The Ideal Vampire

[Asbel]

I'd like to know how people here view vampires and what they do and don't like to see in a vampire novel.

Personally, I don't like "prettified" vampires - they are monsters, and should be portrayed as such in some way or another. Otherwise, you just have a superman who happens to drink blood.

My personal don'ts for vampires are:

- "I only drink animal blood!" (in order to be portrayed as a nice guy, unlike in Interview with the Vampire with Louis)
- "I only drink blood from CRIMINALS!" This bothers me because it's meant to show the vampire as being a good guy and not a monster, but who are they to judge who's a criminal and who's not, for one thing?
- Having super special snowflake powers. One or two powers are okay, but having all-powerful godmode powers is just insane. If your vampire resembles a DC comic book hero then it's bull, in my opinion.
- And of course, glitter skin.

These are just my opinion, and I'd like to see what other people consider their dos and don'ts for vampire lore in erotica and other fiction. Do you like romance, monster horror, or both?

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

I'd like to know how people here view vampires and what they do and don't like to see in a vampire novel.

Personally, I don't like "prettified" vampires - they are monsters, and should be portrayed as such in some way or another. Otherwise, you just have a superman who happens to drink blood.

My personal don'ts for vampires are:

- "I only drink animal blood!" (in order to be portrayed as a nice guy, unlike in Interview with the Vampire with Louis)
- "I only drink blood from CRIMINALS!" This bothers me because it's meant to show the vampire as being a good guy and not a monster, but who are they to judge who's a criminal and who's not, for one thing?
- Having super special snowflake powers. One or two powers are okay, but having all-powerful godmode powers is just insane. If your vampire resembles a DC comic book hero then it's bull, in my opinion.
- And of course, glitter skin.

These are just my opinion, and I'd like to see what other people consider their dos and don'ts for vampire lore in erotica and other fiction. Do you like romance, monster horror, or both?

Really depends on which mythology you like.

 

[Garnate]

No glitter skin? What kind of fucking monster are you??

 

[parodyluvr75]

http://io9.com/5951625/10-of-the-grossest-and-most-grotesque-vampires-from-folklore

I vote Brahmaparusha.

 

[Dream59]

What I want to know is if they can't see their reflection in the mirror, how do they always have their hair combed perfectly in place.

 

[Sinny]

I'd like to know how people here view vampires and what they do and don't like to see in a vampire novel.

Personally, I don't like "prettified" vampires - they are monsters, and should be portrayed as such in some way or another. Otherwise, you just have a superman who happens to drink blood.

My personal don'ts for vampires are:

- "I only drink animal blood!" (in order to be portrayed as a nice guy, unlike in Interview with the Vampire with Louis)
- "I only drink blood from CRIMINALS!" This bothers me because it's meant to show the vampire as being a good guy and not a monster, but who are they to judge who's a criminal and who's not, for one thing?
- Having super special snowflake powers. One or two powers are okay, but having all-powerful godmode powers is just insane. If your vampire resembles a DC comic book hero then it's bull, in my opinion.
- And of course, glitter skin.

These are just my opinion, and I'd like to see what other people consider their dos and don'ts for vampire lore in erotica and other fiction. Do you like romance, monster horror, or both?

I am with G. How can we get behind your list if you are disparaging GLITTER SKIN. That is not going to fly around here. Nope.

 

[Asbel]

http://io9.com/5951625/10-of-the-grossest-and-most-grotesque-vampires-from-folklore

I vote Brahmaparusha.

These are fantastic and beautifully gorey - I've already heard about the Yara-ma-yha-who, but the others are new to me - but these are definitely hard to make into vampire erotica. Unfortunately, that's when I do have to revert to humanlike European vampires.

 

[Asbel]

I am with G. How can we get behind your list if you are disparaging GLITTER SKIN. That is not going to fly around here. Nope.

No glitter skin? What kind of fucking monster are you??

Wait, are you guys joking or serious? I have to assume this is a joke...

 

[Asbel]

What I want to know is if they can't see their reflection in the mirror, how do they always have their hair combed perfectly in place.

I am kind of torn on the reflection thing. I'd love to have a vampire with no reflection, but it would give him away in this modern society of people constantly taking pictures. There's also the idea of vampires having no shadow, but he wouldn't be able to go outdoors at all except for nighttime.

I currently have my own vampire countering the sun by wearing sunglasses, a hood, and gloves outside. Another one in the same story carries an umbrella. Modern-day vampires are difficult to work with just because of the limitations of having them still pass off as human and not being perfect sparkly boys, or using the weather as their excuse.

