The Brokens

[bholderman]

Subkeki,

Thanks. I've learned more about what happened at my house Friday night. He was there with my wife behind that locked door. My 8 years old isnt stupid either. She knows her mother is doing something terribly wrong.

We have a couples appt tomorrow night, I pretty much see it as the end of my marriage.

That said, after returning home for a single night, we were evacuated to day due to the wildfires here in San Diego. But, its given my kids the opp to realize Im not the one doing anything bad. Im the one here for them. They at first were my biggest fear, but in two short days have become my greatest strength.

 

[Homburg]

Thanks. I've learned more about what happened at my house Friday night. He was there with my wife behind that locked door. My 8 years old isnt stupid either. She knows her mother is doing something terribly wrong.

*facepalm*

I'm not surprised to hear this, though I am saddened. Brad, remember that I'm on YIM, feel free to ping me, brother.

But, its given my kids the opp to realize Im not the one doing anything bad. Im the one here for them. They at first were my biggest fear, but in two short days have become my greatest strength.

They're your kids, man. They have to be your strength, and you have to be theirs.

I feel for you, Brad.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I also am sorry you are going through this and have to say the lady certainly does not have class to have him in your bed, in your house, and while the children are in the house...even if you had been a less than perfect partner, it just is not something most people would even think of doing. You may feel you are still in love with her, but I suspect it is more the person you thought she was than who she actually is which you are in love with. Hang in there and do what you need to do to get through this.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2102/1688781375_19abc65907_t.jpg Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Subkeki,

Thanks. I've learned more about what happened at my house Friday night. He was there with my wife behind that locked door. My 8 years old isnt stupid either. She knows her mother is doing something terribly wrong.

We have a couples appt tomorrow night, I pretty much see it as the end of my marriage.

That said, after returning home for a single night, we were evacuated to day due to the wildfires here in San Diego. But, its given my kids the opp to realize Im not the one doing anything bad. Im the one here for them. They at first were my biggest fear, but in two short days have become my greatest strength.

That's pretty horrible in my book.

I am so sorry.

Also about the fire situation.

San Diego is lovely and such a situation is very scary.

*HUG*

 

[somberReality]

I'm in the midst of that brokenness. Try to live day by day and felt all day like a panic attack was trying to rear up.....

It'll pass. It always does.

 

[somberReality]

Subkeki,

Thanks. I've learned more about what happened at my house Friday night. He was there with my wife behind that locked door. My 8 years old isnt stupid either. She knows her mother is doing something terribly wrong.

We have a couples appt tomorrow night, I pretty much see it as the end of my marriage.

That said, after returning home for a single night, we were evacuated to day due to the wildfires here in San Diego. But, its given my kids the opp to realize Im not the one doing anything bad. Im the one here for them. They at first were my biggest fear, but in two short days have become my greatest strength.

I'm so sorry

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

 

[intothewoods]

Subkeki,

Thanks. I've learned more about what happened at my house Friday night. He was there with my wife behind that locked door. My 8 years old isnt stupid either. She knows her mother is doing something terribly wrong.

We have a couples appt tomorrow night, I pretty much see it as the end of my marriage.

That said, after returning home for a single night, we were evacuated to day due to the wildfires here in San Diego. But, its given my kids the opp to realize Im not the one doing anything bad. Im the one here for them. They at first were my biggest fear, but in two short days have become my greatest strength.

Well, I'm apalled by her behavior. It's awful. You don't bring that shit home. If after you split up with a spouse, and you meet someone, and then you get serious, really really serious, THEN it's time to bring the person home (after you've introduced them to your kid). Eh. I'm sure she was sneaking him in the back or something (and assumed they'd nevr know).

I know this isn't the time to think about this, because you're pissed, and you have a right to be pissed, but at the end of the day, psychologists say that kids who are the product of divorce do the best when they have permission from both parents to love the other. Hopefully you and your wife will someday come to a place where you can keep that in mind.

 

[bholderman]

Thanks all. With that, I wound up being evacuated twice today due to the fires, kids in tow, only to wind up right back in my own house.

As my parents came with me, my wife ask if she should leave.

DUH?!

 

[wayfarm]

Thanks all. With that, I wound up being evacuated twice today due to the fires, kids in tow, only to wind up right back in my own house.

As my parents came with me, my wife ask if she should leave.

DUH?!

You know with the fires, and evacuation, this is the type of life unsettling event that will drive her to you. Knowing that can help out so you can decide what to do.

