The Company We Keep

[McKenna]

My grandma always used to warn me, "You're only as good as the company you keep."

Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?

Is this adage applicable to internet interaction as well?

 

[bronzeage]

My grandma always used to warn me, "You're only as good as the company you keep."

Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?

Is this adage applicable to internet interaction as well?

Its true.

You can tell more about a person by what they wont put up with, than by what they like.

Come sit with me and people will think you're smart and good looking, as well as concieted.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

it better not be. not in my case anyway. i'm my own person, and if someone wants to assume i'm someone i'm not because of people i talk to or "company i keep", that's not my problem. that's sad and almost shallow, but not my problem. my mother used to say that because i hung out with "losers" at school, that i was giving myself a bad name and turning into one myself. probably not the best example since i was never very clearly defined as a person until recently, but still applicable. titles like "loser" never bothered me. somehow i manage to look beyond what everyone else is seeing and find the real person inside. my high school friends weren't losers, we were just misfits, and we accepted each other. we had each other.

so if someone wants to think i'm only as good as the company i keep, fine. but they don't know the half, and they never will.

 

[oggbashan]

As a sort of politician, I have to be available to everyone.

I mix with the great and good and the down and outs. What each has to say to me can be equally helpful (or not).

Talking to people and listening to them doesn't necessarily define who you are. You do that for yourself. If others make assumptions - that's their problem.

Og

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Most people who know me like me, or are completely puzzeled by my behaviour. Most people wouldn't like my friends at all.

 

[RogueLurker]

"Good" is a rather loaded term.

Who defines who is good or who is bad company?

Expanding your horizons, stepping out of your comfort zone, giving people the benefit of the doubt, learning new things from new people isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I'd rather be judged on my own words and actions.

The internet provides an opportunity to meet and interact with people that you may never have had a chance to back in the "old days" when we were unplugged and I think it gives a much broader exposure to different ideas, thoughts and beliefs. It also provides a shield that some people might choose to hide behind ... so that the persona that they portray on-line is nothing like the person they are in real life.

 

[S-Des]

"Good" is a rather loaded term.

Who defines who is good or who is bad company?

Expanding your horizons, stepping out of your comfort zone, giving people the benefit of the doubt, learning new things from new people isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I'd rather be judged on my own words and actions.

The internet provides an opportunity to meet and interact with people that you may never have had a chance to back in the "old days" when we were unplugged and I think it gives a much broader exposure to different ideas, thoughts and beliefs. It also provides a shield that some people might choose to hide behind ... so that the persona that they portray on-line is nothing like the person they are in real life.

Exactly. But I do believe it's possible to spend too much time with destructive people (dragging yourself down in the process). There are types of people I do not associate with in real life and I try to avoid them on the net when possible. People who don't seem to care if they hurt others (especially ones they are supposed to love). I'm not going to act like I'm better (I'm definitely not), but that doesn't mean I have to be their friend either.

 

[R. Richard]

The problem with "the company you keep" is that significant social interaction impacts all of the parties to said social interaction. If you deal with different levels of society, as Og does, you have to make an effort to keep the vocabulary you use with one group separate from the vocabulary you use with another group. Otherwise they might be thinkin' you a crude mofo.

The responses to actions by other members of a group also need to vary according to the group. An action that might seem quite reasonable to one group might cause you a great deal of trouble in another group. In my own situation, if I were to step out of line in some groups it would very probably cause death, mine or someone elses.

Several posters have stated that they maintain their own identity and they want people to see that identity despite ht ecompany they keep. Let me tell you, people, you be hangin' with playaz late at night, the daytime people gonna' think you a playah or worse.

 

[poppy1963]

My grandma always used to warn me, "You're only as good as the company you keep."

Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?

Is this adage applicable to internet interaction as well?

I think it depends on your own values and those change at different stages of our lives for some of us.

