The Bunny Burrow

[BiBunny]

If rum and vodka don't work, move to the harder stuff and say hello to Uncle Jacky. That usually works for me Bunny.

Seriously though, unless you are being thoroughly and utterly destroyed there should be no reason to feel this down. I am a schizophrenic and I don't even get as depressed as you seem to be. I guess what I'm trying to say is, remember there's always a worse situation. And, (to quote an utter legend) get your ass back on the horse and remember you can always be a winner because YOU make it happen.

Uncle Jack and I are friends from way back.

And I'll get over it. My whole life is just falling down around my ears at the moment. It can't ever be one crisis at a time. Everything has to go to hell all at once. Story of my life.

I'll be better later this week. We're going to the beach for the weekend.

 

[DiscusDave]

Uncle Jack and I are friends from way back.

And I'll get over it. My whole life is just falling down around my ears at the moment. It can't ever be one crisis at a time. Everything has to go to hell all at once. Story of my life.

I'll be better later this week. We're going to the beach for the weekend.

At least it's going to hell in a hand basket and not a picnic basket, because otherwise you'd have Yogi Bear to also worry about.


http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/3/39/Yogi_Bear.gif/180px-Yogi_Bear.gif



Hope you're feeling better poopy-kins. Here's some big bug hugs from the entomologist-to-be.

http://i192.photobucket.com/albums/z195/sparkletags4/import/graphics/Hugs/gfdertrkiuk.gif

 

[BiBunny]

Bumping because I want to ramble, and it's not worth starting a new thread just to listen to myself talk.

(You're welcome.)

So I did something I never thought I would do on Friday. There are some people in my area who are trying to get a local BDSM group together, and Kitty and I went to their second munch.

I've never really been that much into the idea of a BDSM "community." I mostly just went because I needed an excuse to get out of the house. Between my various anxieties about meeting new people and my work, I'm turning into a hermit. And going mildly stir-crazy.

And, well, it was ok. Beat the shit out of sitting around the house all night, for sure. There was no play party or anything, just a few local people sitting around talking about kink. I'd do it again if the choices were between hanging around the house and going out to the munch.

But I think during this time, I managed to figure out why I have such an aversion to public play parties and demos and such.

Most of the people there, except Kitty and I, are already involved in the "community." They're involved with other groups in larger towns within a few hours' driving distance. As the night progressed, they all started waxing rhapsodic about the various play parties and public scenes that they'd been involved with. I liked hearing about their experiences, and I'm glad they enjoyed themselves. But they kept encouraging Kitty and I to go to such-and-such place and try such-and-such thing. All I could think was, "This is so not for me."

Naturally, I didn't say anything like that. I just smiled and nodded and kept listening.

But all these scenes they talked about sounded like they were crafted for the enjoyment of the people watching, rather than for the people participating. And the people who were playing seemed more attracted to the "Oh, look what I did" factor than anything else.

It's weird for me to say this. I'm not opposed to casual play at all. I enjoy it myself from time to time. I've also played in front of people on a handful of different occasions because I can be a bit of an exhibitionist myself.

But do I care if the people who are watching enjoy it? Nope. Sorry.

The things these people described sounded so staged, so audience-focused, that the magic shared between top and bottom seemed to be completely absent. *Shudder* Too cold and clinical for me.

They asked me what kinds of play I enjoyed. I tried to answer, but I didn't know what to say. They were talking about fire-flogging and all kinds of "staged" activities. I just sort of stumbled over the question. They asked me if I liked being beaten and whipped. I honestly replied that I really don't care for being beaten on most of the time because it pisses me off.

"Oh, so you're more into sensual play then?"

Not by a long shot. I just get into more, well, intimate forms of torture, like punching and force-fisting and clamps all over my body and being forced to lie on extremely tightly-bound breasts. I was way baffled by the idea that because I don't care about getting my ass beaten, I must be into fluffy, happy-pony-rainbowland BDSM.

I'm not knocking these folks at all. They like what they like, and I'm happy for them. It was just odd to me that they looked at me like I was the one missing out because I've never seen Lord So-and-So's interrogation demo.

Like I said, it seems too clinical for me. And I was kind of sad that even though these were fellow perverts, I didn't feel like I could share with them the beauty of being bound inescapably to a pole in my Owners' basement, blindfolded, my breasts bound tightly, while Master punched me over and over and forced me to tell him how much I love him and Mistress while tears ran down my cheeks. And how my heart lifted when the two of them responded in kind. I didn't think they'd understand at all. Their approach to the whole kink thing seemed like it was so pragmatic and so matter-of-fact that all of the splendor was lost.

Maybe I'm getting cranky in my old age. I used to think the people who said BDSM has a spiritual component for them were whackjobs. But maybe I'm starting to feel that way myself. Or, at least, maybe I'm starting to feel like something that, for me, is so intensely personal and deeply passionate shouldn't be fodder for a stage show.

