and love it.

Blues had a heart attack on Valentine's Day at a gig in 2015. (there's another story for another time) He survived and got 6-1/2 more "bonus years" during which we welcomed a parcel more grandchildren, went on a couple of music cruises and did a lot more living. He said then he was playing with House Money. We did meet at Lit. He moved in with me and inherited 2 angry teenage girls. The first years were "difficult" in many ways. We filed paperwork to be official/legal domestic partners. We later learned the social security administration doesn't recognize common law unions unless you file 6 sworn affidavits from 3 relatives on each side. Blues was the last of his line. He did not have 3 living relatives so I said, "Or we could pay the $75 and get married" which he decided sounded like a plan. We always recognized the domestic partner filing date as our anniversary and both couldn't remember the actual marriage date. So weird. We both depended on Facebook to remind us in our memories. Anyway, he had serious life long lung issues and then heart issues. We did so well through the whole lockdown thing, until we both went to our doctor in late Sept. 2021 and caught Delta covid from him. Of all the things, right? We both ended up in the hospital -- me in isolation, him in ICU. I got better and he didn't. He died Nov. 1st. I have a lot of anger about the way things happened at the hospital, but none of it changes the fact that he's gone. I lost both of my parents the year before Blues died and that was sad. They both made it to 85. I was not prepared for the grief of losing a spouse. I thought it would be like it was with my parents. Sadly, it's not. Total solar systems apart. Part of it is that you grieve the life you had together and the person you were with them -- in some ways your identity. All that is finished. It isn't something you get over or get through to the other side. There is no other side. It's something that will always be there, but you learn to live WITH and adapt. We had such a good life together and OMG he was so funny. So weird and so funny. I could write a book of all our misadventures. He never had kids of his own -- and was afraid of babies -- so who knew he'd end up being the best grandfather ever? My younger daughter and her 2 little boys moved in with us when she divorced her 1st husband and she went through rehab. She credits Blues with saving her life. After everything she put him through as a teenager, they ended up being really close. Blues was the Maid of Honor when she married her 2nd husband --who Blues really liked. Blues virtually raised her little boys for several years when they lived with us. (The older one -- 12 at the time -- gave a speech he wrote at Blues' funeral. I was so proud of him.) We'd sit at the dinner table and I'd say "How was school today?" (boring, I know) Blues would say, "So...you're stranded on a deserted island with your family. Who are you going to kill to eat first, and why?" And make them discuss it. They were like 5 and 7, or 6 and 8. [They decided he was the first one they'd kill because 1) he was large and the meat would last a long time and 2) he was old and had already lived his life.] The older one now excels in contemporaneous speech and debate -- just like his grandfather did. The younger one has a shrine to his grandfather in his bedroom and was an absolute wreck at the funeral. Blues also walked them to school (3 blocks away) and back every day, making them stop to thank the crossing guards (both ways) for keeping them safe. He became a "flag pole mom" in the afternoons, waiting for school to be out. He knew EVERYONE. We'd run into some woman in the grocery store and they'd chat. He'd tell me: "You know who that is. That's Sally's mom. You know!" No. I don't know. I don't know Sally and I don't know her mom. hahahahaha happened all the time. One of his flag pole mom-friends was the mormon gal a few houses down. She and her "sister" had something like 7 kids between them. Blues swore it really was her sister and I just shook my head...Dude.... They all went back and forth at the same time he walked our 2, so he offered to walk their kids home to give them a few extra minutes of quiet. Then the latch-key girl from the cul-de-sac asked if she could tag along. He was like the pied piper -- and made them ALL stop and thank the crossing guards. I was leaving for work when they were getting ready to leave one morning and a woman in a big black SUV stopped at the end of our drive, rolled down her window and said to him, "Excuse me sir! I noticed you walk all these kids to school. Would you walk mine to school too?" He was rarely without words but it took him a second to figure his way out of that one: She lived too far down past our house and he didn't want to walk all that way to ensure her kids made it home. After he died I received cards, letters, money and food from people I did not even know, but who knew him and whose lives he touched. I never knew anyone who had more genuine friends and lifelong friendships than him.

