ThirdShift
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 16, 2017
- Posts
- 408
Here is the letter I would like to compose and send, but honestly cannot seem to get the nerve to actually send it. Feel free to add your own letter. Please don't critique someone's letter. Maybe there is bad English or bad grammar, or maybe that's because words are hard to find when writing the letter, perhaps the emotions are too raw, the wound still open. This isn't meant to be a final polished work of literature, but the bearing of ones soul and emotions.
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Dear Wife,
I wish I had the courage, the boldness, and the tenderness to be able to speak this to you rather than write it. But you know how it goes sometimes when we try to talk, we both end up more frustrated and defensive.
It's been a wonderful 17 years... and trust me I know they haven't been easy. Due to the nature of my previous job we moved a lot. Never really planting roots, just ones shallow enough not to be damaged when the time came to move again. Not sure if you ever really understood that going in, but here we are. I know our current living situation isn't ideal- but the kids love being with your parents, and I think it brings your parents a lot of joy too.
The past few years have been just about staying afloat, but we are managing. We will be swimming again. It's been a lot to take care of, you working at home and taking care of our youngest. She is a handful. I know it's tough that she only goes to you, has her hands all over you, wants to always be in your lap and in your presence. Who wouldn't want to be in your presence?
I know and understand that means I have taken a backseat, you have a lot to do managing a household. I probably am not the best at helping out. We do things differently. I have tried to learn your ways.. but I don't always succeed. And now working nights, its harder to be awake during the day. I need my sleep to function at night. It's maybe not the ideal job, we both know it's not the career I really want. But I do like it. It's in a way a rewarding job, even if the pay isn't the best.
I know that stresses you out. But we are surviving. And that means something. Over the years I have tried to take care of the things that have stressed you out. That was always the reason why things have dried up in the bedroom. There was always something to stress about. And each time I did what needed to be done to alrave that stress, yet nothing seemed to change. I stopped trying to initiate, you said it was too much pressure. So I stopped. Hell, I even researched ways to lower my libido. Started drinking sodas again, eating fatty foods, drinking beer more often.
In the end, it really isn't the sex that is missing, but the passion the seduction, the desire, the intimacy. I try to sneak in compliments, tell you how attracted I am to your body, how I want you to show it off because I am proud of you. I know for most of our marriage we held to some strict religious beliefs. I am sure that is what kept us in check and never permitted us to explore. I used to ask what fantasies you had and you always said "none". I find that hard to believe, I think you never allowed yourself to explore them or even say them thinking they were wrong.
I know a few years ago I hurt you when I got heavily involved in a role playing game. We worked through it and you have said repeatedly that you don't hold it against me anymore.
Yet, where is the passion? Where has it gone? How can we bring it back? Things were not always this way. Not when we were dating. Remember, it was you who planted that first passionate kiss on me on our first date. Our lips were glued together. I know what tricks you can do with your tongue (twisting the stem of a cherry), yet I have experienced that in years. I know we had our own past that our faith taught us to reject and make us ashamed of. But I also know that we have moved beyond that. Yes, we still have faith - but not that brutal one anymore.
Our past is something we have learned from for the both of us to experience together. With each other. I don't want sex to be mechanical. A few touches here, a tug and pull here, a couple of thrusts, now roll over and finish.
Where is the teasing? Where is the caraessing? Where is the licking? The biting? The sucking? The tasting? Where is the slow rhythm, the escalation, the slowing back down? Where are the eyes opened gazing to see the joy? Where is the dirty talk?
You are right, some of that was never there. But that is what I want, that is what I need, that is what I crave, from you.
I know it's not high on your list right now. I know you say that I shouldn't pressure you, that you feel everything is resting on your shoulders. But something has to give. For every excuse or reason given, when conditions are met, there is just another excuse.
I am your husband, not your fifth child.
I want to feel desired again, I want to feel wanted, I want an animalistic passion.
Maybe my needs aren't all that important. I keep hoping one more talk, one more note,... but I suppose it is becoming a chorus of cymbals. Maybe someday it will all click again... I just hope I am in the same place I am now when that happens. I don't say that as a threat. But as a serious concern.