 

[Garnate]

GLITTER SKIN FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN

 

[Sean Renaud]

They don't need to be monsters at all. It depends on the story your trying to tell however.

I don't mind the drinking animal blood bit at all, it makes perfect sense, a lot more sense than that they couldn't.

I don't mind them drinking criminals. For starters murder is still murder and very rarely do they even limit themselves to murderers. I'm pretty sure that being eaten alive is at all fair treatment for knocking over an old lady and stealing her purse. In fact I think if you think that makes them less monstrous it speaks more about you than anything else. I mean I get how they rationalize it but we're not really suppsoed to buy that shit are we?

Special Snowflake powers? This needs defining. Twilight (at least the last movie the only one I watched) they all have special Snowflake Powers and it's what makes them halfway worth while. The problem is that a few of them are broken as all shit.

OP vampires on the other hand which are the norm right now piss me off, mostly because there is no excuse for why they don't run the world. Twilight (before their special Snowflake Powers), True Blood and Vampire Diaries all have vamps that can move somewhere north of two hundred 60 MPH probably quite a bit faster. There is no excuse for them ruling from the shadows instead of ruling the planet.

Buffy vampires on the other hand are barely super strong, they seem to be just barely past peak human.

Alucard of Hellsing is about the coolest damn thing ever and powers like a Comic Book hero? Superman would take one look at Alucard and declare bullshit at how hax he is. He's not even a special snowflake, he's just an angry god. He's best summed up in Hellsing Abridged when the Paladin Alexander asks him how he survived having his head cut off and he replied "Fuck you that's how."

The vampires in the Strain, so far, seem to be suffering from a disease and are basically Zombies with sentience.

All are legit.

Except glitter. Fuck glitter.

 

[Garnate]

<snip>

Except glitter. Fuck glitter.

We can't be friends anymore.

 

[parodyluvr75]

http://youtu.be/_cpX3qrzRfk

 

[Sean Renaud]

I am kind of torn on the reflection thing. I'd love to have a vampire with no reflection, but it would give him away in this modern society of people constantly taking pictures. There's also the idea of vampires having no shadow, but he wouldn't be able to go outdoors at all except for nighttime.

I currently have my own vampire countering the sun by wearing sunglasses, a hood, and gloves outside. Another one in the same story carries an umbrella. Modern-day vampires are difficult to work with just because of the limitations of having them still pass off as human and not being perfect sparkly boys, or using the weather as their excuse.

So you take away the primary weaknesses that make vampires not OP and complain about them being OP.

The reflection thing doesn't necessarily mean they don't photograph, even if they're still aren't that many cameras around that people pay attention to.

I guess an umbrella can cut it but that's pushing it.

 

[Sinny]

GLITTER SKIN FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN

GLITTER UP YOUR SHIZ, or go home. Yo.

There is no way we are joking. No. Way.

 

[Sean Renaud]

We can't be friends anymore.

We stopped being friends when you said you wouldn't make out with Dolf for me.

 

[Garnate]

GLITTER UP YOUR SHIZ, or go home. Yo.

There is no way we are joking. No. Way.

Who would even fucking joke about glitter skin?

We stopped being friends when you said you wouldn't make out with Dolf for me.

I never said I wouldn't! I would never say that! I love making out with dolf!

 

[Asbel]

Alucard of Hellsing is about the coolest damn thing ever and powers like a Comic Book hero? Superman would take one look at Alucard and declare bullshit at how hax he is. He's not even a special snowflake, he's just an angry god. He's best summed up in Hellsing Abridged when the Paladin Alexander asks him how he survived having his head cut off and he replied "Fuck you that's how."

I don't have a problem with Alucard because he was supposed to be a monster. Sure, there are a lot of people who would probably fuck him, but Hellsing was an action story, not a romance, so he had every right to be like that. My issue is OP and special snowflake vampires in romance stories, because they are insanely out of place and have no right to be like that expect to make the reader impressed that such an incredible godlike creature has started fucking the (usually portrayed as plain or even unlikeable) main character.

About the "special snowflake" thing. I don't really like vampires that have powers with no limits or no explanation at all. For instance: Edward Cullen could read everyone's mind. There wasn't a single person who was immune from this except Bella, and there was never a reason given for why he couldn't read her mind. He doesn't just hear murmurs either: He seems to be able to read every single mind in the world like a book, on demand, and with absolutely no strain on himself.

