The big O

[dayofdiscovery]

Ok this sounds really stupid and i get realyl depressed by it but ive never had an orgasm. I have had a brief sexual encounter, which i deeply regretted and a number of other instances of foreplay which i have enjoyed and felt weak at the knees at, but i have never felt that explosion. on a number of occasions i have masturbated, but it seems to come to nothing. help me.i am starting to think that maybe im friggid and will never have an orgasm

 

[dayofdiscovery]

does anyoen have any tips on what i should do? its strange because i feel that i am a very sexual person.

 

[dayofdiscovery]

can anyone help?

 

[H0wl]

Hmm...going to assume that you're female yes? How old are you?

When did you first start experimenting? Do you masturbate on a regular basis or just occasionally?

It's pretty well documented that a lot of women have trouble orgasming. They need a very particular type of stimulation to come and if they don't get their particular need, it may feel good but they don't come.

It also seems to be at least somewhat age related, in that the younger a woman is the less likely she is to be able to orgasm.

Being a guy, thats as much of a 2 cents as I can give ya.

I'm a lucky guy, my girl comes relatively easily.

 

[dayofdiscovery]

i used to masturbate reguarly but as i noticed it never had the desired effect i gave up and now only do it occasionly. i think maybe my first experience of sex kinda messed me up, so i feel a bit wary of it all. i just want to let go. 19 years old.

 

[H0wl]

Masturbation is key.

If you want to orgasm, masturbation is probably the best way to do it.

I wouldn't focus too much on the orgasm itself, just on doing whatever feels good when you're masturbating. If you have a particularly sexy fantasy, focus on that. Try different things, different rhythms, speeds etc.

Explore your body, find out what feels good when you touch yourself.

As you get more comfortable with yourself, you'll be more likely to experience an orgasm. You're still fairly young, there is a possibility that your body won't give you what you're looking for yet.

One more thing, are you on any medications? Antidepressants in particular can do funny things to your sex drive/life.

 

[thrity]

orgasm

yeah, normally the younger the woman is, the harder for her to have orgasms.

my wife used to complain that she was not interested in sex at all when she was my girlfriend. her sex driver was getting better after labor.

on the other hand, my sex driver is getting worse and worse!

did you try to watch some X-rated movies before having sex? also you could consult your physician.

 

[Scandichck]

Beeing able to orgasme has a direct link to mastrubating.
Actually it seems like those who start mastrubating at a young age are the ones who doesn`t get problems later in life when it comes to climaxing both alone and with a partner.

Many who never learned to mastrubate as children or in their early teens go through the same problems that you do.
Your body lacks the knowlegde of how to reach the peak, and when you get stressed about it it get even worse.

(Btw; this should be a warning sign to those of us with children. Never ever tell them that playing or cuddeling with their genitals are bad. Not even if they`re doing it in public. WHen the child is big enough to understand we should gently tell them that it ok to do and feel and touch, but that it`s best done in the privacy of their own bedroom or bathroom.)

I would advise you to get to know your body even better than you allready do.
Buy some toys, take your time, find out what feels good for you.
There are so many ways to acheive orgasm, many women find it hard to get there with vaginal stimulation alone, so focus on clitoral stimulation. Rub, stroke and caress it. Put the entier palm of your hand over your vulva and feel how nice and warm it gets.
If you think that direct clitoral stimulation is to "much" you can try to apply pressure with your hand on the labia majora, so that it`s actually the labia thats stroking and stimulating the clitoris.

There`s no use getting stressed over it.
Many women will never have an orgasm by their partner alone, but may need the help of some additional tools, like a vibrating egg stimulating the clit, or just juse their own fingers for the same job, during sex.

But as I said, start by getting to know absoutely everything there is to know about your own body, before you have sex with a partner.

If the experiance you had earlier is causing you to have problems with intimacy you should see someone that can help you.. Even if the helper is a prifessional or if it "Just" a friend.. Talking is a good thing.

 

[Scandichck]

Re: orgasm

yeah, normally the younger the woman is, the harder for her to have orgasms.

my wife used to complain that she was not interested in sex at all when she was my girlfriend. her sex driver was getting better after labor.

on the other hand, my sex driver is getting worse and worse!

did you try to watch some X-rated movies before having sex? also you could consult your physician.

Age has nothing to do with the ability to orgasm.
Physically, as far as girls are conserned, they can reach orgasms allready at infancy.
In fact, studies shows that orgasming occurs even while still in the womb.

Orgasming is merely a physical respons to stimulation.
Sadly our mind, morals, tabus etc. play a huge role in how we relate to our bodies.
Thereby making it difficult for many to do what others see as a totally natrual and necessary thing to do.

 

[dayofdiscovery]

i do get very stressed when nothing happens. the thing i hate is that i am more "experienced" than anyu of my friends so they just assume these things and the ppl i have shared moments with dont know i didnt orgasm as i faked it. i just felt i had to to make them happy. thats what i always seem to end up doing, trying to please my partner.

