The AH Coffee Shop and Reading Room 03: Come On In

[NotWise]

Ah, well, the medieval Archer was not issue any kinda horse, let alone a mongol pony.

Archers in western Europe were foot soldiers. Even for the Moors, who fought primarily from horseback, archers were foot soldiers.

From eastern Europe across northern Asia, archers used short, compound bows and worked from horseback. I'm not sure what the Chinese did. The Japanese used mounted archers and long bows (longer than the height of the archer) that were only slightly recurved. They solved part of the problem of shooting from horseback by using an asymmetrical bow that was long on the top end and short on the bottom end.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Indeed. Snow on the desert isn't so rare, and the south coast from Malibu to San Diego sometimes freezes, too. Meanwhile, further north, a real gloryhole.

Minus 16 and snow forecast for Sunday, minus 18 and more snow for Monday and snow forecast for half of the next couple of weeks. So I have no excuse not to sit here writing away.

I got my little bow section written up.... thanks for those links and comments.

 

[sharingfantasies]

Indeed. Snow on the desert isn't so rare, and the south coast from Malibu to San Diego sometimes freezes, too. Meanwhile, further north, a real gloryhole.

Yeah, I know. Friends say it is snowing in Malibu and Simi Valley at the moment. I remember it snowing in San Diego one year.

 

[Madelyne13]

Just saying hi.
Authors Hangout-I hope not that just reminds me of the boyfriend who tried on my panties. They were made for fanny decoration not cock security and......well being all writers I am sure you could come up with your own ending to that.

https://www.literotica.com/s/angel-without-wings-pt-01
https://www.literotica.com/s/redemption-20

 

[NotWise]

Just saying hi.
Authors Hangout-I hope not that just reminds me of the boyfriend who tried on my panties. They were made for fanny decoration not cock security and......well being all writers I am sure you could come up with your own ending to that.

Welcome to the Coffee Shop! Pull up a stool and we'll find the pot.

Women's panties weren't made to hold men's equipment. The outcome could be painful, but some guys seem to like it.

You should put your story links into you're signature. That way, they go where you go (on the forums, anyway).

 

[JanusGoneAwry]

The Japanese used mounted archers and long bows (longer than the height of the archer) that were only slightly recurved. They solved part of the problem of shooting from horseback by using an asymmetrical bow that was long on the top end and short on the bottom end.

Interestingly the mounted Samurai archers also supported and positioned the arrow differently than their European counterparts. The result was a straighter path to the target and fewer oscillations of the arrow in flight. it's really quite fascinating.

A link to a very insightful documentary follows: https://youtu.be/ZnRX_Cqhwb8

 

[TxRad]

Just saying hi.
Authors Hangout-I hope not that just reminds me of the boyfriend who tried on my panties. They were made for fanny decoration not cock security and......well being all writers I am sure you could come up with your own ending to that.

Welcome to the AH and welcome to the coffee shop. You will find the sig line stuff at the top of the page under User CP. If you like coffee, good company, and across the board and then some topics, this is the place.

Pull up and stool and you won't even notice your loss of virginity until some time after it happens. No, I'm not kidding, look under your screen name. You are a born again or something like that virgin.

We pick on people we like, the rest, we ignore. Not really but it sounds good.

 

[beachbum1958]

LOL
It's probably apocryphal. My wife was a medical photographer and her colleague had to attend ER where a med student had tried to replicate an 'accident' where casualty had been running naked on a landing, slipped and ended up with a crown topped bottle up his rectum.

This was standard, Saturday night/Sunday morning fare for us in the Accident & Emergency unit at UCH, that and the 1,001 variants on 'I was decorating, naked, at 3AM and I stepped back off the stepladder, missed my footing, and the beer/coke/Lucozade/Malibu bottle was somehow left standing on the floor, and I landed on it - fill in the blanks...'

I heard this one so often, still do, in fact, 30 years later and 1,000 miles further south, that I'm beginning to believe there's a secret 'rectally-jammed object' helpline these people can call in case they ever need an excuse to explain their predicament.

The number of people brought in with objects inserted and trapped truly beggared belief, said objects ranging from beer cans to vibrator eggs to, on one occasion, the hose from a cylinder vacuum cleaner (the guy reckoned he was constipated, and he was trying to clear the obstruction, at least that was his story and he stuck to it...) and on another occasion, a small stuffed cayman crocodile; apparently there is no object too unusual to attempt to insert into the orifice of choice, although what the girl with the crocodile thought she was doing is still an unsolved mystery at University College Hospital; it got so that anyone who came in with a dose of the clap or Indian takeaway explosive diarrhoea felt like a breath of fresh air...