 

[Not Normal]

Blues had a heart attack on Valentine's Day at a gig in 2015. (there's another story for another time) He survived and got 6-1/2 more "bonus years" during which we welcomed a parcel more grandchildren, went on a couple of music cruises and did a lot more living. He said then he was playing with House Money. We did meet at Lit. He moved in with me and inherited 2 angry teenage girls. The first years were "difficult" in many ways. We filed paperwork to be official/legal domestic partners. We later learned the social security administration doesn't recognize common law unions unless you file 6 sworn affidavits from 3 relatives on each side. Blues was the last of his line. He did not have 3 living relatives so I said, "Or we could pay the $75 and get married" which he decided sounded like a plan. We always recognized the domestic partner filing date as our anniversary and both couldn't remember the actual marriage date. So weird. We both depended on Facebook to remind us in our memories. Anyway, he had serious life long lung issues and then heart issues. We did so well through the whole lockdown thing, until we both went to our doctor in late Sept. 2021 and caught Delta covid from him. Of all the things, right? We both ended up in the hospital -- me in isolation, him in ICU. I got better and he didn't. He died Nov. 1st. I have a lot of anger about the way things happened at the hospital, but none of it changes the fact that he's gone. I lost both of my parents the year before Blues died and that was sad. They both made it to 85. I was not prepared for the grief of losing a spouse. I thought it would be like it was with my parents. Sadly, it's not. Total solar systems apart. Part of it is that you grieve the life you had together and the person you were with them -- in some ways your identity. All that is finished. It isn't something you get over or get through to the other side. There is no other side. It's something that will always be there, but you learn to live WITH and adapt. We had such a good life together and OMG he was so funny. So weird and so funny. I could write a book of all our misadventures. He never had kids of his own -- and was afraid of babies -- so who knew he'd end up being the best grandfather ever? My younger daughter and her 2 little boys moved in with us when she divorced her 1st husband and she went through rehab. She credits Blues with saving her life. After everything she put him through as a teenager, they ended up being really close. Blues was the Maid of Honor when she married her 2nd husband --who Blues really liked. Blues virtually raised her little boys for several years when they lived with us. (The older one -- 12 at the time -- gave a speech he wrote at Blues' funeral. I was so proud of him.) We'd sit at the dinner table and I'd say "How was school today?" (boring, I know) Blues would say, "So...you're stranded on a deserted island with your family. Who are you going to kill to eat first, and why?" And make them discuss it. They were like 5 and 7, or 6 and 8. [They decided he was the first one they'd kill because 1) he was large and the meat would last a long time and 2) he was old and had already lived his life.] The older one now excels in contemporaneous speech and debate -- just like his grandfather did. The younger one has a shrine to his grandfather in his bedroom and was an absolute wreck at the funeral. Blues also walked them to school (3 blocks away) and back every day, making them stop to thank the crossing guards (both ways) for keeping them safe. He became a "flag pole mom" in the afternoons, waiting for school to be out. He knew EVERYONE. We'd run into some woman in the grocery store and they'd chat. He'd tell me: "You know who that is. That's Sally's mom. You know!" No. I don't know. I don't know Sally and I don't know her mom. hahahahaha happened all the time. One of his flag pole mom-friends was the mormon gal a few houses down. She and her "sister" had something like 7 kids between them. Blues swore it really was her sister and I just shook my head...Dude.... They all went back and forth at the same time he walked our 2, so he offered to walk their kids home to give them a few extra minutes of quiet. Then the latch-key girl from the cul-de-sac asked if she could tag along. He was like the pied piper -- and made them ALL stop and thank the crossing guards. I was leaving for work when they were getting ready to leave one morning and a woman in a big black SUV stopped at the end of our drive, rolled down her window and said to him, "Excuse me sir! I noticed you walk all these kids to school. Would you walk mine to school too?" He was rarely without words but it took him a second to figure his way out of that one: She lived too far down past our house and he didn't want to walk all that way to ensure her kids made it home. After he died I received cards, letters, money and food from people I did not even know, but who knew him and whose lives he touched. I never knew anyone who had more genuine friends and lifelong friendships than him.

