The Glass Cage

[Guest]

The Glass Cage

I sit here again, staring at the screen before me
Everywhere I look I see people loving and living
Filling their lives with joy and sorrows, pain and triumphs
Here one falls in love; there one loses hope
Never do their lives entangle mine

Always I drift in the shadows, watching, waiting, and wondering
I feel as if I’m standing behind a glass wall
A barrier between the world and myself
Desperately I press against the glass, beating on it
Wanting, needing someone to hear my cries
Knowing that no one ever will

I see but flickers as they pass me by
Traveling on as they live and love
Never looking my way as I stand there
Forever to exist within the walls of this glass cage

 

[smilingblues]

Please don't think you're alone. What you've written is as beautiful as it is sorrowful. We are all here just trying to find our way through this world. It's not always easy and it doesn't always work out the way we had hoped, but one day I hope it will.

Please come and share with us, don't make the journey by yourself, okay?

 

[sortacurious]

Your words are sad, but beautiful. At many times in my life, I have felt as if I was in a glass cage as you describe.

I just wanted to tell you, this touched me. And that you can PM me anytime. I will listen to your cries. I will look your way.

 

[Guest]

The Trees

The wind blows through the trees
Removing the few remaining leaves
Fall is almost over now, winter soon begins
The branches of the trees lift their thin hands
To the sky, imploring the gods to release them
To free them from the heavy earth

They beg to drift with the winds
Passing over the earth and viewing all
To see the wonders they can only imagine
Over the crest of the hill, the barrier to their world

Year after year they yearn to see
They strain to lift themselves from the earth
Ever higher they lift their branches to the skies
Growing, stretching further, crying out to the gods

Never do they turn to see that they can now
Look beyond the hill, that they have grown
Beyond the height of the highest ridge
Only do they look up, begging
For what they could have if only they would

Never do they see that beyond the hill
Lies a desert, empty and desolate
Without life, burning and scorched
Only do they beg to be released
To search for the paradise they see in their minds

Dreams of that which does not exist
For their is no paradise beyond the hill
Only death waits for them there
But never will they see that
For their desires have blinded them
To the truth

 

[Guest]

Don’t Tell

“Don’t tell, don’t say” I whisper to myself
“Never let him know the way you feel”
If ever I let the words spill from my lips
He will be gone, lost to me forever

“A friend” He says, “That’s all I need.
Someone to listen when I need to talk”
So I listen as he bares his pains and sorrows
Knowing in my heart that one day
I will no longer be able to keep this inside

My skin aches to feel his touch
To have him hold me in his arms
Tenderly to caress my body with his lips
To be his in every way that can be

He owns my soul and I breathe for him alone
No other will ever possess what I would
Give to him willingly, gladly even if I knew
That in giving him this gift I would perish

So I listen and I watch as he goes by
Chasing after the dream of a love
That I could give him if only
He would let me

 

[Guest]

I say now that my sorrow runs deep if by posting these writings of mine, I have brought pain of even the tiniest bit to anyone here. That is not my intention. I simply feel that I need to share these feelings with the people here that I have come to know. I do so under an unregistered name so that no one will think that I post them simply to get sympathy. That is not my intention. Again, if this has saddened someone too much, please say so and I will cease to post.

 

[Angelofsex]

I say now that my sorrow runs deep if by posting these writings of mine, I have brought pain of even the tiniest bit to anyone here. That is not my intention. I simply feel that I need to share these feelings with the people here that I have come to know. I do so under an unregistered name so that no one will think that I post them simply to get sympathy. That is not my intention. Again, if this has saddened someone too much, please say so and I will cease to post.

I can't breath....they are beautiful........OMG so deep....so true...no keep them coming......they are poems I wish to write......so please post them

 

[Guest]

Dust

The winds blow through my heart stirring the dust of my memories.
Whistling through the empty spaces that I once had hoped to fill.
Never will I know what it is to be loved or needed, wanted or cherished.
Forever these spots will remain cold and lifeless, worn and destroyed.
The emptiness mocks me with its echoes of what could have been.
Of what will never be now. So I'll seal up this useless, hollow space,
piece by piece as it dies until there’s not enough left to go on.
And then I’ll seal up the last of it and allow the winds to die down
and the echoes to finally rest, the dust to settle and peace to blanket all.