For example, if it is your primary goal to find social acceptance from a peer group (whether in rl or online), one is more likely to seek out a "group" with their general values and work to be a part of it. Depending on the individual, each will decide how to handle the differences or degree of differences between them and this group. Some will be submissive, some will be compliant, some will push the boundaries but not so much as to alienate too many...and then often work to rectify the conflict by "shape-shifting" or through genuine communication (not so much online...shape-shifting is more the method it seems to me).

If it is your primary goal to seek understanding of certain things...one might push limits on those issues to see what happens and how others respond especially those whose ways seem very different from their own.

There are many other examples but those are two that come to mind based on my own experiences here at Lit.

I am much more an independent personally and I tend to be drawn to others like me in that way...lots of different ways of being an "independent". There are prices and benefits to all ways. I just feel better being the way I am than more "compliant" with any group.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Doesn't speak very well of Jesus, does it?

 

[S-Des]

Doesn't speak very well of Jesus, does it?

I think his point was not to judge. That everyone was worthy of consideration and friendship. However, there's a big difference between that and hanging out with friends whose goal is to get a woman loaded so they can take turns with her. There are people I had to cut out of my life because the things they said made me physically ill (don't make me tell you about the guy who quit his job so that he could get even with his ex for asking for more child support).

 

[Hooper_X]

Is this adage applicable to Internet interaction as well?

As long as you exercise a modicum of common sense in your Internet activities--such as not posting to sites like this one from work--and leave Internet people safely on the Internet, I wouldn't think it would be much of a risk.

 

[tolyk]

My grandma always used to warn me, "You're only as good as the company you keep."

Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?

Is this adage applicable to internet interaction as well?

I grew up in the army, moved around a lot as a kid, had a lot of different friends growing up. One thing I noticed, whenever I moved away I would take on a few characteristics of the friends I lost along the way. I'm not sure if everyone is like this, or if it's just due to being empathetic.. But for example, when I moved away from Manitoba, one of my friends there was extremely talkative, I was more on the quiet side. But in the next town, I couldn't keep my mouth shut if I tried. It wasn't something I noticed right away, but upon reflection those kinds of changes happened every time I moved/lost (if they moved away instead of I)..

It still happens to me when I lose contact with good friends on the internet, but that doesn't happen as often.

So, to me, "You're only as good as the company you keep." definitely rings true. But I prefer to say it, "It isn't only our choices and tragedies that make us who we are, but also the people we've met/lost along the way."

 

[Huckleman2000]

My grandma always used to warn me, "You're only as good as the company you keep."

Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?

Is this adage applicable to internet interaction as well?

I try to get along with people of just about any social type through mutual respect, but there are definitely people who I wouldn't care to socialize with if I had a choice. I can probably think of more people on the wealthy side who fit that description than I can think of poorer people. Humility is a trait that I find healthy and attractive in social interactions.

As a parent, when my son was in Jr. High and High School I was very proud of him for seeking out new friends when some of his friends started messing with drugs and stuff. I didn't (and don't) think of it as being disloyal, I think it says something about his own self-image and confidence to cultivate new relationships with those who share his own interests. I don't think I ever had to tell him that I didn't think he was hanging out with the 'right crowd', and I wouldn't have put it that way even if I thought it was true. I don't think parents help themselves or their kids by coming between them and their friends.

OTOH, I've never had to deal with severe problems in that area, eg, gangs and the like.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Who you associate with is related to your own character, in ways that are both cause and effect. If you hang with criminals or moochers that says something about who you are, and it will likely cause your character to decline further.

If you want to succeed in life (however you define that) you should associate with people who have done so, or who aspire to do so. If you are a young person who wants to go to college and build a better life, for example, and you hang with a bunch of unproductive bums and druggies, there is a good chance that they will drag you down to their level. If you hang with other hardworking college students, you are more likely to succeed.

There are psychological and social causes and effects to this, and one ignores or denies it at one's peril. It really matters.

Note: This does not mean one should look down on or disrespect others who are different from who you are or want to be. Every individual deserves to be treated civilly (if they are not actively harming you), even bums and druggies. My remarks have to do with who you choose to define as your peers and spend your time with.

