The Are you an American? Quiz

[Aussie Worm]

Here's a quiz to see if you're an American. If you answer mostly (a)'s
& (b)'s then you are a normal well balanced individual. If you answer
mostly (c)'s then sorry, you are an American.

1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do
you break the news you are leaving?

a. Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
b. Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
c. Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up
inbreeds on national television.

2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park.
What do you need to take?

a. A ball
b. A ball and 2 coats
c. A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a
marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of
orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.

3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally
run over a rabbit. What do you do?

a. Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is
still alive
b. Carry on driving, but hope it is unhurt, or if not, that it died
quickly.
c. Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering,
whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.

4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an
awkward position. What do you do?

a. Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
b. Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
c. Take yourself to a rich prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith
healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head,
whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering
inbreeds.

5. What do you have for breakfast?

a. A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
b. Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
c. A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny
side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs
and a diet root beer.

6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What
sort of ceremony do you have?

a. A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
b. A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
c. A minute-long service at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las
Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.

7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming
disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?

a. Listen to him carefully, showing you understand and are supportive.
b. Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a
youth club.
c. Take him to an armory and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic
weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.

8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of
comedy do you choose?

a. A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
b. A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
c. A situation comedy set in a massive lounge where the recorded
audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a
superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight
wisecrack.

9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's
dressing table. What do you do?

a. Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
b. Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again
c. Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with a reputation for getting
millions, and sue your wife's ass.

10. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What do your
country's leaders do?

a. Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
b. Take part but offer to help to both sides
c. Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.

11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars, do you:

a. Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
b. Invent a new cleaner fuel
c. Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global
concerns about the emissions.

12. You're on holiday abroad, do you:

a. Enjoy the local culture and food
b. Study the history and culture of each country you visit
c. Stomp around like you own the place, demanding that the locals fetch
you things, complain when everybody in sight does not rush to look
after you, and whinge that the country that you are visiting is nothing
like home.

13. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:

a. Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in only
as a last resort
b. Work towards bringing both sides to peace talks.
c. Invade the country flattening all buildings, including hospitals for
children, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no
matter which side they're on.

14. Your city has been the victim of a terrorist attack. You should:

a. Treat the victims, clean up the rubble and tighten security
b. Find those responsible and bring them to justice
c. Find those responsible, but continue to support and fund terrorist
activities abroad.

15. You are electing a new President, do you have:

a. peaceful discussions on television arguing the points
b. campaigning throughout the countryside meeting people and shaking
hands
c. candidates who spend tens of billions of dollars provided by arms
companies on parties in which their supporters perform St Vitus dance,
call their candidate the next president, pump up the audience like a
religious revival meeting, make sure the opposition doesn't attend, and
spend far more money and time on pointing out the moral bankruptcy of
the opposing candidates than they do on expounding their own policies

 

[perks]

You've been hanging out with the wrong Americans.

poor misguided fool.

 

[kotori]

Here's a quiz to see if you're an American. If you answer mostly (a)'s
& (b)'s then you are a normal well balanced individual. If you answer
mostly (c)'s then sorry, you are an American.

1. b.
2. a.
3. b.
4. b.
5. a.
6. a.
7. a.
8. a.
9. b.
10. a.
11. a.
12. b.
13. b.
14. b.

Alright, I give up . . . if I answer anymore, they'll be recinding my citizenship. Tell anybody about this, and I'll have to stop down at the corner store, pick up a rifle, come down there and kill you.

 

[JaymesBlond007]

Walks in...

sets down a closed can of worms, and leaves.

 

[Pechorin]

Who rattled your cage?

Not just 10 questions but 15. Wow!

Very funny though

Waits for the "Are u an Aussie?" quiz thread.

 

[mig]

I'm not an American but I think that was a trifle unkind.


Good though.

 

[WhiteRose]

*wanders in, sees can of worms, runs from room screaming*

 

[Laurel]

I like worms! They aerate the soil, you know. Now, slugs on the other hand... (and I'd be the one running & screaming if I had slugs on my other hand...)

Funny quiz! I think I failed. I like the breakfast part.

 

[RisiaSkye]

1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?

c. Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up
inbreeds on national television.

If you get to blame an entire nation for Jerry Springer, does this mean we can blame all of Australia for Olivia Newton-John? I've always wanted to know at whom I should direct my hostility about *that* little pop-culture horror show.

3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?

c. Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering,
whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.

This is a misleading answer, and not because it suggests all Americans are violent rednecks. That part is basically true, of course. But: we make real cars here. *Real* cars don't have "bonnets." Nine year old girls headed for an Easter egg hunt have "bonnets."

4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?

c. Take yourself to a rich prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith
healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head,
whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreeds.

No, that's the popular cure for hiccups. Gawd, foreigners get it all wrong.

6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?

c. A minute-long service at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las
Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.

You say it like that's a *bad* thing.
I think the rest of the world is just jealous they can't have Elvis at *their* weddings.

11. There are global concerns about the emissions from cars, do you:

c. Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring the global
concerns about the emissions.

Part of this answer is missing. Don't worry, I'll add it on for you:
Sell them at 5 times the domestic price to hypocritical status-seekers living in the countries busiest whining about emissions.

12. You're on holiday abroad, do you:

c. Stomp around like you own the place, demanding that the locals fetch you things, complain when everybody in sight does not rush to look after you, and whinge that the country that you are visiting is nothing like home.

Having worked in the service and tourist industries for an appallingly long time, I must admit I'm stunned by this revelation.

Apparently, an astonishing large number of Americans travel the U.S. with foreign currency, adopting European accents to mask their *true* origins.

13. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:

c. Invade the country flattening all buildings, including hospitals for children, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no
matter which side they're on.

d. Run crying to a country you owe enormous sums of money, who also have the best-equipped military in the world, asking them to "protect your interests" while you keep your public distance.

15. You are electing a new President, do you have:

c. candidates who spend tens of billions of dollars provided by arms companies on parties in which their supporters perform St Vitus dance, call their candidate the next president, pump up the audience like a religious revival meeting, make sure the opposition doesn't attend, and spend far more money and time on pointing out the moral bankruptcy of the opposing candidates than they do on expounding their own policies

I have no argument with this. It's the absolute fucking truth. Wow, isn't representative democracy messy? No wonder so much of the rest of the world doesn't go for it.

Just call me 's advocate. I *like* America, warts and all.

 

[Laurel]

Risia using the icon...why am I not shocked?

 

[crystalhunting]

Methinks the title of this thread should be..."Are you a south Texas Redneck quiz"






CH

 

[RisiaSkye]

Risia using the icon...why am I not shocked?

Um, cuz I'm deeply predictable?