The Infamous Fruitcake of Death

[Jenny_Jackson]

Come on people. Every family has one that's passed around every Christmas. Great Aunt Hattie made it in 1938 when she was pissed off at one of her siblings. Ever since it's circulated the family as the "Big Christmas Surprise."

Tell us who gets it this year?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I actually took it and ran, though the last time I saw it, it was sliding down the interstate at about 70 mph. Left a big skid mark! Then chunks of concrete started flying in the air. Glad I was in front of it instead of behind it!

 

[Handley_Page]

There's one being investigated by the military explosives guys at the junction of the M1 and M62. THey suspect foul play.

 

[TxRad]

I ate ours last year......

BURP............

 

[voluptuary_manque]

That's what happens when you're living in an oil field, Tex. Y'get a little desperate!

 

[TxRad]

That's what happens when you're living in an oil field, Tex. Y'get a little desperate!

Actually, I mistook it for my daughters infamous meatloaf

 

[TE999]

I left ours in the wrapper last Christmas and it makes a handy door stop.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Somebody, somewhere down in either Texas or Oklahoma makes a fruitcake that is not only edible but actually delicious. I know that delicious fruitcake sounds like an oxymoron but my sainted step-grandmother used to give them to us and we gobbled them down. I don't know where she got them but I remember they were full of citrus and pecans. I sure wish someone would give me a link to them. I could use one, if only for the nostalgia of it all.

 

[TxRad]

Somebody, somewhere down in either Texas or Oklahoma makes a fruitcake that is not only edible but actually delicious. I know that delicious fruitcake sounds like an oxymoron but my sainted step-grandmother used to give them to us and we gobbled them down. I don't know where she got them but I remember they were full of citrus and pecans. I sure wish someone would give me a link to them. I could use one, if only for the nostalgia of it all.

Collin Street Bakery
Corsicana, Texas

I have one in the icebox right now.

 

[3113]

Come on people. Every family has one that's passed around every Christmas.

Hah! One of the benefits of celebrating Hanukkah instead! We only get a greasy latke recipe passed down to us from Aunt Esther. No fruitcake of Death. Not in this not-so-Kosher household!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Collin Street Bakery
Corsicana, Texas

I have one in the icebox right now.

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you . . .


*starts to drool all over the keyboard at the memory.*

 

[xssve]

We had one of those when I was a kid - apparently my mom didn't have the Huevos to pass it along to some other unsuspecting fool, so it was kept in the freezer, wrapped in foil, and every Christmas she would take it out and we would all stare at it.

Even the dog wouldn't eat it.

 

[TE999]

We had one of those when I was a kid - apparently my mom didn't have the Huevos to pass it along to some other unsuspecting fool, so it was kept in the freezer, wrapped in foil, and every Christmas she would take it out and we would all stare at it.

Even the dog wouldn't eat it.

Ah, nothing like the memory of old holiday traditions to bring a tear to the eye.

 

[glynndah]

We had one of those when I was a kid - apparently my mom didn't have the Huevos to pass it along to some other unsuspecting fool, so it was kept in the freezer, wrapped in foil, and every Christmas she would take it out and we would all stare at it.

Even the dog wouldn't eat it.

Oh, I can top that! I lived with my grandparents as a child. They used to buy a fruitcake from Woolworth's every Christmas and *shudder* actually eat it!

 

[SlickTony]

When I was coming up I remember my parents putting up fruitcake--they made quite the production of it, wrapping the cakes in brandy-soaked rags. How well you like fruitcake depends on how well you like candied fruit. A little candied fruit is ok, but in fruitcake it's entirely too close together. Then my mother discovered panettone bread and hasn't made fruitcake since.

 

[vrosej10]

Collin Street Bakery
Corsicana, Texas

I have one in the icebox right now.

There was a place one town over that used to make this fabulous, sort of middle eastern fruitcake with Chinese dates in it. God it was good. They don't exist anymore.

