Testing the Gorilla

[Homburg]

A while back, I discussed a concept in some thread that I call the Gorilla. In short, it is the nasty, aggressive reaction I get when a male touches my girl in any manner other than light friendly. It's that urge that many guys will likely recognise, and is one of the reasons why I don't actively even consider sharing.

Anyway, the Gorilla will be tested tomorrow. viv and I are attending a demo put on by our munch group, and viv will be the demo dummy for the presenter.

I'm thinking I will be okay. While it will be BDSM play-ish, the point will be instruction. There will be ground rules in place, and the setting will de-eroticise it. And I figure if I can trust anyone in the BDSM world to be safe, and not do something stupid with my property, it is Jay Wiseman.

I'm not terribly worried about it. I just figured that it has been something discussed before. So, Etoile, consider this an update. I'm extending myself. Woot.

 

[Recidiva]

Good luck with your gorilla.

I think women have it, but it's a mama bear context. Touch my kids in any way other than light friendly and I end you.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Good luck with your gorilla.

I think women have it, but it's a mama bear context. Touch my kids in any way other than light friendly and I end you.

Master will definitely tell you that it ain't mama bear with me *shakes head emphatically* Gorilla all the way

Good luck tomorrow night, Homburg- you'll do just fine

 

[Recidiva]

Master will definitely tell you that it ain't mama bear with me *shakes head emphatically* Gorilla all the way

Good luck tomorrow night, Homburg- you'll do just fine

Either way, bitey breaky unreasoney animal that likes to maul.

If the results are the same, I don't see that much difference.

 

[Homburg]

I have the same response vis a vis my kids.

As an aside, anyone have any comments on Jay's books/videos? He's apparently going to have them available. I've not perused any, so I don't know a thing about them except per his reputation. Are any of them particularly worth picking up?

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Either way, bitey breaky unreasoney animal that likes to maul.
If the results are the same, I don't see that much difference.

Nice way to put it, sweets

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I have the same response vis a vis my kids.

As an aside, anyone have any comments on Jay's books/videos? He's apparently going to have them available. I've not perused any, so I don't know a thing about them except per his reputation. Are any of them particularly worth picking up?

SM101 is a good buy with a lot of basic information but also some insights into deeper aspects of the S/M side of kink.

You probably wouldn't gain much from his "Basic Rope Bondage" video/DVD.

The "Erotic Bondage" handbook might be of interest.

The Tricks... to Please a Man/Woman books ... I dunno. Haven't seen 'em.

Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies could be of interest if you do DM stuff.

No info on his other publications.

 

[Netzach]

Actually, Jay is a really good rope resource if you tend to do things the Japanese-ish way and you don't know or know how to do some of those old Barbara Behr ties and some of the more obvious Western classics. I think I took a class with him eons ago.

Not that I'd know anyone like that. (still can't tie a bowline)

I have a copy of Dungeon emergencies that goes out whenever I play. It's compact and handy first-aid advice with a little extra attention paid to psychic stuff seeing as hurt people already flying on endorphins tend to be that much more unpredictable.

I'm the anti-gorilla. I want everyone to fuck the person I'm fucking. It's another form of egomania.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I'm the anti-gorilla. I want everyone to fuck the person I'm fucking. It's another form of egomania.

Ohhh I am the right opossite. Touch my Jock and your death!

 

[Recidiva]

I think my husband and I have reached an intellectual understanding where we just try not to engage the gorilla, make threatening movements or look it directly in the eye.

The gorilla part is cool, though.

I guess it has to do with a protective instinct, but also with adults it can be a bit insulting. We sort of come to the conclusion that it's cool and fun and fine to be jealous, we're just not going to do anything to exacerbate it or encourage it to act out. Assume the other person can handle themselves unless assistance is requested.

I don't think we'd undertake anything of this nature for that reason. We like that inhibition where it is.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm the anti-gorilla. I want everyone to fuck the person I'm fucking. It's another form of egomania.

Me, too. I have an overwhelming desire to show them off like that.

 

[Shankara20]

I'm extending myself. Woot.

grow man grow....


hugs and 's

 

[HoHoBomb]

http://antivirus.blog.hu/media/image/200807/mag1.jpg
Magilla​

 

[Homburg]

SM101 is a good buy with a lot of basic information but also some insights into deeper aspects of the S/M side of kink.

