The diffrence between sex's

[Nicole]

I was thinking about this as I answered another thread.

As we were all teenagers at one point, I was just wondering how your parents dealt with the "Birds and the Bee's" talk.

I am actually wondering (as I only have one sister) if the talks were Extremly different for boys and girls. My sister and I were given the "Where did I come from books" and Basically talked to, More was left for Sex Ed classes, but we did get the basics from Mum and Dad.

As I said I only have the one sister so we were quite obviously given the same talk. I now have a son and I have no clue as to where to start, what age to start, How to start. Before you all say let his father do the talking, he doesn't see his father that much and this is a question that does worry me. He is only Four and a Half so I want to know when is the best time to start.

Also for those parents that have both sexes how did you deal with the different talks? Are boy's easier to talk to than girls, or are Girls easier to talk to??.

I get so dumbfounded when I think that I have to sit down one day and explain this to my son. Thank-you.

 

[Weird Harold]

My parents never really talked about sex. I have four younger brothers and one older sister, and I'm pretty sure my sister is the only one that got any sort of instruction in biology, and that only because the signs of puberty in females is a tad bit messy if pads aren't explained.


The time to start explaining things is now. At least lay the groundwork for the trust and closeness required for him to ask YOU about sex when the time comes. When his voice stats to change and/or he starts noticing girls, is the time to talk whether he asks or not.

I can't really be more specific in how to explain things to boys, because I have two daughters and two granddaughters, so explaining to boys is not something I have personal experience with.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

The time is now, to touch base with your son. There is no need to get indepth, just do it lightly. First off, make sure you explain good touches and bad touches with him. Sexual Abuse is just as important as the birds and the bees, if not more so. Once he understands that, you can go on to other issues. I myself would find a good book written especially for children. They explain things in a simple way, a child can comprehend.

I did not get into indepth conversations with my daughters quite that young. (4) I did cover the good and bad touch right away though, that was a must. Trust me Nicole, your child will know all he needs to know before you even know, he knows it. I decided to talk to my oldest when she was in Grade 3. I was not going to go into too much detail, just wanted her to know abit more. Lo, and behold, she knew it all, already. It is amazing what they learn just from the playground at school and by word of mouth. That blew me away, I must say.

Kids learn fast these days, times have definately changed. If you want to get abit more indepth later, I would highly suggest approaching him before grade 3, but not yet, it's still to early. As I said, childrens books are great, keep it simple for now. He is young.

Even though my daughter knew alot more then I anticipated in Grade 3, we still kept it light. She was just not comfortable delving into the actual facts at 8 years of age. When she was around 13, we had an amazing talk. We discussed just about everying and she was more mature to handle what she was hearing. Sexual abuse was discussed, puberty, masterbation, what happens to boy's, what happens to girl's and how they change. Making love, dates, the pill, all of it. You will know, when the time is right hon.

I do not ever remember having a chat with my parents regarding the birds and the bees. Sex was not really talked about in our home. I mean, I am sure we were told about our menses and such, but I do not recall it going any further. I just do not think it did. Mind you, my memory has blocked some things, so if it indeed happened, I have forgotten.

I think I knew far more on my own, being molested at such a young age. I knew alot about sexual awarness before it was even taken at school. I knew too much...I only wish my mother had talked to me earlier before my abuse even started. That is why, good and bad touch is so very important to discuss with your child right away. I know I got off the topic abit here, but I think all issues regarding sex have to be talked about, not just how or why parents make love, or how you came to be.

My thoughts, Hugs KitKat





[Edited by Katerina on 07-13-2000 at 05:45 AM]

 

[Cheyenne]

No experience with talking to boys OR girls to explain things. But I do remember some from being a little girl myself. I remember my dad explaining when mom was pregnant how his seed went through a special passage way and started the baby to grow inside of mom. I am 5 years older than my sister, so I would have been about your son's age for that conversation. It vividly sticks in my memory even now. Made just enough sense to a 4 year old.

By age 8, I knew enough about periods from older relatives and friends that I couldn't believe my mom hadn't told me anything about them yet. I never asked, either. By the time she gave me the "birds and the bees" book to read at age 10 explaining how "you're becoming a woman now", I remember chuckling and thinking she didn't have a clue, that I knew everything already. I didn't, of course, but I sure thought I did.

So I don't know if boys or girls are easier to talk to, just start talking is my suggestion.