 

[Guest]

Friend’s

I stand and watch as he passes by.
I wish just once he would look at me,
Really look.
Not just at the surface but into me.
Into my heart.
Then he would know how I really
Feel about him.
I love him so much that it hurts.
But I can never let him know this.
I have to keep it buried deep within me.
We’re just good “friends”.
That’s all he wants
And all he needs right now.
And I love him enough to want to
Give him what he needs.
So I’ll watch as he passes,
As he flirts with one and then another.
Knowing he’ll never turn to me.
Until the pain becomes to
Much for me to bear.
Then I’ll quietly slip out of his life
So that he’ll never know
What it’s cost me to be there for him.
And once he stops turning to me
For friendship, I’ll end the pain.

 

[Guest]

A Rose

Love is like a rose in the palm of your hand.
Hold it too tightly and you crush it, destroying its beauty.
Blending its sweet perfume into the smell of death and despair.
Hold it gently in your hand; enfold it softly and carefully.
Water it with your tears of joy and happiness.
Feed it on the beating of your heart and your very breath.
Nurture it in the depths of your soul.
Cherish it in your life and home.
Tend it with care and love.
And you will watch it unfold in all its glory
and spread its beauty throughout all your days and beyond.

 

[Guest]

The Path

I look around me at the emptiness
That was once a life, full of hope
Full of dreams and laughter.
Gone, fled like shadows
From the light of the sun at noon.

Hopes that were destroyed one by one
Dreams that were crushed beneath
The heals of the uncaring
Laughter the was silenced by
The tears of sorrow for what would never be

Never would arms enfold me gently
Nor would lips whisper of love
Alone I will travel this journey
The path ever before me as I go
No other footsteps echoing with mine

I will trek this path ever onward
Til I reach the end of the way
And there I will gaze out upon
The endless depths of despair and loneliness
Feeling it call me forward that last step

I will look back along my path
And search for a single place
Where I could have stepped on to another
One that would not have led here
But none I see, for there were none

And so I turn and once more gaze
Into the pit of darkness and pain
Knowing that there is but one way to go now
And so I lift my head and taking a breath
I step forward and I fall.

 

[Guest]

Flight

I slip closer to the edge, my stomach clenching,
my heart pounding in my chest.
Inch by inch I ease my way forward.
The view before me is majestic, filled with open plains
and jagged peaks. Glowing with a green blaze of life.
But this is not what I see.
My gaze is drawn ever downward.
I feel the lure of gravity pulling me forward,
trying to lure me into flight.
Promising me freedom from care and strife.
Promising me an end to pain and loneliness.
A lure I must fight each time I look.
A battle I must win.
For if I lose, if I give in then the war is lost and
Death is the only winner.
So I ease back slowly, drawing myself together.
Once more I have won.
But I know that this is but one battle
and the war goes on.
Not today and maybe not tomorrow,
but one day I will lose the battle and take flight.
And once more Death will win the war.

 

[smilingblues]

Unregistered,

I have an open heart and a trusting soul. I wish I knew how to respond to you for I can feel the turmoil you are expressing through your words. I'm so sorry you are in pain. I would hold you close and give you the bit of strength I have just to help you, to help you ease your strife and struggle inside. Maybe one day he will understand what you are feeling for him.

You are trying to release what's inside in hopes that it will escape you and you'll feel at peace. I will wish that the peace you are searching for washes over you and calms you.

 

[Guest]

Ramblings Of A Dead Heart

I sit and stare out the window. I’ve been doing this for hours now. Running things through my head over and over, trying to come to grips with reality. I’ve been so far from reality for so long that I wasn’t sure I would recognize it anymore. But I’ve finally faced it full on. This is what my life is and will always be. Nothing more. I will always be alone. There will never be anyone to want me. There never has been. My sisters despised me growing up because I didn’t fit in with the way they wanted things. I accept that. My mother loved me because she was my mother. But she didn’t really want me around. My father I saw so little of that I don’t know him really. My Aunts and uncles only wanted me around because they could use me. My grandparents didn’t want any of us except the first sister.
I thought that when I grew older, things would change. That I would fall in love and be swept away. I know now that love doesn’t exist. In desperation I grasped at what I thought was love but that turned out to be the wrong thing. He didn’t love me. Never did. All he wanted was a slave. Someone to cook and clean and fill his every need. And what he needed most of all was to hurt. To cause as much pain and agony as he could without killing. Sometimes I wish he had lost control and really killed me. Instead I died inside. Day by day and year by year he killed everything I was until there was nothing left to kill. Then he discarded me like last week’s trash. Broken and useless.
Then another comes along and tells me that I a worthwhile person. He hunts until he finds that tiny little piece I hid so deep that I didn’t even know it was there. And he fans it back to life. I suffered through the agony of coming alive again. Once more I learned to hope and dream. Then I finally gather the last bit of my courage and try to tell him how I feel. To tell him of the love that has come alive inside of me. Of finding the one thing I was sure didn’t exist. I should have known.
Love isn’t what he wants. Or not my love. So once again I die piece by piece. The heart he brought to life will still again. Unwanted, unloved, useless. Again I suffer pain and agony. This time of my soul dieing. Never again will I allow someone inside of me. Never again will I feel a kind touch. Because now I know and have accepted that for me love truly doesn’t exist. And never will. I’ve accepted that like my love, my life is unwanted, unloved, and useless. And so even though I will do nothing to end it, I also will do nothing to extend it further. Let it end when it will.