This is fucking beautiful (and devastating). Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

[someplace]

Thanks for reading. *heart*

The first time I drove Blues back to Houston (he was living in Austin at the time) was one for the books. First, understand back then I drove a tiny Geo Metro sedan. Blues was 6'2". Even with the passenger seat pushed all the way back, his knees were close to his chin. Somewhere out in the country we got on the subject of death. I probably told him my family has one of those old country private cemeteries outside of Georgetown. Just as casually as if he were ordering a latte, Blues said, "When I die, I want to be stuffed and made into a table, like those panda tables with the glass tops." ...and proceeded to put his feet and hands up in the air (how he did that I had NO idea) mimicking a panda table. It was so unexpected and I laughed so hard I couldn't see to drive through the tears. I had to pull over until I could see again. This story became lore in my family. When Blues died, my older son called and the first thing out of his mouth was, "Mom, should I call a taxidermist?"

 

[Noor]

Blues had a heart attack on Valentine's Day at a gig in 2015. (there's another story for another time) He survived and got 6-1/2 more "bonus years" during which we welcomed a parcel more grandchildren, went on a couple of music cruises and did a lot more living. He said then he was playing with House Money. We did meet at Lit. He moved in with me and inherited 2 angry teenage girls. The first years were "difficult" in many ways. We filed paperwork to be official/legal domestic partners. We later learned the social security administration doesn't recognize common law unions unless you file 6 sworn affidavits from 3 relatives on each side. Blues was the last of his line. He did not have 3 living relatives so I said, "Or we could pay the $75 and get married" which he decided sounded like a plan. We always recognized the domestic partner filing date as our anniversary and both couldn't remember the actual marriage date. So weird. We both depended on Facebook to remind us in our memories. Anyway, he had serious life long lung issues and then heart issues. We did so well through the whole lockdown thing, until we both went to our doctor in late Sept. 2021 and caught Delta covid from him. Of all the things, right? We both ended up in the hospital -- me in isolation, him in ICU. I got better and he didn't. He died Nov. 1st. I have a lot of anger about the way things happened at the hospital, but none of it changes the fact that he's gone. I lost both of my parents the year before Blues died and that was sad. They both made it to 85. I was not prepared for the grief of losing a spouse. I thought it would be like it was with my parents. Sadly, it's not. Total solar systems apart. Part of it is that you grieve the life you had together and the person you were with them -- in some ways your identity. All that is finished. It isn't something you get over or get through to the other side. There is no other side. It's something that will always be there, but you learn to live WITH and adapt. We had such a good life together and OMG he was so funny. So weird and so funny. I could write a book of all our misadventures. He never had kids of his own -- and was afraid of babies -- so who knew he'd end up being the best grandfather ever? My younger daughter and her 2 little boys moved in with us when she divorced her 1st husband and she went through rehab. She credits Blues with saving her life. After everything she put him through as a teenager, they ended up being really close. Blues was the Maid of Honor when she married her 2nd husband --who Blues really liked. Blues virtually raised her little boys for several years when they lived with us. (The older one -- 12 at the time -- gave a speech he wrote at Blues' funeral. I was so proud of him.) We'd sit at the dinner table and I'd say "How was school today?" (boring, I know) Blues would say, "So...you're stranded on a deserted island with your family. Who are you going to kill to eat first, and why?" And make them discuss it. They were like 5 and 7, or 6 and 8. [They decided he was the first one they'd kill because 1) he was large and the meat would last a long time and 2) he was old and had already lived his life.] The older one now excels in contemporaneous speech and debate -- just like his grandfather did. The younger one has a shrine to his grandfather in his bedroom and was an absolute wreck at the funeral. Blues also walked them to school (3 blocks away) and back every day, making them stop to thank the crossing guards (both ways) for keeping them safe. He became a "flag pole mom" in the afternoons, waiting for school to be out. He knew EVERYONE. We'd run into some woman in the grocery store and they'd chat. He'd tell me: "You know who that is. That's Sally's mom. You know!" No. I don't know. I don't know Sally and I don't know her mom. hahahahaha happened all the time. One of his flag pole mom-friends was the mormon gal a few houses down. She and her "sister" had something like 7 kids between them. Blues swore it really was her sister and I just shook my head...Dude.... They all went back and forth at the same time he walked our 2, so he offered to walk their kids home to give them a few extra minutes of quiet. Then the latch-key girl from the cul-de-sac asked if she could tag along. He was like the pied piper -- and made them ALL stop and thank the crossing guards. I was leaving for work when they were getting ready to leave one morning and a woman in a big black SUV stopped at the end of our drive, rolled down her window and said to him, "Excuse me sir! I noticed you walk all these kids to school. Would you walk mine to school too?" He was rarely without words but it took him a second to figure his way out of that one: She lived too far down past our house and he didn't want to walk all that way to ensure her kids made it home. After he died I received cards, letters, money and food from people I did not even know, but who knew him and whose lives he touched. I never knew anyone who had more genuine friends and lifelong friendships than him.