Likely you are the problem solver and guardian. I guess you have a tough decision in deciding to help her to, or not.

 

[bholderman]

Wayfarm,

I'd like to think so. We have a couple therapy appt tonight, we will see how that goes.

You know with the fires, and evacuation, this is the type of life unsettling event that will drive her to you. Knowing that can help out so you can decide what to do.

Likely you are the problem solver and guardian. I guess you have a tough decision in deciding to help her to, or not.

 

[bholderman]

So, after 3 weeks, Ive dropped about 25 lbs, Im now 207. The wife decided to leave the house for awhile. Im starting to look good and finally starting to feel somewhat better finally.

She's about to miss out...

 

[Homburg]

So, after 3 weeks, Ive dropped about 25 lbs, Im now 207. The wife decided to leave the house for awhile. Im starting to look good and finally starting to feel somewhat better finally.

She's about to miss out...

This is a welcome post. glad to see that you're feeling a little better, Brad.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

There was two times in my life when i felt totaly broken while the one of them become kinda neverending story for me.

First time when i really suffered emotionaly was when my dad died when i was 18 years old. He was just 44 and let him go was just hard.

The second time i broke down was when my husband left me for another woman and divorced with me. I didnt want to let him go. I cryed, beged, simply i did impossible so he would stay by my side, he didnt mind. I was forced to lie to the judge so he could be free. I hated say he dont live with me or have sex with me while he fucked me right before we went to the judge so he could end our marriage.

My man had always lots of women. So many i don't even remeber all those names. Some of those girls was so lovely they kept coming to my own house to pick up my husband right there where i could see. The first time he cheated me was just 3 months after our weding. We was on party of his best friend, slept out in the tent. Me, my man, his best friend with his gf. We slept all together, one to another. Sadly my man slept next to girl of his best friend and late in the night when i woke up i found them touching and kissing happily while me and his best friend slept right next to them. Some people just don't respect anything, guess my man is one of them. He had more than one gf of his male friends, i don't get it but nvm.

When he divorced with me i should have been prolly happy i finaly get ride of him, well i wasn't. I never really dealed with our divorce and with all those women who had what suposed to be just mine. He was bitch to me and hurted me as anybody else, but i never really stoped loving him whats prolly very stupid from me. Our relationship become a neverending story with lots of splits and comebacks on side of my man.

I said manytimes on this webby i hate and am not willing to share the men of my life. My man and my master either. If you lived what i did you would understand i think. I was forced to share my husband with so many women that anytime i hear about someone having more than one woman i am going nuts. I get hurt on the most fragile place of me, so i just dunno this. I dunno share and men i am conected with anyhow knows it. My man know and my master knows as well. I always had to share my man with someone so right now i want someone just for myself, that would be nice.

The last time we get back together with my exhusband was at april of this year. We was okay for a while, but last few weeks i feel my man get back to his "old ways". He's gone whole days and nights, coming home from his job at 8-9am the other day, drink every day and prefer being out with his friends instead of being with me. One would say i am used to being treated this way after those 15 years we are together, well i am not.

In last three weeks i spent a lot of nights crying and thinking where he is and with who and why he's rather there than here with me, its just hard. The harder cuz i was separated from my master last few weeks as well. I feel very hurt and unsettle atm. I am so thankful i am finaly back in contact with my master. Just God knows how bad i missed talking to him.

And me and my man? i must say i dunno. I dunno leave him or forget about him eventho i often feel its the best thing i could do for myself. I feel unloved and ignored as a woman from my man right now, but once he kiss me or touch me i am way too thankful for it so i know i am still all about him. Cant say i enjoy our relationship the way it is right now, but my girl needs her daddy.

Guess i will just have to comply to this situation as i always did. If i am lucky i might ger some love from my man again with time, i dunno. Knowing my master deffo make this so called life way easier for me. Guess i will just live what i have IRL and enjoy what i can with my online loving and caring master.

Few weeks ago i decied i will become my mans sub as well. He's not a Dom, but i wanted serve him as he was. I know what a good sub should do to please her master or the man she live with. I know what my man loves and i really wanted give it him, i was so sure he would enjoy it. I was always submissive to him, even when i didn't know what being "submissive" meant. Now i know and wanted make our relationship nicer, wanted make things nicer for him, but think its all gone now. All the excitement to serve him and please him just died.

