Temporary Marriages

[Calamity Jane]

Do you think more people would get married... and stay married... if it was a temporary arrangement?

Let's say you sign a marriage contract for a 5 year term. At the end of 5 years, you have the option of renewal or the option of walking away with 50% of the assests accrued during the marriage. Both partners know going into the contract that it's for a limited term. Support for the children of any union is agreed upon prior to their births... each parent providing 50%, with monetary values applied to physical custody.

You don't have to worry about waking up one morning and thinking "Oh, my god. This is the person I'm going to wake up with for the next 50 years."

Makes sense to me biologically too. There would be more options for diversity in the gene pool if we didn't stay with the same people forever and ever.

 

[koalabear]

It is viewed as temp.....

Check out the divorce statistics.

 

[RussianFlower]

Do you think more people would get married... and stay married... if it was a temporary arrangement?

Let's say you sign a marriage contract for a 5 year term. At the end of 5 years, you have the option of renewal or the option of walking away with 50% of the assests accrued during the marriage. Both partners know going into the contract that it's for a limited term. Support for the children of any union is agreed upon prior to their births... each parent providing 50%, with monetary values applied to physical custody.

You don't have to worry about waking up one morning and thinking "Oh, my god. This is the person I'm going to wake up with for the next 50 years."

Makes sense to me biologically too. There would be more options for diversity in the gene pool if we didn't stay with the same people forever and ever.

Yes, let's fracture American families even more. What we need are more kids of divorce.

 

[Calamity Jane]

That's my point, bear.

If we went into it with the agreement that it was temporary, there would be no need for divorce, and none of the angst that goes with it.

 

[bored1]

Seems to me that most marriages are temporary.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Re: Temporary Marriages

Yes, let's fracture American families even more. What we need are more kids of divorce.

That's the view point of someone who believes that marriage is forever. That's fine. I, however, don't agree that divorce in and of itself is a bad thing for families. I'm pretty sure that my parent's divorce was the best thing they could have done for us kids. It was amicable, we never doubted the love of either parent, and they remained friends. My father was at every thanksgiving/easter/xmas dinner. He attended every softball game, and my mother's wedding.

People who can't behave like grown ups make bad divorces.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

to me that would be strange, my parents split up when i was 10 and almost 11 years later the divorce was finalized, I gave my mom a hard time about her old boyfriend of a few years calling him my new daddy, but she broke up with him and here comes this new guy and now I go around saying he is our new daddy now. This would be a pain in the butt every five years.... hey wait a minute maybe you are my daddy... I'm so confused

 

[blooflame]

temporary marriages

I think setting it up as a renewable contract makes sense, pagan.. but then, I think any group of two or more adults should be able to form a partnership/family group in whatever form works for them.

 

[Nefarious]

I knew an old biker. He was a liar, a cheat, and a general lowlife. But he did suggest to me that marriage licenses should be like driver's licenses - with set expiration dates. He figured that if the relationship was strong, people would try harder to make it work as the expiration date approached. And if the relationship was weak, well, everyone could breathe easier because they knew that they could walk away, no harm - no foul. It was the only thing he ever told me that I ever thought had even a touch of class.

 

[koalabear]

That's my point, bear.

If we went into it with the agreement that it was temporary, there would be no need for divorce, and none of the angst that goes with it.

Then why have any argeement at all.....just fuck have kids and go ouor seperate ways.....Kids benefit more from a 2 parent family then they do from a single parent one. No matter how good the single parent is.

 

[cymbidia]

Yes!

YES YES YES!
Great idea.

I think society is going here anyway, quite frankly, and not because the divorce rate is so high but because it makes sense. Thos ewho want the "death do you part" option can still go ride that ride, of course, but the rest of us can choose something a bit more managable and practical and still safe and romantic and caring and buturing and all that stuff, too. No one says you can't renew the contract at the end of the five years.

