Terrible Last Names

[dr_mabeuse]

I apologize if I offend anyone, but did you ever come up against a last name that was so terrible you couldn't understand why someone wouldn't change it?

I'm not talking about Fokker or Asswipe (prononced ah-SWEEP-ay) or Ballsitch or Dickmunch. I'm talking about the ones that just sound bad.

I saw someone on a written program rescently whose last name was 'Yeggy'. I was hoping his first name would be Ed or Greg, but no such luck. Still, if he were a chef, he could invent an egg dish called "Eggs Yeggy".

--Zoot

 

[kiwiwolf]

Good morning Doc. I know what you mean my friend.

While my angelic little daughter was in the womb, her mother and I decided to give her an interim name. We were tired of calling her bump, or it, or mum's back ache. so one day while sitting at McDonalds we took turns suggesting names for the still sexless lump in my other half's womb.

My ex went first and came up with Beschnugel. This set the tone for the whole name. I contributed Arfroble and my ex came up with the crowning glory... Geschnibet. So my little angel became Beschnugel Arfroble Geschnibet (or BAG for short) until she saw the light of day.

A few years ago I was relating this story to a group of work mates and one of them told me she has a German uncle with the surname Geschnibet.

I'd do the deed poll thing if I had that for a last name.

 

[SensualCealy]

We have friends with the last name Hoare.
When they were picking names for their kids we had lots of help for them.
Girls were easy, Rhoda, Ima, Ura, Ahnita, Heidi, my husband had hoped they had twins so they could do the, Ima, Ura routine.

Boys werent so bad, dont think they had any odd names for boys.
When ever we go out to lunch and head to a nice restraunt we use my name instead because many of the staff never want to even try their name!
C

 

[lil_elvis]

We have friends with the last name Hoare.
When they were picking names for their kids we had lots of help for them.
Girls were easy, Rhoda, Ima, Ura, Ahnita, Heidi, my husband had hoped they had twins so they could do the, Ima, Ura routine.

Boys werent so bad, dont think they had any odd names for boys.
When ever we go out to lunch and head to a nice restraunt we use my name instead because many of the staff never want to even try their name!
C

 

[dr_mabeuse]

We have friends with the last name Hoare.
When they were picking names for their kids we had lots of help for them.
Girls were easy, Rhoda, Ima, Ura, Ahnita, Heidi, my husband had hoped they had twins so they could do the, Ima, Ura routine.

Now that you mention it, my kids' grammar school principal's name was Mrs. Hori. She was so nice though, that not even the kids made fun of her name.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

There's a girl from my hometown who married a guy whose last name is Fudge. I just couldn't be persuaded to change my last name to Fudge no matter how much I loved someone. The girl changed her name and then got divorced shortly after. No one was surprised when she changed her last name and the last names of her baby back to her maiden name after the divorce.

 

[TheEarl]

I actually used to know somoene (FOAF) whose name was Ophelia Balls. Her parents must really have hated her.

The Earl

 

[cheerful_deviant]

A few years ago a friend of mine, who was in insurance at the time, had a Vietnamese client named (pretty sure I'm not spelling this right) Phat Phuc, and yes, it was pronounced just like it looks. She asked everyone to call her Susan.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

That reminds me, I also knew a guy once whose name was Randy Peters. Nothing like being born with your porn name.

 

[sophia jane]

I had a friend several years ago whose last name was Pigg. He married a woman whose last name was Gray so her last name became Gray-Pigg.

(they had a great attitude about having Pigg for their last name- they collected pig "stuff" and it more or less covered their house).

SJ

 

[china-doll]

One of my coworkers is Charlie Brown. (And no, he's not older than the comic strip.)

You have to wonder, did his parents never hear of Peanuts?

 

[McKenna]

My husband's surname is very "Dutch." When pronounced using English phonetics, it sounds.... funny as hell. Esepcially when you get a good redneck accent gong on it (of which we have plenty here in Idaho.)

We spoke about him changing the spelling a bit so it would be easier to pronounce for Americans/English speakers. He refused.

In our area we have a lot of Eastern European immigrants (Bosnia, etc.). Now THOSE are some surnames! They are tough to pronounce, but they proudly declare their heritage.

Didn't Staten Island butcher surnames to arriving immigrants in years past? Shorten or elongate them, or just give them English surnames? I wonder if this contributed to some of the more "interesting" names we see today.

 

[Sabledrake]

One of my high school science teachers was named Jack Hoff. Poor guy never could seem to figure out why he got so little respect in class.

