The Business of Being a Dom In Suburbia

[Honeysucklevine]

Just curious, how does one go about starting out in this business ? I know references are crucial but is this a ridiculous idea or can it actually pan out? I have a full time career in health care and it is quite demanding. I would like to cut my hours down from 50+ to 30 and earn some extra cash doing something that, quite frankly, I am good at! I was wondering if any of you know of any women who actually get paid to "Dom" on the side. If so, what was the outcome? Are they still doing it?

 

[FurryFury]

I don't know much about it but one who is a professional Domme on here said it wasn't the sort of thing that it's very easy to make a good living doing.

Fury

 

[xfwas]

You are lovely.

 

[Hecate]

"Starting out in this business" will be hard if you are not doing it "full time" - and unless you have a potential customer base to start with.

What I mean is:

- it certainly helps if you have a certain "name and fame" for your domming skills in your local scene, as this is what you need to attract customers in the first place (unless you want to officially advertise; which being in "suburbia" might not be what you want)

- do you have a play space, like a studio? Customers these days are quite demanding; just a good spanking on your living room couch may not be quite enough for asking a good price and competing with other Pro services. Customers have all sorts of fantasies - clinic, dungeon, school room, shoe fetich, ... you name it! Can you provide the setting and the skills for all of those?

- what happens once your "earning on the side" becomes public knowledge? Can you keep your job and social circumstances once (and I am on purpose not saying "if") that happens or are you willing and able to part with them?

Sorry to maybe sound like a "spoil sport", but I had quite a few people suggesting I should "go Pro" ... but to me (and that is in comparatively liberal Europe) the "price to pay" is still a tad too high in terms of "social reputation" - plus... would I still enjoy it if I HAD TO do it?

I do frequent Pro Domme used studios but on a private basis mainly, and no matter how much I love my Domme side, doing it for business is not on the top of my list, I can assure you!

I can only speak about German circumstances - so not sure how helpfull that is for you on the US-side .. and if I sound like I want to discourage you: I don't - I just want you to step into a great adventure with OPEN EYES!

Lady Hecate

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Going Pro?

Yes, you can go pro.

Yes, you can make good money at it.

No, it will not be easy.

You need to look long and hard at the risks and expenses of going pro before you try it.

Rule Number 1 - YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST OPERATE WITHIN YOUR LOCAL ZONING ORDINANCES, BUSINESS REGULATIONS, AND LAWS.

As my BDSM group's representative to the NCSF I can with some certainity tell you that a great number of Pro Domme's who run afoul of their local authorities do so because of a handful of reasons:
#1 - They don't bother to GET a business license. If you are going to operate a business, even part time, you have GOT to have a business license.
#2 - They violate Zoning restrictions - If you want to run this out of your home, you better check your zoning ordinances. Most residential areas forbid running a business out of a home, or certain kinds of businesses, unless you apply for a variance.
#3 - Operating an "adult" or "sex" business in a residential area. Most cities and towns forbid operating an "adult" business within a certain distance of residential areas, churches, or schools. If you're in an area that forbids it, and you don't get a variance, you will get fried on this count all by itself.
#4 - Operating a business outside the boundaries of the license - Okay, so you got your license, you even got a variance from your local Zoning Board, but you fudged on the application and described your business as "recreational consulting." When a complaint is made (when your neighbors find out what you are doing, they WILL complain, it's a matter of WHEN, not IF) your local zoning folks will descend upon you like the hammer of God.
#5 - NO SEX! Let me repeat this, NO FREAKING SEX ! ! ! As soon as you touch a client's pecker, if he cums, in a lot of jurisdictions you can be found guilty of prostitution. Exchanging money or other items of value for sex = prostitution. Most jurisdictions include penetration with foreign objects in their sex or prostituion statutes, so no strap-ons either. Know your state and local sex laws inside out and backwards.
#6 - They don't have an attorney who specializes in representing adult or sex oriented businesses - This is a particularly contentious area of business in our society. Having an attorney that you can consult BEFORE you open the business is a good idea. Having one you can call on AFTER is a necessity. An attorney who specializes in representing adult firms can keep you from getting into trouble in the first place by making bloody sure that all your t's are crossed and i's are dotted before you take your first client, or possibly pull your chestnuts out of the fire if you do get into trouble.