 

[RussianFlower]

Re: Re: Re: Temporary Marriages

That's the view point of someone who believes that marriage is forever. That's fine. I, however, don't agree that divorce in and of itself is a bad thing for families. I'm pretty sure that my parent's divorce was the best thing they could have done for us kids. It was amicable, we never doubted the love of either parent, and they remained friends. My father was at every thanksgiving/easter/xmas dinner. He attended every softball game, and my mother's wedding.

People who can't behave like grown ups make bad divorces.

Divorce sucks for the great majority. Otherwise, why not stay married?

I get what you're saying but it sounds pretty close to the Free Love experiments in Russia in the 30's and Lieben (sp) babies program of Germany in the 40's. Not very successful examples.

 

[Sillyman]

Sorry, but I find the concept sick-making. It just turns the whole concept of marriage into an issue about stuff. Romantic as chilled lard.

 

[AzureAngel]

Why bother getting married if you don't want to have to make a committment? Just curious.

 

[Tyrael]

Here's a question.

If we did adopt a temporary marriage agreement as having to be renewed every 5 or so years, what reason is there for couple who are having problems in the relationship to try to address and attempt to reconcile?

I would think they would just say "Hey, the marriage ends next week...let's just stay out of each other's way until then. Have a nice life."

It just seems to me people would just up and quit on the relationship the first time something didn't go their way.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Yes!

YES YES YES!
Great idea.

I think society is going here anyway, quite frankly, and not because the divorce rate is so high but because it makes sense. Thos ewho want the "death do you part" option can still go ride that ride, of course, but the rest of us can choose something a bit more managable and practical and still safe and romantic and caring and buturing and all that stuff, too. No one says you can't renew the contract at the end of the five years.

Exactly. Forever is always an option.

I'm not saying marriage doesn't have it's benefits. And, this isn't about divorce. You wouldn't be getting divorced at the end of those 5 years, or 15 or whatever, you'd be dissolving a contract.

And no bear, it's not the same as hooking up and fucking. It's still a marriage for however long both parties agree to continue.

 

[koalabear]

Excellent point.

Why bother getting married if you don't want to have to make a committment? Just curious.

But the prevailing attitude today is , "well fuck, let me see if I like marriage, If I don't I can always get out of it". Hardly any thought goes into the effect on kids. Remember if you have a temporary marriage, you will have a temporary family also.

 

[Allexus_TN]

The term they use now is "starter" marriage. Like, a practice run for the "real thing". Um, I was under the impression that sometimes, living together was the trial run.

I don't think I would WANT to get married knowing it was only temporary.

 

[bored1]

Every five years you could, "maybe" have a new partner, call it serial monogamy. the problem i see ,is that the older one gets the pool of quality people gets smaller. At some point you would end up old and alone. Not a good place for anyone.

 

[Guru]

 

[Silverluna]

handfasting....you get "married" for a year and a day....
then you are free to end it or maintain it....

 

[Calamity Jane]

Why bother getting married if you don't want to have to make a committment? Just curious.

It's still a commitment.

I've been married almost 8 years. A little more than a 1/4 of my life. I don't think an 'expiration date' is going to make people work less at making the marriage work. On the contrary, I think if people knew they had 5 years starting out, that they'd give it everything they had. If you know going into it that the person you're with has promised to be there forever, there's no real impetus to change, get along, work things out NOW because they've promised to be there in 20 years anyway, so what's the hurry?

 

[Tyrael]

PCG- why say that if the parties know that the marriage will end at a certain date that they will work harder?

What happens when problems arise? Not everyone is going to work hard to save the marriage they know is going to end. Most people will just think to themselves, "Only another few months then I can get the hell out of here!"

 

[AzureAngel]

Would Divorce still be an option within those 5 years?

 

[Calamity Jane]

I understand what y'all are saying about families. But honestly, would you say that an unhappy, stale marriage that lasts 'forever' is a better environment for children than one in which the dynamics have changed?

I was lucky enough to have two wonderful fathers, thanks to my parent's divorce. I refuse to believe that the divorce 'fractured' our family, 'broke' our home, or did anything to us psychologically except show us that sometimes, it's ok to not be in love anymore, and that people can behave like adults even when they're hurting.