I think it applies to the internet also, except people exist behind a veil there. For all I know your real name is Hillary, or Condoleeza.

 

[McKenna]

*bump for the evening crowd*

Great stuff so far, folks! Thank you for sharing your views.

I'd like to hear some more responses before I share my own opinion.

 

[Alessia Brio]

Who you associate with is related to your own character, in ways that are both cause and effect.

I agree. I prefer to think of myself as more "cause" than "effect," though.

 

[Munachi]

and if you have no friends? what would that say?

well anyway, there is some truth to it, but it is all a bit vague... don't know, i think i just realized i am too tired to think about this now. maybe tomorrow...

 

[McKenna]

Its true.

You can tell more about a person by what they wont put up with, than by what they like.

Come sit with me and people will think you're smart and good looking, as well as concieted.

This is interesting; I hadn't thought of it before, but I think it's true in a way, especially if a person has it within their power to stop something, but doesn't.

What I mean is this: There are plenty of Americans who are against the war in Iraq, but are powerless to do anything about it except vote. Should I think less of them because they have to "put up with" the war? Nope. I would think less of them if they didn't vote, however.

it better not be. not in my case anyway. i'm my own person, and if someone wants to assume i'm someone i'm not because of people i talk to or "company i keep", that's not my problem. that's sad and almost shallow, but not my problem. my mother used to say that because i hung out with "losers" at school, that i was giving myself a bad name and turning into one myself. probably not the best example since i was never very clearly defined as a person until recently, but still applicable. titles like "loser" never bothered me. somehow i manage to look beyond what everyone else is seeing and find the real person inside. my high school friends weren't losers, we were just misfits, and we accepted each other. we had each other.

so if someone wants to think i'm only as good as the company i keep, fine. but they don't know the half, and they never will.

Sounds like you've got some strong feelings about this topic, Trin. I think you look at the question differently than I do. I have no problem with "losers" as you describe above; hell, I may even have been one. I'm not talking about judging someone as a geek, nerd, loser, goody-two-shoes, etc., I'm talking about what it makes YOU by association. If you don't think ill of the people you hang out with, then I don't think you have a problem.

As a sort of politician, I have to be available to everyone.

I mix with the great and good and the down and outs. What each has to say to me can be equally helpful (or not).

Talking to people and listening to them doesn't necessarily define who you are. You do that for yourself. If others make assumptions - that's their problem.

Og

I think there's a difference between the people you are called to associate with on a busines or professional level, and those you choose to go to the local pub with, or invite over to your home. I'm talking about the latter rather than the former, but I do see your point.

 

[McKenna]

Most people who know me like me, or are completely puzzeled by my behaviour. Most people wouldn't like my friends at all.

I'm curious why you say this about your friends?

"Good" is a rather loaded term.

Who defines who is good or who is bad company?

Expanding your horizons, stepping out of your comfort zone, giving people the benefit of the doubt, learning new things from new people isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I'd rather be judged on my own words and actions.

The internet provides an opportunity to meet and interact with people that you may never have had a chance to back in the "old days" when we were unplugged and I think it gives a much broader exposure to different ideas, thoughts and beliefs. It also provides a shield that some people might choose to hide behind ... so that the persona that they portray on-line is nothing like the person they are in real life.

I didn't coin the phrase, I simply repeated it. It is subjective; I believe that's the point. I don't think there's anything wrong with expanding your horizons, exploring new people, philosophies, or ideas; that's not necessarily what I'm talking about here. What I am talking about is where you spend the majority of your time, or with whom, and does that say anything about you, personally?

Exactly. But I do believe it's possible to spend too much time with destructive people (dragging yourself down in the process). There are types of people I do not associate with in real life and I try to avoid them on the net when possible. People who don't seem to care if they hurt others (especially ones they are supposed to love). I'm not going to act like I'm better (I'm definitely not), but that doesn't mean I have to be their friend either.

Cleary stated, thank you, Des. If I understand you right, you do believe there is some truth to the adage then, correct? Would you say the adage is similar to the statement, "guilt by association?"