We didn't have the Fruitcake of Death, but we had the legend of Rooster's revenge. We lived on a farm and we had this arsehole of rooster who used to attack us kids. This was fine with our father until it started in on him, then the bastard was sentenced to be sunday lunch. But this fucker wasn't giving up without a fight. It took us 6 hours to catch him! Dad killed him, mum cleaned him and cooked him in the usual fashion and then we attempted to eat him. Attempted bcause he was so tough he bent a knife. We ended giving up and eating the roast pumpkin and potatoes instead. We gave him to the dog, who gave it a plaintive chew and dragged it off to bury it, apparently deciding it to be too tough. He dug it up a month later, chewed it a little and gave up on it. We ended up putting it in the incinerator. Any really bad meal was labeled roosters revenge after that.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Only God's Favorites enjoy fruitcake, my favorite food.

 

[Handley_Page]

Somebody, somewhere down in either Texas or Oklahoma makes a fruitcake that is not only edible but actually delicious. I know that delicious fruitcake sounds like an oxymoron but my sainted step-grandmother used to give them to us and we gobbled them down. I don't know where she got them but I remember they were full of citrus and pecans. I sure wish someone would give me a link to them. I could use one, if only for the nostalgia of it all.

Try this one:-

http://www.ukstudentlife.com/Britain/Food/Cooking/FruitCake.htm

 

[oggbashan]

My wife made our wedding cake 37 years ago. She preserved half of it.

The tradition is that some of it should be produced for the Christenings of our children and their weddings. When each event was approaching, we unwrapped it, looked at the cake, and wrapped it up again.

It still lurks in the depths of the cupboard under the stairs.

Christmas Puddings? They are different. The extended family used to compete to produce the richest, most cholesterol-filled Christmas Pudding. When the round of Christmas events came, each part of the family would produce their version of Christmas Pudding. They were all slightly different but all delicious, and the detailed recipes were fiercely guarded.

One year, about twenty years ago, my brother excelled himself. He was the research director of a major bakery manufacturer. His research team had produced thirty different Christmas Puddings. He sent samples of all thirty to our extended family for field testing. Each of the thirty was accompanied by a two page questionnaire. The results were surprisingly uniform. Each branch of the family had put the same five samples in their top six or seven. Those five went for more scientific taste testing and one was produced in commerical quantities for the following Christmas.

Unfortunately this year we were busy on Stir-Up-Sunday when all the family usually get together to make their Christmas Puddings with every member of the family helping to stir each Pudding. Maybe next year.

Og

PS: Another link to Stir-Up Sunday with a recipe.

 

[matriarch]

I don't get all the anti-fruit cake stuff that goes on in the States.

Fruit cake over here is a great favourite. I love it. Christmas isn't Christmas without a Christmas cake, iced and decorated with santa claus, reindeer, holly, robins,

http://blog.pricegrabber.co.uk/chefshopper/files/2008/09/iced-chrsitmas-cake.gif

When we were kids, on Stir Up Sunday (see Ogg's post above), we would all gather in the kitchen with me man, and there would be everything on the table needed to make the cake. Mountains of dried fruit, flour, eggs, butter, nuts, silver sixpences, and everyting else. One of us would have the job of weighing out the fruit - currants, sultanas, raisins, glace cherries, mixed peel......one of us would have the job of peeling the blanched almonds (not bought ready prepared), then chopping them, one would be measuring and weighing out the butter, flour etc....it was a whole, wonderful, magical time, and once everything was in the bowl, which to me seemed the size of a crater, it would be mixed, and we'd all have a turn, before it was turned into the greased and papered cake tin, to thendisappear into the oven for hours. The best part then came, licking out the bowl! Four very sticky but happy children were the result of this afternoon's activities.

Once it was cooked, it would be left to cool, with the wonderful smell drifting round the whole house. Then it would be secreted away in the special tin, to be taken out at intervals to be pricked and some of the small bottle of brandy or whisky poured over the cake. Then, the piece de resistance, a week before Christmas the cake comes out, and then mam starts the icing process, and we all get to press the little edible silver and gold and green and red balls into the icing, place the christmas trees, then the robin, and the reindeer. We all had a ball, and it just added to the excitement of christmas. Then we only had to wait one more week until we got to eat it.

Yum, yum, yum........

Oh, and the same goes for puddings. Christmas isn't christmas without a real pudding, with custard or cream, or brandy butter. Absolutely delicious.

If I were to give my kids a christmas dinner without puddings and cream to finish, I'd be hung, drawn and quartered.

 

[driphoney]

I don't get all the anti-fruit cake stuff that goes on in the States.