I dunno. It was just weird being at a gathering of pervs and STILL feeling like the odd man out.

 

[Bi_Kitty]

snip

snip

I dunno. It was just weird being at a gathering of pervs and STILL feeling like the odd man out.

No, that's how it was. And I'm not nearly as "fucked up" as you and I still felt out of place.

 

[BiBunny]

No, that's how it was. And I'm not nearly as "fucked up" as you and I still felt out of place.

Good, so it wasn't just me, LOL.

 

[Kikori]

Think we could hire a troll from here... say, CaptainJack... to go take your place in the next Munch? :3

 

[BiBunny]

Think we could hire a troll from here... say, CaptainJack... to go take your place in the next Munch? :3

Haha, I'm afraid someone might notice the difference.

Or, even worse, might NOT notice!

 

[ecstaticsub]

..is so intensely personal and deeply passionate shouldn't be fodder for a stage show.

Yes, exactly the way I have always felt. In front of a small, close knit group of friends (3-4 max) very occasionally but other than that way too personal and intimate for public play (maybe also because we are into alot of humiliation/degradation play, that would be too much for me in public)

 

[BiBunny]

Yes, exactly the way I have always felt. In front of a small, close knit group of friends (3-4 max) very occasionally but other than that way too personal and intimate for public play (maybe also because we are into alot of humiliation/degradation play, that would be too much for me in public)

I wasn't going to post that at first, for fear that people who do like public play would think I was attacking them or something. But then I decided that there had to be someone(s) out there who'd understand how I feel about it.

 

[BiBunny]

I really wish Lit had a poly board. The BDSM boards are where I feel most comfortable, but you can't start a thread here about poly without the same few assholes going, "Why can't you just be happy with one person?" I hate being the one to bump the poly thread up over and over, too. The LGBT boards would be my next choice, but I sorta get the feeling they try to distance themselves from anything other than monogamy there, too.

So because Lit DOESN'T have a poly board, I bump my own thread yet again.

I'm going home on Wednesday to spend the rest of the week at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and my birthday, which is Saturday. That alone will be irritating enough. However, Kitty will also be at her parents' (no chance of seeing her), and my Owners will be in freaking Illinois visiting some of Mistress's family.

Yes, I'm throwing myself an "It's the holidays, and I'm not out" pity party.

The thought of spending the rest of my life doing the holiday thing alone with my family depresses the hell out of me. I don't even mean that I'd want to intrude on what my loves do with their families, only I wish I could invite them home with me. But I can't because it's complicated.

So I get to sit around and here how fabulous my stupid cousin is because he and his girlfriend are getting married in March (which is just EXACTLY) what they need, how I need to hurry up and find someone, and possibly try to avoid their suggestions about who they can set me up with. *Headdesk* I'm fairly certain they think that since I'll be 26 in a handful of days and haven't brought home a boyfriend in years that I'm a lesbian. Oh, the horror!

Oh, well. It just kind of bugs me how lots of people take for granted that they can spend their holidays with the ones they love, but folks like me have to hide because their families wouldn't understand. Then, there are those who bitch because they don't have anyone. Having been in all three situations, I say being lonely because you have wonderful people to share your life with whom you have to hide is the absolute worst.

 

[graceanne]

I really wish Lit had a poly board. The BDSM boards are where I feel most comfortable, but you can't start a thread here about poly without the same few assholes going, "Why can't you just be happy with one person?" I hate being the one to bump the poly thread up over and over, too. The LGBT boards would be my next choice, but I sorta get the feeling they try to distance themselves from anything other than monogamy there, too.

So because Lit DOESN'T have a poly board, I bump my own thread yet again.

I'm going home on Wednesday to spend the rest of the week at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and my birthday, which is Saturday. That alone will be irritating enough. However, Kitty will also be at her parents' (no chance of seeing her), and my Owners will be in freaking Illinois visiting some of Mistress's family.

Yes, I'm throwing myself an "It's the holidays, and I'm not out" pity party.

The thought of spending the rest of my life doing the holiday thing alone with my family depresses the hell out of me. I don't even mean that I'd want to intrude on what my loves do with their families, only I wish I could invite them home with me. But I can't because it's complicated.

So I get to sit around and here how fabulous my stupid cousin is because he and his girlfriend are getting married in March (which is just EXACTLY) what they need, how I need to hurry up and find someone, and possibly try to avoid their suggestions about who they can set me up with. *Headdesk* I'm fairly certain they think that since I'll be 26 in a handful of days and haven't brought home a boyfriend in years that I'm a lesbian. Oh, the horror!

Oh, well. It just kind of bugs me how lots of people take for granted that they can spend their holidays with the ones they love, but folks like me have to hide because their families wouldn't understand. Then, there are those who bitch because they don't have anyone. Having been in all three situations, I say being lonely because you have wonderful people to share your life with whom you have to hide is the absolute worst.

