The Ethics of a Rebound

[MrRandyWatson]

So let me preface this by saying that my wife moved out and basically left me for another man. I’m about 99.9% sure it’s over and I don’t want her back. But I need to get her off my mind and get over her for good.

I need a rebound. A short term relationship that basically means nothing and I wouldn’t lose anything if she caught me in bed with someone else (not that I would do that but it would be hot as fuck.)

Here’s my situation - I have young kids. I’ve been suffering from serious mental health issues that have basically been the ruin of my marriage. I am working on getting back on my feet and being independent - basically I want to be so independent that my ex could flat-out abandon the kids and we wouldn’t be any worse off for it.

But mentally, I want to get over her. And lots of people have rebounds. I need that. Is that feasible or even realistic? I’ve never done anything like this, so I don’t know what I’m doing.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Sounds crazy to me.

 

[silver gurl]

So let me preface this by saying that my wife moved out and basically left me for another man. I’m about 99.9% sure it’s over and I don’t want her back. But I need to get her off my mind and get over her for good.

I need a rebound. A short term relationship that basically means nothing and I wouldn’t lose anything if she caught me in bed with someone else (not that I would do that but it would be hot as fuck.)

Here’s my situation - I have young kids. I’ve been suffering from serious mental health issues that have basically been the ruin of my marriage. I am working on getting back on my feet and being independent - basically I want to be so independent that my ex could flat-out abandon the kids and we wouldn’t be any worse off for it.

But mentally, I want to get over her. And lots of people have rebounds. I need that. Is that feasible or even realistic? I’ve never done anything like this, so I don’t know what I’m doing.

No. Not feasible or realistic.

1) Kids come first, period. It sounds like you need to deal with their mental health first and foremost, along with the other personal problems

2) You aren’t independent? Another big issue for you to address.

Forget about rebound whatever. Set your priorities and get your life in order

 

[Fermina_Daza]

Perhaps find a Divorce Care class. I mean, they’re going to tell you not to stick your dick in anything (other than your hand) for a good year and focus on yourself - which may or may not be what you want to hear.

I did the year off and while it wasn’t fun, it was extremely beneficial. Is it worth the drama you might incur with your children’s mother? How likely are you to confuse rebound sex with love and just end up in another bad relationship?

Maybe men and women process divorce differently though…..

 

[silver gurl]

Perhaps find a Divorce Care class. I mean, they’re going to tell you not to stick your dick in anything (other than your hand) for a good year and focus on yourself - which may or may not be what you want to hear.

I did the year off and while it wasn’t fun, it was extremely beneficial. Is it worth the drama you might incur with your children’s mother? How likely are you to confuse rebound sex with love and just end up in another bad relationship?

Maybe men and women process divorce differently though…..

I did 3 plus years without and a total of 8 years of living alone. It was fantastic and I am happy I did it.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I did 3 plus years without and a total of 8 years of living alone. It was fantastic and I am happy I did it.

I keep telling J that if we don’t work out or he dies before me I’m getting me a tiny home and an exquisite adult toy collection. He asked me how much his life insurance needs to be to cover that.

 

[silver gurl]

I keep telling J that if we don’t work out or he dies before me I’m getting me a tiny home and an exquisite adult toy collection. He asked me how much his life insurance needs to be to cover that.

Excellent plan!

 

[Dribble]

No. Not feasible or realistic.

1) Kids come first, period. It sounds like you need to deal with their mental health first and foremost, along with the other personal problems

2) You aren’t independent? Another big issue for you to address.

Forget about rebound whatever. Set your priorities and get your life in order

This is spot on.

I know it isn't what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear. A man is not defined by what he can do with his dick...but by what he does for his kids. 99.9% is not 100%. Life is anything but predictable.

 

[allclad]

So let me preface this by saying that my wife moved out and basically left me for another man. I’m about 99.9% sure it’s over and I don’t want her back. But I need to get her off my mind and get over her for good.

I need a rebound. A short term relationship that basically means nothing and I wouldn’t lose anything if she caught me in bed with someone else (not that I would do that but it would be hot as fuck.)

Here’s my situation - I have young kids. I’ve been suffering from serious mental health issues that have basically been the ruin of my marriage. I am working on getting back on my feet and being independent - basically I want to be so independent that my ex could flat-out abandon the kids and we wouldn’t be any worse off for it.

But mentally, I want to get over her. And lots of people have rebounds. I need that. Is that feasible or even realistic? I’ve never done anything like this, so I don’t know what I’m doing.

I honestly don't know. Unaware of your financial situation, but if you're able I'd recommend checking out the Erotic Review or, more likely, P411.

 

[MrRandyWatson]

Update.

The good news - I am once again among the ranks of the employed. Better news - it’s not just a job; I finally have a “career” job where I can make money and do what I love (I’m an attorney.) I’ll officially call it a win in November when I get my promised raise and am off probation, but so far so good.

I’m also 100% over my ex. I have no desire to get back with her and I feel like I settle for her. She’s the mother of my kids, but if she told me to go fuck myself be raise the kids on my own, I’d be just fine. Plus she’s wasting her life with some asshat and that’s none of my business.

