The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

suddenly the world is silent. . . .


I put in a spare battery.

and the VM said, "let there be light."

I put in a 3-LED hand-cranked flashlight...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the VM said, "let there be light."

I put in a 3-LED hand-cranked flashlight...

and the spaceship descends to Earth on it's beam.


I put in a hand-cranked motor car

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the spaceship descends to Earth on it's beam.


I put in a hand-cranked motor car

and almost get a speeding ticket from the Keystone Kops.

I put in a rusty crankcase...

 

[Handley_Page]

and almost get a speeding ticket from the Keystone Kops.

I put in a rusty crankcase...

and it's filled with old oil.


I put in a drawing of a 1934 Rolls Royce crank-case.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it's filled with old oil.


I put in a drawing of a 1934 Rolls Royce crank-case.

and a drawing of Mae West asks for the whole car.

I put in an early Betty Boop cartoon...

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

and a drawing of Mae West asks for the whole car.

I put in an early Betty Boop cartoon...

And you get classic Cab Calloway in Minnie the Moocher and Betty in her sinfully slutty garter and flapper dress. (love classic Betty )

I put in my favorite Elvis record, "In the Ghetto"...

 

[geology_rooks]

And you get classic Cab Calloway in Minnie the Moocher and Betty in her sinfully slutty garter and flapper dress. (love classic Betty )

I put in my favorite Elvis record, "In the Ghetto"...

and some young git samples it, remixes, and puts out a single that is RUBBISH.

Kids these days have no sense of decorum. Or an ear for a tune...

I put in an old codger reading a comic.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and some young git samples it, remixes, and puts out a single that is RUBBISH.

Kids these days have no sense of decorum. Or an ear for a tune...

I put in an old codger reading a comic.

and Prince Valiant joins forces with the Phantom to drag the old codger into the 21st Century.


I put in a collection of 1950s pin-up art...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and Prince Valiant joins forces with the Phantom to drag the old codger into the 21st Century.


I put in a collection of 1950s pin-up art...

And, a Sexual Harrassment lawsuit is filed against you, but quickly dopped when the judge finds her own likeness in the artwork from 60 years ago.

I put in a recent pic from the Nipples thread.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And, a Sexual Harrassment lawsuit is filed against you, but quickly dopped when the judge finds her own likeness in the artwork from 60 years ago.

I put in a recent pic from the Nipples thread.

and out comes PuffyNipLuvr, fap, fap, fapping away.

I put in a close up of one tubercle of Montgomery...

 

[LucyH]

I put in a close up of one tubercle of Montgomery...

And out comes a hefty anatomy textbook, full of beautiful full colour photographs and illustrations, and somebody's annoying highlighter marks and scribbles in the margin.

I put in a fashion magazine with mustaches doodled on all the ladies.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And out comes a hefty anatomy textbook, full of beautiful full colour photographs and illustrations, and somebody's annoying highlighter marks and scribbles in the margin.

I put in a fashion magazine with mustaches doodled on all the ladies.

and you get a big kiss of thanks (in just the right place) from Stella Omega.

I put in a bit of Freudian polymorph perversity...

 

[geology_rooks]

......

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a big kiss of thanks (in just the right place) from Stella Omega.

I put in a bit of Freudian polymorph perversity...

And Jung says 'NO' - not jung enough.


I put in a large tractor tyre.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And Jung says 'NO' - not jung enough.


I put in a large tractor tyre.

and you get a thank-you note from Piers Plowman.

I put in eight carucates of arable land and one-and-a-half plows...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a thank-you note from Piers Plowman.

I put in eight carucates of arable land and one-and-a-half plows...

and your daughter will be well sought-after.

I put in the other half a plow

 

[unforgetable86]

and your daughter will be well sought-after.

I put in the other half a plow

And you get back the very first issue of Reader's Digest, with all the pages dog-eared. And and already scratched, losing lottery ticket.


I put in a half emptybottle of Jack Daniel's.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get back the very first issue of Reader's Digest, with all the pages dog-eared. And and already scratched, losing lottery ticket.


I put in a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's.

and you send the 'half full' part for testing before drinking.

I put in a spare 26 inch bicycle wheel spoke.

 

[geology_rooks]

and you send the 'half full' part for testing before drinking.

I put in a spare 26 inch bicycle wheel spoke.

nothing is ever 'spare'; speaking out of turn is not encouraged; and there is NO WAY that is 26"

I put in a banjo player

 

[Tio_Narratore]

nothing is ever 'spare'; speaking out of turn is not encouraged; and there is NO WAY that is 26"

I put in a banjo player

and she breaks her G string.

I put in a medley of Cripple Creek, Cindy, and Shady Grove...

 

[Handley_Page]

and she breaks her G string.

I put in a medley of Cripple Creek, Cindy, and Shady Grove...

But after a few moments of confusion, it more resembles the finale of Beethoven's 9th symphony.


I put in the ghost of Maestro von Karajan . . . .

 

[geology_rooks]

But after a few moments of confusion, it more resembles the finale of Beethoven's 9th symphony.


I put in the ghost of Maestro von Karajan . . . .

but everyone just calls him a right Herbert!

I put in a Venn diagram of Literotica

 

[Guest]

more garbage!!!!

Here's post # 394 from the A.I.R. thread. How ddumb is this guy? He's so dumb that.... I think both contest threads should share in this - don't you?

[size=+2]Jerome[/size]
teenager … champion of “favorite” writers
dixie’s nemesis
retard regurgitator

POSTED ON THE SCOURIES THREAD :



http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg226/dixonclee/fakecontest.jpg

 

[Handley_Page]

Sorry, Tx, I think I've missed the point of that one.

/quote
geology_rooks

I put in a Venn diagram of Literotica

/unquote

The resulting illustrations, art-work or jokes places in the circles was enough for a major museum exhibit


I put in a Henry Moore sculpture

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Sorry, Tx, I think I've missed the point of that one.

/quote
geology_rooks

I put in a Venn diagram of Literotica

/unquote

The resulting illustrations, art-work or jokes places in the circles was enough for a major museum exhibit


I put in a Henry Moore sculpture

and out comes Inuit soapstone sculptures inspired by James Houston.

I put in a nude by Maillol...