Fruit cake over here is a great favourite. I love it. Christmas isn't Christmas without a Christmas cake, iced and decorated with santa claus, reindeer, holly, robins,

http://blog.pricegrabber.co.uk/chefshopper/files/2008/09/iced-chrsitmas-cake.gif

When we were kids, on Stir Up Sunday (see Ogg's post above), we would all gather in the kitchen with me man, and there would be everything on the table needed to make the cake. Mountains of dried fruit, flour, eggs, butter, nuts, silver sixpences, and everyting else. One of us would have the job of weighing out the fruit - currants, sultanas, raisins, glace cherries, mixed peel......one of us would have the job of peeling the blanched almonds (not bought ready prepared), then chopping them, one would be measuring and weighing out the butter, flour etc....it was a whole, wonderful, magical time, and once everything was in the bowl, which to me seemed the size of a crater, it would be mixed, and we'd all have a turn, before it was turned into the greased and papered cake tin, to thendisappear into the oven for hours. The best part then came, licking out the bowl! Four very sticky but happy children were the result of this afternoon's activities.

Once it was cooked, it would be left to cool, with the wonderful smell drifting round the whole house. Then it would be secreted away in the special tin, to be taken out at intervals to be pricked and some of the small bottle of brandy or whisky poured over the cake. Then, the piece de resistance, a week before Christmas the cake comes out, and then mam starts the icing process, and we all get to press the little edible silver and gold and green and red balls into the icing, place the christmas trees, then the robin, and the reindeer. We all had a ball, and it just added to the excitement of christmas. Then we only had to wait one more week until we got to eat it.

Yum, yum, yum........

Oh, and the same goes for puddings. Christmas isn't christmas without a real pudding, with custard or cream, or brandy butter. Absolutely delicious.

If I were to give my kids a christmas dinner without puddings and cream to finish, I'd be hung, drawn and quartered.

Um ... I'm thinking if our fruitcake looked like your fruitcake, and was made with the same ingredients and not a warped version thereof, we'd quit using the things as doorstops.

Your cake looks lovely. And mentioning of the puddings brings back a fond memory.

Happy Christmas!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My QUEST is to re-discover the recipe for cinnamon-raisin buns a local bakery made back in the 50s. They were divine. I mean, TO DIE FOR!

The other treat is old fashioned yeast donuts. Krispy Kreme stopped using their original recipe several years ago. But I know the recipe cuz I spent my teen years working in a bakery making donuts!

And if I can re-create the cinnamon-raisin buns I'd like to open a small donut-bun shop.

 

[SlickTony]

There was a place one town over that used to make this fabulous, sort of middle eastern fruitcake with Chinese dates in it. God it was good. They don't exist anymore.

We didn't have the Fruitcake of Death, but we had the legend of Rooster's revenge. We lived on a farm and we had this arsehole of rooster who used to attack us kids. This was fine with our father until it started in on him, then the bastard was sentenced to be sunday lunch. But this fucker wasn't giving up without a fight. It took us 6 hours to catch him! Dad killed him, mum cleaned him and cooked him in the usual fashion and then we attempted to eat him. Attempted bcause he was so tough he bent a knife. We ended giving up and eating the roast pumpkin and potatoes instead. We gave him to the dog, who gave it a plaintive chew and dragged it off to bury it, apparently deciding it to be too tough. He dug it up a month later, chewed it a little and gave up on it. We ended up putting it in the incinerator. Any really bad meal was labeled roosters revenge after that.

Oh, that's hilarious! I laughed and laughed when I read it. How did you cook that rooster? Reason I asked, something that has very tough meat, you have to give it special treatment. I'd have pressure-cooked the sucker myself, although when I was in Iran, where I had to deal with some very tough mutton (mutton is what they eat in Iran more than beef) I RoastaBags (by Reynolds) worked when I could get hold of them.

 

[SlickTony]

Collin Street Bakery
Corsicana, Texas

I have one in the icebox right now.

Oh, wow, Corsicana! I knew they used to have a big brickyard there, but I didn't know you could get good fruitcake there as well. Do they ship?

 

[driphoney]

Oh, wow, Corsicana! I knew they used to have a big brickyard there, but I didn't know you could get good fruitcake there as well. Do they ship?

I believe so. Look here.

ETA: I might have to re-think this whole fruitcake thing.