Alice Cullen can see the future, and some of it is completely random and sometimes even worthless information, such as when she tells Bella that she will love the gift she's given because she has seen her like it in the future. This power also seems to give her no strain and has no limits, and somehow even though no other vampire's power can touch Bella (As shown in New Moon), somehow Alice's future-seeing powers DO affect her.

That's what bothers me. If you give them a power, don't make it an unlimited power and give it reason.

 

[Asbel]

So you take away the primary weaknesses that make vampires not OP and complain about them being OP.

The reflection thing doesn't necessarily mean they don't photograph, even if they're still aren't that many cameras around that people pay attention to.

I guess an umbrella can cut it but that's pushing it.

That's true. To be honest, I switched their weakness anyway. In my lore, just to make it match the setting (which is S/M painsluttery) the vampires bruise and then rot in the sunlight over a few minutes until they revert back to whatever state their dead bodies would be at. So a vampire that had been "dead" for a week would bloat, one who was dead for a year would become rotten and gross or dry, and one who was dead for a couple hundred years might turn into dust.

Part of the reason I opened up this discussion was because, due to the enormous interaction between humans and vampires in my story, I did have to tone down their main weakness from burning in the sun. I wanted to know thoughts on that.

 

[Wrong Element]

Oh, pretty much the same as for non-vampires: big tits.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Oh, pretty much the same as for non-vampires: big tits.

On guys, they're called moobs.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Who would even fucking joke about glitter skin?

I never said I wouldn't! I would never say that! I love making out with dolf!

It must have been the part about you clapping like seals in the center of a circle jerk.

I don't have a problem with Alucard because he was supposed to be a monster. Sure, there are a lot of people who would probably fuck him, but Hellsing was an action story, not a romance, so he had every right to be like that. My issue is OP and special snowflake vampires in romance stories, because they are insanely out of place and have no right to be like that expect to make the reader impressed that such an incredible godlike creature has started fucking the (usually portrayed as plain or even unlikeable) main character.

About the "special snowflake" thing. I don't really like vampires that have powers with no limits or no explanation at all. For instance: Edward Cullen could read everyone's mind. There wasn't a single person who was immune from this except Bella, and there was never a reason given for why he couldn't read her mind. He doesn't just hear murmurs either: He seems to be able to read every single mind in the world like a book, on demand, and with absolutely no strain on himself.

Alice Cullen can see the future, and some of it is completely random and sometimes even worthless information, such as when she tells Bella that she will love the gift she's given because she has seen her like it in the future. This power also seems to give her no strain and has no limits, and somehow even though no other vampire's power can touch Bella (As shown in New Moon), somehow Alice's future-seeing powers DO affect her.

That's what bothers me. If you give them a power, don't make it an unlimited power and give it reason.

you didn't specify romance. I could honestly give a fuck less what their powers are in a romance because you're not supposed to be really worried about combat in them. By contrast I love Alucard but you know he's not losing. The fucker takes on an entire military and you're not the least bit worried he'll die, you're just concerned he might break his glasses or something. He's bullshit, just soo much fun.

The one positive thing I can say about Twilight is that their vampires all get a special gift that sets them apart. I think some of them are so fucking OP as to be beyond bullshit like whoever the chick is in the movie who can put everybody into a perfect dream state. What the fuck? She basically take son two armies of vampires (and wolves) and wins. By her goddamn self. Edward reading minds isn't a major hiccup for me and like X-Men explaining powers is a pain in the ass unless the powers can somehow be duplicated or blocked. Otherwise, especially if you're working with vampires or something else that already has magic, just give them one more power.

I'm similarly much more interested in limitations in action than in romance. Superman is hard to write for because he's Superman. My Super Ex Girlfriend (same powers) is fine because the issue is how do you get close to someone like that not how do you put them in a bad scenario.

I guess if like Vampire Diaries and True Blood if you're writing an action romance or whatever the limitations come back but I like the Originals and they are all broken as fuckin hell too. I mean more broken since their vamps are pretty busted.

 

[Garnate]

It must have been the part about you clapping like seals in the center of a circle jerk.

I said all that I needed was coffee and donuts to be set out for afterward.

 

[BoyNextDoor]

You two are making me want a cigarette. So quit it!

 

[Garnate]

You two are making me want a cigarette. So quit it!

I'll get the cigarettes if you get some coffee and donuts.