I am not sure if this question has been asked before, sorry if it has, but I'll ask it anyways. Exactly how does BDSM fit into your life? How many of you are in the lifestyle 24/7? Do you only have a few aspects of it in your life, is it full time, or is it something you only fantasize about? I'd love any anwers and examples!
The Lifestyle
- Thread starter Kassie_K
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chaoticDeviance
Really Experienced
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- Jul 24, 2011
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I think lots of ppl are curious about how you fit "kink" and "real life" together. For me, it is simple. I am fairly open about who and what I am. I am not just kinky though. I am kind of a hipster, a hippie and a freak. So people expect outrageous things from me, but on the same hand I have always the been the "smart" girl that people turned to and a competent profesional. I guess sometimes you have to live life with a bit of a finesse though.
I personally don't feel you have to FLAUNT your kinky side to still remain true to who and what you are as a person and creature. I mean, some things that can be considered "submissive" or whatever by lifestylers often seems like good manners and common courtesy to me. I am sorta old fashion though and often believe in the ideals of, ooh i dont know, the 1940's.
I guess it's all in how you present it. lol
I personally don't feel you have to FLAUNT your kinky side to still remain true to who and what you are as a person and creature. I mean, some things that can be considered "submissive" or whatever by lifestylers often seems like good manners and common courtesy to me. I am sorta old fashion though and often believe in the ideals of, ooh i dont know, the 1940's.
I guess it's all in how you present it. lol
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
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I don't particularly believe in the philosophy of a "BDSM lifestyle". When I married I didn't say I was in a "married lifestlye", when I became a mother I didn't tell people I lived the "mother lifestyle", when divorced I didn't say "oh I'm into the divorce lifestyle..."
I am who (and what) I am 24/7- regardless of relationships, responsibilities, or whatever else people get worked up about. Which means I go to work, keep house, raise children, worry about budgets, and enjoy my lover (when I have them) - just like everybody else on the planet.
The most obvious "lifestyle" things I've recently done involved cleaning a lover's house, baking a loaf of banana bread, and being an active participant when he expressed a desire to spend the morning "catering to our intellectual and physical needs". (Meaning we discussed world politics, legalization of marijuana & prostitution, homeopathy, business, psychology, travel and a half dozen other interesting things before spending a few hours in bed.
)
I am who (and what) I am 24/7- regardless of relationships, responsibilities, or whatever else people get worked up about. Which means I go to work, keep house, raise children, worry about budgets, and enjoy my lover
The most obvious "lifestyle" things I've recently done involved cleaning a lover's house, baking a loaf of banana bread, and being an active participant when he expressed a desire to spend the morning "catering to our intellectual and physical needs". (Meaning we discussed world politics, legalization of marijuana & prostitution, homeopathy, business, psychology, travel and a half dozen other interesting things before spending a few hours in bed.
)
bhndblueyes88
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2010
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- 2,236
We're rather unconcerned about the "lifestyle". BDSM isn't one for us. It's a kinky thing we do in the bedroom most of the time, and little non-sexual veins of it that run into day to day life, but it's nothing overt. Well, most of the time it isn't depends on the company. And how much he's been drinking *chuckle*
We're not very interested in making it more than a "sex/sometimes thing", for a number of reasons. Not to mention being 8k miles apart
I think I could see us doing something like setting aside a vacation weekend where it became a 24/2 thing, but I'm far too independent in my day to day life to accommodate a 24/7/365 gig, and as much as he likes to use me and abuse me on occasion, he likes me just the way I am the rest of the time
You do what makes you happy, you know? It makes us happy for us to be full equals most of the time...except when we feel like we want to do otherwise. Then what makes us happy is red rumps and rope rashes (alliteration YAY!). And y'know, if it makes you happy to do the 24/7 thing, have at. If it makes you happy that your furthest excursion into BDSM is fantasy and maybe fuzzy handcuffs, then more power to you.
depends on the company. And how much he's been drinking *chuckle*We're not very interested in making it more than a "sex/sometimes thing", for a number of reasons. Not to mention being 8k miles apart
I think I could see us doing something like setting aside a vacation weekend where it became a 24/2 thing, but I'm far too independent in my day to day life to accommodate a 24/7/365 gig, and as much as he likes to use me and abuse me on occasion, he likes me just the way I am the rest of the time You do what makes you happy, you know? It makes us happy for us to be full equals most of the time...except when we feel like we want to do otherwise. Then what makes us happy is red rumps and rope rashes (alliteration YAY!). And y'know, if it makes you happy to do the 24/7 thing, have at. If it makes you happy that your furthest excursion into BDSM is fantasy and maybe fuzzy handcuffs, then more power to you.
Mz_Cunningham
Abandon Universe!
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- Feb 10, 2011
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I think a lot people have a misguided idea about what constitutes the 24/7 bdsm lifestyle, that somehow it's going to be like Ozzy and Harriet except with everyone wearing fetish gear, you know, sort of like Ozzy wears a gimp mask to work sort of thing (ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating just a little) but I think is what a lot of people who ask this question seem to imagine that "living the 24/7 bdsm lifestyle is".
I think it is more subtle than that, I think that the 24/7 bdsm lifestyle is almost the same as living a vanilla lifestyle, maybe with different power exchanges and relationships and different sex, but you know what, I think the main difference between bdsm and vanilla lifestyle is that people tend to know what the power exchange in their relationship is. Ofcourse it suddenly doesn't make everything simpler or change it into some sort of porno movie where you have more sex than people in a vanilla relationship.
