The Ethics of a Rebound

[Wat_Tyler]

Time wounds all heels and heals all wounds . . . .

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I'd rather not take advice from a lonely old cat lady, thanks.

I’m not lonely.

 

[rockcasbah]

I recommend living alone and banging a different nubile every week or two.

Rule 1. No relationships!

Rule 2. They have to be younger and hotter than your ex.

Plants, counsellors, books and therapy pets are for losers.

Don’t be a loser. See your kids regularly, be reliable, pay your child support, dont badmouth your ex and graze the nubile buffet weekly.

 

[tenyari]

So let me preface this by saying that my wife moved out and basically left me for another man. I’m about 99.9% sure it’s over and I don’t want her back. But I need to get her off my mind and get over her for good.

I actually think it's a good idea for you, and probably others as well. But not a rebound relationship. Just look into some short term hookups / friends with benefits with people who know what you're there for and maybe themselves are there for the same reason.

And yes, you need to 'break your mental pattern' and become strong on your own feet again, so that you can be their for your kids.

My father AND my step father BOTH were essentially left by my mother for other relationships (my mother slept with my step father who was at the time my father and her's roommate so... yeah. If you're married and have a roommate, make sure their sexuality is totally incompatible with BOTH of you, or just accept that somebody's getting 2 pieces of ass, because they are).

BOTH men were a wreck after. My step-father took almost 5 years to stop being a total mess, and me and my half-siblings suffered greatly for it (I originally lived with him, then moved in with my mother). My father didn't keep the kids obviously or my stepfather wouldn't be in this story from my POV - but he was a mess for a much shorter while as he almost immediately hooked up with another woman that was not so concerned about commitment... so she taught him to rebuild himself on his terms, and is still, decades later, a good friend (when I was young I almost thought of her as a second mother because she was just so nice and supportive and when I was older I could see how her willingness to just be "dad's fucktoy" for a while helped him rebuild his mind. Not that I would EVER call her that... but it is the role she played.

My stepfather didn't get his act together until he found a stable relationship 5 years on - and not having even a rebound in the time in between meant he spent 5 years wallowing in self-pity while his kids barely ate, got yelled at or hit, and lived in a filthy uncared for house despite him being semi-wealthy. Now he's a great guy I deeply respect, but I wish he'd just found some hookups right away and used them to 'get past' the past.

I don't blame my mother for leaving either man - due to the varied circumstances. What she does provide is the counter caution to this. Rather than seek short term rebounds she went from committed straight to committed with nothing in between, including after she left my stepfather - which means she never learned how to break her pattern of finding bad matches. And to this day she doesn't understand the value of a person being independent - which I am now seeing in how she panics anytime one of my nieces or nephews, even as teenagers, are not on a path to marriage or in a relationship...

 

[FGB]

So let me preface this by saying that my wife moved out and basically left me for another man. I’m about 99.9% sure it’s over and I don’t want her back. But I need to get her off my mind and get over her for good.

I need a rebound. A short term relationship that basically means nothing and I wouldn’t lose anything if she caught me in bed with someone else (not that I would do that but it would be hot as fuck.)

Here’s my situation - I have young kids. I’ve been suffering from serious mental health issues that have basically been the ruin of my marriage. I am working on getting back on my feet and being independent - basically I want to be so independent that my ex could flat-out abandon the kids and we wouldn’t be any worse off for it.

But mentally, I want to get over her. And lots of people have rebounds. I need that. Is that feasible or even realistic? I’ve never done anything like this, so I don’t know what I’m doing.

One would have every reason to ask where I get off giving advise about this kind of situation.
My answer to that is that I have experienced that Hell several times...gained some wisdom, still have my sanity and have watched myself and many others crash and burn during times like you are going through.

I have also watched people of both genders stand up, dust themselves off and have a great life both alone and with someone else.

Doing what you do for a living you will have to be extra careful...gold diggers abound. Time helps more than sex getting over an EX. I am not saying sex can't be a good tool because it can help I'm just saying rebuild your life for you and the kids. Trust me more than one woman will be along shortly to complicate it.

Take it easy, you have a long way to go!