The Hotel Commode Conundrum

[WendyTrilby]

Have you ever wondered what your wife, your girlfriend, or that unforgettable one-night stand is doing when she sends you out for ice or asks you to check the hotel checkout time at the front desk?

She’s probably pooping.

It’s the great unspoken hotel-room paradox. Married for forty years or together for one reckless night, hotels are built for sex, but the bathroom situation always lurks in the background like a final boss battle. Nobody wants to unleash the full soundtrack of human biology with only a paper-thin door separating them from the person they’re trying to seduce.

I love, love, love hotel sex. Check me in and check me out. I’m there for all of it. Bed, chair, shower, window.

But if we’re staying overnight, nature is eventually going to call. That’s when the improvisation begins. Lobby bathrooms. TV volume cranked to aircraft-engine levels. The shower is running for “ambiance.” Entire covert operations worthy of a spy novel.

I’ve wanted to address this in one of my stories for years, but never found the right opportunity. Well, that changes today.

I just finished writing the most honest story of my twenty books. It’s a true story about one hell of a weekend split between an Airstream trailer and a Hampton Inn. The story is 98% intense chemistry and 2% the eternal poop paradox. Honestly, I think everyone can relate to not wanting to share every sound and smell the human body can produce.

The story is called Sin On Wheels. It has all my usual trademarks: raw intimacy, sweat, noise, tangled sheets, messy emotions, and the full-speed collision of two people who can’t keep their hands off each other.

And yes, the toilet tango makes an appearance.

No, this is not a fetish story. It’s simply one of those hilariously human challenges every couple faces when sharing a hotel room.

This post is less of an ad for my story and more of a question for all of you: am I the only one haunted by the crapper conundrum, or are there others out there saying silent prayers to the Gods of Wind, hoping nothing too explosive can be heard through those tissue-paper hotel doors?

Maybe I’m overthinking this.

But for now, if you spend a weekend with me in a hotel, there’s a good chance you’ll suddenly be sent out on a mysterious “errand” while I handle my private affairs in peace.

WT

 

[LMWM321]

It’s the great unspoken hotel-room paradox. Married for forty years or together for one reckless night, hotels are built for sex, but the bathroom situation always lurks in the background like a final boss battle. Nobody wants to unleash the full soundtrack of human biology with only a paper-thin door separating them from the person they’re trying to seduce.

Maybe I’m overthinking this.

Nope! Not over thinking this!

I loved reading your post because it rings sooooo true in my marriage.

My wife and I have been married for over 35 years and we are still crazy for each other. Indeed, we still have sex >2/ week. There are many reasons why, but not least among them is my doing my best to behave much the same way I did when we were dating. I brush my teeth before sex, I shower before sex if I've pooped since last showering, I close the door to the bathroom even if I'm just peeing, I NEVER poop when she is in the bathroom or within earshot AND when staying in a hotel, I always poop with her out of the room, or I'll come up with a reason to go to the lobby.

Generally speaking, my approach to keeping the lust alive in our marriage is I continue to do my level best to be the hottest guy in my wife's orbit. To be clear, I'm definitely NOT, but I try! ...And those aforementioned courtesies is part of that effort..

Compare this to a friend of mine who endlessly complains about how sex is waning in his marriage. He routinely sneaks into the bathroom while his wife is showering and sits on the toilet. He thinks it's hilarious when the odor wafts over to the shower and she starts screaming. Yeah... It's great for a laugh, but not so great for preserving her sexual interest in him... And that's not all of it. Along with about a half-dozen hygiene lapses, he loves having her squeeze the blackheads and pop the zits on his back. These are things he NEVER did when they were dating. Ugh. No wonder their marriage is more or less in the friend-zone now.

Bottomline: If you want sex to be "just like it was when we were dating," then BEHAVE more or less like you did when you were dating!

Thanks for your hilarious yet insightful post! It's about more than just being poop-shy, it's about keeping the lust alive.