So yes, living the 24/7 bdsm lifestyle, completely possible, just don't expect it to be more than it is. So yes, Harriet might go around with a collar in the house, or a tasteful choker in public , or something like that maybe, but its not going to her going around naked with a bit in her mouth doing the ironing while the kids play games in the yard.
I think it is more subtle than that, I think that the 24/7 bdsm lifestyle is almost the same as living a vanilla lifestyle, maybe with different power exchanges and relationships and different sex, but you know what, I think the main difference between bdsm and vanilla lifestyle is that people tend to know what the power exchange in their relationship is. Ofcourse it suddenly doesn't make everything simpler or change it into some sort of porno movie where you have more sex than people in a vanilla relationship.
So yes, living the 24/7 bdsm lifestyle, completely possible, just don't expect it to be more than it is. So yes, Harriet might go around with a collar in the house, or a tasteful choker in public , or something like that maybe, but its not going to her going around naked with a bit in her mouth doing the ironing while the kids play games in the yard.
eastern sun
hungry little creature
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- Nov 19, 2005
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I guess "lifestyle" means different things to different people. I identify as slave 24/7, but I don't think I live a BDSM lifestyle.
I associate the term "lifestyle" with the experience of those practitioners whose lives are more deeply integrated with the BDSM subculture, i.e. owners and managers of the dungeons and public playspaces, fetish models, designers, photographers, videographers whose income is largely based on building the infrastructure of the BDSM fantasy industry, presidents of the leather associations, organizers of the regional conferences, etc.
With those people at or near the center of a "BDSM lifestyle" semantic map, I imagine a series of concentric rings radiating out that we all fall somewhere within
Personally, though I have frequented the dungeons, clubs and workshops, and I identify as a slave 24/7, I do not think my own day-to-day experience falls very near the center of those rings.
I associate the term "lifestyle" with the experience of those practitioners whose lives are more deeply integrated with the BDSM subculture, i.e. owners and managers of the dungeons and public playspaces, fetish models, designers, photographers, videographers whose income is largely based on building the infrastructure of the BDSM fantasy industry, presidents of the leather associations, organizers of the regional conferences, etc.
With those people at or near the center of a "BDSM lifestyle" semantic map, I imagine a series of concentric rings radiating out that we all fall somewhere within
Personally, though I have frequented the dungeons, clubs and workshops, and I identify as a slave 24/7, I do not think my own day-to-day experience falls very near the center of those rings.
Lilac_Sky
Mistress's Hypnoslut
- Joined
- May 1, 2011
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Mistress has already replied with her thoughts, but I also wanted to give my opinion on this topic. I am focusing on the first part of the question: how does BDSM fit into your life?
There are so many pieces and parts of BDSM. And Mistress and I dabble in all of them. But our relationship is a D/s relationship at its core. It was that way when we first met and began our online, play relationship. It continued that way as we fell in love. It is a core part of who we are as we plan our future.
Our relationship is always a D/s relationship, 24/7. She is always the authority. I will always speak to her with deference and respect. I serve her as I am able (make her tea, do the dishes, soap her up in the shower ). She always gives me the security of her guidance and care. I am not a doormat and I give Mistress my opinion on things happening in our life. She will make the final decision, but I know I am always heard and my views are always considered. I identify as a 24/7 slave. Does that mean I walk around with a collar locked to my neck with leash attached? Not always Yes, when we are home and alone, I wear a collar. But that collar is not what makes me a slave. It is the dynamic between Mistress and I that makes me a slave.
Are there play times or opportunities where other components of BDSM are more prominent in our lives? Absolutely. And I am always eager for those chances to present themselves.
I think much depends on which aspects of BDSM are your particular “kink” as to how much it can/does integrate itself into your 24/7 life.
And as Mistress described, our relationship often looks like a somewhat traditional vanilla relationship. The fact that there is always a measure of respect between us, that communication is vitally important, and that there is never a struggle between us of who is “right” or “better” (we each provide unique, needed things) makes our relationship stronger than many modern vanilla relationships (IMO).
[Says the women fresh out of perfectly dysfunctional vanilla hetero marriage of many years.]
There are so many pieces and parts of BDSM. And Mistress and I dabble in all of them. But our relationship is a D/s relationship at its core. It was that way when we first met and began our online, play relationship. It continued that way as we fell in love. It is a core part of who we are as we plan our future.
Our relationship is always a D/s relationship, 24/7. She is always the authority. I will always speak to her with deference and respect. I serve her as I am able (make her tea, do the dishes, soap her up in the shower
). She always gives me the security of her guidance and care. I am not a doormat and I give Mistress my opinion on things happening in our life. She will make the final decision, but I know I am always heard and my views are always considered. I identify as a 24/7 slave. Does that mean I walk around with a collar locked to my neck with leash attached? Not always Yes, when we are home and alone, I wear a collar. But that collar is not what makes me a slave. It is the dynamic between Mistress and I that makes me a slave. Are there play times or opportunities where other components of BDSM are more prominent in our lives? Absolutely. And I am always eager for those chances to present themselves.
I think much depends on which aspects of BDSM are your particular “kink” as to how much it can/does integrate itself into your 24/7 life.
And as Mistress described, our relationship often looks like a somewhat traditional vanilla relationship. The fact that there is always a measure of respect between us, that communication is vitally important, and that there is never a struggle between us of who is “right” or “better” (we each provide unique, needed things) makes our relationship stronger than many modern vanilla relationships (IMO).
[Says the women fresh out of perfectly dysfunctional vanilla hetero marriage of many years.]