Rule #2 - IF YOU ARE RUNNING THE BUSINESS OUT OF YOUR HOME, DO NOT ATTRACT ATTENTION FROM YOUR NEIGHBORS ! ! !

Hello... we all have at least one Nosey Nora Neighbor who thinks it's her (or his) calling in life to know exactly everything that everyone in the neighborhood does, who comes to visit, how often and at what time of day. If you run the business out of your home, and you aren't in a high traffic area like an apartment complex, and you keep odd hours, have a lot of traffic to your home, you can guarantee you will start drawing attention... and Nosey Nora is going to be keeping tabs. Maybe records. Nosey Nora will notify the local police of the strange comings and goings.... you might find yourself under investigation for prostitution, or perhaps dealing drugs. Do not have large parties every weekend, do not have LOUD parties at all. Fly under the radar of your neighbors.

Rule #3 - DO NOT POST YOUR HOME OR BUSINESS ADDRESS ON YOUR WEB SITE, DO NOT PUT A FULL FACE PICTURE ON YOUR SITE, DO NOT POST A RECOGNIZABLE EXTERIOR PHOTO OR "COMMON AREA" INTERIOR PHOTO THAT A NEIGHBOR MAY RECOGNIZE.

This is a re-enforcement of and addition to rule#2 above. Your neighbors have web access, and if you have male neighbors you can gaurantee that at least some of them will be looking. Particularly adolescent and young adult males (though the old farts are probably just as bad). Having Bob, your neighbor across the street mention "Oh, by the way, I saw your Domme web site, when can we set an appointment?" is one thing. If he mentions that within earshot of his wife, you're toast. And parents checking behind their kids about web access can get you nailed too. Screen potential clients, don't invite strangers to your home. And the warning about recognizable interior shots? That comes from personal experience. A founding member of my BDSM munch group got busted for producing child pornography, because someone recognized the inside of his home from one of the pics.

Rule #4 - As someone said earlier - BE PREPARED TO LOSE YOUR FULL TIME CAREER, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, POSSIBLY YOUR HOME AND FREEDOM.

Our society takes a damnably narrowminded and dim-witted view of sex workers, and when it comes out that you are a professional Dominatrix you can get fired from your job (ever heard of 'conduct unbecoming' or 'morals' clauses in contracts? They are out there), your family and friends may shun you, you may be charged with criminal acts ranging from assault and battery to prostitution or worse. Is beating or humiliating someone for $$$ worth the risk, to you?

Like others here, I say this not to discourage or prevent you from pursuing your professional Dominatrix business. I want you to be aware of and carefully considering the risks before jumping into it so you can make INFORMED decisions. Anyone can make a wild-assed, spur of the moment decision. It's the WISE woman or man who proceeds with caution, covers her or his bases, and succeeds.

I hope that helps!

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Yes, you can go pro.

Yes, you can make good money at it.

No, it will not be easy.

You need to look long and hard at the risks and expenses of going pro before you try it.

Rule Number 1 - YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST OPERATE WITHIN YOUR LOCAL ZONING ORDINANCES, BUSINESS REGULATIONS, AND LAWS.

As my BDSM group's representative to the NCSF I can with some certainity tell you that a great number of Pro Domme's who run afoul of their local authorities do so because of a handful of reasons:
#1 - They don't bother to GET a business license. If you are going to operate a business, even part time, you have GOT to have a business license.
#2 - They violate Zoning restrictions - If you want to run this out of your home, you better check your zoning ordinances. Most residential areas forbid running a business out of a home, or certain kinds of businesses, unless you apply for a variance.
#3 - Operating an "adult" or "sex" business in a residential area. Most cities and towns forbid operating an "adult" business within a certain distance of residential areas, churches, or schools. If you're in an area that forbids it, and you don't get a variance, you will get fried on this count all by itself.
#4 - Operating a business outside the boundaries of the license - Okay, so you got your license, you even got a variance from your local Zoning Board, but you fudged on the application and described your business as "recreational consulting." When a complaint is made (when your neighbors find out what you are doing, they WILL complain, it's a matter of WHEN, not IF) your local zoning folks will descend upon you like the hammer of God.
#5 - NO SEX! Let me repeat this, NO FREAKING SEX ! ! ! As soon as you touch a client's pecker, if he cums, in a lot of jurisdictions you can be found guilty of prostitution. Exchanging money or other items of value for sex = prostitution. Most jurisdictions include penetration with foreign objects in their sex or prostituion statutes, so no strap-ons either. Know your state and local sex laws inside out and backwards.
#6 - They don't have an attorney who specializes in representing adult or sex oriented businesses - This is a particularly contentious area of business in our society. Having an attorney that you can consult BEFORE you open the business is a good idea. Having one you can call on AFTER is a necessity. An attorney who specializes in representing adult firms can keep you from getting into trouble in the first place by making bloody sure that all your t's are crossed and i's are dotted before you take your first client, or possibly pull your chestnuts out of the fire if you do get into trouble.