 

[CharleyH]

My grandma always used to warn me, "You're only as good as the company you keep."

Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?

Is this adage applicable to internet interaction as well?

The company you keep is as interesting and as good as you for the most part, and if it is not? Its often a good indication that something is wrong or soon enough will be.

 

[McKenna]

The problem with "the company you keep" is that significant social interaction impacts all of the parties to said social interaction. If you deal with different levels of society, as Og does, you have to make an effort to keep the vocabulary you use with one group separate from the vocabulary you use with another group. Otherwise they might be thinkin' you a crude mofo.

The responses to actions by other members of a group also need to vary according to the group. An action that might seem quite reasonable to one group might cause you a great deal of trouble in another group. In my own situation, if I were to step out of line in some groups it would very probably cause death, mine or someone elses.

Several posters have stated that they maintain their own identity and they want people to see that identity despite ht ecompany they keep. Let me tell you, people, you be hangin' with playaz late at night, the daytime people gonna' think you a playah or worse.

I do agree that we all must play the chameleon on some level, however, I also think that there is that core of us that prefers a certain kind of company. My question is, does that company reflect goodly or badly on us? If I understand your response correctly, you believe it does.

I think it depends on your own values and those change at different stages of our lives for some of us.

For example, if it is your primary goal to find social acceptance from a peer group (whether in rl or online), one is more likely to seek out a "group" with their general values and work to be a part of it. Depending on the individual, each will decide how to handle the differences or degree of differences between them and this group. Some will be submissive, some will be compliant, some will push the boundaries but not so much as to alienate too many...and then often work to rectify the conflict by "shape-shifting" or through genuine communication (not so much online...shape-shifting is more the method it seems to me).

If it is your primary goal to seek understanding of certain things...one might push limits on those issues to see what happens and how others respond especially those whose ways seem very different from their own.

There are many other examples but those are two that come to mind based on my own experiences here at Lit.

I am much more an independent personally and I tend to be drawn to others like me in that way...lots of different ways of being an "independent". There are prices and benefits to all ways. I just feel better being the way I am than more "compliant" with any group.

I saw a bumper sticker once that said something like, "The world is made up of independent, unique individuals just like you." I took it to mean that maybe we're not all as special as we'd like to think. I think we do tend to flock together with like-minded people. It takes some longer than others to find that group, but I think it's there.

Doesn't speak very well of Jesus, does it?

S-Des' reply sums up my own sentiments on this statement. I will say that I think we're all forced to judge at some time or another; if we didn't, how would we ever make a decision? Maybe Christ's lesson was not to prejudge, or judge without some thought.

 

[JMohegan]

My Dad used to say, "You can tell a lot about a guy by the people he chooses as friends."

Makes sense, if you think about it. Rarely, if ever, will a person of good character invest time & effort maintaining a friendship with a liar, a rude bastard, or an obnoxious jerk.

This adage is especially helpful to keep in mind when dating, because people seeking romantic attention often try to present themselves as something different than they actually are. Knowledge of a person's friends can be very useful in catching a glimpse behind the façade.

 

[McKenna]

As long as you exercise a modicum of common sense in your Internet activities--such as not posting to sites like this one from work--and leave Internet people safely on the Internet, I wouldn't think it would be much of a risk.

A risk to what? I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.

I grew up in the army, moved around a lot as a kid, had a lot of different friends growing up. One thing I noticed, whenever I moved away I would take on a few characteristics of the friends I lost along the way. I'm not sure if everyone is like this, or if it's just due to being empathetic.. But for example, when I moved away from Manitoba, one of my friends there was extremely talkative, I was more on the quiet side. But in the next town, I couldn't keep my mouth shut if I tried. It wasn't something I noticed right away, but upon reflection those kinds of changes happened every time I moved/lost (if they moved away instead of I)..

It still happens to me when I lose contact with good friends on the internet, but that doesn't happen as often.

So, to me, "You're only as good as the company you keep." definitely rings true. But I prefer to say it, "It isn't only our choices and tragedies that make us who we are, but also the people we've met/lost along the way."

