The Dominant Ego (Not looking for trouble here...)

[Technodivinitas]

I swear that I'm not looking to ruffle the feathers of the Domina(nts) on the board, but I'm fairly sure I'm not the only sub here who fears openly discussing what he/she consider to be their Top's shortcomings. And while W/we'd all like it to be true that Dom/mes are perfect in every way, W/we all know that nobody is perfect, nor could they ever be.

So, to the subs I ask, how do you approach your Master/Mistress when you feel they need work in some area?

And to the Dom/mes I ask, how do you handle your subs approaching you on such topics? (And a bunch of follow-up questions, like, What's the best way for your sub to approach/address you in such cases? And, Are there shortcomings you see in yourself that you're uncomfortable discussing or possibly even confronting in your own head?)

I do ask these things with the utmost respect and courtesty- please don't take offense!

 

[Shadowsdream]

For some unexplained reason I have a tendency to get lipstick on My teeth. My subs occassionally must point this out to Me. I remove the offending lipstick. ~~grin~~ at them and thank them for assisting Me in keeping My impeccable image intact!

I would be sincerely disappointed if they did not bring it to My attention.

 

[Ms_Black]

Re: The Dominant Ego

Personally, I would love to have a pearl of wisdom to give here, but I just don't.

Over the years I've been met with several responses to *cough* requests and suggestions, many of which boiled down to "which of us is the bottom?"

I suppose it has alot to do with my approach. Whizzing around after an unexpected spanking and saying..well yelling really..."You touch my ass again with that crop and their gonna have to pull it out of your ear!" was the WRONG approach.

I have never actually figured out what is considered a polite request and what crosses that line and moves into topping from the bottom. I have learned to shut up though.

So I for one would also LOVE to hear some advice on this issue.

Good topic

Ms. B

So, to the subs I ask, how do you approach your Master/Mistress when you feel they need work in some area?

 

[Technodivinitas]

While I do want to show respect to the Tops I encounter on Literotica, and while I always assume (or at least try to,)that when I meet a Top of whatever flavour in any setting, they are responsible, respect-worthy, and competant, even the very most responsible, respect-worthy, and competant Tops I've ever met tended to be at least a little sensitive in the area of the ego, and hard to approach in what I tend to refer to as "Mid-space".

I recently tried a new approach, which was to determine what I wanted (needed, actually) to make a change in. (More consistancy in discipline & training.) Then I very carefully, (and taking several days to consider my wording,) approached him and asked what he needed from me in order for him to make the subject a priority. I also told him that I wasn't pressuring him, and that I would welcome his reply, whenever he knew what he needed to tell me. He wasn't thrilled, but he nodded and accepted it, and while I still have not recieved a direct answer, I have noticed that there has been a distinct improvement. Man! Bein' a slave's hard work sometimes!

Is there a Dom/me among us who might help us poor confused subs to better understand and accomodate?

(Oh- and yeah... I imagine that crop/ass/ear remark was a bit of a lead balloon. *LOL*)

 

[bridgeburner]

TechnoD,

I think the only thing you can do is communicate your needs as honestly as possible. Even in the best of relationships people disappoint and anger one another from time to time. It isn't reasonable to expect anyone to be psychic. While nobody likes to be told his performance leaves something to be desired (well, okay, some peole love to be told just that, but you know what I mean) things don't generally get better all by themselves. If you don't speak up then eventually you'll get resentful and that won't go unnoticed. You'll be miserable and he'll be pissed off and everything will go to hell anyway. You should respect him enough to trust him with the truth.

Be prepared for his answer to be "I disagree." If that's the case then the question is whether or not you can remain in the relationship.



momentary off-topic diversion:


ShadowsDream,

After applying lipstick put three fingers in your mouth and then pull them out through loosly closed lips. This will remove lipstick from the inner surface which touches the teeth and prevent the bloody grin look.

Cock-blotting also works well. (actually better than fingers)


-B

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

And to the Dom/mes I ask, how do you handle your subs approaching you on such topics? (And a bunch of follow-up questions, like, What's the best way for your sub to approach/address you in such cases? And, Are there shortcomings you see in yourself that you're uncomfortable discussing or possibly even confronting in your own head?)

Lovely topic of discussion. Here is my short answer. MY submissives and I (when I had them) set a day (usually Saturday) when we could discuss the past week and any problems that they (or I) were having. It worked for us because of our prior relationship with one another.

Now then some other answers; for me, the best approach is a quiet, honest, respectful one. In other words: when I am alone and at ease with nothing at all to distract me from the conversation. In this way my ex pets and I have discussed:

My need for intense pain play
Their need for more of my time
My use of words that made them feel badly
(and the like)

AS for certain problems I don't want to confront either with my pets or by myself? There are a few ie my anger issues, my use of tobacco products. However I have discussed both of those things when the time was right. I did not like it, but I did it. (For myself and for them..what use would it be to have someone you care deeply for if you can not open yourself to them and vice versa)

However I am not the average Dominant..I am usually too soft spoken and too gentle with those I would call mine..so in this case my answer probably does not weigh as heavily as others...

WIll be checking back for other answers...
Luna

*edited for spelling

 

[FungiUg]

I've said it before, and I'll no doubt say it again: Dom/mes are human. We fuck up. We recognise that.

