Thanksgiving Disasters

[dr_mabeuse]

The paper bag full of giblets that cooked inside the turkey. The sweet potatoes with bourbon that had waayyyyy too much liquor in them. The bird that wouldn't thaw. The oven that got too hot.

We've all got them. I want to hear about them.

My own was the Thankksgiving I spent in Palo Alto back before it was Silicon Valley. Our host was supposed to be some sort of concert pianist, but it seemed to me that he only knew one piece and played it over and over: before dinner, during, and after.

He served duck with cherry sauce as a change from tradition and apparently liked it raw. We were each given half a tepid, pink and fatty carcass and encouraged to dig in, while the host went to the Steinway and played that damned piece again and again.

I started drinking gin with dinner and I wasn't the only one. (Well what else goes with rare duck?) I ended up under the piano watching him work the pedals as he encored that piece of music one last time. By that time the women were crying and the men were ready to fight.

 

[carsonshepherd]

That makes my story about our malamute getting into my grandma's spare room and eating the middles out of all the pies seem pretty lame.

 

[SeaCat]

LOLOLOL Do not ever be tempted to allow a surgeon to carve the turkey, unless of course you want shredded Turkey. (He's an Opthamolgic Surgeon.)

Cat

 

[R. Richard]

One Thanksgiving we had a fine supper and then went to one of the guests house for dessert. The dessert was [supposedly] pumkin pie. The lady who made the pie was some sort of health food fanatic and made the pie with no sugar. I still don't think it was pumpkin pie, but rather cardboard run through a blender with a little milk, however I can't prove anything.

 

[SeaCat]

Two concepts which don't mix, Flour dust and gas stove. (My sisters first try at cooking a Turkey Dinner at her place. I never laughed so hard in my life.)

Cat

 

[Alex756]

Well, I guess that tops my thanksgiving why my brother in law's now ex gf was playing the who is the better pregnant person contest with me, well she was playing I wasn't.

Ahh the priceless moment of my Sister in law walking in, taking one look at her and saying 'Who the hell let you out of the house wearing that' Due date end of december, crop top, Novemeber, need I say more?

then again 3 pregnant women shoved in one small house with way too many relatives was probbaly something no sane person would have attempted in the first place, ahh dear grandma thinking that would actually work. Bless her heart.

~Alex

 

[entitled]

A friend of the RA's had gotten a turkey on sale the day after Thanksgiving one year and had immediately frozen it to use the next year. Her normal practice. During that year we got a bbq/smoker thingy, so we all decided that since it was such a big bird, we might as well smoke the damned thing and share it. So she brings it over and i put it in the fridge to thaw.

The next day something started smelling just awful. We lived out in the country, in a trailer, so we thought one of the cats had gotten underneath and died or something. No big deal, it happens. We looked under there and there was nothing. We figured it must have been a mouse that crawled into a crack and croaked. Checked the usual places, and there wasn't anything. Figured it was in the wall. No big deal.

We fire that smoker up, put the turkey in, and let it stay in there all day. EVERYBODY on the ranch came by at some point or another during the day to see when it would be done. It just smelled that good.

Anyway, come about nightfall, we get the turkey out and take it down to our friends' house to cut it open and see if it's done or not. Her husband slices into the breast and takes a little taste, decides it's absolutely perfect, and that he should carve it.

He cuts the leg off and the inside is just GREEN.

At least we figured out what the stink was.

 

[thebullet]

Mother-in-law #1 was a prim and proper prima donna. Her family was too good for my family. Her daughter was too good for me. Her father was a millionaire (and she never let anyone forget it). To me she was a general pain in the ass. Her husband was a total submissive who bent to her every wish.

She never felt comfortable around boys (she had born 2 girls). My son was (and still is 30 years later) an absolute hellion. He never stopped moving, never stopped getting into anything he could get into. My Mother-in-law could barely stand to be in the same room with him - and at this time he was only 3 years old.

We drove to the In-laws for the weekend - Wednesday thru Sunday (my idea of a personal hell).

Came Thanksgiving morning. Mother-in-law went in to take her shower, only to come out screaming. No Hot Water! She was furious. She immediately called a plumber and insisted that someone be sent out immediately.

The morning passed, the dinner was cooked, everyone sat down and was eating a Thanksgiving feast when the poor plumber arrived and was pointed to the basement to go down and fix the water heater.

The plumber came back up the stairs 2 minutes later. He said, "Someone pushed the off switch on the water heater". Everyone looked at my little boy. I laughed for the rest of the weekend.

_____________
Even better:

The next time we went to visit the in-laws it was in response to a request to rush on down and look at the brand new wall-to-wall carpet that had been installed in their house. We parked the car in their driveway. Mother-in-law opened the back door and my family walked in throught the kitchen. My 3 year old boy ran into the living room, pulled down his pants, and pissed right onto the famliy crest sewn into the fucking brand new wall-to-wall carpet.

I thought I would die laughing.

As a side note, my son never did anything like that before or since. I have no idea what inspired him other than his instinctive knowledge that his grandmother couldn't stand to be around him. I guess it was payback.

 

[Guest]

 

[BlackShanglan]

Not mine, but my mother's - she arrived at the home of a friend on Thanksgiving to find the friend's little brother rolling on the floor howling with laughter and gasping "Mom blew up the turkey!

She'd stuffed it the night before, which one ought never, ever to do, and used sausage stuffing to boot. Overnight gasses built up inside; when it got hot enough, it blew the side out of the bird. Incendiary turkey bomb, or some one would fondly wish to imagine.