 

[Xander]

We've always talked openly about sex in my family. Even though my mom did have a hard time comprehending me having a sexlife, even at 20.
the birds and bees talk started early with me and my sister, the ground works anyway. And I must admit that I can't really remember at what age I was when I got the first one. I thinkit was about the same time I developed a keen interest in girls
As for the more in depth talks, they started when I was around 11. And they got deeper and deeper as I got older.
To the point where I was 16 and my dad just slapped me on the shoulder, with a big grin on his face and said. Way to go son.
The openness about sex in my family was so natural that we actually talked about the act. How to do it, and what can be done. My dad even gave me a few pointers. And they still work
Now, how I myself will deal with it, only time will tell. But I hope I can be as open as my folks were. And that my kids will feel comfortable coming to me if they have questions about it.

 

[CreamyLady]

My mother gave me and my sister a brief talk about menstruation. She bought supplies, and didn't want to hear any other questions.

I learned more from reading and sex ed classes in school, but not enough. I had no vocabulary to deal with an ugly home situation, and this silence continued for years -- even through multiple bouts of therapy.

My advice is to answer every question as it comes up, being frank and not embarrassed. If something makes you uncomfortable, say so, and say why. I was very open with my daughter, because I didn't want her to be in the dark, as I was.

There is so much that is beautiful about sexuality, and much that is ugly. I think we can teach the beauty, warn about the ugly, and I truly think kids will be the better for it.

 

[ShyGuy68]

I never got any advise from my partents about sex. I was actually very young when I started interesting me for it, I can't remember what age.

One incident comes to my mind, and that is we're in our summer cottage a weekend, and somebody had left an adult magazine out, and I started reading it. And then suddenly I just asked my mom and dad loudly "what is a clitorei?"! I can't recall what they said, I have to admit that! lol

The reason my parents didn't tell me much about it, was that I myself started to borrow books about it at the libary, and one day at breakfast when my mom saw some books I had to return, she said she could see she didn't need to learn me anything about it.

I myself don't know when I'll start to tell my kids, if I ever get any, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.


ShyGuy

 

[Canucklehead922]

My two cents, for what it's worth:

If you're too shy to talk about it with your child, then you could probably leave assorted books dealing with the subject where the child could find it (like instruction books, novels, biology textbooks, etc.). I know that when I first became interested in sex I started searching through my parent's bookcases to find novels with "naughty" passages.

On the other hand, if you leave out materials as I suggested, makes sure you approve of them 100%.

 

[RoseofBlue]

I don't believe that there is a magical time that you sit your children down and have 'that' talk with them. I have raised a daughter to adulthood, and we had an open line of communication going concerning anything. She had her first period at 10 years old, and she was fully prepared for it. Questions don't wait for a specific time or age. When a child asks, tell them. Some things need to be brought up whether there are questions or not, such as the inappropriate touching. The younger a child is taught such things, the better, in my opinion.
My parents never had any talk with my sisters and I. Sex was a taboo subject in my home as a child. My husband and I didn't want our daughter to grow up in such stupidity. I think we succeeded.

 

[Shylady]

Nicole,
My best advice is relax and enjoy your son. In my family as i was growing up there was really no talking about sex my most vivid memory is when i had my first cycle i thought i had cancer and was dying i do know that i had been thru sex ed at school but they all said red i never equated it with blood (yes i am blonde)
With my daughter i found a book that dealt with all subjects female as well as male when she first showed signs of puberty and told her to read it and when she finished and had questions we would talk ( i was very nervous) she didn't have any questions at that point (she was 11 then and now 16) but she has had some since and i do my best to answer them no matter how it bothers me. My son is now 12 (13 next month) and his voice is changing my husband is giving him the book this weekend and is going to do the same thing as i did with our oldest.
My youngest daughter is 9 and i can see signs that she will get the book soon.
*sigh* i am getting old aren't I?

 

[Skibum]

I never had a formal talk with either of my parents, but about the time I was starting junior high there was a a televised sex education program an the Educational TV channel (now PBS). Girls and their mothers went on Tuesday nights, boys and fathers on Wedensday, and there was a joint session on Thursaday. This lasted for 3 or 4 weeks as I recall.The funny thing was all I really learned from it was to be afraid of VD. I knew all the rest already from reading the porn books stashed in my neighbors barn.

 

[*Eve*]

My parents never talked about it with me. Once I caught them doing it and that has scarred me for life, and I think that was enough.

[Edited by *Eve* on 07-13-2000 at 06:04 PM]

 

[Carl East]

The day my father took My older brother and I to one side, to tell us about the birds and the bees, will always stick out in my memory. My father left that room, knowing a damn sight more than he did when we entered.LOL

Carl.

 

[Siren]