Open communication is important to a relationship, and you should be able to discuss fuck ups. Say it respectfully, but say it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I've said it before, and I'll no doubt say it again: Dom/mes are human. We fuck up. We recognise that.

You might, but i don't ... tripping over my own ego on the way to the throne. http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

Most have said open communication, assumption being the mother of all fuck-ups.

i'll add control of pride. How the hell does a PYL ever get better if said PYL can't? Some of us need to get to the gym, others need a "broadening of the horizons" when it comes to taste in fashion, still others could use a little brush up in culture appreciation.

And how precious the pyl that opens the eyes of their PYL to things they've avoided, or never entertained.

 

[Never]

Technodivinitas:
I always assume (or at least try to,)that when I meet a Top of whatever flavour in any setting, they are responsible, respect-worthy, and competant..."

Oh man, that's the second hardest I've laughed today.

~ahem~ I'd suggest that a good dom/me doesn't place the onus on their sub but actively seeks out feedback. At least that's what I did with my last girlfriend.

I wish I could offer you more help but 1. From my mother to my best friends to my SOs, the majority of people I have strong relationships with have some freakish emotional hypersensitivity. 2. The majority of my communication fairly assertive or passive-aggressive. My use of constant use of sarcasm would probably disqualify me for many a dom/me's harem.

 

[Technodivinitas]

Sarcasm like...

...

..."You touch my ass again with that crop and their gonna have to pull it out of your ear!"

?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Sarcasm like...

..."You touch my ass again with that crop and their gonna have to pull it out of your ear!"

... ?

Seen this thread yet?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yet more topping from the bottom; say I---sophisticated modern version.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Yet more topping from the bottom; say I---sophisticated modern version.

Gaston ... i'm surprised ... did you miss the opportunity for free form face fucking after agreeing, grudgingly or not, with the pyl's suggestion ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif

 

[Netzach]

If he's going to help me in an area, just do it, don't explain it to me. Just assist.

Don't like my temper? Get the fuck out of the way when I'm being foul.

Don't like my perfume? Buy me a new one and hope I like it.

It's the difference between telling me I have lipstick on my teeth and complaining that I'm always getting lipstick on my teeth and suggesting I wear gloss instead, you know, to be helpful, see how helpful I can be?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I swear that I'm not looking to ruffle the feathers of the Domina(nts) on the board, but I'm fairly sure I'm not the only sub here who fears openly discussing what he/she consider to be their Top's shortcomings. And while W/we'd all like it to be true that Dom/mes are perfect in every way, W/we all know that nobody is perfect, nor could they ever be.

So, to the subs I ask, how do you approach your Master/Mistress when you feel they need work in some area?

You are going to get a different answer from each person, you know. *grin*

Every dom/me handles things differently. Mine wants it straight up. No pussy-footing around. He can't stand the prep talk...

You know...

"Sir, I need to talk to you about something"

"Sir can we talk?"

"Sir, I need to let you know something"

None of that shit for for him, nope.

I have standing orders to just blurt it out. The prep drives him batshit, LOL.

So it might go something like this...

Sir, I'm needing more structure in my daily routine. Can you make time tonight to talk to me about that?

Basically, I have to get to the POINT, immediately.

Which ain't a bad thing, in any conversation *grin*.

~anelize

 

[shy slave]

AA

And how precious the pyl that opens the eyes of their PYL to things they've avoided, or never entertained.

Would love to see this quote on the Submissive thought for the day thread but have no idea how to do that.

Please Mr AA Sir could you help make this slaves' wish a reality and put it on there
*bats eyeslashes at AA*

Thank you Sir for considering this slaves request.

was that grovelling enough ~ if so don't let Etoile read it. She is the guardian of groveling l

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: AA

Would love to see this quote on the Submissive thought for the day thread but have no idea how to do that.

Not exactly a submissive's thought is it?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Re: AA

Not exactly a submissive's thought is it?

Do we have one that is thoughts For or To submissive's?

 

[shy slave]

Re: Re: AA

Not exactly a submissive's thought is it?

It would be if only you'd consider becoming a switch lol

 

[shy slave]

Re: Re: Re: AA

Do we have one that is thoughts For or To submissive's?

There is a 'celebrate subs' thread, mind you its enough that our own Dom/Mes tell us what to do without everyone else trying it as well lol

Stoney have you seen the thread 'what sort of masochist are you?' There is a line in my 2nd post just for you
*looks skyward and wanders of whistling the music from 'Fame'

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: AA

There is a 'celebrate subs' thread, mind you its enough that our own Dom/Mes tell us what to do without everyone else trying it as well lol

Stoney have you seen the thread 'what sort of masochist are you?' There is a line in my 2nd post just for you
*looks skyward and wanders of whistling the music from 'Fame'

whats wrong with the Dom/mes thought of the day thread?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Re: AA

It would be if only you'd consider becoming a switch lol

Not very likely then ... is it?

 

[Kajira Callista]

ughhh shy you are rubbing off on me i quoted the wrong post from you....but you know what i mean.....right?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I fuck up constantly; but with impeccable flare.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I fuck up constantly; but with impeccable flare.

Very true...