Ten Worst Real Life Sex Stories

[Dyslexicea]

Wondering if any of you lovely Lit authors could make any of these Ten Worst Real Life Sex Stories into erotica? Would you even try?

 

[lovecraft68]

I think a better thread would be for people to post their own worst experiences.

I will say all those stories make me feel damn good about myself

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Back in 1971 my neighbor tried to unload a girl on me who shit on his bed.

 

[CeasarBoobage]

Wondering if any of you lovely Lit authors could make any of these Ten Worst Real Life Sex Stories into erotica? Would you even try?

For some reason I think most of those stories that could be written would go in either the humor or fetish categories. I don't recall seeing a 'failboat' list.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Wondering if any of you lovely Lit authors could make any of these Ten Worst Real Life Sex Stories into erotica? Would you even try?

No. There's a thin but critical line between sex and farce. Women are much better at laughing at it than men are.

Given that most men would say there's no such thing as bad sex, I wonder what male worst-sex experiences would be like?

 

[slyc_willie]

No. There's a thin but critical line between sex and farce. Women are much better at laughing at it than men are.

Given that most men would say there's no such thing as bad sex, I wonder what male worst-sex experiences would be like?

Anything that ends in castration, I'd wager.

 

[RedMonkeyButt]

No. There's a thin but critical line between sex and farce. Women are much better at laughing at it than men are.

Given that most men would say there's no such thing as bad sex, I wonder what male worst-sex experiences would be like?

I don't know... I read the article and one of those involved a broken penis... Sounds like male worst-sex to me.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

LOL Some of those could be written as revenge from a jilted partner. The trick would be setting the ex up to have the bad sex.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Not sure this qualifies for this list, but I had buddy in the Army who would tell about the time he was caught in bed with his girlfriend... in her bed... by her father. Not good, but worse? He happened to be tied to the bed (the man, not the father). And once dear ol' dad opened the door, the girl shrieked and fell to the floor, pulling the sheets with her and leaving him stuck saluting his girlfriend's dad with the high and hard one she had been enjoying.

 

[lovecraft68]

I've had a few not so good times, but I think the worst (and in away most disturbing) was this one.

I met a woman in a bar, I think she was around thirty, so not a kid, I had just gotten divorced so I think I was around 27.

I bought her a drink we start talking while watching a sox game, she's flirting seems interested, but mentioned the infamous ex(Jack) she was on a rebound from, mentioned him a few times, but whatever.

We go back to her place, she tells me to wait on the couch and comes out in this hot little blue baby doll nighty. She sits on my lap, we're making out., I'm like okay, this is good, I compliment her lingerie and get....

"You like it? It was my Jack's favorite on me"

Okay, a little odd and some mood kill, but she's hot and I'm worked up so whatever. Things heat up, she gets down on the floor and in the middle of going down on me stops and asks, "Do you like it fast or slow, jack liked it really fast and sloppy.

Now, I am not a jealous person, and I am not looking to be serious with her, but sitting there with my cock in her hand I'm like are you kidding? I simply answer, "Whatever you like is fine."

later I get that I lick pussy faster than Jack and use my fingers more. The coup de grace was when I finally get inside her and in my ear she whispers.

'Hmm, Jack was longer, but I think you're thicker."

that was it, sex or no sex, I pulled out, got up, got dressed and told her to go get some goddamn help.

I go home and am horny as hell and as I jerk off, I think, "Hey I wonder how Jack does this" I ended up laughing like an idiot and wondering not for the first time what's wrong with me?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

No. There's a thin but critical line between sex and farce. Women are much better at laughing at it than men are.

Given that most men would say there's no such thing as bad sex, I wonder what male worst-sex experiences would be like?

