The Importance of Punctuation

[snooper]

I found this on another forum, contributed by mntngypsy and I couldn't resist sharing it:

The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"


Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Ellen

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Ellen

 

[raphy]

That's really quite excellent. Wow. Very cool. Time to get the old cut 'n paste out and save that snippet.

 

[hiddenself]

This one is famous (from the oracle of Delphi, famous for its enigmatic sayings, responding to a query from some king debating whether he should go to war):

you will depart you will come back not in the war you will die.

Where does the punctuation go?

You will depart, you will come back. Not in the war you will die.

You will depart, you will come back not. In the war you will die.

 

[damppanties]

An old email joke which keeps circulating:

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

 

[wildsweetone]

Re: The Impotence of Punctuation

I found this on another forum, contributed by mntngypsy and I couldn't resist sharing it:

The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"


Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Ellen

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Ellen

I wonder which letter John received...

 

[Seattle Zack]

An English professor, describing a recent exam, wrote this on the board:

"John, while Mary had had had had had had had had had had had the instructor's approval."

Can you punctuate that paragraph correctly?

 

[damppanties]

An English professor, describing a recent exam, wrote this on the board:

"John, while Mary had had had had had had had had had had had the instructor's approval."

Can you punctuate that paragraph correctly?

John, while Mary had had 'had', had 'had' had had? had 'had' had had the instructor's approval!
(Here 'had' is a person )


Oh, tell me.

 

[damppanties]

And

Punctuate Me, Baby! Just because I like it too much.

 

[Icingsugar]

"You will depart, you will come back not. In the war you will die."

How about:

You will depart, you will come back! ... Not? ... In the war you will die.

 

[raphy]

An English professor, describing a recent exam, wrote this on the board:

"John, while Mary had had had had had had had had had had had the instructor's approval."

Can you punctuate that paragraph correctly?

John, while Mary had had 'Had', had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had the instructor's approval.

Mary had used 'had' in the exam. John had used 'had had' instead. The instructor liked 'had had' more than 'had'.

 

[snooper]

Apostrophes

Of course, in English apostrophes are virtually redundant and could be dropped without any real problems, as in:

"We ran out of food during the floods, so we had to eat the dogs."