You probably wouldn't gain much from his "Basic Rope Bondage" video/DVD.

The "Erotic Bondage" handbook might be of interest.

The Tricks... to Please a Man/Woman books ... I dunno. Haven't seen 'em.

Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies could be of interest if you do DM stuff.

No info on his other publications.

Actually, Jay is a really good rope resource if you tend to do things the Japanese-ish way and you don't know or know how to do some of those old Barbara Behr ties and some of the more obvious Western classics. I think I took a class with him eons ago.

Not that I'd know anyone like that. (still can't tie a bowline)

I have a copy of Dungeon emergencies that goes out whenever I play. It's compact and handy first-aid advice with a little extra attention paid to psychic stuff seeing as hurt people already flying on endorphins tend to be that much more unpredictable.

I'm the anti-gorilla. I want everyone to fuck the person I'm fucking. It's another form of egomania.

Thank you both. Dungeon Emergencies sounds like it might be right up my alley.

--

grow man grow....


hugs and 's

Thanks I don't think I will ever get to the point where I can be like Netz, but I would like to be able to feel cool allowing someone to use my property for demos. I think I am.

Interestingly, the was a situation where it happened and the gorilla didn't even slightly mind. I was at a friend's place using her dungeon and trying out various implements. I was trying to figure one out when her slave wandered by. He asked me permission to show me the use and used it on viv. I was perfectly happy to do so, and felt no weirdness. I'm not sure if it is because he is such a cool person, or because he's a slave. Not really sure.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I have that jealous reaction like any guy, but I don't like it. It feels like a weak spot, through which it might be possible to control me.

 

[CathyDomme]

Interestingly, the was a situation where it happened and the gorilla didn't even slightly mind. I was at a friend's place using her dungeon and trying out various implements. I was trying to figure one out when her slave wandered by. He asked me permission to show me the use and used it on viv. I was perfectly happy to do so, and felt no weirdness. I'm not sure if it is because he is such a cool person, or because he's a slave. Not really sure.

Well I think that it was neither of those two reasons.

Was their emotion attached on his behalf? Was he enjoying it? Or was it more a perfunctory exercise in showing you the use of the equipment? No emotion on his behalf would pretty much account for no emotion on your side of the fence as well.

The Gorilla isn't really about protecting "thee an' thine", its more about self protection.

 

[JMohegan]

grow man grow....

*chuckling*

Wish I had a dime for every time some guy's used that line in an attempt to get me to share! Some were kidding, some not.

Either way, it makes me chuckle every time.

 

[CathyDomme]

I have that jealous reaction like any guy, but I don't like it. It feels like a weak spot, through which it might be possible to control me.

Well spotted Rosco! Its amazing how easy it can be to control someone once they reach their emotional limit and begin to act out.

In my life I have utilised that very weakness in so many people, males especially but females also, more times than you would care to imagine. Not because I am a vindictive person, but because I too have my own survival mechanisms which were a little more vital to me as an individual than to most other people on this planet. This in turn was my own weakness.

 

[JMohegan]

I have that jealous reaction like any guy, but I don't like it. It feels like a weak spot, through which it might be possible to control me.

I know a guy who feels this way, and lends his female out to all & sundry as a result.

Well, not to all, but a lot.

Says he does this for "prophylactic purposes," whenever the green monster rears his head.

 

[Recidiva]

Well spotted Rosco! Its amazing how easy it can be to control someone once they reach their emotional limit and begin to act out.

In my life I have utilised that very weakness in so many people, males especially but females also, more times than you would care to imagine. Not because I am a vindictive person, but because I too have my own survival mechanisms which were a little more vital to me as an individual than to most other people on this planet. This in turn was my own weakness.

Strengths can be weaknesses and weaknesses can be strengths through choice.

I'm not sure what you're trying to say, but it has very little to do with my experience of jealousy.

I don't think protectiveness or having that stirred is necessarily a weakness, nor do I believe that acting on it is acting out, nor do I believe that it's always essentially selfish.

Nor do I believe that honestly expressing yourself is arbitrarily weakness or strength based on your agreements with your partner and the person you wish to be.

 

[Keroin]

Hey Homburg, just wanted to say good for you!