 

[Hypoxia]

Sounds like somebody needs a coffee enema. The 3H sort: high, hot, helluvalot.

But I digress. Forget medical intrusions, complex storylines, coffee, all that. Don't forget weather. Comment up here on our snowy slopes: "I can't wait till summer so we can bitch about the heat." And roadwork, wildfires, Sacramento smog, et fucking cetera.

Cold: you can always don another layer of clothes. Hot: you can only remove so much. ¡Mucha ropa! Too many clothes! Take-em off!

Sauna sounds like a good idea right now. Anyone have a cheap ticket to Finland?

 

[NotWise]

The number of people brought in with objects inserted and trapped truly beggared belief, said objects ranging from beer cans to vibrator eggs to, on one occasion, the hose from a cylinder vacuum cleaner (the guy reckoned he was constipated, and he was trying to clear the obstruction, at least that was his story and he stuck to it...)

Don't dis the vacuum cleaner. My favorite opening scene in a porn flick (French, in this case) is of a woman masturbating with the intake of a cylinder vacuum cleaner. She had an hilariously good time.

and on another occasion, a small stuffed cayman crocodile;

What? No gerbils?

 

[NotWise]

My dancer daughter announced via group text that her big golden lab was diagnosed with lymphoma, and with not that long to go. Cure is out of the question and treatment to extend his life is not very effective and not in the budget.

I thought I was being a little rough suggesting some kind of doggie hospice, especially after her sisters chimed in to support her emotionally. "He couldn't have had a better life," and so on.

Then my wife piped up. "Bad timing. You have a show next week, you know?"

I never need to worry all that much about being the insensitive one in the family.

 

[Madelyne13]

My dancer daughter announced via group text that her big golden lab was diagnosed with lymphoma, and with not that long to go. Cure is out of the question and treatment to extend his life is not very effective and not in the budget.

I thought I was being a little rough suggesting some kind of doggie hospice, especially after her sisters chimed in to support her emotionally. "He couldn't have had a better life," and so on.

Then my wife piped up. "Bad timing. You have a show next week, you know?"

I never need to worry all that much about being the insensitive one in the family.[/QUOTE


Sorry about the lab.Pets very much become part of the family, usually the part that can always be relied upon for affection

 

[Handley_Page]

Sorry about the lab.Pets very much become part of the family, usually the part that can always be relied upon for affection

When my old dog (a sort-off Retriever) had to go (cancer), various members of my family turned up to say hello and all that. I was sat in the garden and when my Grandson asked about the dog, I got all tearful. He looked at me, went in the house to his Grandma and said "Grandad's crying."
Then he came out and gave me a big hug.
These days, he's a Bank Manager. . . . .

Meanwhile, it's time for a nice coffee.

 

[beachbum1958]

My dancer daughter announced via group text that her big golden lab was diagnosed with lymphoma, and with not that long to go. Cure is out of the question and treatment to extend his life is not very effective and not in the budget.

I thought I was being a little rough suggesting some kind of doggie hospice, especially after her sisters chimed in to support her emotionally. "He couldn't have had a better life," and so on.

Then my wife piped up. "Bad timing. You have a show next week, you know?"

I never need to worry all that much about being the insensitive one in the family.[/QUOTE


Sorry about the lab.Pets very much become part of the family, usually the part that can always be relied upon for affection

We have three huge black labs, who are my gun-dogs, and a golden Spanador called Benny who's my wife's pet. Benny's currently in isolation after getting his snout sliced-up by a feral cat, and even though his rabies shots are up to date, and the vet gave him a booster, the law here says 7 days quarantine. My wife had a heart attack 4 weeks ago, but she's more concerned about her fur-baby than the state of her ticker, and even the 3 labs, who usually treat Benny like the 'special' little brother (he's got the looks of both his Cocker Spaniel and golden lab parents, but unfortunately the brains of neither, which is why he took on a psychotic feral tomcat and lost) keep nosing his empty basket and whining at me. We've heard nothing adverse from the vet, so hopefully I can go down to the vet in Fréjus-St. Raphael and get him back tomorrow; his best friend is Sitka, my biggest lab, and he can't sleep without Benny, so he spends the night pacing around looking for Benny and whining.

 

[ChloeTzang]

What? No gerbils?

You’ve heard the gerbil story? That’s one of my all time favorites. A tragic Rube Goldberg story of flaming gerbils and intestinal gas..... how I wish, how I wish this had been in the ER I work in.... ...but alas, I have never yet been part of a gerbil retrieval.