Shanglan

 

[cloudy]

this was during the x-mas holidays, I think.

My ex-MIL can't cook a lick - the woman burns canned biscuits, okay? She decided she would make chicken and dumplings, since everyone in the family loved mine so much, and heaven forbid I do something better than she can.

She'd never made them before.

For those who've never made them, a cardinal rule is you DO NOT stir them while they are cooking. Doing so makes them stick together.

She stirred.

The entire family still laughs about her chicken and DUMPLING (no 's').

 

[BlackShanglan]

I don't suppose, Cloudy, that one might talk you into posting a recipe for your chicken and dumplings? I have a terrible weakness for that dish - terrible because no one in my family or friends knows how to cook it. I've thought about trying cookbooks, but not knowing even generally how dumplings are made, I don't know what distinguishes a good recipe.

Shanglan

 

[rgraham666]

I don't know what distinguishes a good recipe.

Shanglan

You can eat it without adverse physical effects is usually a good start.

 

[BlackShanglan]

You can eat it without adverse physical effects is usually a good start.

*nods* Definitely a good start.

Perhaps I should have been more specific. I don't know how to distinguish a good from a bad recipe without making the food. Unless you meant eating the recipe itself? Hmmm ... always possible ...

 

[cloudy]

I don't suppose, Cloudy, that one might talk you into posting a recipe for your chicken and dumplings? I have a terrible weakness for that dish - terrible because no one in my family or friends knows how to cook it. I've thought about trying cookbooks, but not knowing even generally how dumplings are made, I don't know what distinguishes a good recipe.

Shanglan

For you? Of course.

I just use chicken breasts, but you can use whatever pieces of chicken you prefer. If you use breasts, though, you need extra chicken stock.

Boil your chicken until it's done, then take it out of the stock, and tear/cut it into bite-size pieces, and set aside.

Make biscuit dough.....just like you were going to make biscuits. Roll it out on a flour covered surface VERY thin, maybe 1/4 inch thick or a tad less. Dust the surface of the dough with flour, and then cut into strips about 3/4 to 1 inch wide, and about 6 inches long. Make sure they're dusted LIBERALLY with flour, and leave on the counter to dry out for about an hour or so. (no, I'm not kidding - this keeps them from falling apart).

When they've dried out awhile, get your chicken stock going at a good rolling boil, add the chicken back to it (salt & pepper to taste), keeping it at a boil, and then drop the dumplings in one at a time (I hang on the the end and GENTLY drop them in). DON'T STIR.

They cook quickly - say 10 - 15 minutes.

Serve.

(and they're even better the next day)

 

[carsonshepherd]

I don't suppose, Cloudy, that one might talk you into posting a recipe for your chicken and dumplings? I have a terrible weakness for that dish - terrible because no one in my family or friends knows how to cook it. I've thought about trying cookbooks, but not knowing even generally how dumplings are made, I don't know what distinguishes a good recipe.

Shanglan

Depends on if you're talking about fluffy dumplings or flat dumplings (which are, in fact, noodles.)

Oops... noodles above Delicious but not dumplings, at least where I come from.

 

[cloudy]

Depends on if you're talking about fluffy dumplings or flat dumplings (which are, in fact, noodles.)

Oops... noodles above Delicious but not dumplings, at least where I come from.

Yeah, everyone makes 'em different. This is the south Georgia variety.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Yeah, everyone makes 'em different. This is the south Georgia variety.

and they're good noodles

 

[cloudy]

and they're good noodles

hell yes, they are.

The finest of comfort foods.

 

[carsonshepherd]

my grandma's chicken and dumplings

boil a few pounds of chicken wings in water seasoned with onion and some celery tops, until the meat is falling off the bone. Bone the chicken and strain the broth. Add the chicken meat (wing meat is very good) along with some chopped celery, onion and parsley, and salt and pepper; simmer until the celery and onion are tender.

Then, make Bisquick dumplings according to the recipe on the box and simmer them on top of the broth until they're firm. Serve the meat and broth (which will be thickened from the dough) on top of the dumplings.

Now that's a dumpling

 

[BlackShanglan]

Thank you both! Looks like I will have to make two batches and have a run-off.

Very much appreciated!

 

[carsonshepherd]

Thank you both! Looks like I will have to make two batches and have a run-off.

Very much appreciated!

Just remember, Cloudy's are noodles, so you can like both equally

 

[cloudy]

Just remember, Cloudy's are noodles, so you can like both equally

No, mine are just Georgia dumplings.

You can still like them equally.

 

[English Lady]

I got very confused reading Cloudy's dumpling recipe *grins* I think I have to agree with Carson, they sound like noodles to me *laughing* thankfully I understand what american biscuits are or I'd have been even more confused!

A dumpling to me is made with suet, flour and a little water and sat on top of a lovely bubbling pot of Nanna's recpie hot pot. Mmmmmmm perfect. (Hot pot is mince beef, potatoes, onion and carrot in a beefy gravy, simple but yummy)

Ok, now I'm hungry

 

[Unsung Muse]

my grandma's chicken and dumplings
... make Bisquick dumplings according to the recipe on the box and simmer them on top of the broth until they're firm... Now that's a dumpling

You just made me really miss my Grandma
This is how I make 'em too... as I recall, you've got to cover
the pot right after you drop them in (so they fluff up), right?