The Best Head of My Life

[Pornofan420]

Greetings all. This is my first thread. Woo-hoo!

Any road, my latest story "The Best Head of My Life" just posted (link below in the sig) and I'd love to hear feedback on it. Like the title says, my wife pulled out all the stops that night and I just had to take notes for a story the next morning. She also helped edit it so she's interested in the feedback as well. One of her first reactions was "Wow, suddenly all these people I've never met now know I don't have a strong body odor".

So let us know what you think. And feel free to sound off on the other 2 stories I've got posted there as well if you like. And do please vote!

Be well,

PF420

 

[English Lady]

Well i sent you feedback but as you've not got any posts to your thread yet I'll post something for you!


I though "The best head of my life" Was a great story. I loved how it was real and I loved the humour you injected into the piece. I really can't fault it much all i can say that once or twice I got a little confused by some of the imagery you used but that could possibly just be me being easily confused...and really it didn't effect the flow of the piece.


I read your other two stories and "the best head..." is the best piece you've got there. The other two seemed rushed and didn't finish well and they didn't flow very well but you've got better with this last story so thats got to be a good thing


Anyway,I hope that heps..and i hope someone better at this critiquing stuff comes along and does your story justice too!

 

[Pornofan420]

Thanks, EL!

Yeah, the other two were ones that could have benefitted from an editor. Those two I did myself. Been offline for a day or so, so I'm catching up.

Glad you liked!

PF420

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I thought it was really good. It was a little too humorous to be a real scorcher, but I don't think you were going for the heat market. Like English Lady I thought you maybe did go over the top a couple times with your imagery, but for the most part I thought it was great to see some new and inventive language, so it was worth it. The imagery is a big part of its charm.

My big beef is this: why was it the best head of your life? You told us how and what it felt like, but I didn't understand what happened that made it so great? I guess it was just the whole concatenation of things, starting with the wasabi and then the dope and the kissing and more dope? I kind of went into it thinking you were going to tell us some secret technique pr something.

You don't see much stuff like this on Lit: the true confession, told with affection and humor and originality. It's pretty unique and refreshing, and I really like your creative use of language. You have a really interesting slant on things and I'd like to see more stuff, maybe a little less personal, just for variation.

---dr.M.

 

[Pornofan420]

Thanxabunch, DM!

I do have some non-personal stuff in the works. It's still in planning stages, but I'm also thinking disturbingly big on it and I'm trying to alternately psyche myself up for it while keeping it doable.

I think I did go a bit overboard on some of the language, but that's kinda how I am. I get overly impressed with clever turns of phrase, but then Englsih is such a wonderful language for that sort of thing. And my parents spent an egregious ammount of money educating which is utterly unreflected by my choice of employment or level of remuneration therefrom. The least I can do is construct well crafted porn because...because... <language_snob>I have a sub-conscious bias towards folks who write well and would be mortified if people thought I wrote poorly (although spelling doesn't count) </language_snob>.

As far as why was it such an exquisite hummer? What made it the best head of my life?

Well...the mystic contempates the stillness till his mind settles down, unbuffeted by thought, and he experiences the oneness of the universe, pure witness, pure consciousness. He comes back from his meditations and tells us poetry of burning ice as the life of the universe sings in his soul. He wails hymns telling us that form and emptiness are but the same and that there is no boundry between the absolute and the relative save that which we believe in not because our state is a fallen one but because we have not opened our eyes to see truly. He draws us mandalas of bizarre images we find difficult to decipher and says to us "This is what I saw in my meditations."

"But oh wild-eyed one," we ask. "What does all this mean? You describe enlightenment in these ethereal terms, you say that we stare at shadows on Aristotle's cave wall and would we but turn around we might see the true fire that casts these shadows. But we who have not meditated for years in painful sitting positions, we who have not looked inward so that our third eye mgiht open and we might see, we hear your words. They describe but they do not explain."

And the mystic will reply "I guess you had to be there".

I think the blow-job my wife gave me was sorta like that. And I think I'm either going to Hell for that or going to be reborn a cockroach.

Be well, PF420

I thought it was really good. It was a little too humorous to be a real scorcher, but I don't think you were going for the heat market. Like English Lady I thought you maybe did go over the top a couple times with your imagery, but for the most part I thought it was great to see some new and inventive language, so it was worth it. The imagery is a big part of its charm.

My big beef is this: why was it the best head of your life? You told us how and what it felt like, but I didn't understand what happened that made it so great? I guess it was just the whole concatenation of things, starting with the wasabi and then the dope and the kissing and more dope? I kind of went into it thinking you were going to tell us some secret technique pr something.

You don't see much stuff like this on Lit: the true confession, told with affection and humor and originality. It's pretty unique and refreshing, and I really like your creative use of language. You have a really interesting slant on things and I'd like to see more stuff, maybe a little less personal, just for variation.

---dr.M.