I think that last line is true. I think we learn something from most everyone we meet, but that's slighlty different than what I was asking about. Still, worth mentioning again. Thanks for your input, Tolyk.

I try to get along with people of just about any social type through mutual respect, but there are definitely people who I wouldn't care to socialize with if I had a choice. I can probably think of more people on the wealthy side who fit that description than I can think of poorer people. Humility is a trait that I find healthy and attractive in social interactions.

As a parent, when my son was in Jr. High and High School I was very proud of him for seeking out new friends when some of his friends started messing with drugs and stuff. I didn't (and don't) think of it as being disloyal, I think it says something about his own self-image and confidence to cultivate new relationships with those who share his own interests. I don't think I ever had to tell him that I didn't think he was hanging out with the 'right crowd', and I wouldn't have put it that way even if I thought it was true. I don't think parents help themselves or their kids by coming between them and their friends.

OTOH, I've never had to deal with severe problems in that area, eg, gangs and the like.

Gang mentality is a study in and of itself, but it certainly makes one wonder about the question at hand. If you don't break the law, but hang out with a group of people who do, what does that say about you? What are people most-likely to think?

BTW, I agree with your thoughts on humility.

Who you associate with is related to your own character, in ways that are both cause and effect. If you hang with criminals or moochers that says something about who you are, and it will likely cause your character to decline further.

If you want to succeed in life (however you define that) you should associate with people who have done so, or who aspire to do so. If you are a young person who wants to go to college and build a better life, for example, and you hang with a bunch of unproductive bums and druggies, there is a good chance that they will drag you down to their level. If you hang with other hardworking college students, you are more likely to succeed.

There are psychological and social causes and effects to this, and one ignores or denies it at one's peril. It really matters.

Note: This does not mean one should look down on or disrespect others who are different from who you are or want to be. Every individual deserves to be treated civilly (if they are not actively harming you), even bums and druggies. My remarks have to do with who you choose to define as your peers and spend your time with.

I think it applies to the internet also, except people exist behind a veil there. For all I know your real name is Hillary, or Condoleeza.

My friends call me Condy.

Seriously though, the bolded part above says very clearly what I wanted this thread to be about. I'm not sure yet that anyone who has replied disagrees with the statement when stated the way you stated it --except maybe Dr. M with his remark about Christ.

 

[McKenna]

I agree. I prefer to think of myself as more "cause" than "effect," though.

Imp, do you mean that you like to think you have more influence to cause change in those you hang around with rather than them changing you? I'm a little confused.

and if you have no friends? what would that say?

well anyway, there is some truth to it, but it is all a bit vague... don't know, i think i just realized i am too tired to think about this now. maybe tomorrow...

Why don't you tell me?!

Maybe it means you haven't yet found anyone you consider your "peer?"

The company you keep is as interesting and as good as you for the most part, and if it is not? Its often a good indication that something is wrong or soon enough will be.

What could be wrong? Are you referring to a personality change or something else?

My Dad used to say, "You can tell a lot about a guy by the people he chooses as friends."

Makes sense, if you think about it. Rarely, if ever, will a person of good character invest time & effort maintaining a friendship with a liar, a rude bastard, or an obnoxious jerk.

This adage is especially helpful to keep in mind when dating, because people seeking romantic attention often try to present themselves as something different than they actually are. Knowledge of a person's friends can be very useful in catching a glimpse behind the façade.

I'm wrestling with this, and this is why: I know at least one person who is the kind of person I'd invite to my home, someone I'd dicuss religion and philosophy with, someone who is intelligent, witty, sarcastic, etc. and yet, sometimes I question the company they keep. It's like receiving conflicting data, and I don't know what to do with it. It makes me question if I'm missing something in this person I know, or if I've misjudged the company they keep, and yet the more I study it the further I seem to get from having an answer. This is part of the reason why I asked the question in the initial post, and the other reason I asked it is because I've been visiting other forums on the internet lately, and I wonder what it says about me when I spend time at these other forums/sites. But more about that in my next post...