That’s beautiful!

 

[Dribble]

Thank you. This is an example of what Lit was...and still is through us.

 

[Queersetti]

Blues had a heart attack on Valentine's Day at a gig in 2015. (there's another story for another time) He survived and got 6-1/2 more "bonus years" during which we welcomed a parcel more grandchildren, went on a couple of music cruises and did a lot more living. He said then he was playing with House Money. We did meet at Lit.

I suffered a heart attack in 2009. I only survived because I was having breathing difficulties and went to the emergency room before it occurred.

I understand so well, Blues attitude about "house money." I have considered every day of the last fourteen years a wonderful gift.

How lucky he was to be able to share that gift with you, your family and friends for as long as he did.

 

[someplace]

I suffered a heart attack in 2009. I only survived because I was having breathing difficulties and went to the emergency room before it occurred.

I understand so well, Blues attitude about "house money." I have considered every day of the last fourteen years a wonderful gift.

I'm so GLAD you made it through your heart attack and are still with us! Take good care of yourself!

These last years have given me a new outlook on the fragility of life. Some widows are jealous of couples who still have each other. I'm not. I'm happy they still have their person. I do want to tell them to stop calling each other out on petty bullshit. Life really is too short. It's just not worth it. Revel in each other, enjoy each other, be grateful you have each other and LIVE! There aren't any do-overs. This is it. Hug your people. Make sure they know you care. Blues told each of my kids and their kids, every time he spoke to them in person or on the phone "I love you!" He even had a game he played with the two little boys, "Hey guess what?" They'd always said, "What?" and he'd answer "I still love you!" After a few years of this they'd answer "We know you love us. You'll always love us, forever and ever!" His funeral was geared a lot around them. They were the only ones of the 8 grands who were at the funeral. In the middle of my speaking at the funeral, I turned to the boys and said, "Guess what?" and the little one burst out into boo-hoo ugly crying. [THAT didn't go the way I hoped....oops....] I told the other one to not leave me hangin' and help me out there...and he helped finish it. The point being that they knew, they always knew, how much he loved them. There wasn't any doubt.

 

[Queersetti]

I'm so GLAD you made it through your heart attack and are still with us! Take good care of yourself!

These last years have given me a new outlook on the fragility of life. Some widows are jealous of couples who still have each other. I'm not. I'm happy they still have their person. I do want to tell them to stop calling each other out on petty bullshit. Life really is too short. It's just not worth it. Revel in each other, enjoy each other, be grateful you have each other and LIVE! There aren't any do-overs. This is it. Hug your people. Make sure they know you care. Blues told each of my kids and their kids, every time he spoke to them in person or on the phone "I love you!" He even had a game he played with the two little boys, "Hey guess what?" They'd always said, "What?" and he'd answer "I still love you!" After a few years of this they'd answer "We know you love us. You'll always love us, forever and ever!" His funeral was geared a lot around them. They were the only ones of the 8 grands who were at the funeral. In the middle of my speaking at the funeral, I turned to the boys and said, "Guess what?" and the little one burst out into boo-hoo ugly crying. [THAT didn't go the way I hoped....oops....] I told the other one to not leave me hangin' and help me out there...and he helped finish it. The point being that they knew, they always knew, how much he loved them. There wasn't any doubt.

That's a beautiful story.

I've done well. I had two stents put in and have had no issues since.

 

[butters]

that pickleball's dangerous stuff!