-- Sabledrake

 

[BlackShanglan]

Didn't Staten Island butcher surnames to arriving immigrants in years past? Shorten or elongate them, or just give them English surnames? I wonder if this contributed to some of the more "interesting" names we see today.

I believe that you're thinking of Ellis Island, and yes, they did. We could never make sense of our last name (from my Italian father) until finally a distant cousin dug up the ship's manifests from when my great-grandparents came over and discovered that the good people at Ellis Island changed the last vowel. The name made a great deal more sense the original way. I'm still mulling what to do about it, but it's been several years and so far I still write it the way I was raised with it. It's a little awkward knowing that it's incorrect, but it felt pretentious changing it when it was good enough for two generations of us and all of the current relatives.

I went to an elementary school with a music teacher named Mrs. Horn and a wood shop teacher named Mr. Sharp. In high school we had a substitute teacher who unwisely chose to tell people that her last name was "KAL-ma-NOR," pronounced to sound a great deal like "cow manure." But the winner for me was my father's co-worker in distant years past, whose mother gave her the first and middle names of "Welcome Robin." Evidently feeling that this was not a sufficient burden to bear, she eventually married a man with the last name of "Slutsky." At least you know it's true love.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

We had the same thing happen... the last "N" of our (german) last name got dropped, but it's redundant so we've never bothered to add it back. It's already too long

 

[Chimney Sweep]

I used to work with a guy named Benjamin Tober. Went by "Ben."

Also knew a girl whose last name was Bohner (pronounced "hard-on") Her father's name was Richard and he actually went by Dick! Dick Bohner. I guess he just embraced it.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I knew a woman who's dad's name was "Harold Butts"

When I was a tellemarketer, I called this house and started to pronounce the last name, it looked innocent enough, although difficult to pronounce, but once I did, I couldn't stop laughing:

Heightchou (or something like that.)

 

[sweetnpetite]

I went to school with a girl named "Kelly Seaman" (can't remember the exact spelling.) Anyway, it always makes me think "Green Cum"

 

[Guest]

I dunno why, but the surname Nesbit always make me cringe, or snicker, or both.

 

[maggot420]

I dunno why, but the surname Nesbit always make me cringe, or snicker, or both.

I wrote a story for a comic book once and the lead charactor's name was Nesbit. And his personality made people cringe and snicker. Coincidence?

 

[Guest]

A friend of mine has the last name of "Bitche." She had it changed to "Biche" - same pronunciation, but less confusion from idiots.

And - I've had a student with first name of "Ho." The first thing he would hear when he entered the room for his lesson was, "Oh, hi Ho."

 

[Just-Legal]

I actually used to know somoene (FOAF) whose name was Ophelia Balls. Her parents must really have hated her.

The Earl

Mum works for the NHS. There was a patient named O. Balls. Male. I say was, he died waiting for a kidney transplant.

SIGN THE F**KING DONOR REGISTER! ALL OF YOU!

PS: My surname is Pluck. Draw your own conclusions.

 

[Xelebes]

We have friends with the last name Hoare.
When they were picking names for their kids we had lots of help for them.
Girls were easy, Rhoda, Ima, Ura, Ahnita, Heidi, my husband had hoped they had twins so they could do the, Ima, Ura routine.

Boys werent so bad, dont think they had any odd names for boys.
When ever we go out to lunch and head to a nice restraunt we use my name instead because many of the staff never want to even try their name!
C

Rob D. Hoare
Bill D. Hoare
Ray B. Hoare
Jack D. Hoare
Ron A. Hoare

 

[R. Richard]

There is a famouns [infamous?] mercenary soldier with the name: Colonel 'Mad Mike' Hoare.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

PS: My surname is Pluck. Draw your own conclusions.

JL, we all knew you were a "plucky" kid.

Names I've known:

A girl in my grammar school was named, Candi Barr.

Hogg / Hog is a fairly common family name in the southwest US; I've known several. Texas had a governor with that name.

The late, Grady Nutt, was a Baptist preacher. He claimed his father would answer the phone, "Nutt house," and that they called their station wagon, what else, the "Nutt wagon."

Baylor University had a running back named Tommy Turnipseed. When they played Penn State in the Cotton Bowl, yankee reporters asked if he didn't think he had an unusual name. He said not really, that he knew a lot of people named Tommy.

Cinderella Liberty was/is a good novel and less-good movie. The protag is in the Navy. His last name is "Baggs." Early in the book, he says that considering the many possibilities for associative nicknames, he felt lucky to have ended up being called, "Ditty."

And here are a few more I've either met or heard of:

Grubbs
Blow
Shanks
Spillars
Bullock
Peevy
Belcher
Blinks
Puffer
Buggs

Rumple Foreskin