I have a big fight with myself right now cuz my submissive side wanna keep treating my man with love and care, but my brain telling me he do not deserve it at all. I hate when i feel like this... The funny thing about it is that i will stay nice to him tho. I know myself i always did :/ Well its not that funny, its just idiotic of me, but i dunno be different-not to my man and i am sure he knows it. I am sure he knows i will stay no matter what he does or say and i often feel he using that agains me. Oh well.... *sigh*

 

[wayfarm]

Wayfarm,

I'd like to think so. We have a couple therapy appt tonight, we will see how that goes.

I have to admit, I was wondering how your therapy went for you.

Glad to hear about the weight reduction, and improved mood.

Likely, you have plenty of friends, but if we were closer, I'd be happy to show you my beach city. Ladies a plenty.

 

[wayfarm]

There was two times in my life when i felt totaly broken while the one of them become kinda neverending story for me.

First time when i really suffered emotionaly was when my dad died when i was 18 years old. He was just 44 and let him go was just hard.

The second time i broke down was when my husband left me for another woman and divorced with me. I didnt want to let him go. I cryed, beged, simply i did impossible so he would stay by my side, he didnt mind. I was forced to lie to the judge so he could be free. I hated say he dont live with me or have sex with me while he fucked me right before we went to the judge so he could end our marriage.

My man had always lots of women. So many i don't even remeber all those names. Some of those girls was so lovely they kept coming to my own house to pick up my husband right there where i could see. The first time he cheated me was just 3 months after our weding. We was on party of his best friend, slept out in the tent. Me, my man, his best friend with his gf. We slept all together, one to another. Sadly my man slept next to girl of his best friend and late in the night when i woke up i found them touching and kissing happily while me and his best friend slept right next to them. Some people just don't respect anything, guess my man is one of them. He had more than one gf of his male friends, i don't get it but nvm.

When he divorced with me i should have been prolly happy i finaly get ride of him, well i wasn't. I never really dealed with our divorce and with all those women who had what suposed to be just mine. He was bitch to me and hurted me as anybody else, but i never really stoped loving him whats prolly very stupid from me. Our relationship become a neverending story with lots of splits and comebacks on side of my man.

I said manytimes on this webby i hate and am not willing to share the men of my life. My man and my master either. If you lived what i did you would understand i think. I was forced to share my husband with so many women that anytime i hear about someone having more than one woman i am going nuts. I get hurt on the most fragile place of me, so i just dunno this. I dunno share and men i am conected with anyhow knows it. My man know and my master knows as well. I always had to share my man with someone so right now i want someone just for myself, that would be nice.

The last time we get back together with my exhusband was at april of this year. We was okay for a while, but last few weeks i feel my man get back to his "old ways". He's gone whole days and nights, coming home from his job at 8-9am the other day, drink every day and prefer being out with his friends instead of being with me. One would say i am used to being treated this way after those 15 years we are together, well i am not.

In last three weeks i spent a lot of nights crying and thinking where he is and with who and why he's rather there than here with me, its just hard. The harder cuz i was separated from my master last few weeks as well. I feel very hurt and unsettle atm. I am so thankful i am finaly back in contact with my master. Just God knows how bad i missed talking to him.

And me and my man? i must say i dunno. I dunno leave him or forget about him eventho i often feel its the best thing i could do for myself. I feel unloved and ignored as a woman from my man right now, but once he kiss me or touch me i am way too thankful for it so i know i am still all about him. Cant say i enjoy our relationship the way it is right now, but my girl needs her daddy.

Guess i will just have to comply to this situation as i always did. If i am lucky i might ger some love from my man again with time, i dunno. Knowing my master deffo make this so called life way easier for me. Guess i will just live what i have IRL and enjoy what i can with my online loving and caring master.

Few weeks ago i decied i will become my mans sub as well. He's not a Dom, but i wanted serve him as he was. I know what a good sub should do to please her master or the man she live with. I know what my man loves and i really wanted give it him, i was so sure he would enjoy it. I was always submissive to him, even when i didn't know what being "submissive" meant. Now i know and wanted make our relationship nicer, wanted make things nicer for him, but think its all gone now. All the excitement to serve him and please him just died.

I have a big fight with myself right now cuz my submissive side wanna keep treating my man with love and care, but my brain telling me he do not deserve it at all. I hate when i feel like this... The funny thing about it is that i will stay nice to him tho. I know myself i always did :/ Well its not that funny, its just idiotic of me, but i dunno be different-not to my man and i am sure he knows it. I am sure he knows i will stay no matter what he does or say and i often feel he using that agains me. Oh well.... *sigh*

I know that this was likely something difficult to share. This Piece of Shit doesn't even deserve the bottom of your shoe. I hope that you can cut ties to this user.

