the Affair

[jeninflorida]

Your spouse/lover just admitted to an affair (with a girl)? Lets say that you’re the husband and she came home, and said she slept with a female coworker....how would you feel? Let’s say that your wife wants to keep on seeing her.....how would you feel?

Would you be upset that you didn't watch? Would you be okay with her having the affair, if she brought her coworker home?

Or, what if your wife wanted to have an affair, with a female lover…how would you react?

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

To me, the openness to say honestly " I want to try ....." whatever would be so touching I would let her do anythign so long as she told me about it.

Her with another woman, yes I would want to watch, but I know that it might make things awkward so I would give her some space.

The only hitch to the plan would be if I were to give her the freedom to explore but if she were to deny me the same freedom. If its one sided then its off.

 

[sirhugs]

yeah, I'd be upset I didn't get to watch...title idea..."Film at 11"?????

 

[jeninflorida]

yeah, I'd be upset I didn't get to watch...title idea..."Film at 11"?????

was watching friends the other day while cooking dinner...and the guys were making fun of Ross, for his x-wife...so curious to know who guys feel about this. with today's lifestyles, working and working...i could use some help..and a wife would be great! just have to find the right girl that i like & that hubby will enjoy

 

[sirhugs]

was watching friends the other day while cooking dinner...and the guys were making fun of Ross, for his x-wife...so curious to know who guys feel about this. with today's lifestyles, working and working...i could use some help..and a wife would be great! just have to find the right girl that i like & that hubby will enjoy

do you believe I've never watched an episode of Friends? I tried a few times, but was sooooooo bored.

 

[sirhugs]

A New "Friends" story:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=281804

 

[BedtimeStories77]

The only hitch to the plan would be if I were to give her the freedom to explore but if she were to deny me the same freedom. If its one sided then its off.

I've always told my husband that he could be with a man, alone, if he wanted. Fair is fair. But if he thinks he's getting a threesome with a woman because I am bi, he has another thing coming.

For those who don't know me well... I am bi and very open sexually. I've tried to get hubby to swing, but he won't do it. I'm all for that, but not "open relationships" where both parties can fuck whomever they want, whenever they want, without their partner.

 

[SweetErika]

Your spouse/lover just admitted to an affair (with a girl)? Lets say that you’re the husband and she came home, and said she slept with a female coworker....how would you feel? Let’s say that your wife wants to keep on seeing her.....how would you feel?

Would you be upset that you didn't watch? Would you be okay with her having the affair, if she brought her coworker home?

Or, what if your wife wanted to have an affair, with a female lover…how would you react?

My husband wouldn't be upset that he didn't get to watch, he'd be very upset that I'd cheated; the gender of the other person doesn't matter when it comes to dishonesty and disrespectful behavior.

Now, when I did tell him I wanted to make plans with a specific woman, he did want a threesome, but understood that wasn't an option for me at that point because the sex was about exploring MY feelings and defining MY sexuality. So, he gave me his blessing and I gave him all of the dirty details when I got home. A couple of years later, and we've agreed gender doesn't matter at all--sex and relationships with others are fundamentally the same--and it should be truly fair/equal, so he has the option of finding female partners if he wants to.

I think it'd be cool to see a story where the husband is really hurt/angered by the way the wife went about it. Then, maybe he comes around and agrees to let her have FF sex if he can participate (perhaps to her dismay, as she's the jealous type), or really struggle and finally support her in doing it on her own, or forbid it altogether, much to her frustration. I can see a potential for a lot of depth and a really good story there. What do you think?

 

[docgbrown]

Our answer

Your spouse/lover just admitted to an affair (with a girl)? Lets say that you’re the husband and she came home, and said she slept with a female coworker....how would you feel? Let’s say that your wife wants to keep on seeing her.....how would you feel?

Would you be upset that you didn't watch? Would you be okay with her having the affair, if she brought her coworker home?

Or, what if your wife wanted to have an affair, with a female lover…how would you react?

My wife has said she wants to try and bed a woman she knows and I gave her my blessing. She hasn't and likely won't follow though. She wants me to seduce her friend and then introduce her to my wife in a threesome.

If she did admit that she had an affair I would be pleased that she finally pushed herself over the self-limiting edge and began to get in touch with her sexuality and try to help her with her guilt issues. While she has normal desires she feels guilty about averything.