Here’s the tricky news - I met someone. Whoever said “no hookups for a year”…yeah, I broke that rule. I did so with a lot of caution; neither of us is ready for a relationship and I’m giving her space as she requested. There’s a good chance I’ll never see her again and I’m becoming OK with that.

But if there’s a chance with her, I want to take it. So I’ve decided to continue getting my life in order, check in with her just to say hi every so often (which she’s OK with) and be ready for a relationship once my divorce (paperwork in progress) goes final. And she has stuff in her life as well that I’m willing to let her sort out.

I just have this gut feeling about her, like there’s a voice in my head that says “do not let this woman go.” And I feel like she likes me as well but the situation on both our ends just is not right at the moment.

It’s not just attraction either. She’s smart, authentic, exciting, easy to talk to, and I have already had multiple difficult conversations and handled them as well as anyone could ask (a quality my ex and I did not have.) So I don’t want to pressure her, but I’m letting her have time to figure things out. Basically, if she shows interest, I’m in, but if she says she doesn’t want to, I will deal with the heartbreak and try against all odds to find someone as amazing as her.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Seriously? You need a relationship like a fish needs a slide rule. Find a fuck muffin and buy a houseplant.


If you can keep the houseplant alive for a year, then you're ready for a cat, so get one.


After two more years, if you haven't killed the plant, the cat, or the muffin, and you still have the cat, then you're eligible to start to try to meet a woman who isn't batshit crazy. And then give her a year to (kinda) prove it.


Then dump the muffin.

 

[LukSkyFokker]

Ask the Chuckster.

View attachment 2149080

 

[Fermina_Daza]

Give us an update in a year. I’ll wait.

 

[2tallpaul]

What great advice. Admitting you were a part of the failure and then jumping back in is tainting the water. I took out several after about eight months, women divorced for two or three years, nuts. Focus on your kids, your housework, yourself. I'm going soft here.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Give us an update in a year. I’ll wait.

You're wagering that he'll have killed the houseplant, aren't you???

 

[MrRandyWatson]

You're wagering that he'll have killed the houseplant, aren't you???

I don’t do too well with plants. My dogs, on the other hand, I take great care of.

One big thing that’s helping me an awful lot - weed. Every time I get high, I have at least one profound understanding about myself and use it to work on myself.

I know what I want in a partner. Making sure I find someone who checks all my boxes is going to be a challenge, especially since my aforementioned hookup partner was an amazing and beautiful woman (who didn’t work out because we’re both messes personally.)

Other men would have been upset or heartbroken or never recovered from losing someone like her (I don’t exaggerate when I praise her, both on the outside and the inside.) But I can’t do that. I learned a lot about myself, and I was basically playing with house money when I pursued her - I had nothing to lose and lost nothing.

When it happens for me, if there is anyone out there who is both as wonderful as she is and as available as I need her to be, I will be ready.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

When you can snatch the pebble from my hand . . . .

 

[MrRandyWatson]

When you can snatch the pebble from my hand . . . .

I didn’t get the reference at first, but it is so true in my case.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Yours is a generation of men raised by women. Another woman is not the solution.


For anything . . . .


Well, maybe Fermi.


Maybe . . . .

 

[Fermina_Daza]

Yours is a generation of men raised by women. Another woman is not the solution.


For anything . . . .


Well, maybe Fermi.


Maybe . . . .

The only thing I’m definitely the solution for is a good book recommendation.

I too cannot keep a plant alive. I killed a cactus.

 

[silver gurl]

Follow Wat’s advice.

 

[LukSkyFokker]

I'd rather not take advice from a lonely old cat lady, thanks.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

The only thing I’m definitely the solution for is a good book recommendation.

I too cannot keep a plant alive. I killed a cactus.

You killed it with kindness. Overwatered, I'd wager. And I think that maybe - just maybe - you're bragging about the ruthless photosynthesis terminator you are.


Get a philodendron and try again. Light water, indirect sun, water it once a week when you do some other task that you do that way. It will love you.


They have books on the subject.


Just don't name it Phil . . . .

Follow Wat’s advice.

Oh my fucking Gawd, what a scary thought that is!!!

 

[MrRandyWatson]

Yours is a generation of men raised by women.

You have no idea how true that is in my case. My mom married a woman (after the divorce) and my dad became one (after divorce #2.)

I’m well aware that a woman isn’t the solution to all my problems, and I’m forced by my situation to be picky as hell. I also learned from my brief time talking with the woman I met on Fet exactly what I want and exactly the caliber of woman I can be with if I straighten myself out (let’s just say I don’t take the term “drop dead gorgeous” lightly and she fit it, and her inner beauty matched her outer beauty. Too bad she was as much of a mess as I was.)

She gave me something I was lacking - motivation. I now know what my life can look like in the future if I do things to my level of capability.

 

[Seadog777]

I don't tell people what to do.

I can tell you what made ME feel better.

I beat the color out of his eyes, then banged a gaggle of women.
Did it make me feel better? Yes.
Did that feeling last? No.

Only thing that truly worked FOR ME, was time.