 

[Guest]

Lonely

As I stare from the window
I feel life passing me by.
I never thought I would
Find myself alone like this.

All my hopes and dreams of
Finding a lasting love have
Long since died.
Even my hopes of finding a
Lasting friendship are passing.

All that is left for me is
This endless feeling of emptiness.
I ache to be filled with
Something, anything.

My fear is that in my need
I'll turn to the wrong thing.
That I'll accept even a life
Filled with pain and sorrow
Just to feel again.

I couldn't survive living
Like that again.
I would rather end it now.
But even that I'm afraid of.

What if it brings not an end
But a beginning of a pain
That will never end.

And so I sit here, watching, waiting.
Because I know it will
End on it's own.
Or I will gather my courage
And conquer my fears
Once and for all.

 

[smilingblues]

Unregistered,

Please understand when I write this to you…I have walked in your shoes and I am walking in them just a little bit now. To know love is pure heaven - it's the joy that holds you together. Finding love is something we have come to think will bring us that never-ending feeling of being complete, being one with the person we have found love with. But, what we forget is that we need to become one with ourselves first.

We plant so much hope in the fact that finding someone will bring us the inner peace we seek. It's been pounded into our brains from the day we were born. Unregistered, first you need to love yourself and know that you are a good person. You need to tell yourself a million times a day that you are a person worth knowing, a person who has so much to offer this world, and a person worth sharing everything with. You have a beautiful way with words and you have created an aura that we have become a part of. We have been turned into your world, feeling your suffering, sharing in your pain - all of this with only your words, your emotions that you have displayed for us to see.

Please just don't live to live - live to be alive - make each moment count - trust that you will learn to accept yourself and love yourself and all of the wonderful qualities you have inside of you. Don't allow the actions of others to destroy the beautiful charm you have inside. That would be resigning - I don't see that as an option for you because you need to be creative - you need to bring forth the melancholy and allow all of us to be there with you. You're not alone, you'll never be alone, and by having you here inside this thread that just will never happen. Do you understand?

 

[Guest]

Endless

Ache, need, want, desire, pain, loneliness
All words I use to try to describe
This place within me. Yet there are
No words to tell of this that will
Define what is beyond description

Emptiness, loss, agony, sadness
Again just words. But this is beyond
Words, for words have limits
And there are no limits to this feeling

It encompasses all that I am
Consumes all that I would be
Until it’s all that I can feel
And my life becomes but a servant to it
Endlessly through all time

Each day I fall deeper into it’s grasp
It takes a larger part of me
Under it’s control and power
And when it consumes that last piece
It will take even the life that feeds it.

 

[Guest]

Do you understand?

Yes I understand. My pain has become so great that I must bring it out or the weight of it will crush me. But I do not wish to cause others pain. If at anytime, anyone finds this thread becoming too much to handle, simply post a note saying so and I will cease to post. Until then I will post them as I write them.

 

[Jewelz]

I was very moved by your writings and the deep emotion that comes with them. I have felt your pain and sometimes I think it I still do.

I hear your cries and I will listen.

 

[Guest]

Listen

Listen.... Do you hear it?
That sound deep inside of me
The sound of my heart beating?

Why does it beat?
Why doesn’t it cease this
Useless toil and effort?

Doesn’t it know that
There’s no reason to go on?
No reason to continue?

It’s such a useless thing
This heart beating in my chest
It serves no purpose.

It but keeps life in this body
Blood pumping through the veins
A senseless existence

My continued living
Does nothing but prolong
This ceaseless pain

It keeps alive this ache
Deep within my soul
The emptiness that dwells within

What use is a life
Without love or someone
To share the days with?

Without someone to hold
And to live for
To give my all to?