 

[bholderman]

By the time we walked into the office, I was shaking with anger, didnt sit down, yelled at her for a couple of minutes and left. The therapist called me on my cell as I drove half a block away, got me back in the office alone.

That said, she's now out of the house.

Unfortunately, the very next day, the shambles our finances are in came to a head with a call from my landlady. She needs her money, shes been very patient and understanding, I cant fault her in any way. But the issue is compounded with the fires, being a real estate agent she is flooded with calls for emergency housing.

I've been reduced to scrapping money here and there from family as I dont get paid for another week and any government services are currently closed due to the fires. Fuck, I even put out an appeal for help on another forum I belong to.

I've been reduced to surviving and I havent really even been affected by the fires. But, yes, for some reason my mood is improved. I think with my wife now gone, I've switched into full Daddy mode which requires a lot.

I appreciate your concern. Its a welcomed support.

I have to admit, I was wondering how your therapy went for you.

Glad to hear about the weight reduction, and improved mood.

Likely, you have plenty of friends, but if we were closer, I'd be happy to show you my beach city. Ladies a plenty.

 

[bholderman]

I forget what they call it, but depression causes a person to wake up between the hours of 2 and 4 am, its something like "interupted rem sleep." Its the one thing still affecting me.

My wife is mentally unstable, she's still part of my family, I wont abandon her, at least not now.

 

[bholderman]

One of the things that has been heavily stressed to me is not to pursue. Its hard. But the more you chase, the more they will run. The biggest advice I've been given is to her space, improve myself as best I can, sort of a reverse psych thing.

Few weeks ago i decied i will become my mans sub as well. He's not a Dom, but i wanted serve him as he was. I know what a good sub should do to please her master or the man she live with. I know what my man loves and i really wanted give it him, i was so sure he would enjoy it. I was always submissive to him, even when i didn't know what being "submissive" meant. Now i know and wanted make our relationship nicer, wanted make things nicer for him, but think its all gone now. All the excitement to serve him and please him just died.

I have a big fight with myself right now cuz my submissive side wanna keep treating my man with love and care, but my brain telling me he do not deserve it at all. I hate when i feel like this... The funny thing about it is that i will stay nice to him tho. I know myself i always did :/ Well its not that funny, its just idiotic of me, but i dunno be different-not to my man and i am sure he knows it. I am sure he knows i will stay no matter what he does or say and i often feel he using that agains me. Oh well.... *sigh*

 

[Homburg]

One of the things that has been heavily stressed to me is not to pursue. Its hard. But the more you chase, the more they will run. The biggest advice I've been given is to her space, improve myself as best I can, sort of a reverse psych thing.

Wow, that would be stupendously difficult for me. Sitting back and letting things happen is not my strong suit, even when I know it is the right option.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I am not a fixer. Things or work or not. I am wanted or not. Loved or ignored. I am very sad or very happy and I dunno pretend things are fine if they are not. I dunno beg for what I feel I should get normaly.

I love my man, but I won't beg for his attention when he obviously prefer "others". I love him around and enjoy him very much, but i won't say it as long as I see I am the one who he want around.

He promised me he will go out for drink with his friends only on thursdays, but he keep going out every night. Even tonight. I so wish him to stay, but he's already planing to go out again...well, fuck that.

 

[bholderman]

Im sorry to hear that. Wish there something I could from here.

I am not a fixer. Things or work or not. I am wanted or not. Loved or ignored. I am very sad or very happy and I dunno pretend things are fine if they are not. I dunno beg for what I feel I should get normaly.

I love my man, but I won't beg for his attention when he obviously prefer "others". I love him around and enjoy him very much, but i won't say it as long as I see I am the one who he want around.

He promised me he will go out for drink with his friends only on thursdays, but he keep going out every night. Even tonight. I so wish him to stay, but he's already planing to go out again...well, fuck that.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Im sorry to hear that. Wish there something I could from here.

Thank you Brad

 

[bholderman]

Then there are times like now, with the kids in bed, the house is quiet. Everything catches up to you and its overwhelming.

 

[EmpressFi]

Then there are times like now, with the kids in bed, the house is quiet. Everything catches up to you and its overwhelming.

/comfort