The AH Coffee Shop and Reading Room 02: A Comma (is a Restful Pause)

[Handley_Page]

It's moments like these you really need your morning coffee.

http://www.2oceansvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/African-Elephant-Kruger-National-Park.jpg

I live on the edge of an ancient woodland, as does a pal and his missus.
She drives, he doesn't. In the UK, some form of "Insurance" is a legal requirement (covering anything from the irreducible minimum of "third party" to the full-bore "Comprehensive" covering almost everything imaginable. Note the "almost".
Being ancient woodland, it has Deer and all manner of furry beasts and birds of a bewildering variety. My pal's wife had an arguement with a Badger.

I don't knopw if anywhere else has a "foreign call centre", complete with its very limited vocabulary, but after she'd called them and reported hitting a badger, she was asked "What sort of car is a badger?"

I would love to hear the conversation whenn the driver of that car tries to explain a bent roof being caused by that Elephant.

 

[oggbashan]

...

I would love to hear the conversation when the driver of that car tries to explain a bent roof being caused by that Elephant.

Back in the 1960s Og was leading a group of pony trekkers on Dartmoor. I wasn't the 'group leader' just the one who was first. The group leader was at the back of the thirty riders but I knew the way we were going.

We were close to our destination going down a sunken, stone-walled, single track road at a walk when a mini (the original 1960s mini not the modern overgrown ones) came round a corner at speed, too fast for the road. The driver had to brake hard to avoid hitting my horse. It was a horse. Even then Og was far too large to ride a pony. My horse was variously described as a hack or a hunter. It was neither. It was cart-horse sized.

The driver opened his door and shouted at us to get out of his way. That was a bad decision. It startled the novice riders who hauled on their reins, irritating their horses. There was no way thirty horses, most with inexperienced riders, could turn or back up fifty yards to the nearest passing place. I suggested, politely, that he should back about fifteen yards to a field entrance to let us pass.

His response was disastrous. He sounded his non-standard twin air horns. My horse, normally a slug that needed considerable encouragement to do anything decided he didn't like having that noise six feet ahead of him. He jumped the mini. But my horse wasn't a show jumper or any kind of jumper. As he jumped the mini his rear hooves dropped on the car's roof, caving it in between the driver and passenger's head.

After that the driver reversed. We stopped to exchange insurance details. As we did, a police car arrived, altered by a local publican who had seen the mini driving too fast and erratically. The driver was charged with driving without due care and attention, being drunk, and not having a full driving licence.

My horse was uninjured. His insurers declined to pay for the cost of repairing his mini.

 

[NotWise]

http://www.2oceansvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/African-Elephant-Kruger-National-Park.jpg

This picture circulated a few years ago. The bull's penis seems to make it pretty clear what he has in mind, but there are SO many other questions left unanswered.

 

[Handley_Page]

What would you get if you crossed an Elephant with a Mini ?

PS. After nearly two days of relative warm, the snow started to melt and the roads got better. That was all up to this lunchtime.
Now?
Guess what; it's snowing again.
this is getting depressing "
Can I have a mug of tea with a shot of something to help it along, please?

 

[KindofHere]

...............

 

[Hypoxia]

What would you get if you crossed an Elephant with a Mini ?

Q: What do you get, crossing an elephant and a rhinoceros?
A: Elefino.

Early sunsets here around the 40th parallel and 120th meridian. Darkness fell at 1700 hrs. (That's 5pm to civilian Yanks.) I needn't be up too early tomorrow -- the cardiology consult 90 minutes away is in early afternoon. Maybe then I'll find if beer and coffee are back on my menu.

Coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee...

I read of racing supercars whose gas-fired engines pumped out 500 horses and almost 300 foot-pounds of torque. And I read that the Stanley Steamer's standard 20 bhp motor pulled almost 1000 ft-lbs, available at almost any speed, which is why steamers don't need transmissions. That torque, quickly applied, could spin tires off wheels. A stock steamer can drag a dead elephant down the road, no problem.

Give that elephant sufficient coffee and it might live again. I might, too.

 

[TxRad]

Good evening to all.

Elephants and VWs. German technology does that to some, uh, people.

We did our touring of northern SA in an old solid steel Land Rover painted an olive drab. We were never bothered. Either the animals couldn't see us or thought we were too ugly to associate with.

Some fool at my publishers place called today and wanted to know if I could come to Chicago. I asked if it was or had been snowing there. He said it had been but I had time between storms to make the trip. I said, "No!' and hung up. So far I haven't heard anything back.

Fresh coffee for all.

 

[NotWise]

We did our touring of northern SA in an old solid steel Land Rover painted an olive drab. We were never bothered. Either the animals couldn't see us or thought we were too ugly to associate with.

