The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Austin8]

and, the fleece inside is large enough to share with a traveling companion.

I put in a flask.

didnt the mountain rescue dogs used to carry one?

I put in a ranger station

 

[Handley_Page]

didnt the mountain rescue dogs used to carry one?

I put in a ranger station

And the stations range far and wide.

I put in an Irish Wolfhound

 

[Austin8]

And the stations range far and wide.

I put in an Irish Wolfhound

and it wolfs down the last bit of food! More food!

I put in a water dish

 

[Handley_Page]

and it wolfs down the last bit of food! More food!

I put in a water dish

and it keep the dogs, cats and birds very happy on a hot day.

I put in a packet of bird seed.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it keep the dogs, cats and birds very happy on a hot day.

I put in a packet of bird seed.

And, even after you water it and place it in the sun, the birds never grow.

I put in a mustard seed and a wish for better luck.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And, even after you water it and place it in the sun, the birds never grow.

I put in a mustard seed and a wish for better luck.

and at the end of summer, you harvest enough to dress your pastrami.

I put in an autumn corn roast...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and at the end of summer, you harvest enough to dress your pastrami.

I put in an autumn corn roast...

and ,the roast goes on all during the fall and nobody understands the corny jokes, but they applaud when its over.

I put in a tall drink of water.

 

[Handley_Page]

and ,the roast goes on all during the fall and nobody understands the corny jokes, but they applaud when its over.

I put in a tall drink of water.

6ft tall and wears a suit.


I put in a tin of good shoe polish

 

[Austin8]

6ft tall and wears a suit.


I put in a tin of good shoe polish

But Tio mistakes it for hair cream and viola! his hair is now jet black!

I put in a good book by author Jon Krakauer

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But Tio mistakes it for hair cream and viola! his hair is now jet black!

I put in a good book by author Jon Krakauer

and no one wants to climb Everest with him.

I put in a MacDonald's at the south base camp...

 

[Austin8]

and no one wants to climb Everest with him.

I put in a MacDonald's at the south base camp...

~1996 Everest Disaster~

It's a shame about Everest, but, you're not far off with that, Tio. *sigh*

I put in a Great Mountain that's becoming the play ground for the rich and famous

 

[Tio_Narratore]

~1996 Everest Disaster~

It's a shame about Everest, but, you're not far off with that, Tio. *sigh*

I put in a Great Mountain that's becoming the play ground for the rich and famous

(Remember Monty Python's "Ricky Puhl's Beauty Salon at Everest Basecamp" skit from the 70s? - seems it was prophetic.)

and the machine says, "you forgot to add incompetent to that list."

I put in a Disney 3/4 size simulated mountain and all-inclusive luxury resort to try to lure them away from real places...

 

[Austin8]

(Remember Monty Python's "Ricky Puhl's Beauty Salon at Everest Basecamp" skit from the 70s? - seems it was prophetic.)

and the machine says, "you forgot to add incompetent to that list."

I put in a Disney 3/4 size simulated mountain and all-inclusive luxury resort to try to lure them away from real places...

I say return the Mountain to the Chinese, Nepalis and Tibetan people, let the Earth consume the dead, Get rid of the aluminum ladders, and all the trash, tear down the base camps, and leave her alone.

And it works!

I put in a weekend with incompetent <sudo mountain climbers> eating ice cream at Disneyland.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I say return the Mountain to the Chinese, Nepalis and Tibetan people, let the Earth consume the dead, Get rid of the aluminum ladders, and all the trash, tear down the base camps, and leave her alone.

And it works!

I put in a weekend with incompetent <sudo mountain climbers> eating ice cream at Disneyland.

and you chuckle when you realize it's pseudo-ice cream as well, nothing but milk solids and artificial flavors.

I put in a hike up Sabeno Canyon in a July thunderstorm...

 

[Austin8]

and you chuckle when you realize it's pseudo-ice cream as well, nothing but milk solids and artificial flavors.

I put in a hike up Sabeno Canyon in a July thunderstorm...

and your rain gear is solid, but you're swept away in a flash flood

I put in some astronaut ice cream <Blech!>

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and your rain gear is solid, but you're swept away in a flash flood

I put in some astronaut ice cream <Blech!>

and you learn that only some people like the taste of astronauts.

I put in real vanilla ice cream with crushed pineapples and marshmallow on top...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you learn that only some people like the taste of astronauts.

I put in real vanilla ice cream with crushed pineapples and marshmallow on top...

and, you find me at your door waiting for a spoon.

I put in a couple of nuts and a big red cherry.

 

[Austin8]

and, you find me at your door waiting for a spoon.

I put in a couple of nuts and a big red cherry.

and you get a severe allergic reaction

I put in a double figure eight knot

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a severe allergic reaction

I put in a double figure eight knot

and, you might just find someone who wants to get hitched.

I put in a broken fence rail.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you might just find someone who wants to get hitched.

I put in a broken fence rail.

and you get a very happy bull.

I put in a bumper crop of calves...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a very happy bull.

I put in a bumper crop of calves...

most of which seem to dissolve in the Arctic waters.


I put in an Artificial Ground.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

most of which seem to dissolve in the Arctic waters.


I put in an Artificial Ground.

and it serves as a conduit for artificial electricity.

I put in a lightningless rod...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it serves as a conduit for artificial electricity.

I put in a lightningless rod...

and the child is spared.


I put in a Camera Strap

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and the child is spared.


I put in a Camera Strap

and, the missing camera is found in Elin Nordegren's house.

I put in a hundred million dollar golf ball.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, the missing camera is found in Elin Nordegren's house.

I put in a hundred million dollar golf ball.

and the tiger looses it in the rough.

I put in a good walk, ruined...