texts from last night

[Raisa_Greywood]

(989):

dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

That one was a very disturbing visual...

Bella

 

[graceanne]

That one was a very disturbing visual...

Bella

I just like the end 'run far away'. LOL

 

[graceanne]

The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

 

[graceanne]

I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight


(303):

You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
(1-303):

ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

(727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

Yes, my task for the day... I also must learn the one from 727...

Bella

maybe we can sneak into the Italian lit section and ask. LOL And French and Dutch and German. And really this is a KEY phrase in all languages.

Oh god, yes! Can't decide if it's more important than being able to ask directions to a bathroom... Will have to think on it.

Bella

From Google Translate and/or freetranslation.com:

Italian: Cazzo me e lasciare lividi.
French: Me baiser et les contusions de feuille.
Dutch: Neuk mij en verlofkneuzingen.
German: Fick mich und lassen Prellungen, or Ficken Sie mich und Blattquetschungen. (Second is slightly more formal usage.)​

Probably wouldn't hurt to check with some native speakers if you can find them. Computer translations aren't always the most accurate

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

I am so wasting time on this site...

Bella

And thank you Sir W! Definitely a key phrase...

 

[Sir_Winston54]

And thank you Sir W! Definitely a key phrase...

Caution: "Cazzo" in Italian is literally "shit," though a widely-used slang term for "fuck." (Don't ask ME why, cuz I don't know!)

You might be better understood if you were to say, "Sesso con me" (have sex with me) "e invia lividi." (Further research brought these results )

 

[Essene]

Caution: "Cazzo" in Italian is literally "shit," though a widely-used slang term for "fuck." (Don't ask ME why, cuz I don't know!)

You might be better understood if you were to say, "Sesso con me" (have sex with me) "e invia lividi." (Further research brought these results )

ROFL.

Um yeah, I personally would go with the latter translation. I wouldn't want anyone to come home with a story about how their request yielded unexpected results.

 

[thesan]

From Google Translate and/or freetranslation.com:

Italian: Cazzo me e lasciare lividi.
French: Me baiser et les contusions de feuille.
Dutch: Neuk mij en verlofkneuzingen.
German: Fick mich und lassen Prellungen, or Ficken Sie mich und Blattquetschungen. (Second is slightly more formal usage.)​

Probably wouldn't hurt to check with some native speakers if you can find them. Computer translations aren't always the most accurate

thank you for finding these for us!!!

Caution: "Cazzo" in Italian is literally "shit," though a widely-used slang term for "fuck." (Don't ask ME why, cuz I don't know!)

You might be better understood if you were to say, "Sesso con me" (have sex with me) "e invia lividi." (Further research brought these results )

ROFL.

Um yeah, I personally would go with the latter translation. I wouldn't want anyone to come home with a story about how their request yielded unexpected results.

Ummm yeah cause well one would be cool and the other not so much!!!

 

[Betticus]

Yessssss!!!

I was in a restaurant today for a buddies birthday, we had three six top tables and between us and the rest of our party were a group of older ladies who had finished dinner like an hour before but were just gossiping. We were trying to encourage them to leave so very loudly, right in the middle of everyones conversation I look over to my friend Damon and say:

"I heard that you have a big, thick, juicy cock"!

All conversation stopped and then my buddy Steve looks at Damon and says:

"I heard the same thing".

 

[graceanne]

Yessssss!!!

I was in a restaurant today for a buddies birthday, we had three six top tables and between us and the rest of our party were a group of older ladies who had finished dinner like an hour before but were just gossiping. We were trying to encourage them to leave so very loudly, right in the middle of everyones conversation I look over to my friend Damon and say:

"I heard that you have a big, thick, juicy cock"!

All conversation stopped and then my buddy Steve looks at Damon and says:

"I heard the same thing".

You REALLY don't have enough to do with your time. LOL

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Yessssss!!!

I was in a restaurant today for a buddies birthday, we had three six top tables and between us and the rest of our party were a group of older ladies who had finished dinner like an hour before but were just gossiping. We were trying to encourage them to leave so very loudly, right in the middle of everyones conversation I look over to my friend Damon and say:

"I heard that you have a big, thick, juicy cock"!

All conversation stopped and then my buddy Steve looks at Damon and says:

"I heard the same thing".

You REALLY don't have enough to do with your time. LOL

But you left the really important question unanswered: Did the gossiping ladies leave?

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

But you left the really important question unanswered: Did the gossiping ladies leave?

Or did they come over to find out if the rumor was true?

Bella

 

[Netzach]

Seriously that is so not incentive to go.

"Dude I'm so glad to see you, how long were you in State again, it's got to be like 8 years"

Better.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

(620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

=-=-=-=-=

(+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

=-=-=-=-=

(954):
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

=-=-=-=-=

(818):
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

=-=-=-=-=

(614):
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

=-=-=-=-=

(707):
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

=-=-=-=-=

(717):
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.

=-=-=-=-=

(832):
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

(713):
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

=-=-=-=-=

(315):
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

 

[rida]

From Google Translate and/or freetranslation.com:

Italian: Cazzo me e lasciare lividi.)​

Caution: "Cazzo" in Italian is literally "shit," though a widely-used slang term for "fuck." (Don't ask ME why, cuz I don't know!)

You might be better understood if you were to say, "Sesso con me" (have sex with me) "e invia lividi." (Further research brought these results )

LOLOLOL

I like your translations!

The best way transmit the concept would be to say: "scopami e fammi male!"
= fuck me and hurt me (scopare - to swipe a floor is slang for to fuck).

If you want to stress the bruises part, you can add: "lascia dei lividi" = leave bruises

"Cazzo" si dick, or used in the same way you'd say "Fuck!"


/end of Italian Lesson

 

[Raisa_Greywood]

LOLOLOL

I like your translations!

The best way transmit the concept would be to say: "scopami e fammi male!"
= fuck me and hurt me (scopare - to swipe a floor is slang for to fuck).

If you want to stress the bruises part, you can add: "lascia dei lividi" = leave bruises

"Cazzo" si dick, or used in the same way you'd say "Fuck!"


/end of Italian Lesson

Whoo hoo! My daily goal is met! Now for Spanish, French, German... This really is a key phrase. Second only to asking for a restroom.

Bella

 

[Netzach]

Italian speakers must get a hoot out of "I mopped the floor with him!" (to win)

 

[thesan]

(518):

She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
_____________________________________

(703):

Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

not TFLN but in the same genre

Fail Blog

it has some good ones in there!!!

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/fail-owned-park-name-fail.jpg?w=500&h=375

 

[graceanne]

not TFLN but in the same genre

Fail Blog

it has some good ones in there!!!

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/fail-owned-park-name-fail.jpg?w=500&h=375

This is great. LOL

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

OMG

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/epic-fail-kids-bracelet-fail.jpg

 

[Netzach]

OMG

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/epic-fail-kids-bracelet-fail.jpg

OMG, that IS funny.

I totally think the poster knows what's what and was trying for FAIL status, but I don't care.

 

[graceanne]

OMG

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/epic-fail-kids-bracelet-fail.jpg

LOL!! Did you see the shopping list in Seattle?

http://failblog.org/2010/04/29/shopping-list-fail-or-win/

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

*spew*

no!!!

that one was hilarious!!!

(do we know anyone in Seattle??? )