Well, I have probably said enough and knowing you you are probably feeling terrible. Sadly that emotion doesn't elicit change. I don't mean to shame or guilt you. Lord knows I have enough of my own that I try to overcome.
Love you...
----------
Dear Wife,
I wish I had the courage, the boldness, and the tenderness to be able to speak this to you rather than write it. But you know how it goes sometimes when we try to talk, we both end up more frustrated and defensive.
It's been a wonderful 17 years... and trust me I know they haven't been easy. Due to the nature of my previous job we moved a lot. Never really planting roots, just ones shallow enough not to be damaged when the time came to move again. Not sure if you ever really understood that going in, but here we are. I know our current living situation isn't ideal- but the kids love being with your parents, and I think it brings your parents a lot of joy too.
The past few years have been just about staying afloat, but we are managing. We will be swimming again. It's been a lot to take care of, you working at home and taking care of our youngest. She is a handful. I know it's tough that she only goes to you, has her hands all over you, wants to always be in your lap and in your presence. Who wouldn't want to be in your presence?
I know and understand that means I have taken a backseat, you have a lot to do managing a household. I probably am not the best at helping out. We do things differently. I have tried to learn your ways.. but I don't always succeed. And now working nights, its harder to be awake during the day. I need my sleep to function at night. It's maybe not the ideal job, we both know it's not the career I really want. But I do like it. It's in a way a rewarding job, even if the pay isn't the best.
I know that stresses you out. But we are surviving. And that means something. Over the years I have tried to take care of the things that have stressed you out. That was always the reason why things have dried up in the bedroom. There was always something to stress about. And each time I did what needed to be done to alrave that stress, yet nothing seemed to change. I stopped trying to initiate, you said it was too much pressure. So I stopped. Hell, I even researched ways to lower my libido. Started drinking sodas again, eating fatty foods, drinking beer more often.
In the end, it really isn't the sex that is missing, but the passion the seduction, the desire, the intimacy. I try to sneak in compliments, tell you how attracted I am to your body, how I want you to show it off because I am proud of you. I know for most of our marriage we held to some strict religious beliefs. I am sure that is what kept us in check and never permitted us to explore. I used to ask what fantasies you had and you always said "none". I find that hard to believe, I think you never allowed yourself to explore them or even say them thinking they were wrong.
I know a few years ago I hurt you when I got heavily involved in a role playing game. We worked through it and you have said repeatedly that you don't hold it against me anymore.
Yet, where is the passion? Where has it gone? How can we bring it back? Things were not always this way. Not when we were dating. Remember, it was you who planted that first passionate kiss on me on our first date. Our lips were glued together. I know what tricks you can do with your tongue (twisting the stem of a cherry), yet I have experienced that in years. I know we had our own past that our faith taught us to reject and make us ashamed of. But I also know that we have moved beyond that. Yes, we still have faith - but not that brutal one anymore.
Our past is something we have learned from for the both of us to experience together. With each other. I don't want sex to be mechanical. A few touches here, a tug and pull here, a couple of thrusts, now roll over and finish.
Where is the teasing? Where is the caraessing? Where is the licking? The biting? The sucking? The tasting? Where is the slow rhythm, the escalation, the slowing back down? Where are the eyes opened gazing to see the joy? Where is the dirty talk?
You are right, some of that was never there. But that is what I want, that is what I need, that is what I crave, from you.
I know it's not high on your list right now. I know you say that I shouldn't pressure you, that you feel everything is resting on your shoulders. But something has to give. For every excuse or reason given, when conditions are met, there is just another excuse.
I am your husband, not your fifth child.
I want to feel desired again, I want to feel wanted, I want an animalistic passion.
Maybe my needs aren't all that important. I keep hoping one more talk, one more note,... but I suppose it is becoming a chorus of cymbals. Maybe someday it will all click again... I just hope I am in the same place I am now when that happens. I don't say that as a threat. But as a serious concern.
Well, I have probably said enough and knowing you you are probably feeling terrible. Sadly that emotion doesn't elicit change. I don't mean to shame or guilt you. Lord knows I have enough of my own that I try to overcome.
Love you...