Since we began dating, my wife and I have been in a open relationship, but niether one of us has strayed. I would react well if she desired to continue to see er girlfriend from work as long as she always kept her hart home with me.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I've always told my husband that he could be with a man, alone, if he wanted. Fair is fair. But if he thinks he's getting a threesome with a woman because I am bi, he has another thing coming.

For those who don't know me well... I am bi and very open sexually. I've tried to get hubby to swing, but he won't do it. I'm all for that, but not "open relationships" where both parties can fuck whomever they want, whenever they want, without their partner.

So, aside from the bi thing, when else would you be cool with outside partners when you're not around? To each their own, of course, and I'm not judging, but I am just curious. Also, I don't understand the objection to having a threesome. Just wondering. Not trying to be mean. You know me. Had to ask, for curiosity's sake.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

So, aside from the bi thing, when else would you be cool with outside partners when you're not around? To each their own, of course, and I'm not judging, but I am just curious. Also, I don't understand the objection to having a threesome. Just wondering. Not trying to be mean. You know me. Had to ask, for curiosity's sake.

There is no "when else". I'm not for open relationships where two people can fuck whom they want when they want without their partner. I am, however, for swinging together as a couple.

As for the threesome thing... Why should he get another pussy if I can't have more cock? Fair is fair.

 

[CorsetLvr]

In my opinion there are three types of men when it comes to how they react to a bisexual partner.

1. The sexually insecure - basic reaction is "what can she do for you that I can't? She doesn't even have a cock." In other words clueless and threatened.

2. The user - basic reaction is "Great! I can't wait to join in!" His reaction is solely based on what he wants, with little or no regard to what his partner wants and what impact it might have on the relationship. He is full of fantasies about FFM 3-sums, most based on porn imagery, that have little or no relation to anything like a real life 3-sum. He expects to be the director and male lead in this porn version of a 3-sum. He is usually sadly disappointed with reality. His main motivation is that he gets to be with another woman besides his partner and live out those long held 3-sum fantasies.

3. The self confident and supportive man - basic reaction is "Great! I hoped you enjoyed yourself. Maybe you can share the details with me when we are in bed together later." He's not threatened by it. He realizes that this is just a part of his partner's sexuality she needs to explore. That exploration can be with or without him. If knows that if he is cool about it, he is more likely to be joining in, but not necessarily. He also realizes that the satisfaction of his partner will eventually come back to reward him and their relationship together in one form or another.

These conclusions are the result of many years spent as an actively bisexual woman. These years were spent looking for "Mr. Right." Obviously he was a #3. However, they are a rare breed, and finding a #3 with whom I shared chemistry and attraction was almost a life long pursuit. To be honest, I had pretty much given up when he finally did come along. When I was single, and I met a guy that I really liked, and I thought he had some degree of long term relationship potential, I would pop the news as to my sexual orientation on him. This was the big test. His reaction to the news was the determining factor for me as to whether we would have a future. Obviously, this didn't happen very often. Over time I was able to quickly determine which category a man fell into. Often I didn't even have to tell him that I was bisexual. It was obvious long before that point.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

There is no "when else". I'm not for open relationships where two people can fuck whom they want when they want without their partner. I am, however, for swinging together as a couple.

As for the threesome thing... Why should he get another pussy if I can't have more cock? Fair is fair.

Ah, I see. I thought that the threesome was as hypothetical as the swinging. Evidently not. I frankly don't get why he would want to set a rule that you can sleep with women, but not with men. For a straight man, that's completely contrary to self-interest (might be different for a bi guy like me, though it doesn't matter, since my lover and I are swingers anyway). The net effect is simply to leave himself the only one not getting any on the side. Not trying to be mean to your hubby, but it seems like an impractical rule for him to set. Other people are other people, whether they are women or men.

As for Corset luvr's remarks, I understand that it's about self-expression. For me, as a bisexual man with a bi-curious girlfriend/slave, I am well-aware of the importance of that. However, many guys are also in group #4: paranoid about having a double standard imposed on them. If you're sleeping with another woman, shouldn't they get to do so? If they have the same right as yourself, and you don't wish to impose a double standard on them, then why exclude them? Maybe it's because I'm a bisexual man, or just very hung-up on basic fairness, but I don't see a difference between a right to screw the same sex and a right to screw the opposite sex. Double standards are still wrong.

 

[emap]

Well it's not always a double standard thing there. Many couples say we have an open relationship but you can only sleep with same sex partners. As in he can only have guys and she can only have women. They do this as a safety feature, since it's actually kind of amazing how many men and women won't do that, not because they don't want to, which a large number don't, but because it's against their religion, a larger number think that way.

