The first time you met him?

[Tyr51]

I'm pretty good with meeting folk off the internet. I'm very in control, I have my script, I don't worry.

From a sub point of view......
How does one meet a Sir whom you have communicated with often in chat and on the phone, but have not yet met?

My thought is to control the situation, be a hostess, mitigate potential damage (i.e personal chemistry does not work)..... all sorts of actions that are ok in my life, but totally not ok to do as a sub.

I have some very normal worries, I think.

Im just not sure how to deal with them, protect myself, and still be a sub.

Has anyone else done this?
Well intentioned advice is more than welcome.

 

[pellso27]

You need to set things up. The first thing is to have a safty net. Friends that know you are going to met this person and to act if you don't talk with them after the time you set up. I met someone off of here and it went well but we had things set up. She was very careful to make sure I was real , not a freak!

Jeff

 

[Tyr51]

Jeff, I think that is exceptionally sound advice. I have a friend who knows what is going on. I expect that if I do meet, that I will tell her details and ask her to be concerned if I dont give her a verbal call.

These are all very important and safe practices, and I appreciate your time reminding me of them.

 

[graceanne]

Meeting anyone from online is fraught with worry. Their are some guidelines, like safe calls. (that's where you promise a friend you'll call at a certain time to let them knwo you're ok.)

Also it's a good idea to meet in a public place. Like a bar or coffee shop. Take your own car, and expect them to show up in their own car. Leave the name of the person you're meeting with a close friend, you know - in case you disappear.

And of course, NONE of these rules will do any good if you DON'T FOLLOW THEM. Remember, just cause s/he's charming or whatever doesn't mean s/he's not a psycho killer - psycho killers are known to be charming and friendly, it's how they lure in victims.

 

[Chicklet]

My personal techniques are different than a lot of people's because I generally only look for men in my immediate area.

I don't want to have to travel to meet them, or have them travel to meet me, because I don't want to feel that anything is owed for the trip.

I act like myself, just like if there weren't a D/s aspect at all. Honestly, I'm probably a little more domineering than usual the first time. Sort of a test to see how they react, and whether they can handle my personality.

I'm not a very submissive person, and if I'm meeting someone in person, I've already told them that.

Be yourself. Don't try to act a part.

 

[EmpressFi]

I'd known Malin for a few months before I agreed to drive up from Norfolk to New Jersey 12 stinkin years ago *grins at malin*. I admit now, that it might not have been the smartest thing as no one outside of a few people I knew online knew where I was going.

When I met my Master for the first time (in person), he flew here to me. His boss knew where he was going and my address. When I flew out to meet him 3 months later, Malin knew Master's cell phone number, work number, the hotel number and address of where we were staying.

I dont see anything wrong with the sub being in control as far as being hostess.. what better way to server and take care of your Dom/me than to be host/ess to them ...

But just like everything else, Safety First!

 

[SubKekiLee]

Well when I met my Sir in person the first time.. we planned to meet in a public place and he told me I had the total control... we had spoken on the phone and internet and it went well.. He allowed me to control... that enviroment but when we took the step that night to go forward then I relinquished control.. and became his pet and sub......

I had a safety net who knew I was going and they knew where I was and who I was meeting..

 

[minx1]

I met my M a year after we embarked on a D/s relationship. He lives in Australia and I am from the UK, so it was quite a way to travel lol.

The first time we met, he made suggestions about where and how we could meet, but left the final decision on that occasion to me as he wanted me feeling completely safe and comfortable with the situation.

My friend knew who I was meeting and where but also the year getting to know him played a huge part in me feeling secure. I learned a lot about him during that time and knew he was who he said he was.

We discussed concerns such as what if there was no chemistry, but to be honest we both knew how we felt about eachother and knew it wouldn't be an issue. We were lucky...our predictions were right though I appreciate thats not always the case.
Personally I don't put an awful lot of emphasis on that, at least not immediately. I think that can develop and in all probability may not be there that first meeting, because of nerves etc.

As it was we looked at all the options and ended up at my apartment. I had waited a year to be with him...I couldn't have waited any longer

 

[WriterDom]

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to meet. I just met someone Friday. She lives close enough to where we could have had a coffee date. But that would have just made her insane. To see me and say goodbye and put off the real meeting another week.

So we actually met in the motel parking lot as I was on my way to get something out of my car and she was getting her luggage. For the next 44 hours we couldn't keep our hands and mouths off of each other and I miss her terribly. She looks so much like Chicklet it's frightening. Ten years older, but still they could be sisters.

Good luck to you!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Not sure what to advise except be yourself. Having a script is all very fine, but isn't particularly natural, nor can you always predict which way that script may need or want to go. IME I always kept an open mind, met in public first (even if we went elsewhere soon after due to some of them flying quite a way to meet me), remained respectful and submissive without being a doormat, and aways kept in mind that it was my right to leave or cut things off if I didn't feel right about it.

When I met F, he had already sent lots of ID stuff, I had booked our marriage as he had ordered, I had booked an apartment at a favourite coastal resort of mine, and I dressed as he requested as well as memorised the speech he had given me to learn when he came through customs. Turned out we both knew from that moment it was all and more than we expected and so went according to plan and we married 2 weeks later. If I had tried to take control it would not have worked at all.

Catalina

 

[goodgirlfl]

Well to start with it wasnt the first time that I had met Him, those of you that have read my answer to how did meet your current partner post know that we met when we were 15. And got back in touch with each other 30 yrs later.

Funny that this question was posted today because it was a year ago yesterday that He came to see me. We had chatted online and on the phone for about 5 months before He traveled to see me. Because of knowing Him in the past and getting to know Him again over those 5 months I met Him at his hotel. Probably not the smartest thing to do, but I knew that I could trust Him. But it all worked out and we couldnt be happier. Good luck to you!!!

 

[madetotakeit]

We met at a public place of my choosing, arrived in separate cars. I chose a place that would allow for conversation yet provide provide for distraction is any awkward silences arose (I couldn't even tell you what the singer performed that night. The person across from me was infinitely more interesting.) As far as safety precautions, I duplicated everything. My roommate and a trusted friend/coworker were both aware of where I was going. While they didn't know the nature of where I met him, they knew it was online. I wrote down everything I knew about him including email, screen names, car, when and where we were meeting on a paper that included his pic from his profile. One copy was hidden in my room where my roommate was told to look for it if I did not come home and the other was hidden in my car. When he arrived, I left a message on the answering machine saying so.

I felt very sure that these precautions weren't going to be necessary, but after meeting someone online (vanilla world) that sent my warning buzzers into high gear and hearing others' stories that did not end well, I promised myself I would cover bases if I ever met with someone my contacts weren't familiar with again. The only thing I did not do was have a safe call in the middle of the time frame. I had talked to him enough before meeting to see that he was consistent with personality, temperament, and my comfort level in regards to him. However, I did call someone on my way home, both to let her know I was on my way to my house and just to gush that he was what I expected and a little more.

 

[Chicklet]

She looks so much like Chicklet it's frightening. Ten years older, but still they could be sisters.

Are you sure she's not a future me? I could definitely see traveling back in time to get it on with some of my lit buddies that I don't feel are close enough in age right now...