Pickleball Is Tearing Apart This Miami Community

 

[Debbie]

Blues had a heart attack on Valentine's Day at a gig in 2015. (there's another story for another time) He survived and got 6-1/2 more "bonus years" during which we welcomed a parcel more grandchildren, went on a couple of music cruises and did a lot more living. He said then he was playing with House Money. We did meet at Lit. He moved in with me and inherited 2 angry teenage girls. The first years were "difficult" in many ways. We filed paperwork to be official/legal domestic partners. We later learned the social security administration doesn't recognize common law unions unless you file 6 sworn affidavits from 3 relatives on each side. Blues was the last of his line. He did not have 3 living relatives so I said, "Or we could pay the $75 and get married" which he decided sounded like a plan. We always recognized the domestic partner filing date as our anniversary and both couldn't remember the actual marriage date. So weird. We both depended on Facebook to remind us in our memories. Anyway, he had serious life long lung issues and then heart issues. We did so well through the whole lockdown thing, until we both went to our doctor in late Sept. 2021 and caught Delta covid from him. Of all the things, right? We both ended up in the hospital -- me in isolation, him in ICU. I got better and he didn't. He died Nov. 1st. I have a lot of anger about the way things happened at the hospital, but none of it changes the fact that he's gone. I lost both of my parents the year before Blues died and that was sad. They both made it to 85. I was not prepared for the grief of losing a spouse. I thought it would be like it was with my parents. Sadly, it's not. Total solar systems apart. Part of it is that you grieve the life you had together and the person you were with them -- in some ways your identity. All that is finished. It isn't something you get over or get through to the other side. There is no other side. It's something that will always be there, but you learn to live WITH and adapt. We had such a good life together and OMG he was so funny. So weird and so funny. I could write a book of all our misadventures. He never had kids of his own -- and was afraid of babies -- so who knew he'd end up being the best grandfather ever? My younger daughter and her 2 little boys moved in with us when she divorced her 1st husband and she went through rehab. She credits Blues with saving her life. After everything she put him through as a teenager, they ended up being really close. Blues was the Maid of Honor when she married her 2nd husband --who Blues really liked. Blues virtually raised her little boys for several years when they lived with us. (The older one -- 12 at the time -- gave a speech he wrote at Blues' funeral. I was so proud of him.) We'd sit at the dinner table and I'd say "How was school today?" (boring, I know) Blues would say, "So...you're stranded on a deserted island with your family. Who are you going to kill to eat first, and why?" And make them discuss it. They were like 5 and 7, or 6 and 8. [They decided he was the first one they'd kill because 1) he was large and the meat would last a long time and 2) he was old and had already lived his life.] The older one now excels in contemporaneous speech and debate -- just like his grandfather did. The younger one has a shrine to his grandfather in his bedroom and was an absolute wreck at the funeral. Blues also walked them to school (3 blocks away) and back every day, making them stop to thank the crossing guards (both ways) for keeping them safe. He became a "flag pole mom" in the afternoons, waiting for school to be out. He knew EVERYONE. We'd run into some woman in the grocery store and they'd chat. He'd tell me: "You know who that is. That's Sally's mom. You know!" No. I don't know. I don't know Sally and I don't know her mom. hahahahaha happened all the time. One of his flag pole mom-friends was the mormon gal a few houses down. She and her "sister" had something like 7 kids between them. Blues swore it really was her sister and I just shook my head...Dude.... They all went back and forth at the same time he walked our 2, so he offered to walk their kids home to give them a few extra minutes of quiet. Then the latch-key girl from the cul-de-sac asked if she could tag along. He was like the pied piper -- and made them ALL stop and thank the crossing guards. I was leaving for work when they were getting ready to leave one morning and a woman in a big black SUV stopped at the end of our drive, rolled down her window and said to him, "Excuse me sir! I noticed you walk all these kids to school. Would you walk mine to school too?" He was rarely without words but it took him a second to figure his way out of that one: She lived too far down past our house and he didn't want to walk all that way to ensure her kids made it home. After he died I received cards, letters, money and food from people I did not even know, but who knew him and whose lives he touched. I never knew anyone who had more genuine friends and lifelong friendships than him.

I'm sorry for your loss @someplace I lost bigrednz in feb this year to covid acquired in the hospital. I'm so angry about what happened to him in hospital too. Stuff I'm not ready to talk about openly yet as it's so raw and overwhelming at the moment.



Q and bob and others here have said things that have touched me when I needed it most.