In effect it removes threesomes from ever being discussed, since one of them couldn't be there doing the man or woman, and limits if not removes cheating.

Granted religion doesn't always work as a deterrant on screwing a same sex person, look at that evanglical leader guy in the news right now. Only got a massage and bought drugs my ass.

Now, if he came to me and said he fucked a woman, well two things would happen, I would ask when I can taste her, and I would ask when he is getting me gangbanged.

Not that I think it would happen of course, he gets his fill of me.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Well it's not always a double standard thing there. Many couples say we have an open relationship but you can only sleep with same sex partners. As in he can only have guys and she can only have women. They do this as a safety feature, since it's actually kind of amazing how many men and women won't do that, not because they don't want to, which a large number don't, but because it's against their religion, a larger number think that way.

In effect it removes threesomes from ever being discussed, since one of them couldn't be there doing the man or woman, and limits if not removes cheating.

Granted religion doesn't always work as a deterrant on screwing a same sex person, look at that evanglical leader guy in the news right now. Only got a massage and bought drugs my ass.

Now, if he came to me and said he fucked a woman, well two things would happen, I would ask when I can taste her, and I would ask when he is getting me gangbanged.

Not that I think it would happen of course, he gets his fill of me.

Well, as long as the same rule applies to both, that's one thing. However, it doesn't make sense unless BOTH partners are bi. It reminds me of a story I'm working on, where there is a same-sex couple, bisexual men, and they have a deal about no other men. That, of course, is because they are both getting their same-sex desires covered by each other (and don't wish outsiders knowing about their relationship yet). They can screw other women, however, to provide for their opposite sex desires, and also provide them with a track record to fool those who wouldn't understand. However, if one of them was gay and the other bi, such a deal just wouldn't make sense or be fair. Yeah, he has the option, but it's not a practical one, since he isn't attracted to women.

 

[CorsetLvr]

If you're sleeping with another woman, shouldn't they get to do so? If they have the same right as yourself, and you don't wish to impose a double standard on them, then why exclude them? Maybe it's because I'm a bisexual man, or just very hung-up on basic fairness, but I don't see a difference between a right to screw the same sex and a right to screw the opposite sex. Double standards are still wrong.

I apologize for my lack of foresight. I was referring to the majority of men I dated that were straight. I don't recall being in a similar situation with a bi man. If I told a guy that I was bi, and he said, "so am I," I suppose that would have been a different dynamic. In my own defense I never said I would would have a problem with him playing with another guy. It just never came up. It sounds like I may have hit a hot button on that issue.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I apologize for my lack of foresight. I was referring to the majority of men I dated that were straight. I don't recall being in a similar situation with a bi man. If I told a guy that I was bi, and he said, "so am I," I suppose that would have been a different dynamic. In my own defense I never said I would would have a problem with him playing with another guy. It just never came up. It sounds like I may have hit a hot button on that issue.

I understand that. My point, however, is that if you get to sleep with other people, of either sex, so should he. If he wants men only, fine. If he wants women only, fine. I'm not saying that you should let him participate in the threesome. I'm saying that the sex of the other person is immaterial, as far as I'm concerned. I'm also saying that if you have a straight guy and you don't want to include him in the threesomes, you should make it clear that you're not doing so to keep him all to yourself and impose a double standard. Otherwise, paranoia and a sense of unfairness rear their ugly heads. I brought up my own sexuality so that you would know that I understand about the need to explore one's sexuality, but that I still deem the sex of the other party irrelevant. What's good for the goose....well, you know the rest of the saying.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

In my opinion there are three types of men when it comes to how they react to a bisexual partner.

1. The sexually insecure - basic reaction is "what can she do for you that I can't? She doesn't even have a cock." In other words clueless and threatened.

The first person I came out to was a boyfriend when I was 15. He fit under category #1. (Though I hadn't been with a female other than simple "experimentation", he said to choose. It was either him or women. I said "bye". He said "no really, I'm serious." I said "I am too. If you're making me choose, then I say good bye to you."

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

What's wrong with wanting a threesome? You wouldn't hear most bi men complain that their wives' first reaction to the news is a desire for an MMF. It doesn't tamper with their "self-exploration", now does it? How is it different for dames? Just arguing for the devil here.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

In case this is (partially) directed at me, I shall respond. I'm not against threesomes. I've been in many FFM and MMF threesomes in the past. (Frankly, I do prefer even numbers of people, though, be them two, four, six... But that's another story. lol)

What I object to is a man thinking having a bisexual wife/girlfriend means he's "allowed" to have two pussies to fuck while setting a double standard saying she cannot have another cock to play with.