I used to be heavy with gorilla. Not sure when I lost him, maybe he doesn't like water? I've been primate free for about ten years and the world is a much happier place.

However, I don't think letting go of jealousy is as simple as saying, "Now I'm not going to be jealous anymore." Control, or rather perceived control, lies at the heart of this emotion.

Anyway, I think you'll feel good about this choice you're making. Kudos.

 

[Recidiva]

Hey Homburg, just wanted to say good for you!

I used to be heavy with gorilla. Not sure when I lost him, maybe he doesn't like water? I've been primate free for about ten years and the world is a much happier place.

However, I don't think letting go of jealousy is as simple as saying, "Now I'm not going to be jealous anymore." Control, or rather perceived control, lies at the heart of this emotion.

Anyway, I think you'll feel good about this choice you're making. Kudos.

I think I'd be sad if I gave up my jealousy.

And sadder if I inspired none at all.

I guess I have a happy medium of wilderness and restraint where I can roam free.

But then again I equate that sort of jealousy with the same sort of protectiveness I feel toward my kids and I'd hate to give that up too. Would be...dehumanizing, I think. For me. I wanna feel that little primal kick of "MINE!" to the base of my brain.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I know a guy who feels this way, and lends his female out to all & sundry as a result.

Well, not to all, but a lot.

Says he does this for "prophylactic purposes," whenever the green monster rears his head.

That's how I roll too.

 

[Keroin]

I think I'd be sad if I gave up my jealousy.

And sadder if I inspired none at all.

I guess I have a happy medium of wilderness and restraint where I can roam free.

But then again I equate that sort of jealousy with the same sort of protectiveness I feel toward my kids and I'd hate to give that up too. Would be...dehumanizing, I think. For me. I wanna feel that little primal kick of "MINE!" to the base of my brain.

Hm, I think I still get the primal kick but it's just a microscopic kick now and I'm always able to control my reaction to it.

I wonder...

Does having kids increase your gorilla? After all, the threat is now not just to the relationship with you and your mate(s) but, by extension, to your family unit.

I find jealousy of any type exhausting. I'm glad to be done with it. For other people, maybe it isn't a burden and it may even serve a purpose, but for me it was toxic.

 

[Recidiva]

Hm, I think I still get the primal kick but it's just a microscopic kick now and I'm always able to control my reaction to it.

I wonder...

Does having kids increase your gorilla? After all, the threat is now not just to the relationship with you and your mate(s) but, by extension, to your family unit.

I find jealousy of any type exhausting. I'm glad to be done with it. For other people, maybe it isn't a burden and it may even serve a purpose, but for me it was toxic.

I think like anything you can look at it as a blessing or a curse. Yeah, when it's out of control and you end up burning yourself and insulting those you care for, and getting dragged away until someone posts bail, not so good.

I think kids puts the gorilla in the right habitat so it becomes more like 'protect the family unit' than it can often be described - an entirely immature and selfish emotion.

Done wrong, yeah, it's destructive and selfish. Respected in the proper environment, it's entirely normal and doesn't lead to bail, but just shared respect and, at least for us, a choice to be monogamous to avoid ripping other people's throats out. It's a marriage between intellectual and emotional choices that result in teamwork. Since we agree on the value of it and we agree to do it together, it's a team thing.

I find entirely immature jealousy to be exhausting. I expect to be trusted and given a chance to stand up for myself first. But the willingness to jump into the fray for me...that I need.

But parenthood is essentially possessive and protective, and extending that to another member of the family unit just works out to be good sense. Keep in mind I'm putting this in "family unit" terms and not really "sexual partner" terms, which is entirely different.

Again, this is our personal choice and since we both keep it in the "dull roar" range and don't exacerbate it, not a problem.

And that IS a big part of being a parent. That unselfish knowledge that it's not just about you. A large reason for me wanting to care for myself is knowing I need to be there to care for them.

So that's how it works for us, and I kind of compare it to a quote in "The Opposite of Sex" - "Say the point of sex isn't recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it's concentration. Say it's supposed to focus your attention on the person you're sleeping with, like biological highlighter. Otherwise, there's just too many people in the world. "

My kids and partner aren't interchangeable. I respect those who wish to be interchangeable with their partners and other partners, it's just not my choice. It's another way of looking at it, I suppose. Healthy in its proper environment.