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the Gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew (Kiki) Farnom, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking that the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnom suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

TOP 10 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY

10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum." - Good start.

9. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon" - They do this frequently? (Or, at least they have done this more than once).

8. "So I peered into the tube." - That's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.

7. The poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out out the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

6. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's tunnel of love.

5. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.

4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? And the smell of a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.

3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for: "Idiotic men who shove rodents up their butts."

2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?

1. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube...

 

[TxRad]

It is not going to be a great Friday when the first thing that slaps you in the face is the gerbil story.

Moving on. There is fresh coffee for any that get past that story.

50, headed for the mid 60's and rain. Rain since five and rain today and tomorrow. It must be headed toward an early Spring. The redbuds and dogwoods are already blooming.

 

[JanusGoneAwry]

I had a gerbil as a kid and managed quite easily to not shove it into my or anyone else's ass. Thank you very much. I guess I was a boring kid. I did, however, manage to set my house on fire while "testing" piles of gunpowder I had extracted from some fireworks while in my bedroom.

In my defense, the house was not burned to the ground and no one including myself was injured...by the fire. I was severely injured by my stepfather once the authorities cleared the house and permitted us to resume residency.

I was a strong candidate for a Darwin Award that year :caning:

 

[JanusGoneAwry]

I could use a steaming cup'o Joe if you have any ready to go Tex

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Yikes, what the hell did I walk in on? Asses, gerbils, and flames. What the hell?

Grabbing a cuppa and I'm out of here.

Good morning all.

Y'all have a nice day.

Gerbils and assholes, WFT?

 

[ChloeTzang]

Meanwhile, it's time for a nice coffee.

Fill coffee mug here for you, HP. Just make sure the Gerbil has climbed out first, okay?

Yikes, what the hell did I walk in on? Asses, gerbils, and flames. What the hell?

Grabbing a cuppa and I'm out of here.

Good morning all.

Y'all have a nice day.

Gerbils and assholes, WFT?

You too, Zeb. And not to worry, I have your new coffee mugs lined up on Tex's counter ready to go for the weekend.....

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61Oyqic1BlL._SX425_.jpg

.....I did, however, manage to set my house on fire while "testing" piles of gunpowder I had extracted from some fireworks while in my bedroom......

My grandfathers (both of them) teamed up to teach my older brothers and I how to make petrol bombs when I was rather young. We set fire to a few things in the backyard (it was a very big backyard) and there was a lot of broken glass. My mother and my grandmothers were a little upset with my grandfathers when they got home from some day long shopping trip. We'd all had a really good time though. My grandfathers were big believers in teaching us useful and practical skills. Things every girl should know.

Like, what are tampons for?

Wait for it.... I know what you're thinking and no, wrong! ....

Tampons are really for plugging into bullet holes

I have to write that into a story someday soon.

 

[ChloeTzang]

It is not going to be a great Friday when the first thing that slaps you in the face is the gerbil story.

Moving on. There is fresh coffee for any that get past that story. .....

Rolls around laughing. Glad I got your weekend off to a good start, Tex

And now, back to Xanadu. Gotta finish it today. There's lots more stuff to finish writing really soon!

 

[TxRad]

Rolls around laughing. Glad I got your weekend off to a good start, Tex

And now, back to Xanadu. Gotta finish it today. There's lots more stuff to finish writing really soon!

You do light up a thread. Just leave the fire bombs outside the cafe. Things get hot enough without then.

I pity any newbie who happens to wander through the minefields of the minds around here.

Fresh coffee for the late for breakfast crowd.

 

[Madelyne13]

You do light up a thread. Just leave the fire bombs outside the cafe. Things get hot enough without then.

I pity any newbie who happens to wander through the minefields of the minds around here.

Fresh coffee for the late for breakfast crowd.

After that I think coffee would be good. Minefields. Definitely need to be careful where you step.

 

[ChloeTzang]

After that I think coffee would be good. Minefields. Definitely need to be careful where you step.

Coffee is my specialty and a belated welcome to the AH from me.

It's not so much where you step, it's what happens afterwards.

 

[TxRad]

After that I think coffee would be good. Minefields. Definitely need to be careful where you step.

Coffee is the best excuse for doing anything or nothjing for that matter.

The minefields around here usually explode with plot bunnies (Story Ideas.) Some of us have so may ideas that we never know what to write next. The conversation around the cafe is like the conversation among people with related hobbies. They go anywhere and everywhere.

Have fun and jump in with both feet, we are a good grope, group.