LdyBGemini
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2002
- Posts
- 1,927
This was originally addressed to members of the Press Corps but it just
seemed like a good way to share our collective thoughts to any northern
folks we might know.
MEMO: TO MEMBERS OF THE PRESS CORPS AND ASSORTED
MEDIA TYPES
SUBJECT: GUIDELINES FOR GETTING ALONG WHILE ACCOMPANYING
THE PRESIDENT TO THE TEXAS WHITE HOUSE IN CRAWFORD.
(THAT'S TEXAS !)
1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local restaurant.
It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let them
cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley,
Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.).
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a coke.
Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or
whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read some
J.Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer
than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot,
Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have
small lapses in judgment (e.g., Ron Kirk). However, we are not dumb
enough to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the
US Senate.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood
you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit the
Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble.
7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut up
about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk
casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT,
under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains
no kidney beans. This will get your ass kicked into next week.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying
and that's all that matters.
11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil or cow pies. If
your livelihood depended on those wells and cows you'd soon learn to
love the aroma. Besides, none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire
recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all
the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little
gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours.
13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small towns.
We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime infested
cesspools like Cleveland.
14) DON'T YOU DARE tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass
shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go
home in a pine box.
15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first
place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande
and put them on the Red River (where they really belong).
16) Enjoy your visit.
seemed like a good way to share our collective thoughts to any northern
folks we might know.
MEMO: TO MEMBERS OF THE PRESS CORPS AND ASSORTED
MEDIA TYPES
SUBJECT: GUIDELINES FOR GETTING ALONG WHILE ACCOMPANYING
THE PRESIDENT TO THE TEXAS WHITE HOUSE IN CRAWFORD.
(THAT'S TEXAS !)
1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local restaurant.
It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let them
cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley,
Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.).
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a coke.
Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or
whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read some
J.Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer
than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot,
Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have
small lapses in judgment (e.g., Ron Kirk). However, we are not dumb
enough to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the
US Senate.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood
you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit the
Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble.
7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut up
about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk
casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT,
under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains
no kidney beans. This will get your ass kicked into next week.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying
and that's all that matters.
11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil or cow pies. If
your livelihood depended on those wells and cows you'd soon learn to
love the aroma. Besides, none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire
recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all
the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little
gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours.
13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small towns.
We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime infested
cesspools like Cleveland.
14) DON'T YOU DARE tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass
shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go
home in a pine box.
15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first
place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande
and put them on the Red River (where they really belong).
16) Enjoy your visit.