Yeah, probably the latter. It probably had nothing to do with the vehicle.

Some fool at my publishers place called today and wanted to know if I could come to Chicago. I asked if it was or had been snowing there. He said it had been but I had time between storms to make the trip. I said, "No!' and hung up. So far I haven't heard anything back.

I don't get it, but they actually seem to think that's normal.

 

[TxRad]

Yeah, probably the latter. It probably had nothing to do with the vehicle.

I don't get it, but they actually seem to think that's normal.

I didn't see that first one coming until it was to late to duck.

If them people like snow and ice so much, why is the south inundated with Snow Birds?

 

[Hypoxia]

If them people like snow and ice so much, why is the south inundated with Snow Birds?

Snowbirds, seagulls from the north, arriving in screeching flocks, shitting on everything, devouring whatever is visible, strutting stiffly as they invade on foot, pausing to shed effluvia, etc. But they don't mind much to pay inflated snowbird prices; as with Mexico's Gringo tax, paying is easier than learning the language.

If it's tourist season, why can't you shoot them? Right. Imagine a roadside stand, signed with: DRIED JERKY -- Beef -- Pork -- Turkey -- Salmon -- Tourist -- Deer -- Elk -- Shark. Curio shops selling tourist-knuckle and -tooth necklaces and ankle bracelets. Ma's Home Kookin' offers tourist-head soup. Your pecan-cocoa mocha coffee is served steaming in tourist-head mugs. Et cetera.

I'll take coffee without the head, please. Maybe tomorrow.
_____

Back to 'ukuleles. And mandolins. I have four little soprano 'ukes. One is the banjo-'uke strung re-entrant with a high-G string for that ringing sound.

The other three are ordinary wood-body babes. The purple one is tuned linear, with a low-G string for a fuller, richer sound. Both sopranos are a bit small for guitar-type chording with adult hands so I don't play them much. I'll augment them with concert-size equivalents.

How to tell them apart? Scale length, the distance from nut to bridge, the span a string vibrates.
* Soprano: ~13.5 in / 34 cm
* Concert: ~15 in / 38 cm
* Tenor: ~17 in / 43 cm

The other two soprano 'ukes are strung as mandolins; necks of sopranos and mandos are about the same length but the 'ukes are a bit wider, thus easier fingering with mando-type chords.

The pink one sports a set of mando-type strings. But I merely reversed the strings on the red one and tweaked to give a nominally standard mando tuning) but with the octaves off. No good for straight fingerpicking but great to practice chording. And yeah, weird melodic riffs.

I might play that same trick with an extra mandolin: reverse the GDAE string courses, tweaked for lopsided 'uke tuning. No, not standard GCEA, but with the top tuned down to GCEG open tuning, or lower to EAC#E to not warp the neck. Play it with a steel slide or bottleneck so it's now a Hawai'ian Steel Mandolin, electrified even.

Nobody's ears are safe when I'm around.
_____

See what happens? I'm depraved on account of I'm coffee-deprived. The doc better give me the all-clear pretty soon or I'll start on steam turbines here.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Where's my coffee? Oh no, Tex's has closed, there's nobody here. What to do?

Guess I'll have to make my own.

https://us.123rf.com/450wm/bonnontawat/bonnontawat1611/bonnontawat161100273/68712908-portrait-of-charming-asian-girl-in-a-coffee-shop.jpg?ver=6

But Tex did leave the door open. Do not come between Chloe and the Coffee Machine!

http://s2.dmcdn.net/BQ8N6/x240-wUE.jpg

Followed by .... bliss. Aaaaaaahhhhhhh. Summer has returned. So okay, it's 2am but its summer and sunny somewhere and with coffee, it feels like summer

https://us.123rf.com/450wm/wxin/wxin1509/wxin150900338/44975342-chinese-girl-enjoying-her-drinks-in-a-cafe.jpg?ver=6

 

[Handley_Page]

Good evening to all.

Some fool at my publishers place called today and wanted to know if I could come to Chicago. I asked if it was or had been snowing there. He said it had been but I had time between storms to make the trip. I said, "No!' and hung up. So far I haven't heard anything back.

Fresh coffee for all.

If it's that important get the 'exec' to travel to Texas perhaps?
Good Luck with it.

Chloe, me dear, if you look slightly to your left (while facing South), you'll see a coffee pot. just switch it on; your coffee will be ready before you've washed your mug.

If fact, I'll join you; pass my mug please. . .

 

[TxRad]

Okay, I'm running late this morning. Blame it on the Housemate. I can and will. Such a grin she has.