 

[dayofdiscovery]

there is a friend who i think i may be able to talk to about this, he helped me through the bad times when i lost my virginity and was really depressed. thanx for your help

 

[Glistening Girl]

I agree with the above replies and would stongly recommend you getting a vibrator. Fingers work great and I can cum that way now but there is just something about the intensity of a vib on my clit that sent me over the edge when I first learned how to have an orgasm.

Also don't worry that you will become dependent on it to achieve orgasms in the future. I hear this all the time and its simply not true. I have used one for 16 years now and can still orgasm many other ways also. I just happen to like it best with the vib.

 

[Scandichck]

i do get very stressed when nothing happens. the thing i hate is that i am more "experienced" than anyu of my friends so they just assume these things and the ppl i have shared moments with dont know i didnt orgasm as i faked it. i just felt i had to to make them happy. thats what i always seem to end up doing, trying to please my partner.

I think you should be open about this, at least to those around you that you consider to be close friends.
Think about the expectations they build towards sex, and how diappointed they may become when it actually happens.

Sex is rearly good the first few times.
It hurts, ou get sore, its acward, youre shy, he comes to quick if he comes att all, you wonder if youre doing somthing wrong when he doesnt come, you feel very selfconsious about him actually licking your pussy, or even worse; when he wants to do it doggystyle you feel ambarrased when he`s looking right down at your anal. I mean.. That`s pretty scary when you are young and not used to that kind of intimacy, right?
I know I thought so when I lost my virginity 12 years ago..

I think you should stop trying to please anybody but yourself.
I belive you have low selfesteam and satisfying guys, how empowering it may feel then and there, will not make you more confident. It will probably just lead to you getting bigger problems with your own sexuality by feeling used and abused, and as if that weren`t enough you may have a hard time dealing with the fact that you actyually let hem use and abuse you.
And thats often even harder to deal with.

Oh well.. I did it again.
When I first get going I never seem to stop.

Hope it all works out just fine.

 

[me700]

i know exactly the situation you're in.

I posted a thread about not being able to have an orgasm a few weeks ago.

There's really no advice i can give you except that you're not alone.
It's the most frustrating thing in the world.
i faked it with my boyfriend for a year and one month.
and when i finally told him he was mad at me, which made me feel horrible.

For me nothing really works. People say to 'explore your body' but i do, and it's not getting me anywhere.
In fact i see it as boring and time consuming and a waste.

9 times out of ten i hate when my boyfriend does anything sexual to me because it either hurts or feels annoying.

i like to do him though.

 

[Scandichck]

i know exactly the situation you're in.

I posted a thread about not being able to have an orgasm a few weeks ago.

There's really no advice i can give you except that you're not alone.
It's the most frustrating thing in the world.
i faked it with my boyfriend for a year and one month.
and when i finally told him he was mad at me, which made me feel horrible.

For me nothing really works. People say to 'explore your body' but i do, and it's not getting me anywhere.
In fact i see it as boring and time consuming and a waste.

9 times out of ten i hate when my boyfriend does anything sexual to me because it either hurts or feels annoying.

i like to do him though.

Thats's about the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Why would anyone have sex with their partner if the things they do either hurt or feel annoying?
There's obviously something very wrong with your communication.
He shouldn't get mad at you, but then again, you shouldn't have lied to him about such a thing. That must have been quite the blow to the stomach.

Are you sure you really want to be with this guy?
Sex should be the iceing on he cake in your relationship and not feel like something you must endure.

 

[StevenWill]

PM

I am a college professor, psychologist, who teaches sex. I sent you a PM with some suggestions.

I think you can solve your problem. Good luck.

Steve

 

[me700]

Why would anyone have sex with their partner if the things they do either hurt or feel annoying?
There's obviously something very wrong with your communication.
He shouldn't get mad at you, but then again, you shouldn't have lied to him about such a thing. That must have been quite the blow to the stomach.

Are you sure you really want to be with this guy?
Sex should be the iceing on he cake in your relationship and not feel like something you must endure.

The thing is, I think our communication is great. I always tell him if something hurts and he stops and tries something else. It's just that nothing he does feels too good, but i really don't have the heart to tell him. He's very sensitive about that.
I'm sure i want to be with him. So sure in fact that it doesn't matter too much if he never gives me an orgasm.
But i would still prefer it.
The thing is, the last time i told him my problems with what he does to me sexually he completely lost interest in me physically at all.
He barely even kissed me.
That made me feel really unwanted and ugly, so i don't want him to do that again.
Therefore I'd rather endure the sex than him lose interest in me sexually.

does that make sense?

 

[dayofdiscovery]

i spoke to my friend about it and he swaid he had no idea i was feeling this way. another thing he said was that if i am unable to make myself orgasm then it is very unlikely that others will be able to.