the husband's surprise!

[Winemaster]

songwriter-great wit

Oh, I am here smiling seeing that the story created a joke and made me laugh...that was great!!!!!!!

 

[Winemaster]

Reading others....

I am reading other stories and it is helping me to find flaws in mine...still looking for some comments...

 

[Stella_Omega]

I am reading other stories and it is helping me to find flaws in mine...still looking for some comments...

Winemaster, what fun reading this thread, I'm always reminded how helpful the people are on this board. It's also nice seeing your positive reactions to the comments and criticism!
this is the very first time I've read your story, and first off, you really need to spell-check!
That and the grammar- but those are nearly mechanical things, your Word program (or some freindly AH poster's) can take care of that for you.
I like the way you've laid out the story, I like the set-up, the motivations, the bits of dialogue.
I really like the last couple of paragraphs, and the sense of happiness you create at the end!
One thing I see though, is that the tenses switch around at different points.
In the first six paragraphs, you are writing past tense; "He did" "She felt"
Then in the middle of the seventh, you change to present tense; "He pulls away" then it's back to past tense again...
It's difficult for me to decide on where I want to put my stories, in the past or the present. But once I decide, I have to go through, paragraph by paragraph, and re-write the words that show tense, to conform.

Hope that helps!

 

[Winemaster]

comment appreciated

Hey Stella - that was a very constructive criticism....you are good...looking forward to reading some of your material!

 

[Winemaster]

pointed out good stuff

thanks for pointing out the tenses to me stella