But it beats on and on
Never slowing, not knowing
Or caring if the effort is wasted

And so I go on
Living a meaningless life
Enduring the lonely hours

And deep within... still...
Listen... Do you hear?

 

[Guest]

Free

Silently I slip out the door
No one can know where I go
I must get away unseen

If they knew what I was doing
They would try to stop me
Make me give up this foolish idea

But I will not stop this time
There must be an end to this
The endless pain of living

Still I am afraid. I don’t
Want to suffer. It’s an end
To suffering I seek

Nor do I want others around
As the end comes how it will
Alone I’ve lived and alone I’ll go

I pass through the shadows
Drifting ever further away
From the lights and laughter

They are no longer a part of my world
I find the darkness far kinder
Not seeing a blessing

And their laughter pierces through
To my very soul, twisting deeper
Tormenting me with what I don’t have

Happiness is not mine, joy is a stranger
Love is unknown in my life
Only sorrow and despair are mine

No longer can I hear the laughter
The light is far behind me now
All that I find now is darkness

Here I choose, here to end the pain
The grass is soft beneath my feet
The night air cool to my skin

I lay myself down and look to the sky
The stars glisten above me
Twinkling brightly and calling to me

A peace descends upon me
As I breathe in the night
A calmness surrounds me

I know in my heart this is right
There will be a brief pain in the
Lives of those behind me

It will not last for them
No one will grieve for long
No one will mourn without me

Slowly I lift my hand
And caress my temple
With the coolness I hold

There will be heat soon
But I will not know it
I will carry this coolness with me

It’s time, I must do this now
Or again I will fail
Even now I hear them calling

They look for me now
But they are too late
No stopping now.

I’m freeeeee..................

 

[Guest]

Waking

I wake screaming, the sounds
Tearing from my throat
My heart pounding in my chest

The memory of his touch
Burning in my mind
Pain beyond measure

My breathing harsh
As I struggle to draw
Air into my lungs

My muscles clench
In remembered agony
My limbs jerking

I clutch the sheets
As I tremble, slowly
Coming fully awake

Again my sleep has ended
With a lunge and a cry
As memories tear into my mind

I curl onto my side
And began to cry
How much longer will it take?

I’m so tired from not sleeping
Yet I’m afraid to close my eyes
I’m not sure how much more I can take

Will the memories
Ever cease to haunt me
Ripping through my mind

I force my exhausted body
From the bed and stumble
Across the floor to a chair

I can’t chance any more sleep
My mind torn and ripped
By the memories buried within

So I start this day as many others
Sitting until my heart ceases to strain
Watching the sun come up again.

 

[DreamOfSun]

Your writing is wonderfully full of emotion... thank you for sharing such a deep, intense part of yourself with us. This place is brimming with caring, loving people if you should find that you want to talk.

((( HUGS )))

 

[Guest]

Replaced

Once again I sit alone in my room
Struggling to force down
The latest nightmare

Fighting the memories
That fill my mind
To the point of overflowing

I force myself to focus
On the here and now
To replace each thought with new

The sound of a hand
Striking against flesh
Replaced with the sound of birds

Singing and calling
Outside my window
As they wake to the new day

The feeling of pain
As skin is burned and bruised
Replaced with the cool of the morning air

Brushing against my body
As I sit here by the window
Calming myself again

The darkness of the spaces
I was forced into
Replaced with the light of a new day

The sky lighting up
As the world slowly wakes
And comes to life around me

The despair of knowing no hope
Of ever being free
Replaced with the calm of life going on

Knowing that this will pass
And I’ll face another day
A day that might find the healing I need

I will survive this time
But I know inside my heart
That tonight I will face these demons again.

 

[smilingblues]

Unregistered,

Through your thoughts in your last poem "Waking", you've let me know that your despair is still so very overwhelming. Please keep writing, please don't stop the pain from forming because that is the only way to let it ease itself from you. Love will never totally leave you, though, unregistered, but what will happen through the miracle of time is that it will become bearable.

You'll be able to remember in a different kind of way. It will still be an emotional pain, but as the scars thicken inside, so too will you on the outside. Each day you'll have a bit more strength to carry on and one of these days, you'll even begin to notice the blue skies and the colorful leaves on the trees. This will be a sign that you have grown to accept what has happened, that your heart is growing lighter as the heaviness of love lost begins to leave you. You'll find new room within those chambers and without you even knowing when or how it happened you will begin to let others inside once again.

Your words are hauntingly meaningful and so understood.