The Lighter Side of Catelog Shopping

[Nora]

So whilst perusing the latest copy of Oriental Trading Company's catelog today at work, I found some things I just had to share. Please keep in mind that I'm commenting on the products themselves, not the religion. All items are from their online catelog located at www.oriental.com.


First up: When your own two hands simply give out, order the "Clap for the Lord Hand Clappers" (that's really and truly what they're called, btw)

 

[Nora]

Give a big, cavity-filled grin with "Smile! Jesus Loves You! Saf-T-Pops!"

 

[curious2c]

LMAO

~wiping tears out of eyes~

And this is for real too.

 

[Nora]

Wait, it gets better, Grampa.


"Jesus Loves Me Kazoos!" (but nobody else will after 4 hours of kazoo playing)

 

[Nora]

So that you don't offend the Lord with hallitosis...

Edited to add: There are also sour Testamints, but I ain't touchin' that one with a 10-foot pole!

 

[Nora]

Nothing says "irony" quite like "Smile! Jesus Loves you!" punch balls...

 

[Nora]

Click HERE to see why these lollies are so amusing (trust me..it's worth it).

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Not to be mean to any religion(I have none of my own...), do people really that the best way to respect and revere their deity is through cheap gimmicky stuff and bumper stickers? What's next, a giant foam "We're #1" finger with a cross on it?

 

[Nora]

These just don't look safe to me.

 

[curious2c]

'Candy is non-returnable'

Religious suckers...2 inch swirls.

One could get a lot of other ideas about this particular product.

Makes the term 'Sweet Jesus' a whole new thing.

 

[Nora]

Avoiding the obvious ring-kissing jokes, this one again looks like a trip to the ER waiting to happen:

 

[Nora]

Johnny, everything is commercialized these days, so that part doesn't really suprise me at all. It's not just Christianity, either. We've been buying little Buddha statues for centuries, ditto with little Shiva statues. Heck, my sister-in-law sent me "Chanukah Cat Toys" two years ago (which made me laugh my ass off, btw).

C2C...it was the "religious suckers" that cracked me up. Talk about embarrassing marketing choices!!

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Just to give you the "inside scoop" on the Kazoo's and whatnot:

They are lures to get children to go to church.

In my home town there is a church that will pick up and drop off your children in school buses, each bus goer gets extra treats to bring guests, and everyone on the bus gets treats. When you get to church you get treats for comeing. Then you get treats AGAIN for bringing a guest.

The church in my town spends about $8000 a MONTH on these treats.

 

[curious2c]

Yesm folks. These here suckers come in five flavors. Five very deelicious fresh tangy flavors. These suckers are sweet as Jesus and twice as fun.

For a small donation, to cover the costs and travel expenses you too can have a set of these fine ring sucking fruity flavored cross's. Only 19.95 plus tax. and in additon I'll throw in a blessing on ya too.

 

[Nora]

I can understand that, PS. Most of this stuff is geared towards making religion palatable for kids. I'm really really not trying to make a value judgement on the religious aspect, just on the irony/humor in some of the products.

In my family the lure for going to synagogue went something like, "You're going to services or you're grounded for life."


The amount of money you mention spent on these sorta things suprises me, though. It's kinda amusing to think about sending the kids home hopped up on sugar with kazoos and harmonicas, too. I'm sure the parents are SOOO appreciative of that!! lol!

 

[nitelite33]

I used to wonder about the saying "Jesus wept..."

But now I know what he was weeping about ;D

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hmmmm...I'm an ordained minister...wanna buy bottles of holy water from me in 8 decorative colors?

 

[Nora]

Nitelite, I think it came from reading without his "Jesus Wept" Pin and Bookmark Set.

You can order then for $7.95/dozen through that link.

 

[Nora]

Hmmmm...I'm an ordained minister...wanna buy bottles of holy water from me in 8 decorative colors?

Are they kosher?


Edited to add: Here ya go! Water bottles!!

 

[phrodeau]

There's an outfit that makes chocolate crucifixes. A friend of mine gave me one during Easter season and encouraged me to "bite the head off".

 

[nitelite33]

Nitelite, I think it came from reading without his "Jesus Wept" Pin and Bookmark Set.

You can order then for $7.95/dozen through that link.

For Chri-- Err... For Pete's sake... Have they no shame? ;D

 

[Cleopatra]

Click HERE to see why these lollies are so amusing (trust me..it's worth it).

These are killing me, Nora. Thanks.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

I'm not making a judgement call either. I went to that church for a while, about four months when I was a seeker and about 15. I was in the balconey and my zipper had come undone and I was trying to fix it when the preacher pointed straight at me and told me to sit still and listen to the word of the Lord.

Well, I'd been there for four months and hadn't heard anything that made me feel closer to God, and that particular day he was thanking the congregation for paying their tithes, which bought him his new car, new house and new suits so he could spread the word of God.

19 years later he was still there, and my daughter wanted to go, coz her friend asked her and I said she could. She, at five years old, gave them less time than I did; she came home about six weeks later and said she wasn't going back.

The truly sad thing I think is that level of bribery is used for what used to be a given. It didn't matter if you belived or not you went to church/temple/mosque whatever coz it was what was exspected of you and it helped foster a sense of community.

Oh, wait..how did I get on this soap box. Oops, sorry.

Um..Ya, those cross lollys don't look safe.

 

[Nora]

There's an outfit that makes chocolate crucifixes. A friend of mine gave me one during Easter season and encouraged me to "bite the head off".

Ohhhhh my!! that's um....*chortles* That's AWFUL!

 

[sweet soft kiss]

Johnny, everything is commercialized these days, so that part doesn't really suprise me at all. It's not just Christianity, either. We've been buying little Buddha statues for centuries, ditto with little Shiva statues. Heck, my sister-in-law sent me "Chanukah Cat Toys" two years ago (which made me laugh my ass off, btw).

C2C...it was the "religious suckers" that cracked me up. Talk about embarrassing marketing choices!!

My sister nearly bought my dog a blue and gold embroidered yamaka and prayer shawl... till I finally convinced her it was a waste of good money...