Tentative hello

[Debbie]

Hi Normally I post on the general discussion board
Im plucking up my courage to see what people think of my work


I want as many opinions as possible (no trolls) on what you think of my work

and anywhere that i could go to get my work published. I love literotica and the people who read my work
I want my dreams to come true;
to be published and paid to write.

(also shame and embarrassment don't know how to put a link to get you straight to my profile)
so if you can help me out and put the link in I would be very grateful

p.s let me know how to do it and i will be even more grateful

 

[Frederick Carol]

The link to your work is:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=15324

 

[Pokerman]

To put the link in a message, just type the url into the text, such as

http://www.literotica.org

If you keep a second browser window open, with the page you want to link to, you can just copy and paste the url here. Click once on the URL to hilight it, hit CTRL-C to copy, move back to the post and hit CTRL-V to paste it and you're done.

Hope this helps.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=39236

 

[Guest]

Hi Debbie.........

I liked it....thought you had a great <exciting> theme going.
Only one thought here for you though, something I was told myself and I think it has helped me. Watch the long sentences.
I found myself running out of breath waiting for the sentence to finally end. And it detracted (though not too much) from the story line.

But I'm no expert either, just passing along something I was
given to work on.

Thesandman

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

Angus in Paris

As a technical matter: you consistently misspelled monsieur in both stories, which as a francophone I found disconcerting. In the first story, it is probably ok for her to call him that, as she doesn't know his name. In the second story she should call him Monsieur Angus or Monsieur Styles.

There are a number of places where you do not start new paragraphs with a change of speaker, which makes it sometimes difficult to realize who is speaking.

You should spell out numbers such as 2 and 8pm and 18.

I thought the opening of the story was somewhat weak. How could he have forgotten his previous encounter with Fleur? She would have said "Welcome Back" as well. I think you might have developed Fleur's character, since in two years she had gone from being a chambermaid to a receptionist.

On a side note, the same stories in your website have no quotation marks around the dialog, so I think you had a problem converting the text to HTML.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for all the feedback! I have had quite a few responses and know my weak points (dialogue structure, skipping back and forth between past and present tense etc)
There is room for improvement and thank you all for your help!

 

[Debbie]

Oops somehow I came up as unregistered! The post above is from me !!!