To hold on to the precious amazing moments bigrednz and I had. ❤

I'm so strong for my family. We talk about him all the time. The funny stories. His witticisms and harmless pranks. His wiseness. He is so missed.

But inside I'm a little lost without him and I dont want to share my inner shit at the moment because I feel like I'm still in shock and denial.

I go to a grief support group to vent there and be with adults who sadly are going through the same or similar situation.

It helps a little.

I miss my bff. His laugh. His smile. His cheeky grin. His voice. I miss him calling my name. I miss his snoring. I miss his presence.

 

[someplace]

I'm sorry for your loss @someplace I lost bigrednz in feb this year to covid acquired in the hospital. I'm so angry about what happened to him in hospital too. Stuff I'm not ready to talk about openly yet as it's so raw and overwhelming at the moment.



Q and bob and others here have said things that have touched me when I needed it most.

To hold on to the precious amazing moments bigrednz and I had. ❤

I'm so strong for my family. We talk about him all the time. The funny stories. His witticisms and harmless pranks. His wiseness. He is so missed.

But inside I'm a little lost without him and I dont want to share my inner shit at the moment because I feel like I'm still in shock and denial.

I go to a grief support group to vent there and be with adults who sadly are going through the same or similar situation.

It helps a little.

I miss my bff. His laugh. His smile. His cheeky grin. His voice. I miss him calling my name. I miss his snoring. I miss his presence.

I get it. I really do. I still post on his Facebook wall. I can sign into his Facebook as him and see his memories. Some I save on my computer. I tell the stories. As long as we remember, they're still here with us. Only a few people thought how I'm handling it is weird. But for every one of those, I have five people tell me, "I love how you honor him and his memory. You're showing us how to grieve." I don't know. *shrug* I just do what feels right for me. Fuck em if they don't like it. I am absolutely not ready to talk about what/how things went down in the hospital. I can't be civil yet. I may never be ready. I completely understand how you feel.

 

[Not Normal]

I'm sorry for your loss @someplace I lost bigrednz in feb this year to covid acquired in the hospital. I'm so angry about what happened to him in hospital too. Stuff I'm not ready to talk about openly yet as it's so raw and overwhelming at the moment.



Q and bob and others here have said things that have touched me when I needed it most.

To hold on to the precious amazing moments bigrednz and I had. ❤

I'm so strong for my family. We talk about him all the time. The funny stories. His witticisms and harmless pranks. His wiseness. He is so missed.

But inside I'm a little lost without him and I dont want to share my inner shit at the moment because I feel like I'm still in shock and denial.

I go to a grief support group to vent there and be with adults who sadly are going through the same or similar situation.

It helps a little.

I miss my bff. His laugh. His smile. His cheeky grin. His voice. I miss him calling my name. I miss his snoring. I miss his presence.

I get it. I really do. I still post on his Facebook wall. I can sign into his Facebook as him and see his memories. Some I save on my computer. I tell the stories. As long as we remember, they're still here with us. Only a few people thought how I'm handling it is weird. But for every one of those, I have five people tell me, "I love how you honor him and his memory. You're showing us how to grieve." I don't know. *shrug* I just do what feels right for me. Fuck em if they don't like it. I am absolutely not ready to talk about what/how things went down in the hospital. I can't be civil yet. I may never be ready. I completely understand how you feel.

