The Dance

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Since I have found Lit I have been challenging myself to write a story in each of the catagories. "The Dance" is finally up in the romance section. Please give it a look. I'm not necessarily seeking feedback, but of course it's always welcome.
Wicked

The Dance

My Stories

 

[sirhugs]

Nice Story.

I found the ending abrupt .

More Sex. please!

Now, there's a request not often needed at Lit, where we get so many stroke scenes , we need more Romance.

The final paragraph was too long . It almost seemed you were in a hurry to rush through the sex. I know its not a 'stroke story', and if you want to gloss over it fine. But ,, even then, online we scan, not read like read books, so shorter paragraph breaks , please.

I would have liked more dialogue. That helps 'more show, less tell'- a useful guidepost.

Either here or on another forum, someone (Weird Harold?) proposes using one ' for thoughts, two " for dialogue. I think that's a useful convention you might consider.


I am pleased you continue to grow as a writer and look forward to your next effort.

 

[kristydoll]

I thought you did a nice job of a 'romantic' story *smiles*

I agree with sirhugs though - more dialogue could have helped show how intimate it was between the two of them.

One other thing - when using dialogue, use one speaker per paragraph. When the other speaks - new paragraph.

Good job on this one!

kristy

 

[Guest]

Congrats on ''H'' mark. Will read later. Won't bother feedback though. Keep up the good wank.

 

[PaulX35]

Hi Wicked,

Nice story, and a light, easy read. Well done

Having said that, I did have a few remarks.
Others noted too that the story could do with some more direct conversation. Lots of what is made explicit in a romantic way could be transcribed into feelings being expressed, which would fit excellently in the romantic context you managedto create.

As to the story line. I found it kick off a bit abrupt too. Either you make a love-at-first-sight (even) more explicit, or you pay just a little more attention to the build up.

Finally one thing that disturbed me a little: I don't know for what reasons you elected Tom and Terri as names for the characters, but I never got past ignoring the inclination to think of Tom & Jerry, but that may be just me

Keep the good work going

Paul

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Paul thank you for the pointers. I appreciate your input.

Chilled thank you for the congrats, feedback isn't necessary anyway. I just wanted to let everyone know it was posted

Thanks Kristy, I really could have used more dialogue. I'll keep that in mind for future pieces.

Sirhugs, Your thoughts have been noted and thank you for your time. Yes I think I did rush the ending too, I'll also keep in mind the one ' for thoughts and " for speaking.

Thank you all for you feedback
Wicked

 

[the_bragis]

Hello Wicked-N-Erotic,

Congrats on ''H'' mark from me too. 'will read it later also. 'won't bother feedback either.

I just had a quick peek, it looks short, and sweet.


Keep up the good wank?

Honestly CV, just because everyone else is thinking it, do you really have to say it?

Have a great day,

Alex (fem).

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Thanks Bragis.......hope you enjoy it and don't worry about the feedback, it's no biggie. I just want you undying devotion LOL ...........just kidding!
Wicked