The Horny Unicorn

[Imoen]

OOC:
Welcome one and all to the Horny Unicorn! Come in and have a ale or a sip of dwarven whiskey! Passing through and in need of a room for a night or two? C'mon in! Imoen and Isolde will set you up good and proper. Ale or lodging, see Imoen for sure. Extracurricular entertainments? Wellllllllll you will need to go through Isolde for that, Imoen will only chase you out with a broom. *L*

The part of the bouncer is already promised, but feel free to apply for the wenches.. *ahem* I mean waitress positions. And of course, as with any good Inn/Tavern, customers are always welcome!


IC:
The Horny Unicorn

The wooden sign swung too and fro in the gentle breeze as she swept the front entrance. Imoen glanced up at it, the pride shining in her eyes. It had been a long and tedious year, but it was opening at last. Her very own Inn and Tavern. Actually, it was hers and Isolde's, her partner and not to mention her best friend. Opening their own buisness had been a dream of theirs ever since she could remember, and finally their dream was coming true. A happy grin spread Imoen's lips as she continued to clean the already spotless stoop. Her head lifted with a welcoming smile as a group of racuous men passed by. The smile faded to that of a annoyed frown as they laughed heartily, pointing and guffawing at the swinging sign.

"I thought you were going to open a tavern, lil'Immy, not a brothel!" called Ian, the vain, cocky raven-haired one of the group, causing the rest of the group to dissolve into peals of laughter.

Glaring at him harshly, Imoen waved her broom in their direction, shooing them away. "G'on! Go away! As if anyone of you cretins can read regardless! It's a perfectly good name! Don't let me see your shadow cross my doorway, Ian Smithers or I'll have you thrown out! Don't think I won't!!"

The men scoffed as they continued on their way, their laughter fading into the distance. Imoen's angry frown softened into one of worry as she gave thought to her threat. Exactly how would she and Isolde throw out the trouble makers? In this town, there were bound to be plenty. She rolled her eyes at the thought. Sighing softly, it was definitely something she would need to bring up with Isolde. They needed some muscle to back up her threats, and if they were to open this eve as planned, they needed it fast!

 

[Isolde]

Grunting under the weight of the empty but heavy mugs, I managed to slide the tray onto the bar and then sweep my hair back from my face.

Looking over to where Imoen was entering the door, I shook my head.

"You know we have to do some hiring, dont you? Unless you plan on us running ourselves silly. I plan on some big business, pal 'o mine, and I cant handle the bar tending, cooking and wench...er...waitressing all on my own. I suggest you spread the word that the Horny Unicorn is now hiring some...shall we say..friendly...young ladies?"

That being said, I move over to set up the mugs behind the counter for the expected crowds.

 

[Imoen]

Help wanted!

Imoen nodded as she slid the broom behind the bar, "Yes, you're right. We will definitely need some help."

"Not only with the serving, but for the rowdy customers that more than likely will grace us with there presence as well." She said grimly.

Spotting a child playing by the window outside, Imoen's disposition brightened. Hurriedly exiting through the door she approached him, "Samuel! A favor if you please, run the town square and announce that we are need of servers and a strong man for security purposes. If anyone is interested they may apply for the positions here." She delves down deep into the pocket of her skirt and retrieves two silver pieces, depositing them into the boy's hand. "For your troubles." His eyes widen with surprise, and he smiles gratefully, "Of course, Miss! I will go right now!" Turning on his heel, he takes off - running all the way to the square to spread the information.

 

[Neale]

Thorr Thorrson

The crowd gathered at the entrance of the bar parted, some unwillingly hurled aside, as Thorr approached. All eyes turned to look at this amazing brute of a man. Obviously, he did not share the common Barbarian's distrust of magic, as he fairly reeked of it, from the pulsing blue glow of Giant-Cleaver, easily the largest sword any of them had ever seen a human carry, to the faint, ethereal hum given off by his dwarven-forged armor of Dweomer-turning. Even his boots seemed enhanced, giving a lightness to his step, impossible for one so large.

In a loud voice, he declaimed "I be Thorr Thorrson slayer of Giants, son of Thorr slayer of Dragons, son of Thorr slayer of Demons, son of Thorr ravager of Cities, son of Thorr " and, in a swift mumble, "bakeroffinebreads" At this point, he glared around, to see if anyone had noted his great-great-grandfather's embarrassing trade.

He swept through the doors of the yet-to-open bar.
"And brother of Isolde, server of fine ales! Hokay, little sister, Thorr here to bounce heads and drink ale!"

 

[Isolde]

Seeing Thorr come into the tavern I was estatic. Not only at seeing my huge brother but also with the fact that he left the door to the inn intact.

Running up to him, I threw my arms around him and gave him the tightest hug I could. Hey, its not easy hugging a sequioa. Standing back, I looked him over, noticing all the new scars he wore like a badge.

