The Guy Dictionary

[Isolde]

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."




"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."


"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."


"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

 

[indyweasel]

Yeah.. and your point is?

 

[TygerEyez]

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

*snickers madly* My father's motto.

 

[GuyJD]

WELL SINCE IT IS MY DICTIONARY

"NO WAY, HUN. I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING FAT": You have the body of a 20 year old woman........who's obesed.

"HON, I'M GOING TO THE STORE. DO YOU WANT ANYTHING": That is, if you can catch up to the car when I drive off.

 

[Isolde]

New Products In The Viagra Line
==========================

With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual
prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards
improving the performance of men in today's society.

Here are a few of the new ones:

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car
trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got
lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new
clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy
their sweeties expensive jewellery and gifts after taking this drug for only
two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period
longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn
off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal
gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long
car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test
group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people.
Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special
prosecutors."

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being
asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury
and Presidential Strength versions.
_______________________________________________________________________

 

[scylis]

"THE FLOWERS? I GOT THEM JUST BECAUSE." translated: "I have done something horribly wrong that you don't know about yet and am giving these to you in the hope that you'll be distracted or at least won't yell at me as loud as normal."