*hugs*

Have you considered making your own traditions that don't involve your family? Me and K spun in circles trying to keep both sides of our families (both our parents are divorced and remarried) happy during the holidays. When we realized that the stress of the holidays was what was making me sick, we said that from now on we're doing the holidays by ourselves. It was hard the first few years, they were not happy with us, but it got better after that. You could start cooking for you and Kitty, and (maybe, occasionally) for your owners, and have Thanksgiving with the people you love.

That said, good luck this weekend. Try not to let it get to you. *hugs*

 

[BiBunny]

*hugs*

Have you considered making your own traditions that don't involve your family? Me and K spun in circles trying to keep both sides of our families (both our parents are divorced and remarried) happy during the holidays. When we realized that the stress of the holidays was what was making me sick, we said that from now on we're doing the holidays by ourselves. It was hard the first few years, they were not happy with us, but it got better after that. You could start cooking for you and Kitty, and (maybe, occasionally) for your owners, and have Thanksgiving with the people you love.

That said, good luck this weekend. Try not to let it get to you. *hugs*

I'd love to do that, but my family would shit themselves if I didn't show up to their events and sit around with my crazy grandma, my whining aunt, my bipolar alcoholic uncle, and my obnoxious cousin whom everyone thinks walks on water and his fiancee. If I didn't show up, they'd be really pissed, and I'd never hear the end of it. "It's not like you have your own family, after all." Yeah, I do; I just know y'all will never accept them.

Plus, I wouldn't want to keep my Owners, who actually like their families, away.

We had an early birthday party for me on Saturday. I had almost all my friends, Kitty, Master, and Mistress there. That's about as close as I'm going to get to doing anything like you suggest, I'm afraid. And I'm still stuck with my kinfolks all week, anyway, LOL.

Thank you for your thoughts, gracie. I really appreciate it. *Hugs*

 

[graceanne]

I'd love to do that, but my family would shit themselves if I didn't show up to their events and sit around with my crazy grandma, my whining aunt, my bipolar alcoholic uncle, and my obnoxious cousin whom everyone thinks walks on water and his fiancee. If I didn't show up, they'd be really pissed, and I'd never hear the end of it. "It's not like you have your own family, after all." Yeah, I do; I just know y'all will never accept them.

Plus, I wouldn't want to keep my Owners, who actually like their families, away.

We had an early birthday party for me on Saturday. I had almost all my friends, Kitty, Master, and Mistress there. That's about as close as I'm going to get to doing anything like you suggest, I'm afraid. And I'm still stuck with my kinfolks all week, anyway, LOL.

Thank you for your thoughts, gracie. I really appreciate it. *Hugs*

I'm sorry. Good luck with your kin, and remember - they're weird and crazy and just cause they think something of you doesn't mean it's true.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

So I get to sit around and here how fabulous my stupid cousin is because he and his girlfriend are getting married in March (which is just EXACTLY) what they need, how I need to hurry up and find someone, and possibly try to avoid their suggestions about who they can set me up with. *Headdesk* I'm fairly certain they think that since I'll be 26 in a handful of days and haven't brought home a boyfriend in years that I'm a lesbian. Oh, the horror!

Oh, well. It just kind of bugs me how lots of people take for granted that they can spend their holidays with the ones they love, but folks like me have to hide because their families wouldn't understand. Then, there are those who bitch because they don't have anyone. Having been in all three situations, I say being lonely because you have wonderful people to share your life with whom you have to hide is the absolute worst.

Mmm, I know this feeling well. I'll be with my family at Christmas, and I love them all dearly. However, all of my younger siblings are paired off, some have kids, they've all got their own homes.

Then there's me, with nothing, and nobody. Oh well. I think it could be better than showing up with my ex, who they clearly didn't like.

We always had to stifle our natural way of relating to each other, hide a lot of things. It was always difficult, and I think the fact they didn't like him was mostly because they didn't know him, but how could they truly know him without freaking out?

 

[sb2009]

holy hell...sometimes when I start to feel blue that we never have lived around family and all our holidays are just the two of us and the girls (and whatever stray soldiers happen to join us), I read posts like this! And I think...I'm actually sad I don't have to listen to my sister complain that they only got to go on two cruises this year? And get to hear that yet another of my brother's six teenaged daughters is having yet another child? OK...I don't have it so bad!!!!

 

[HottieMama]

Bunny... I completely empathize with your situation. Mine is a bit different this year in that it will be my first major holiday away from my middle and oldest son. They will be with their father. That is very hard for me to deal with because a large part of me thinks he doesn't "deserve" that day with them. Fortunately though, I get to spend the day with my HusDom and new baby, watching football, planning my Friday shopping, and going out for Chinese food. It's not perfect, but it's pretty good and I am grateful for what I have.

I hope you find a way to survive your holiday and realize that those you miss would probably rather be with you too or want you there with them.