"Thorr! It's so good to see you," I said handing him an apron,"The kitchen is in the back and all the ingredients for baking are on the shelves. Have fun, big guy!"

Going back to the bar, I begin to take inventory of the ales and other fine beverages.

 

[Neale]

Thorr Thorrsson

For a second, Thorr stood there, holding the apron. His face turned white, and fear was etched across his face in a manner that not all the devils and demons of Hell itself could induce. He considered briefly simply fleeing, but knew that his sister would track him down, and drag him back by his ear. He'd fought no monster in his long career quite so terrifying as an annoyed Isolde!

Carefully making his way to the back of the bar, where she stood, doing inventory, he lowered his voice to a dull roar, his version of a whisper. "Isolde, Thorr not bake good. Thorr biscuits used as sling shot! Thorr cake used as armorplate! Don't ask about Thorr bread... even dwarves not eat! Please let Thorr break heads? Thorr only break heads you say!"

 

[Isolde]

Laughing, I quickly took the apron from Thorr and handed him a filled mug of ale.

"Okay, Thorr, first you drink ale and then you bust heads. But, remember dont bust too many of our customers or we wont make money and if you get blood on the floor you have to clean it up!"

Putting the apron on myself, I kissed his cheek as he bent down behind the bar. It was the only way I could reach it.

"How about it I cook a whole stuffed chicken with biscuits and gravy and fresh vegtables just so you can keep your strength up for the head busting, eh?"

Calling out to my partner and friend, I said,"Imoen! Come in and guard the liquor. If you dont we wont have anything to serve the customers tonight!"

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr hugged his sister, not quite cracking her ribs, in thanks. "You still best sister Thorr ever have, Isolde! Drink ale, bust heads... Thorr got it." At the mention of food, Thorr's eyes lit up, "Hokay! Isolde food good!" The giant barbarian sat down carefully, so as not to break any furniture even before the bar even opened.

 

[Ask For More]

Bonan the Barbarian

Bonan approached the inn apprehensively. Being a barbarian wasn't easy in this new world of oppurtunity. Hairdressers, Milkmen, Postmen; you name it and they were all becoming heroes! All on some stupid quest for something. All willing to kill and maim barbarians!

For a barbarian Bonan was a little on the clever side. He knew that his lifespan would be pretty limited if he carried on raping and pillaging with his fellows, so Bonan had fled to the city to try and become a civilised barbarian. His brothers had laughed and taunted him, but Bonan knew he would have the last laugh. He must!

Bonan squinted at the sign. "Wor kene edded?" Reading was a pretty impressive feat for a barbarian, but Bonan had developed his skills after a day of hopping around trying to find a privy in a small village they had conquered. He had to walk at the back of the group after being unsuccesful. All he had to do now was try and understand what it mean't. Bonan really hoped the owners weren't scottish.

He decided to amble around to the back, since the crowd was pretty thick at the front of the inn. Making his way down a side-alley, he found the backdoor open, so he stepped in. Manners don't really apply to barbarians who have raped and pillaged their whole life.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr was happily quaffing ale, waiting for his sister to bring back the promised food, when Imoen came back in from her mission to call for workers. He stopped in mid-quaff, his eyes taking in her form, his heart thumping loudly in his chest, and ale dripping unnoticed into his lap. Sudden urges to go slay a dragon and lay its heart at this woman's feet filled him. Still, he had heard that city women were different from barbarian women, that they wouldn't be as impressed by the sheer number of enemies he'd slain and barrels he'd quaffed, and he was unsure what to do.

 

[Imoen]

Shouldering her way past the sudden crowd outside, Imoen scrambles back into the Inn, stumbling over the hem of her dress. Recovering quickly she stands, her back ramrod straight and head held proudly, her cheek colors red with a hint of embarrassment. "Oh well, least there's no witnesses." She grins to herself, the smile dying on her face as she glances up. Sitting before her is the most massive man she's ever seen in her life. She blinks once, then once again in disbelief. Just what is a barbarian doing in here?! We're not even open yet! And just why is he staring like that? By the gods, he's drooling! He must be mad!

Waving her broom meancingly in front of her, she shimmies around the bar. "You just stay right there, Mister. Don't move a muscle! I don't want to have to hurt you." Knowing it to be an empty threat, but issuing it just the same."How did you get in here anyway?! We're not even open yet!"

"ISOLDE! I need you! NOW!"

 

[Isolde]

I froze as I was pulling the fully cooked chicken from the oven. Living almost all my life in Barbarian lands, I was quick to notice things that were wrong and I knew now that I wasnt alone.

The creak of the back door and the movment of heavy footsteps told me where my visitor was too. Also being from Barabarian lands, I was quick to act on that feeling.

