The Counteroffer by Kerrie O'Keefe

[Whispersecret]

"The Counteroffer" is proof that Kerrie practices what she preaches as far as writing is concerned. She follows all the rules of standard English, and even breaks a couple, but has the skill to do it. Her dialogue is fresh and realistic, and the story moves along. Thankfully, she also keeps us firmly in her first person point of view, never straying to another character's.

I would like to have seen the actual indoctrination scene between Kristin and Joni. And i didn't quite get that ending "punch-line" sentence. I feel a little dense.

Also, I felt there was a small inconsistency in Mike's character. Trying not to give anything away for those who haven't read it, Joni makes a complaint about Mike and his reluctance to act on a little hint of hers, but then, his behavior later in the story doesn't reflect this reluctance, nor is that initial reluctance ever explained.

Other than that, I liked the story a lot.

http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/stories/tc_b_853_d0.shtml

 

[Whispersecret]

I don't hate it when writer's defend their decisions. I do it myself. ;p

I think that your solution (being a shy man) doesn't address my concern. Remember when Joni talks about the one instance where Mike accidentally did something that she commented on and he had backed off immediately? That backing off seems inconsistent with his character if he truly is into you know what. (Don't want to give away the story.) And shy? <laughs> He certainly comes out of his shell at the end then...something else to consider. <winks>

Where is Ice Cream Tragedy? I couldn't find it because I only copied down the title, not the category.

 

[Guest]

Counteroff.

Counteroffer sucks, but Ice Cream Tragedy is a much better read.