Today is work on the truck day. I don't care how cold it is. The front brakes are getting done one way or the other.

Since Chloe and HP drained the first pot, I'll make a fresh one for the next wave. I'm thinking waffles for breakfast. Those are about the only thing that will pry Housemate out of bed before nine, Just to make sure she gets up, I'll add nice crispy smoked bacon to the pan.

No one can resist the smell of frying bacon.

 

[Handley_Page]

Okay, I'm running late this morning. Blame it on the Housemate. I can and will. Such a grin she has.

Today is work on the truck day. I don't care how cold it is. The front brakes are getting done one way or the other.

Since Chloe and HP drained the first pot, I'll make a fresh one for the next wave. I'm thinking waffles for breakfast. Those are about the only thing that will pry Housemate out of bed before nine, Just to make sure she gets up, I'll add nice crispy smoked bacon to the pan.

No one can resist the smell of frying bacon.

I surely can't.

 

[Hypoxia]

No one can resist the smell of frying bacon.

I surely can't.

I can, and don't call me Shirley.

Well, I *can*, but only if it's on the hoof and running toward me, ablaze. Hit a javelina with a flaming arrow and that's what you get. At least, that's what my sister north of Tucson had running through her backyard. Torched a couple of cats-claw acacias and some Jimson weed. What a mess!
_____

Meanwhile, y'all are saved. No steam turbines in the foreseeable future. Today the old cardiologist gave me a go-ahead on coffee and wine; I may regain some of my so-called humanity soon. Alas, this may be her last advice. She's retiring and passing me on to the guy who'll burn new pathways ('ablation') across my heart muscle. Too bad they won't glow in the dark.

Current fantasy: The ablation, performed soon, will work. We'll head down to the southern deserts in mid-January for some winter sun and might hang in for the Quartzite AZ gem fest. We'll spy some friends there and pay homage to the Hi Jolly (Hadj Ali) statue. And drink coffee every morning. YES!

 

[TxRad]

Welcome back to the dark side or at least to the dark roast side.

We had our impromptu neighborhood Christmas party this evening. Lots of good friends and lots of tacos. The sweet tea flowed like water. I stuck to the coffee.

Speaking of coffee, there is now a fresh pot for any in need.

 

[Handley_Page]

Welcome back to the dark side or at least to the dark roast side.

We had our impromptu neighborhood Christmas party this evening. Lots of good friends and lots of tacos. The sweet tea flowed like water. I stuck to the coffee.

Speaking of coffee, there is now a fresh pot for any in need.

Ah, he's a life-saver; (forms queue with Chloe and Hypoxia).
My part of the UK seldom disturbs the weather predictors, who seem more concerned with London & the south-east (unless some other part is going to get sopme serious bother). So the weatherman on the rado this morning was quite upbeat about it being warmer 'with a few spots of rain'.
He's obviosly not looked round here.
Clear, bright and bloody cold, gluing the snow that fell overnight.

Ah well, onward & upward.

 

[Hypoxia]

I couldn't wait till morning.

I brewed a pot of depresso (decaf espresso).

Ah, the flavor!

Now I can play 'ukulele with verve.

Cover your ears.

 

[TxRad]

Morning all,

The party yesterday evening was a roaring success. Housemate and Houseguest both got to meet most of the neighborhood. The older part anyway. I see coffee clutches and lunches in both their futures.

Since the females greatly out number the guys in our area, I held court on the porch so the pipes, cigars and such could be smoked freely. Not to mention a pint bottle of gin and a pint of Hot Damn being pasted around under the table.

Fresh coffee for the morning crew. Apple Fritters sound good. One of my neighbors left a platter. Not many were eaten. They didn't go with tacos very well but with coffee...

 

[Handley_Page]

I couldn't wait till morning.

I brewed a pot of depresso (decaf espresso).
Ah, the flavor!
Now I can play 'ukulele with verve.
Cover your ears.

Ears now suitably covered.
Whats a verve? like plectrum thing ?

Morning all,

The party yesterday evening was a roaring success. Housemate and Houseguest both got to meet most of the neighborhood. The older part anyway. I see coffee clutches and lunches in both their futures.

Since the females greatly out number the guys in our area, I held court on the porch so the pipes, cigars and such could be smoked freely. Not to mention a pint bottle of gin and a pint of Hot Damn being pasted around under the table.

Fresh coffee for the morning crew. Apple Fritters sound good. One of my neighbors left a platter. Not many were eaten. They didn't go with tacos very well but with coffee...

Thank you.
The Apple went Very Well with the coffee.
Now, do please tell me, what the 'ell is "Hot Damn" ?