Turning quickly, I let fly the chicken that was supposed to be my brother's dinner for tonight and, before the bird hit it's target, grabbed the hot plate of biscuits and gravy and they went hurdling right behind.

The large man who had stepped in the door didnt know what hit him as the food bombarded him. The dishes and pans crashed to the floor making a terrible racket that could be heard all through the inn.

Grabbing the biggest ladle I could find, I flew at the intruder with a loud cry and begin to beat him about the head and shoulders.

"Come into my place on the sly, will you," I said as I brought the, now bent, ladle down again. "This ought to teach you to sneak up on a lady!"

 

[Roland Gilliad]

ooc: First a question

OOC: Imoen, Do you REALLY Like Baldurs gate or do you just have the hots for that youngling Mage/theif? *Winks*

Second, Anything I ought to know?? Restrictions? *L*

 

[Ask For More]

Bonan

Bonan didn't know quite what to do. People didn't normally throw food at him. Nor did they assault him with cookin implements. And never women. What to do?

"Umm...." he said, as blows rained down on him. They didn't really hurt but they were a bit annoying though. Like mosquito bites."....I'm looking for a job?"

 

[Neale]

Thorr

The vision before him, known to some as Imoen, had the barbarian transfixed. She was saying something, but his brain couldn't handle speech and stunned amazement at the same time, so he didn't really hear what she said. She yelled out his sister's name at one point, which he did notice, as family ties are all-important to Barbarians.

Just after Imoen called to his sister, Thorr heard Isolde's voice from the kitchen, raised in anger against someone. This was possibly the one thing that could shake Thorr from his entrancement with the propietoress... a battle!

From the sound of things, there wouldn't be much battle left when he got there, so he hurried, vaulting over the counter, barely noticing Imoen diving out of his way. Thorr charged through the door to the kitchen, only to see a cowering, dazed barbarian warrior, covered with chicken, gravy, and biscuits.

The strange barbarian showed remarkable intelligence at cowering from Isolde. Thorr remem bered the many times a monster would happen to cross her path in their youth. It scared young Thorr, who began to see that he would need to go a very long way from home to find any live monsters to fight.

A ladle in each hand, Isolde stood above her foe, laying welt after welt upon him, a gleam in her showing that her barbian days weren't all THAT far behind her!

Thorr considered, briefly, allowing Isolde to handle it herself, but he was being paid to break heads after all... He strode forth, dodging her backswings, and snatched the large man from the floor, much like a sack of potatoes, and carred him outside, where he unceremoniously dumped the fellow on to the cold stret. After, of course, adding few bruises just so the fellow knew he wasn't going to annoy anyone around here ever aain.

 

[Isolde]

I heard the man saying he was looking for a job just before big brother Thorr barged in and took him outside. I followed closely behind and ran up to where Thorr was adding a few reminders on the young barbarian.

Moving behind my brother, I thunked him a good one on the head though I knew all it would do was further ruin the ladle.

"Thorr," I said,"That is no way to treat my new employee! Let him up."

Taking off my apron, I threw it to the new worker. "Hurry up, you have a dinner to replace before the customers arrive and I want that kitchen polished to a shine. I'll handle the bartending. If I let a barbarian do it there would be no liqour left to sell."

 

[MrSand]

Mergale the Dreaded

Mergale sighed as he walked the busy streets of the vile human city. "How low I have come," he muttered in an deep, evil voice. "To think, that I, Mergale the Dreaded, Dark Lord of the Northern Lands, is now without his magic or armies of invincible orcs... oh the horror..."

He thought back to his Dark Legion's defeat against the Army of Light. Led by the annoying Princess of Luminescence, the Army vanquished his legions, trashed his beautifully evil Demonic Keep, and burned all his Totems of Power. Now, on the run, Mergale was forced to associate with common verminous humans.

He sighed again as he walked on. His evil stomache rumbled, as he had not eaten a decent meal since his escape from the Princess's... um... clutches. Without his bottomless treasurepile, he could not afford even the cheapest of meals.

Mergale pulled the hood of his black cloak further over his head as a group of children passed. It wouldn't do for the little brats to scream if they saw his pale face, sharp canines, pointed ears, and long white hair. He couldn't risk being recognized; not with... HER so close. As an afterthought, he pushed the dark sunglasses over his glowing red eyes as well.

Mergale suddenly came upon a small tavern, with a rather bizzare name. He was about to pass it by, when the help wanted sign, held by a rather bored looking boy, peaked his interest. His old familiar ego snorted at the thought of working at the pub, but his stomach overrode him.

With a further depressed sigh, Mergale forced his black armored form into the tavern to ask for a position.

"Hmph," he muttered. "They better have a position worthy of my stature!"

 

[Isolde]

As I walked into the main part of the tavern, I was just about to tell Imoen that I couldnt very well get the bar ready for tonight with her crouched behind it when a tall, dark figure entered the place. You will notice I left out handsome.

