The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

but the can does not fit in the grave.


I put in a bottle of "Dr Crane's Alien machine masher".

and mirabile dictu, it becomes an Aline machine, et elle commence a parler en francais seulement..

I put in a school of Babel Fish...

 

[Handley_Page]

and mirabile dictu, it becomes an Aline machine, et elle commence a parler en francais seulement..

I put in a school of Babel Fish...

but they're all dead !


I put in a fast breeder.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but they're all dead !


I put in a fast breeder.

and the reactor quickly overheats, threatening a catastrophic meltdown.

I put in one teenage drama queen...

 

[kimbalee]

and the reactor quickly overheats, threatening a catastrophic meltdown.

I put in one teenage drama queen...

and the producers of a new reality TV show to sign her for the first season post haste.

I put in some ear plugs for you...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the producers of a new reality TV show to sign her for the first season post haste.

I put in some ear plugs for you...

what's that? what did you say, dear? I'm sure I saw your lips moving.

I put in an ASL handbook...

 

[Handley_Page]

what's that? what did you say, dear? I'm sure I saw your lips moving.

I put in an ASL handbook...

but it does not speak English.

I put in a Rectal Thermometer

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it does not speak English.

I put in a Rectal Thermometer

and the machine thinks it's pretty hot shit.

I put in a cold fart...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the machine thinks it's pretty hot shit.

I put in a cold fart...

which blossoms into a roaring firebomb by the camp fire.


I put in an empty fire extinguisher

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which blossoms into a roaring firebomb by the camp fire.


I put in an empty fire extinguisher

and it successfully puts out the empty fire.

I put in a full wood-burning stove...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it successfully puts out the empty fire.

I put in a full wood-burning stove...

why's it so bloody cold in here?


I put in a box of matches.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

why's it so bloody cold in here?


I put in a box of matches.

and the box says "strike nowhere safety matches: guaranteed not to light accidently or intentionally."

I put in two sticks and a bow drill...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the box says "strike nowhere safety matches: guaranteed not to light accidently or intentionally."

I put in two sticks and a bow drill...

such a pity it's raining hard. . . .


I put in a Thermos flask

 

[Tio_Narratore]

such a pity it's raining hard. . . .


I put in a Thermos flask

and out pour 300 Spartans looking for a fight.

I put in a Bourbon flask...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and out pour 300 Spartans looking for a fight.

I put in a Bourbon flask...

and, you choose to fill it with Jameson Whiskey.

I put in a couple of rah, rah, rah, sis, boom, bah, cheers!

 

[Austin8]

and, you choose to fill it with Jameson Whiskey.

I put in a couple of rah, rah, rah, sis, boom, bah, cheers!

and you get a pork pie hat and a cheezy fur coat

I put in a baseball sign by J.D Drew

 

[kimbalee]

and you get a pork pie hat and a cheezy fur coat

I put in a baseball sign by J.D Drew

and get a gift certificate for J Crew instead.

I put in a dish of chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream...

 

[Austin8]

and get a gift certificate for J Crew instead.

I put in a dish of chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream...

and your a dish!

I put in a hacksaw blade

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and get a gift certificate for J Crew instead.

I put in a dish of chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream...

And, I serve it with a ladies finger.

I put in a lady's slipper.
**********************************************
and, I find a pipe and we sit down and smoke it.

I put in a well-sharpened hoe.

 

[kimbalee]

and your a dish!

I put in a hacksaw blade

and you get a Mike Lang quote: "Scratch my back with a hacksaw! He shoots and scores... Crosby does it again... Michael, Michael, motorcycle...." I'm not sure on what planet those words make sense, but it must in his mind.

I put in a book on escaping the penalty box...

 

[Austin8]

And, I serve it with a ladies finger.
Bar said:
I put in a lady's slipper.

slow!!
I said:
and the prince says;"Lordy thats a big ass foot!"

I put in a jabba d hut cup from 7-11


Originally Posted by Austin8
and your a dish!

I put in a hacksaw blade

Cutey said:

and you get a Mike Lang quote: "Scratch my back with a hacksaw! He shoots and scores... Crosby does it again... Michael, Michael, motorcycle...." I'm not sure on what planet those words make sense, but it must in his mind.

I put in a book on escaping the penalty box..
I said:
and you get high sticked

I put in a golf shoe

 

[YoursSINSerely]

slow!!
I said:
and the prince says;"Lordy thats a big ass foot!"

I put in a jabba d hut cup from 7-11


Originally Posted by Austin8
and your a dish!

I put in a hacksaw blade

Cutey said:

and you get a Mike Lang quote: "Scratch my back with a hacksaw! He shoots and scores... Crosby does it again... Michael, Michael, motorcycle...." I'm not sure on what planet those words make sense, but it must in his mind.

I put in a book on escaping the penalty box..
I said:
and you get high sticked

I put in a golf shoe

And there's a hole in one for some very lucky golfer.

I put in drink at the 19th hole.

 

[kimbalee]

And there's a hole in one for some very lucky golfer.

I put in drink at the 19th hole.

and you get the peanut shells from the floor stuck in your cleats.

I put in a broom and dust pan...

 

[Austin8]

and you get the peanut shells from the floor stuck in your cleats.

I put in a broom and dust pan...

and you get a clean club house

I put in a sprig of sage

 

[kimbalee]

and you get a clean club house

I put in a sprig of sage

and the machine spits out a pork butt for you.

I put in a copy of "The Three Little Pigs"

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a clean club house

I put in a sprig of sage

And, the roasted chicken is ready in a cyber minute.

I put in a spritz of lemon.

I'm way too slow. You guys have fun.