 

[NotWise]

Fresh coffee for the morning crew. Apple Fritters sound good. One of my neighbors left a platter. Not many were eaten. They didn't go with tacos very well but with coffee...

Apple fritters with coffee sounds great to me! Now I wonder if I can find a fritter somewhere.

I'm trying a different coffee for a while; a medium-roasted Kona blend. I'm used to dark roasts and I've found that if I use the same amount of the medium roast to make the coffee then it comes out bitter, but it's fine if I use fewer beans.

 

[TxRad]

Hot Damn is a cinnamon schnapps.

 

[Hypoxia]

Ears now suitably covered.
Whats a verve? like plectrum thing ?

Verve is what hits a nerve. Good thing I didn't say "with zest" 'cause then I'd have to dig out some lemons. Like my little Lemonade triptych.

Meanwhile, music. In case anyone asks, "Hey Hypoxia, what sorts of musics do you try to evoke with those instruments?", I have answers.

'Ukuleles: Bossa nova, old-timey / ragtime, folky
Mandolins: Surf, blues / honkytonk, Celtic, hillbilly
Mountain Dulcimers: folk-rock, Gregorian chant

Some styles carry over amongst axes. The fun comes with trying to fingerpick the same tunes on axes with different stringings. I mostly set the mandos to 'Celtic' G-DAD! tuning. The bottom three strings are a 5th apart while the top two are a 4th apart, same as a guitar or fairly standard 'uke, so the upper melody fingerings are similar, and I can play bluesy double-stop tricks.

But the rest require different approaches, especially on 'ukes strung or tuned non-standard. Which finger hits the right note in which octave? Some tunings are only slight variations; dropping a guitar's top and/or bottom strings from E to D still leaves the familiar middle four strings. Do the same on an 'uke and there's little leeway for misfingering.

Of course mandos are flat-picked but 'ukes are finger-picked or -strummed. Totally different. Don't even ask about dulcimers, plucked with goose quills. I'll get to those later.

So Samba de Orfeo needs contrary handling on linear 'uke (like guitar), taropatch 'uke in open tuning (like hillbilly banjo), and 6-string 'uke (tuned inverted). And Secret Agent Man and Blue Skies play on an 'uke's top strings but all a mando's strings, with quite divergent picking. Always another challenge.

Yes, every new stringing or tuning makes it a new instrument to learn. Yow. Some punk guitarists are lazy and tune all strings the same, then depend on distortion to get their point across. Right.

Now, do please tell me, what the 'ell is "Hot Damn" ?

Likely it's 'shine. CORRECTION: Okay, so it's Southern alco-pop.

Meanwhile, coffee. With caffeine. My first real cup in a month. For the honors, I whip out the French press, add scoops of Café Bustelo dark roast, pour in boiling water, wait a few minutes for goodness to be extracted, decant into that floral ceramic Mexican cup, top with whipped cream, and slurp. Ahhhh...

Stop on by. I can make a few cups for you. Enjoy.

 

[Handley_Page]

The 'Hot Damn', upon further investigation seems to bear a strong resemblance to a drink I've not seen for 40 od years; Danziger Goldwasser.
As I recall, it IS hot!
These days, I can get something like it in a Supermarket chain (not my local one )

Now then, about this 'dulcimer' thing.
There was an interesting TV programme about this instrument a few decades ago. It's a cool music machine as I recall.

Meanwhile, more coffee.

 

[Hypoxia]

Now then, about this 'dulcimer' thing.
There was an interesting TV programme about this instrument a few decades ago. It's a cool music machine as I recall.

Don't mistake the mountain dulcimer for the hammered dulcimer or cembalon. Both are zithers (strings don't extend beyond the soundboard) but they're nowhere near the same.

Mountain dulcimers are traditionally held on a lap, fretted with a willow noter, and plucked with goose or duck quills. Old-school. My first stringed instrument was a trapezoid dulcimer played guitar-style. (*) For awhile I made dulcimers for sale. I now own two, one a traditional stretched-fiddle shape, handmade in Tennessee, and one a stretched-teardrop from a Chinese factory.

The latter has a weird history. We lived in a mile-high mining town on the Arizona (USA) - Sonora (MEX) border. We went shopping at WalMart in a nearby border city. There we found a batch of these rather nice, compact, Chinese-made dulcimers, discounted down to twenty bucks. I guess nobody at WalMart HQ grokked that dulcimers didn't really fit Mexican-American music.

(*) That first dulcimer taught me classical modes and the power of drone strings, both of which I carry into playing other string instruments.

Meanwhile, more coffee.

Only one cup allowed so far, but I supplemented that with cocoa, Theobroma cacao, the food of the gods. Mmmmm...