The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette

[glynndah]

I got this book for Christmas. It was "adapted directly from material written by Professor Thomas F. Hill from 1873 and 1890" - but since the foreward quoes Monty Python, I'll bet there was a bit of judicious editing involved.

General Rules of Etiquette (of particular interest to the AH)

1. Never wantonly frighten others.
2. Never make yourself the hero of your own story.
3. Never call attention to the features or form of anyone present.
4. Never seem to notice a scar, deformity or defect of anyone present.
5. Do not use profanity, vulgar terms or words of double meaning that will bring the blush to any person.
6. Never will a gentleman allude to conquests which he may have made with ladies.
7. Love letters should be written with the utmost regard for perfection. An ungrammatical expression, or word improperly spelled, may seriously interfere with the writer's prospects, by being turned to ridicule.

There is also an interesting section about picking a mate called "Peculiarites Suitable for Each Other".

 

[Goldie Munro]

Im sure there is another - never let off a fart in the company of women. However, when in the lounge smoking cigars, let rip to your hearts content.

Im sure there would be a lady's equivalent!

 

[glynndah]

Im sure there is another - never let off a fart in the company of women. However, when in the lounge smoking cigars, let rip to your hearts content.

Im sure there would be a lady's equivalent!

Nonsense! The Victorians who read The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette had no such vulgar bodily functions!

 

[Goldie Munro]

Nonsense! The Victorians who read The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette had no such vulgar bodily functions!

Oh yes they did!

 

[glynndah]

These people have no bodily functions below the throat! "Making unusual noise, dressing in a peculiar manner, and swaggering are simply the characteristics of a buffoon."

 

[Goldie Munro]

These people have no bodily functions below the throat! "Making unusual noise, dressing in a peculiar manner, and swaggering are simply the characteristics of a buffoon."

I believe there were a lot a Victorian baffoons!

 

[glynndah]

I believe there were a lot a Victorian baffoons!

But not after they read the book!

 

[kendo1]

Remember, it is a breach of etiquette to remove one's gloves when making a formal call.

 

[Goldie Munro]

But not after they read the book!

But they cant read the book - they are dead! Aint they?

 

[glynndah]

Never lead a lady in the ball by the hand; always offer the arm.

 

[kendo1]

Calling cards should be of a fine textured paperboard, its engraving done in a plain script and its size neither too large nor too small which tends to suggest ostentation or whimsicalness.

On the first call of the season, a lady leaves with her own, her husband's, and those of her sons and daughters. After a dinner party, a lady leaves her husband's card with her own.

A married lady, when calling on another married lady, leaves two of her husband's cards along with her own.

When calling at a house where there is another lady besides the hostess, the visitor should leave two cards of her own, and two bearing her husband's name.

When calling on a mother and daughters, a lady should leave two cards.

 

[glynndah]

No gentleman should use his bare hand to press the waist of a lady in the waltz. If without gloves, he should carry a handkerchief in his hand.

 

[Goldie Munro]

Can one shake one's bustle in company?

 

[kendo1]

Can one shake one's bustle in company?

J-Lo can.

 

[Goldie Munro]

ONly J-Lo? I am devastated

 

[glynndah]

ONly J-Lo? I am devastated

Oh, yes! She's the epitome of Victorian grace, charm and deportment. Didn't you know?

 

[only_more_so]

Except for an occasional #5, I could be a proper Victorian. Alright, a lot of #5 and an occasional #2, but really not so bad.

 

[rgraham666]

No wonder the Victorians wrote and read so much porn.

It was the only fun they were allowed to have.

 

[cloudy]

After close to twenty years in retail management, I wish they still followed the Victorian shopping etiquette:

In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability.

Never look over goods without any intention of buying them.

Speak to the clerks and employees of the store with courtesy and kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them to do so in a polite manner. In leaving their counter, say pleasantly "Good morning" or "Good Day".

Never take a costly piece of goods -- nor any piece -- into a better light without first asking the clerk's permission to do so.

Should you find another person examining a piece of goods, do not take hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your examination.

To attempt to "beat down" the price of an article is rude. In the best conducted stores the price of the goods is "fixed", and the salesmen are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you are not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere. (you would be amazed at how often this actually happens)

Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are marks of bad breeding.

Never let the door of a shop slam in the face of any person, nor permit a stranger to hold it open without any acknowledgement of courtesy.

Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing, unless asked to do so.

You should never ask or expect a clerk waiting upon a customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for your turn.

It is rude to make unfavorable comparisons between the goods you are examining, and those of another store.

 

[Goldie Munro]

You Cads!

 

[oggbashan]

Calling cards should be of a fine textured paperboard, its engraving done in a plain script and its size neither too large nor too small which tends to suggest ostentation or whimsicalness.

On the first call of the season, a lady leaves with her own, her husband's, and those of her sons and daughters. After a dinner party, a lady leaves her husband's card with her own.

A married lady, when calling on another married lady, leaves two of her husband's cards along with her own.

When calling at a house where there is another lady besides the hostess, the visitor should leave two cards of her own, and two bearing her husband's name.

When calling on a mother and daughters, a lady should leave two cards.

My parents were dismayed to find that this was still necessary in Gibraltar in the 1950s, and that in Melbourne in the 1960s the rituals for a lady included appropriate times and events to wear hat and gloves. Og even had to wear a suit and trilby hat as school uniform... Part of the curriculum included the appropriate times to raise one's hat to a lady, even if she was a scrubby brat from the state school down the road. The lady's usual response was a fit of giggles.

When they left Gibraltar they had to throw yet another a cocktail party and mark the invitation cards 'PPC' - Pour Prendre Congé.

Og

PS. I have a collection of genuine Victorian, Edwardian and later etiquette books. Some of them do not need parodying. The rules of precedence for entrance to dinner are appallingly rigid and still valid if you attend that sort of event. When I do, I seek advice from one of my cousins who attends formal dinners at least monthly. I'm not sure many other Englishmen consider the possession of morning and evening suits essential. I have both and they get used.

 

[Goldie Munro]

I still say you are all cads.

 

[glynndah]

Do not aspire to be a great story teller. An inveterate teller of long stories becomes very tiresome. To tell one or two witty, short, new stories, appropriate to the occasion, is about all that one person should inflict on the company.

 

[Goldie Munro]

Do not aspire to be a great story teller. An inveterate teller of long stories becomes very tiresome. To tell one or two witty, short, new stories, appropriate to the occasion, is about all that one person should inflict on the company.

Oh Sir, you have such a way with words. I am all aghast.

 

[glynndah]

Croquet parties are very fashionable and are a healthful, pleasant means of diversion. The essentials necessary to make the game pleasant are good grounds that can be shaded, and clean, comfortable, cool seats.


It is the duty of the gentlemen to be ever attentive to the ladies.