The Art of Lust

[AppleBiter]

My story just posted today, and while I've gotten several views, a few votes, and one anon. feedback email, I'd like to get more feedback, if possible. I have yet to receive a public comment on the story, and am anxious to find out readers' opinions. If you are interested, I would be very grateful for some honest feedback. The story is "The Art of Lust" and it just posted today, 04/01. Thank you all so much for your help!!

Here is a link to the story: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=192020

 

[AppleBiter]

Any feedback would be appreciated . . .

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The writing was good enough, but what happened was just unbelievable. I mean, here's this guy on a blind date, and he takes this girl he doesn't even know to an S&M bar and leaves her there. She's repelled, and the guy is obviously a sleaze, but does she call a cab or just leave? No, she suddenly gets so turned on that she climbs up on stage and puts on a sex show for a bunch of strangers. It just makes no sense.

I'm not saying it could never happen, it's just that no attempt was made to make it believable. In something like this, you have to really put yourself into your character's head and figure out what would make her act like that. Stories don't have to be true, but they do have to be believable.

Make her actions believable, and you'd have a pretty good story.

--dr.M.

 

[AppleBiter]

Thank you SO much for your feedback!! I really appreciate it. It's been like pulling teeth to get any and I can't figure out, for the life of me, why. Anyhow, I did want to ask you something, though. I completely understand that the story isn't realistic per se, but realistic isn't exactly what I was going for. I, more or less, was going for the erotic fantasy. The "what if" kind of scenario, more than the "this could really happen" feel. Now, I know that sometimes something can be SO unbelievable that it borders on the ridiculous and puts you off of the story completely. So, my question is, is that (the latter) the case, or were you just expecting something less fantasy-driven?
I ask for my own knowledge, as an author, because this is only my second story submission to Literotica and I'm really trying to get a feel for what this crowd is interested in reading. It hasn't been easy, and (once again) I really, really appreciate your feedback. It's absolutely gold to me! Thank you so much!!