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

In case this is (partially) directed at me, I shall respond. I'm not against threesomes. I've been in many FFM and MMF threesomes in the past. (Frankly, I do prefer even numbers of people, though, be them two, four, six... But that's another story. lol)

What I object to is a man thinking having a bisexual wife/girlfriend means he's "allowed" to have two pussies to fuck while setting a double standard saying she cannot have another cock to play with.

Actually, I reacted to the other lady's remarks. But thanks for clearing that up. You're worried about double standards. Aren't we all, or we should be. Humanity has an awful track record on the issue of equity (fairness for most people). We foolish mortals tend to think of ourselves first. Comes from our earlier stages of evolution. Hopefully, more people shall evolve to accept that the law for man should be the law for woman and vice versa. Otherwise, to quote Malcolm McDowell from "Caligula", "Mother Isis won't be pleased."

 

[SweetErika]

Ah, I see. I thought that the threesome was as hypothetical as the swinging. Evidently not. I frankly don't get why he would want to set a rule that you can sleep with women, but not with men. For a straight man, that's completely contrary to self-interest (might be different for a bi guy like me, though it doesn't matter, since my lover and I are swingers anyway). The net effect is simply to leave himself the only one not getting any on the side. Not trying to be mean to your hubby, but it seems like an impractical rule for him to set. Other people are other people, whether they are women or men.

That's what we've concluded. It started with me being allowed to have relationships with women, and it certainly WAS unfair IMO for my husband not to be allowed to do the same - why should he be limited by his sexuality (straight), when I wasn't by mine? At that point, it felt unfair, but we justified it, mostly because neither of us were ready for him to go outside our relationship (and our big rule is that we won't do anything that's likely to be detrimental to one of us or the marriage).

Then, we figured out people were people, and it didn't really matter if my relationships were with women or men. A few months of working on insecurity and jealousy, and we (but it's always been my decision primarily since I have more issues with it ) concluded we both must support each other in going outside with both genders. He's limited to women by his sexuality and is choosing not to exercise his option at this time, but it's completely fair now, and that feels good.

One of the things we've talked about is the very practical concern of pregnancy. If I get pregnant by another man, we have a plan. If my husband impregnates another woman, however, he doesn't have any real decision-making power (even as far as the Morning After Pill), and he's said that's one of the factors that's leading him to not exercise his option right now. So, in that regard, I can see where couples might choose inequality.

What's wrong with wanting a threesome? You wouldn't hear most bi men complain that their wives' first reaction to the news is a desire for an MMF. It doesn't tamper with their "self-exploration", now does it? How is it different for dames? Just arguing for the devil here.

Actually, for me, having another person there DOES change the experience drastically, and that can hinder my self-exploration. Three/moresomes can be fantastic, but they're very different to me from one-on-one sex; like the difference between making love and animalistic fucking, or erotica and hardcore porn, if you will. Neither is better or worse, they're just different, and sometimes the situation or my desires call for one or the other.

I pretty much insisted I be able to explore with women the first few times on my own because it was about me figuring out my sexuality and I knew having a man there would change the experience. I knew I'd figure it out faster and be more sure if I had unedited FF sex, and that turned out to be true. It can also be difficult to find a woman who's willing to let a male partner join, or even watch, so my husband's insistence at being included would hinder my opportunities to express this part of my sexuality. Finding women I want to be involved with is hard enough, as is (granted, I'm looking for more than sex and sheer physical attraction); a threesome requirement would likely push it from one every year or two to maybe one every decade or two.

Our agreement is my relationships are mine alone, and if my lover and I invite him into our bed, great, but he can't expect it because it's not up to me, and I won't put any kind of pressure on the other person. If he wants a threesome, he's welcome to find another woman I'm compatible with, or two others who don't mind him joining in.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

That's what we've concluded. It started with me being allowed to have relationships with women, and it certainly WAS unfair IMO for my husband not to be allowed to do the same - why should he be limited by his sexuality (straight), when I wasn't by mine? At that point, it felt unfair, but we justified it, mostly because neither of us were ready for him to go outside our relationship (and our big rule is that we won't do anything that's likely to be detrimental to one of us or the marriage).

