That no-dick fucking Jesus!!!!

[Sparky Kronkite]

It would seem logical to me: If God has a dick……… and Jesus has a dick………… then man/men, created in their creators image, must be Godlike.

No?

The dicks of the deities. Makes you wonder……… did Jesus practice oral? How big might they have been down there? Too hairy? They didn't have slick razors back then - or TP either - it must have been pretty nasty down there.

And hard to get to too. Hell if a woman wanted to fondle God's balls - well let's say Jesus's balls - she'd have to reach way down and pull up that nasty, scratchy robe - and then find the damn thing in that thicket of dinkle berried hair.

Uck! How about it ladies? Would God - or Jesus - turn you on? Would that not be the ultimate power fuck?

 

[Ravenloft]

I... I think I'm insulted... No, wait! I KNOW I'm insulted!

 

[Ravenloft]

Um... Spark, where in the fuck do you come up with this sort of shit?!

...Wait... Have you been drinking again???

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Nope.....

Sober as BobToad. Just a bit twisted's all.

 

[Ramlick]

Sparky, you raise a damn good point.

The Bible says we are made in God's image. Well then, he, if he is indeed a he, has a dick.

So if he has a dick, who does he fuck with it? I think it's a legitimate question.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Yep, I've thought of the possibility of...

a female god - but then she'd be a "Goddess" - now wouldn't she?

And shit yeah! I'd have sex with a Goddess - anytime! Hell I'd be a kept man - a sex slave - and bather tushy too.

Yeah, I'd be her immortal sex toy boy - she could be a beautiful giant Goddess too and she could use me as her living sex toy - my whole body - dip me in K-Y and stuff me up inside her - just my head stickin' out - all wet and goopy - but I could breath then you see. Then I'd just start wigglin' and a dancin' - hell, I'd do the Fruge and the Boogaloo and the Twist too - until she came. Splush!

I'd worry she might spit me out with that orgasm though - knock my knogin' on the floor and I'd get a concussion. That could kill me!

Yeah anyway - God was a dude. He had a dick. The dick of God.

 

[Ravenloft]

Hmm... Wonder what Richard Gear's gerble thinks about this thread...

 

[lala]

hey kids, i thought i'd jump in,... i'm one of those that figgers god is everywhere, all the time,... so aren't we all getting fucked by god all the time? i would love to get fucked by god,... i also think god's pefect,... don't you think god would be the best in bed? in short,... fuck ya, bring him on, baby!

 

[Thumper]

Man's Vanity...

Sparky, you raise a damn good point.

The Bible says we are made in God's image. Well then, he, if he is indeed a he, has a dick.

So if he has a dick, who does he fuck with it? I think it's a legitimate question.

The bible say's we are made in God's image because it was written by men....

Vain, chauvinistic, pompous, self righteous and ignorant men. Unable to conceive of any abstract ideas so let's make god into our own image ...

 

[R Nitelight]

I've read the Bible. There is no passage in the Scriptures that says Jesus had a dick.

 

[Ravenloft]

But there is one that says "Jesus wept"...

 

[Cheri]

I've read the Bible. There is no passage in the Scriptures that says Jesus had a dick.

So He had to sit down and pee?

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

U's tink Jesus had some dick.....

Now Moses - he! He had a fuckin' cock that would drop jaws in awe! A bit peice of meat that one. Yeah Moses, freakin' huge and.... da foreskin! Oye! Ven da Rabbi cut it from little baby Moses - his mudda used it for a neck warmer for years. Until the dingos got it. Fuckin' dingos.

 

[Ramlick]

I'm not sure who had the biggest dick, but there were quite a few of those guys who had balls.

That David, he had a lot of balls.

 

[Ravenloft]

And a stone or two...

 

[CreamyLady]

I'm trying to think of a male deity worth getting undressed for; Baal comes to mind. Pan, too, and by extension, Cernunnos.

Otherwise, mm, no, I don't think so . . .

 

[Mustang Sally]

Re: Man's Vanity...

The bible say's we are made in God's image because it was writen by men.... Vain, chauvinistic, pompous, self righteous and ignorant men. Unable to conceive of any abstract ideas so let's make god into our own image ...

Written by men recording God's own words, isn't that how it's supposed to work? Or written by men making the whole thing up, maybe? OH the deception!

Anyways, wow Sparky! I'd love to spend a day inside your head. To know the train of thought that would lead to such a question, presented with all that disgustingly juicy detail... Ugh, maybe not.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Yeah well.....

I can't help it now can I? Am I not supposed to share? It's in there - bustin' to get out. Just can't help it. My appologies for those who "don't/can't go there." But then again............

 

[Mustang Sally]

Oh no, Sparky. That's not what I meant at all. Of course you should share. Your musings are interesting, from a psychological perspective if nothing else. *LOL* Besides, if I really didn't like them, I probably would have learned by now not to open your oddly-titled threads.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Mustang Sally]

Not meaning to be disrepctful of anyone's beliefs here, only an over-simplified version of my own.

To me, the Bible reads like a fairy tale. It contains all sorts of neat little morals, but it is fiction and not meant to be taken so literally. It could have been written by one of the brothers Grimm.

To take it as a spiritual guide, to worship its characters and believe your very soul is in jeopardy if you don't live as it decrees all seems a tad ridiculous. The Bible should be no more revered than, say, Shakespeare's texts.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Mustang Sally]

Why thank you, CB.

 

[Flagg]

I think the whole idea of fucking god is preposturous

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Oh I don't know...... Flagg.....

But I would be concerned regarding who might be the "fuck'er" and who might be the "fuck'ee." Me? I'd prefer to pitch and not catch. You know - lightning bolts up my ass and all - it could hurt.