My old pal Bruno and his shipmate picked up two broads while on liberty. They dined them, wined them, and danced, then took them to a hotel where they discovered the bitches had balls. Bruno thought it was funny but his friend threw up.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

I'm not sure if this qualifies but I was driving around with my cousin one night when we saw his girl and a bunch of others parked in a lot. We went and soon he had taken off with his girl, so I picked up one of her friends and started cruising again.
As we rode and talked I though all was going well, then she reached into her back pocket and removed a small round can, about the size of a Copenhagen can.
"Must be beef jerky or bubble gum" I thought, (if any of you remember there was a time when you could get these in a chew can..ok I'm old) Then she started "popping" the can like the shitkickers did.
She opened the lid and loaded her lower lip and I ht the brakes and told her to have her chew outside before I puked.
She put the dip back into her can, and I was gagging by this point. We went back to the parking lot and she got out and took off with a bunch of shitkickers.
I can only imagine how she'd have reacted if I didn't know the dip was there and I kissed her and then proceeded to vomit...maybe even mid kiss.

 

[MSTarot]

I've got a friend that would shoot me if he knew I told this. Him and his wife (when they were dating still) were in her bedroom at her moms house. He was laying flat on his back with his legs off the end of the bed, his feet on the floor.

She was sitting on top of his facing away from him (reverse cowgirl) when the door to her bedroom opens. It's her Mom!

She grabbed the sheet behind her and throws it over the top of him.

He said he's laying there under it about to have a heart attack listening to his girlfriend talking to her mom for over ten minutes. Him still inside her till the hard on died, anyway. Her twitching the muscles inside to make him squirm.

Now her mom has bad eyesight without her glasses. So she never figured out that the legs she was seeing weren't her daughters.

She did tell her daughter she might want to shave her legs though.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

....

'Hmm, Jack was longer, but I think you're thicker."

That reminds me of a story from back in day.... (shut the fuck up)

A buddy of mine and I were relatively famous cock swingers among a select group of people. (I say "select group of people" because if I were to say, "Among 4-her's" someone would make fun of me.) Anyway, we bounced more than one girl between the two of us. It wasn't a big deal and it wasn't as ripe for storytelling as the thought suggests. Meanwhile, there was this one girl, "Karla," who thought she would earn some points if she did both me and him (serially, not at the same time).

So, that's what she did. And when she did me? She was a TERRIBLE lay. I'm serious. Every few moments she would ask, "Did you cum yet?" As if that was her prime directive, to get me off. I told her, "Karla, trust me, when I get off, you'll know. You'll know it, the neighbors will know, every will know it." But still she would ask, "Did you cum yet?" It got SO annoying that at the ripe old age of 19, I faked an orgasm. Worse? She didn't realize I faked it. (For the record, I was wearing a condom.) I was just done fucking her and her questions over and over again.

A few days later, she caught up with my friend and I at a local coffee shop. Karla comes in grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat as if she had a secret my buddy and I didn't already know. We're grinning back, waiting for her to spill the beans. She ends up saying to my buddy, "You were better, but he was bigger."

Now, knowing I'm bi probably matters. Also, my buddy doesn't know I'm bi nor does have any reason to think that I am.

So, he's surprised at Karla's assessment. I'm not, because I know I was bored with her and couldn't wait for it to be over and I'm sure that showed. The funny part was after she left, when my buddy said, "You're bigger?" It was an awkward thing for this very straight man to say. It really bothered him and I had the best time in the world saying, "What? You looked?" He squirmed and said, "We've taken showers together and stuff." Which is true, we had. We were both athletes.

"I'm a grower, not a show-er," I explained. I think that was the first time that idea had occurred to him.

To this day, right, wrong or otherwise, I'm sure I could have been better... except Karla was a horrible lay. And that might be worth noting for any women in the audience. Yes, how good you are in bed DOES matter to the man!

 

[YDB95]

The only way I can think of to make any of those into erotica is maybe as the bad "before" backstory in setting up a new and better relationship. In that context, they're all perfect, especially the key lime pie one.

 

[MemphisMan9]

So, that's what she did. And when she did me? She was a TERRIBLE lay. I'm serious. Every few moments she would ask, "Did you cum yet?" As if that was her prime directive, to get me off. I told her, "Karla, trust me, when I get off, you'll know. You'll know it, the neighbors will know, every will know it." But still she would ask, "Did you cum yet?" It got SO annoying that at the ripe old age of 19, I faked an orgasm. Worse? She didn't realize I faked it. (For the record, I was wearing a condom.) I was just done fucking her and her questions over and over again.

This part right here. I had, almost verbatim, the exact same thing happen.
Except that it was the first time I'd ever had sex.