Then, we figured out people were people, and it didn't really matter if my relationships were with women or men. A few months of working on insecurity and jealousy, and we (but it's always been my decision primarily since I have more issues with it ) concluded we both must support each other in going outside with both genders. He's limited to women by his sexuality and is choosing not to exercise his option at this time, but it's completely fair now, and that feels good.

One of the things we've talked about is the very practical concern of pregnancy. If I get pregnant by another man, we have a plan. If my husband impregnates another woman, however, he doesn't have any real decision-making power (even as far as the Morning After Pill), and he's said that's one of the factors that's leading him to not exercise his option right now. So, in that regard, I can see where couples might choose inequality.

Actually, for me, having another person there DOES change the experience drastically, and that can hinder my self-exploration. Three/moresomes can be fantastic, but they're very different to me from one-on-one sex; like the difference between making love and animalistic fucking, or erotica and hardcore porn, if you will. Neither is better or worse, they're just different, and sometimes the situation or my desires call for one or the other.

I pretty much insisted I be able to explore with women the first few times on my own because it was about me figuring out my sexuality and I knew having a man there would change the experience. I knew I'd figure it out faster and be more sure if I had unedited FF sex, and that turned out to be true. It can also be difficult to find a woman who's willing to let a male partner join, or even watch, so my husband's insistence at being included would hinder my opportunities to express this part of my sexuality. Finding women I want to be involved with is hard enough, as is (granted, I'm looking for more than sex and sheer physical attraction); a threesome requirement would likely push it from one every year or two to maybe one every decade or two.

Our agreement is my relationships are mine alone, and if my lover and I invite him into our bed, great, but he can't expect it because it's not up to me, and I won't put any kind of pressure on the other person. If he wants a threesome, he's welcome to find another woman I'm compatible with, or two others who don't mind him joining in.

Glad that you came up with a solid approach. Now, as to pregnancy, that's certainly an issue. It's not really going to be one for me or my girl in time. I use condoms with other women (and other men, for that matter, but that's for STDs not pregnancy, of course). She insists on condoms too with any other men (women are less of an issue, since she leans so heavily in the hetero direction- I suspect that I'm by far going to have the lion's share of the same-sex liaisons in our relationship). However, it can be for others. The main thing is that you give him the right to decide that issue for himself, based on all of the factors. The other reason that I don't worry about that myself is that I'm getting a vasectomy in time. Since she already has had her tubes tied, there's not going to be a pregnancy as a result.

 

[SweetErika]

Glad that you came up with a solid approach. Now, as to pregnancy, that's certainly an issue. It's not really going to be one for me or my girl in time. I use condoms with other women (and other men, for that matter, but that's for STDs not pregnancy, of course). She insists on condoms too with any other men (women are less of an issue, since she leans so heavily in the hetero direction- I suspect that I'm by far going to have the lion's share of the same-sex liaisons in our relationship). However, it can be for others. The main thing is that you give him the right to decide that issue for himself, based on all of the factors. The other reason that I don't worry about that myself is that I'm getting a vasectomy in time. Since she already has had her tubes tied, there's not going to be a pregnancy as a result.

Condoms are a rule for us, no exceptions. The concern for him regarding pregnancy is they aren't failsafe; they use it properly, but it slips off or breaks, and maybe she's not as good with her birth control as she needs to be, and refuses to take the MAP. Yeah, it's a really slim chance, but apparently it's enough of one to factor into HIS decision not to have sex with other women right now. There are other much bigger factors, but it's something he takes into consideration. I have a feeling when he gets snipped in seven or so years, he'll feel a lot better about going outside. For now, apparently he's perfectly happy with having the option to have other partners, and I'm thrilled that he's happy.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Condoms are a rule for us, no exceptions. The concern for him regarding pregnancy is they aren't failsafe; they use it properly, but it slips off or breaks, and maybe she's not as good with her birth control as she needs to be, and refuses to take the MAP. Yeah, it's a really slim chance, but apparently it's enough of one to factor into HIS decision not to have sex with other women right now. There are other much bigger factors, but it's something he takes into consideration. I have a feeling when he gets snipped in seven or so years, he'll feel a lot better about going outside. For now, apparently he's perfectly happy with having the option to have other partners, and I'm thrilled that he's happy.

Well, that's a good thing, to let him decide something like that in his own time. It's the same freedom he gave you to explore your sexuality. It sounds like the two of you are very considerate of each other's needs.