Rule #2 - IF YOU ARE RUNNING THE BUSINESS OUT OF YOUR HOME, DO NOT ATTRACT ATTENTION FROM YOUR NEIGHBORS ! ! !

Hello... we all have at least one Nosey Nora Neighbor who thinks it's her (or his) calling in life to know exactly everything that everyone in the neighborhood does, who comes to visit, how often and at what time of day. If you run the business out of your home, and you aren't in a high traffic area like an apartment complex, and you keep odd hours, have a lot of traffic to your home, you can guarantee you will start drawing attention... and Nosey Nora is going to be keeping tabs. Maybe records. Nosey Nora will notify the local police of the strange comings and goings.... you might find yourself under investigation for prostitution, or perhaps dealing drugs. Do not have large parties every weekend, do not have LOUD parties at all. Fly under the radar of your neighbors.

Rule #3 - DO NOT POST YOUR HOME OR BUSINESS ADDRESS ON YOUR WEB SITE, DO NOT PUT A FULL FACE PICTURE ON YOUR SITE, DO NOT POST A RECOGNIZABLE EXTERIOR PHOTO OR "COMMON AREA" INTERIOR PHOTO THAT A NEIGHBOR MAY RECOGNIZE.

This is a re-enforcement of and addition to rule#2 above. Your neighbors have web access, and if you have male neighbors you can gaurantee that at least some of them will be looking. Particularly adolescent and young adult males (though the old farts are probably just as bad). Having Bob, your neighbor across the street mention "Oh, by the way, I saw your Domme web site, when can we set an appointment?" is one thing. If he mentions that within earshot of his wife, you're toast. And parents checking behind their kids about web access can get you nailed too. Screen potential clients, don't invite strangers to your home. And the warning about recognizable interior shots? That comes from personal experience. A founding member of my BDSM munch group got busted for producing child pornography, because someone recognized the inside of his home from one of the pics.

Rule #4 - As someone said earlier - BE PREPARED TO LOSE YOUR FULL TIME CAREER, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, POSSIBLY YOUR HOME AND FREEDOM.

Our society takes a damnably narrowminded and dim-witted view of sex workers, and when it comes out that you are a professional Dominatrix you can get fired from your job (ever heard of 'conduct unbecoming' or 'morals' clauses in contracts? They are out there), your family and friends may shun you, you may be charged with criminal acts ranging from assault and battery to prostitution or worse. Is beating or humiliating someone for $$$ worth the risk, to you?

Like others here, I say this not to discourage or prevent you from pursuing your professional Dominatrix business. I want you to be aware of and carefully considering the risks before jumping into it so you can make INFORMED decisions. Anyone can make a wild-assed, spur of the moment decision. It's the WISE woman or man who proceeds with caution, covers her or his bases, and succeeds.

I hope that helps!

No one quite says it like Geoff Sir . In a million years I never would have considered as much as he as put forth above.

When I intially read your question I remembered a local business to myself I stumbled upon quite by chance while doing some research on Pauline Reage after reading IMO the totally appaling Beauty Series.

Intreagued I emailed to ask what was entailed I was sent a phone number of a woman to contact for more detail.(Same one as advertised on the site I imagine). I never made the call and for the life of me could not remember the details well enough to find the link. I stumbled across it today again.

Only presenting the address here as its a point of interest.

kind regards

@}-}rebecca----


http://www.masterjamesandthestoryofo.com/