At my best friend's memorial last year, our dear friend Mark told of an old Jewish belief that says a person lives on as long as they remain on the lips of those who loved them. You both telling stories of your partners in such loving manners keeps them alive. Hugs to you both.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Blues had a heart attack on Valentine's Day at a gig in 2015. (there's another story for another time) He survived and got 6-1/2 more "bonus years" during which we welcomed a parcel more grandchildren, went on a couple of music cruises and did a lot more living. He said then he was playing with House Money. We did meet at Lit. He moved in with me and inherited 2 angry teenage girls. The first years were "difficult" in many ways. We filed paperwork to be official/legal domestic partners. We later learned the social security administration doesn't recognize common law unions unless you file 6 sworn affidavits from 3 relatives on each side. Blues was the last of his line. He did not have 3 living relatives so I said, "Or we could pay the $75 and get married" which he decided sounded like a plan. We always recognized the domestic partner filing date as our anniversary and both couldn't remember the actual marriage date. So weird. We both depended on Facebook to remind us in our memories. Anyway, he had serious life long lung issues and then heart issues. We did so well through the whole lockdown thing, until we both went to our doctor in late Sept. 2021 and caught Delta covid from him. Of all the things, right? We both ended up in the hospital -- me in isolation, him in ICU. I got better and he didn't. He died Nov. 1st. I have a lot of anger about the way things happened at the hospital, but none of it changes the fact that he's gone. I lost both of my parents the year before Blues died and that was sad. They both made it to 85. I was not prepared for the grief of losing a spouse. I thought it would be like it was with my parents. Sadly, it's not. Total solar systems apart. Part of it is that you grieve the life you had together and the person you were with them -- in some ways your identity. All that is finished. It isn't something you get over or get through to the other side. There is no other side. It's something that will always be there, but you learn to live WITH and adapt. We had such a good life together and OMG he was so funny. So weird and so funny. I could write a book of all our misadventures. He never had kids of his own -- and was afraid of babies -- so who knew he'd end up being the best grandfather ever? My younger daughter and her 2 little boys moved in with us when she divorced her 1st husband and she went through rehab. She credits Blues with saving her life. After everything she put him through as a teenager, they ended up being really close. Blues was the Maid of Honor when she married her 2nd husband --who Blues really liked. Blues virtually raised her little boys for several years when they lived with us. (The older one -- 12 at the time -- gave a speech he wrote at Blues' funeral. I was so proud of him.) We'd sit at the dinner table and I'd say "How was school today?" (boring, I know) Blues would say, "So...you're stranded on a deserted island with your family. Who are you going to kill to eat first, and why?" And make them discuss it. They were like 5 and 7, or 6 and 8. [They decided he was the first one they'd kill because 1) he was large and the meat would last a long time and 2) he was old and had already lived his life.] The older one now excels in contemporaneous speech and debate -- just like his grandfather did. The younger one has a shrine to his grandfather in his bedroom and was an absolute wreck at the funeral. Blues also walked them to school (3 blocks away) and back every day, making them stop to thank the crossing guards (both ways) for keeping them safe. He became a "flag pole mom" in the afternoons, waiting for school to be out. He knew EVERYONE. We'd run into some woman in the grocery store and they'd chat. He'd tell me: "You know who that is. That's Sally's mom. You know!" No. I don't know. I don't know Sally and I don't know her mom. hahahahaha happened all the time. One of his flag pole mom-friends was the mormon gal a few houses down. She and her "sister" had something like 7 kids between them. Blues swore it really was her sister and I just shook my head...Dude.... They all went back and forth at the same time he walked our 2, so he offered to walk their kids home to give them a few extra minutes of quiet. Then the latch-key girl from the cul-de-sac asked if she could tag along. He was like the pied piper -- and made them ALL stop and thank the crossing guards. I was leaving for work when they were getting ready to leave one morning and a woman in a big black SUV stopped at the end of our drive, rolled down her window and said to him, "Excuse me sir! I noticed you walk all these kids to school. Would you walk mine to school too?" He was rarely without words but it took him a second to figure his way out of that one: She lived too far down past our house and he didn't want to walk all that way to ensure her kids made it home. After he died I received cards, letters, money and food from people I did not even know, but who knew him and whose lives he touched. I never knew anyone who had more genuine friends and lifelong friendships than him.

I'm not totally sure, but I think I met him once. Very nice guy, you both were so lucky to have each other. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Dixon Carter Lee Nov. 22 1999
Lasher Dec 19, 1999

I heard DCL was back doing local theater in Muncie, IN.

 

[FataMorgana]

I heard DCL was back doing local theater in Muncie, IN.

He's an usher?

 

[thør]

He's an usher?

no, a shusher.....

 

[someplace]

I'm not totally sure, but I think I met him once. Very nice guy, you both were so lucky to have each other. I'm so sorry for your loss.