My eyebrows shot up and I stared at the stranger up and down before saying anything.

"We're not open yet," I said,"So, unless you are applying for a job as a statue in that getup, you need to wait outside for our doors to officially open."

 

[Ask For More]

Bonan

Bonan barely had time to clean himself off before being made to work. "Umm...wage?" But they were already gone. They didn't even ask him his name. A drop of gravy ran into his mouth as he stood momentarily, pondering the situation.

A small grin curled the ends of his lips. He was beginning to like this job already.

Looking around, Bonan found a sink and swiftly cleaned himself off. "Cook...." he muttered to himself as he looked around at the various tools in the kitchen. "Cook...." A little wheel turned in his brain, and then he realised. "What wenches do!" He exclaimed brightly. He used to watch the wenches prepare food all the time when he was hungry, often because he couldn't wait, and sometimes because he liked watching them. It was like magic, raw meat becoming prime shovelling into mouth material.

Exploring the kitchen, Bonan discovered where everything was, including the meat. There were some things that confused him, like the funny round green things, but he tried to eat one and found that it wasn't too foul, so he decided to use those as well.

Pulling a few pigs out of the larder, Bonan went to work.

 

[MrSand]

Margale the Dreaded

I flinched at the propriator's insult. "Such insolence is unforgivable!" I thought to myself. Unfortunately, at my current state, I really couldn't do much about it. Sighing, I left the bar and rejoined the hated daylight outside.

"What the hell is wrong with my clothing anyway?" I mutter to myself, glancing down at my cloak and armor. "I thought black was in season this year..."

While walking through the streets in dismay, I found myself in front of a clothing store. After taking another glance at my current outfit, I shrug. "Might as well give the wardrobe change a try..."

My stomache growled as I went in.

_________________________________________________

I exited the shop a new man. Of course now, I was a really broke new man, but a new man none the less.

Wearing a dark blue frock coat, black trousers, and white silk shirt w/ black cravat, I was indeed in new form. I had also tied my hair back, shrunk my fangs a bit, and turned off the evil glow of my eyes (I still wore my dark glasses, since my irises were still a deep shade of blood red).

Yep, a new man indeed.

While walking back to the pub, I happen to pass a shop window. I stopped to admire my reflection, noting the charming way the new blue coat brought out my wiry, skeletal physique. I adjusted my sun glasses and gave my reflection a killer smile. Unfortunately, this caused the glass to crack.

Shrugging in annoyance, I continued on my way and eventually found the Horny Unicorn again. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, hoping that the propriator would like the new look.

"Gods, I hate not having immense, omnipotent power," I muttered to myself. "It does absolutely nothing for your self esteem..."

After taking another long, calming breath, I went in.

 

[Imoen]

OOC: Roland, does that have to be an either/or kinda answer or can it be a combination of the two? I claim the fifth, mainly cause I'm greedy and I don't wanna share my drink.

Restrictions? Hmmm. No posting on the second Tuesday of each week. Oh yeah, Enjoy yourself. Follow those rules and we'll get along just fine.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

"Thorr, that is no way to treat my new employee! Let him up." Thorr rubbed his head, where Isolde had whacked him, and hastily moved to let Bonan up. "Thorr sorry, brother. Thought you were bad guy."

The giant warrior then went back in to the bar area, to finish his ale and wait for his dinner.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I entered the bar and prepared for the worst. Fortunately, the woman I had met earlier was not there. Well, that was a good start.

Glancing around the empty tavern, I see the massive form of perhaps the largest human being I had ever seen. He was seated at the bar, stooped over a large mug of ale. At first I thought him an ogre, or perhaps a rather tall orc, but since the man wasn't wearing the hides of his slain enemies I realized my mistake.

Seeing no once else here, I decided to ask the man whether there were any positions available for an ex-war monger. Striding over to the bar, I tap the giant on the shoulder. "Excuse me... HEY! Yes, you! Are there any positions left at this establishment?"

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr was happily drowning his confusion in a tank of ale... no, not tankard... tank, when he felt a tap on his shoulder, and some person asking him something. The hulking barbarian swiveled his head around to look down at the speaker. "Thorr speak Common and Barbarian. Not speak funny talk you use. You want job? Or fight? No sell ale until big sister say so." Thorr smiled happily at the prospect of a fight, hoping that would be the newcomer's desire.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

The former Dark Lord sighed in annoyance; he hated dealing with barbarous creatures. Thankfully, his orc legions spoke a derivative of Barbarian, and he was rather fluent at it.

After pushing his dark glasses furtherup the bridge of his nose, Mergale spoke. "Me no have job; Me want work here. "

There, Mergale thought. Short, precise, and simple. Hopefully the big dope got the message.