The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[YoursSINSerely]

and get bitten by a pooch unhappy to be bald.

I put in a hairless Mexican...

and, the tiny dog looks funny with a big sombrero on his head.

I put in a taco.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, the tiny dog looks funny with a big sombrero on his head.

I put in a taco.

and you get the whole enchilada.

I put in a dinner at Little Anita's in Santa Fe...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get the whole enchilada.

I put in a dinner at Little Anita's in Santa Fe...

and you spend a lot of time in hospital after the ulcer burst.

I put in a voucher for medication

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you spend a lot of time in hospital after the ulcer burst.

I put in a voucher for medication

and it gets rejected as a socialist ploy by the St. Vincent's Hospital billing department.

I put in a Sand Painting from a Navajo curing ceremony...

 

[Austin8]

and it gets rejected as a socialist ploy by the St. Vincent's Hospital billing department.

I put in a Sand Painting from a Navajo curing ceremony...

and you get fussed at for dragging sand in the breakroom

I put in a spinner bait

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get fussed at for dragging sand in the breakroom

I put in a spinner bait

and you catch a dizzy bass.

I put in a big, juicy bloodworm...

 

[Sidney_1]

and it gets rejected as a socialist ploy by the St. Vincent's Hospital billing department.

I put in a Sand Painting from a Navajo curing ceremony...

And you get the visual answer to a paramount life question.

I put in a Special Request form . . .

 

[Austin8]

And you get the visual answer to a paramount life question.

I put in a Special Request form . . .

and it comes back approved *Pending Further Review*

I put in a tv universal remote control

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it comes back approved *Pending Further Review*

I put in a tv universal remote control

and it keeps on re-setting to the same channel.

I put in a quartz-crystal radio...

 

[Austin8]

and it keeps on re-setting to the same channel.

I put in a quartz-crystal radio...

and it sounds better than modern day digital

I put in a Spears and Jackson Stainless steel digging fork (love this tool!)

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it sounds better than modern day digital

I put in a Spears and Jackson Stainless steel digging fork (love this tool!)

and the Internet re-translation service delivers your message as "I love to jack-off my stainless tool as I think of digging in Brittany Spears' fork."

I put in a course in Esperanto...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the Internet re-translation service delivers your message as "I love to jack-off my stainless tool as I think of digging in Brittany Spears' fork."

I put in a course in Esperanto...

and you emerge a week later fluent in Japanese.

I put in a Linguaphone LP for Ancient Egyptian part 2.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you emerge a week later fluent in Japanese.

I put in a Linguaphone LP for Ancient Egyptian part 2.

and the first word you learn is /booza/.

I put in a whole generation trying to figure out what an LP is...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the first word you learn is /booza/.

I put in a whole generation trying to figure out what an LP is...

While a generation of fathers and grand parents sits and roars with laughter.


I put in a super 8 film of the assassination of JFK.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

While a generation of fathers and grand parents sits and roars with laughter.


I put in a super 8 film of the assassination of JFK.

and you get a host of people swearing they saw a second gunman.

I put in yet another "conspiracy theory"...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a host of people swearing they saw a second gunman.

I put in yet another "conspiracy theory"...

about green worms from Mars.


I put in a pack of anti-green-worm powder

 

[Ausus_girl13]

and you get a host of people swearing they saw a second gunman.

I put in yet another "conspiracy theory"...

And the NSA sits up and quietly listens in.

I put in a breathless moment at the tallest peak.
(I am talking about mountains... but you all will be dirty, I know it!)

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the NSA sits up and quietly listens in.

I put in a breathless moment at the tallest peak.
(I am talking about mountains... but you all will be dirty, I know it!)

and you faint in the oxygen-thin atmosphere.

I put in a 3-man mountain rescue team, complete with dirty thoughts...

 

[Ausus_girl13]

and you faint in the oxygen-thin atmosphere.

I put in a 3-man mountain rescue team, complete with dirty thoughts...

And you get one hot night under the cold stars.

I put in a secretary of state who worked with the president who split the nation.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get one hot night under the cold stars.

I put in a secretary of state who worked with the president who split the nation.

and the machine asks “did you mean John Forsyth under Andrew Jackson, or James Buchanan under James K. Polk, or William H. Seward under Abraham Lincoln, or Robert Lansing under Woodrow Wilson, or Dean Rusk under Lyndon B. Johnson, or Henry Kissinger under Richard Nixon, or Alexander Haig/George P. Schultz under Ronald Reagan, or Colin Powell/Condoleeza Rice under George W. Bush?”

I put in the NPS exhibition at Manzanar, California...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the machine asks “did you mean John Forsyth under Andrew Jackson, or James Buchanan under James K. Polk, or William H. Seward under Abraham Lincoln, or Robert Lansing under Woodrow Wilson, or Dean Rusk under Lyndon B. Johnson, or Henry Kissinger under Richard Nixon, or Alexander Haig/George P. Schultz under Ronald Reagan, or Colin Powell/Condoleeza Rice under George W. Bush?”

I put in the NPS exhibition at Manzanar, California...

and you get souvenir piccies from the National Photographic Service.


I put in a sepia slide of Grandmama in her shift.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get souvenir piccies from the National Photographic Service.


I put in a sepia slide of Grandmama in her shift.

and we all wonder if she ever performed at the Apollo Theater.

I put in a Billie Holiday 78...

(And I'll have to tell you about Manzanar someday, HP...)

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and we all wonder if she ever performed at the Apollo Theater.

I put in a Billie Holiday 78...

(And I'll have to tell you about Manzanar someday, HP...)

And, I'll have to dust off my hi-fi for that gem.

I put in a road map for a Memorial Holiday.

 

[Handley_Page]

And, I'll have to dust off my hi-fi for that gem.

I put in a road map for a Memorial Holiday.

it leads to the stars. . . . . .

I put in a pair of erudite eyes.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

it leads to the stars. . . . . .

I put in a pair of erudite eyes.

and they get strained from reading the fine print.

I put in an intelligible lawyer...