You met us both once at a gathering in Austin -- at a restaurant. I dropped him off on my way to attend a function at my daughter's school. I returned afterwards. Other than meeting with Litsters we already knew and considered our friends, that was probably one of the last gatherings we attended. Things started getting ugly around here after that and zapped most of the fun out. Blues went to the Boston Lit-together and stayed friends with those folks for a long time. We hosted many Lit-togethers in Houston, attended several in Austin (I think one was at Nora's house) and at least one in Dallas, maybe two? We went on a road trip to the East Coast and met a bunch in NYC and Pennsylvania. It's funny how I'm still friends with many and have a hard time remembering their Lit names. Vino and I discussed this recently, trying to remember screen names. It was like she was flipping through a mental roladex. She was better at it than me. My memory is not that great. I wish I'd kept all my Lit spread sheets of who was who and where they lived, who they were paired with in real life, their phone numbers and email addys. That stuff's long gone and I lost the email account that was originally tied to this account. All in the past now.

 

[Plasmaball]

You met us both once at a gathering in Austin -- at a restaurant. I dropped him off on my way to attend a function at my daughter's school. I returned afterwards. Other than meeting with Litsters we already knew and considered our friends, that was probably one of the last gatherings we attended. Things started getting ugly around here after that and zapped most of the fun out. Blues went to the Boston Lit-together and stayed friends with those folks for a long time. We hosted many Lit-togethers in Houston, attended several in Austin (I think one was at Nora's house) and at least one in Dallas, maybe two? We went on a road trip to the East Coast and met a bunch in NYC and Pennsylvania. It's funny how I'm still friends with many and have a hard time remembering their Lit names. Vino and I discussed this recently, trying to remember screen names. It was like she was flipping through a mental roladex. She was better at it than me. My memory is not that great. I wish I'd kept all my Lit spread sheets of who was who and where they lived, who they were paired with in real life, their phone numbers and email addys. That stuff's long gone and I lost the email account that was originally tied to this account. All in the past now.

Why not just make a new handle, and just say who they think they were?

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

You met us both once at a gathering in Austin -- at a restaurant. I dropped him off on my way to attend a function at my daughter's school. I returned afterwards. Other than meeting with Litsters we already knew and considered our friends, that was probably one of the last gatherings we attended. Things started getting ugly around here after that and zapped most of the fun out. Blues went to the Boston Lit-together and stayed friends with those folks for a long time. We hosted many Lit-togethers in Houston, attended several in Austin (I think one was at Nora's house) and at least one in Dallas, maybe two? We went on a road trip to the East Coast and met a bunch in NYC and Pennsylvania. It's funny how I'm still friends with many and have a hard time remembering their Lit names. Vino and I discussed this recently, trying to remember screen names. It was like she was flipping through a mental roladex. She was better at it than me. My memory is not that great. I wish I'd kept all my Lit spread sheets of who was who and where they lived, who they were paired with in real life, their phone numbers and email addys. That stuff's long gone and I lost the email account that was originally tied to this account. All in the past now.

I wasn't sure if I had met you or not. Yes, that Lit-Together caused a lot of issues. I've tried to make amends for my part in it. Like you said, it's all in the past. We've all changed, gotten wiser...and like Q, gotten much older.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Why not just make a new handle, and just say who they think they were?

All old-timers know what happened.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

He's an fluffer?

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

no, a shusher.....

He works at the concession stand.

 

[Plasmaball]

All old-timers know what happened.

We got old?

 

[Noor]

You met us both once at a gathering in Austin -- at a restaurant. I dropped him off on my way to attend a function at my daughter's school. I returned afterwards. Other than meeting with Litsters we already knew and considered our friends, that was probably one of the last gatherings we attended. Things started getting ugly around here after that and zapped most of the fun out. Blues went to the Boston Lit-together and stayed friends with those folks for a long time. We hosted many Lit-togethers in Houston, attended several in Austin (I think one was at Nora's house) and at least one in Dallas, maybe two? We went on a road trip to the East Coast and met a bunch in NYC and Pennsylvania. It's funny how I'm still friends with many and have a hard time remembering their Lit names. Vino and I discussed this recently, trying to remember screen names. It was like she was flipping through a mental roladex. She was better at it than me. My memory is not that great. I wish I'd kept all my Lit spread sheets of who was who and where they lived, who they were paired with in real life, their phone numbers and email addys. That stuff's long gone and I lost the email account that was originally tied to this account. All in the past now.

I forgot people’s Lit names over time after seeing them on Facebook, Twitter or meeting them in rl.