Temporary Limits

[slut_4daddy]

Is there any such thing as temporary limits?

Like in this scene I don't want to do this thing, because I like it sometimes, but not always? Or I like it sometimes but not usually.

Or it works but I'm not ready to deal with the after effects?

 

[serijules]

I have temorary limits all the time...my limits flucutate with who I am playing with, how skilled they are with certain implements, and my comfort level with them.

Only a small handful of people cane me, for instance. I love the cane, it's by far my most loved implement. But it's not something just anyone can use on me for various reasons, and even some that can, there are times when I can't handle it emotionally.

 

[mstrnsvnt]

I personally don't care if a slave doesn't want something. She has given me full control and trusts me to look after her saftey. I would never do anything to hurt a slave badly or endanger her. If we are scening and have not agreed to limits prior to our scene then I do what I like, if she resists, she is punished. That is the control she gives me. We always have open communication especially leading up to a meeting, so I have a feeling of what is wanted or she basically knows what to expect.

I have used various "modes", I've even allowed a slave to set modes she is ready for at times.

She was instructed to wear a certian color panties depending on what mode she wanted or felt when we met to scene. Red was for "go easy" to Green for "no holds barred". I didn't always allow this but time to time it was interesting and allowed her to control the limits. I was still in control but knew the boundries not to cross.

 

[shaymless]

As serijules said, my limits change depending on comfort level with the other party(s) involved. I love fire play and the violet wand, but I also have an intense, real fear of fire (I'm certain I'm going to die in one), so it's not something I do with every play partner....but with the right one, it's a loverly joyful yummy thing.

On the other hand, were I in a more stable, permanent-ish M/s relationship, I don't think temporary limits would fly. I'd certainly state my concerns over whatever said issue is and ask if x thing not happen, etc...but in the end, would have to trust that He (or She) would safely push (or not push) the limit/concern. Particularly if it's a "sometimes like/sometimes not in the mood for" thing rather than an issue concerning health (physical or otherwise).

Happily sitting on the fence it seems

shay

 

[Guest]

Is there any such thing as temporary limits?

Like in this scene I don't want to do this thing, because I like it sometimes, but not always? Or I like it sometimes but not usually.

Or it works but I'm not ready to deal with the after effects?

Well if it's not a full time PYl then it's what is called "scene negotiation" ...You know ..That conversation that is supposed to take place BEFORe the ropes and whips and gags.....

 

[bunny bondage]

sure, limits aren't set in stone. just be sure you communicate thoroughly with your Dom, especially if you're changing limits with the same Dom. if you don't tell him, he'll never know!

 

[Betticus]

Just use the safeword. That is what it is for and communicate. You can always stop the scene and then talk it out.

There should be no punishment for using your safeword when you feel you need to.

Your mileage may vary though and that is just my personal opinion.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Is there any such thing as temporary limits?

Like in this scene I don't want to do this thing, because I like it sometimes, but not always? Or I like it sometimes but not usually.

Or it works but I'm not ready to deal with the after effects?

I know that you are or were in an exclusive relationship. That being said, I will assume that you and He have discussed your hard limits (i.e. no sex with children, that kind of thing.) In other words, I will assume automatically that you and He have communicated, so I won't preach that to you.

That being said...

Almost all limits are temporary. Speaking for myself, I want my limits pushed, sometimes not so gently. As a submissive, it's my position in life to please my Dom and to relent to His will, not my own. I place my trust in Him to take me down those darker roads in a safe and caring way, and in an occasionally rough way. I trust Him to know what is best for me and for us.

I want a Dom who has control of me and the relationship while at the same time, allowing me to have input and opinions; knowing that I will always recognize His decisions are final, but still according me my voice when it's appropriate. And a Dom who respects how far I can be pushed at any given time. I may not be able to handle being pushed as far next week as I was yesterday. And He will know and understand that there is always another day.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Temporary Limits

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: Temporary Limits

Very well stated.

And, really, it's not too much to ask, is it?

*gnashes teeth*

No it's not, damn it!!! Maybe "someone" will hear us for Christmas... yathink?

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Temporary Limits

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Temporary Limits

I'd be a very happy fox indeed if I got my Christmas wish *lol*

So in addition to being a beautiful fox... you would be pretty gleeful too!!! I like that. ;-D


One thing I failed to note in her original post is that sometimes (many times) submission is not about what the submissive "likes."

Someone more knowledgeable than I want to take up that issue?

 

[graceanne]

Re: Re: Temporary Limits

I know that you are or were in an exclusive relationship. That being said, I will assume that you and He have discussed your hard limits (i.e. no sex with children, that kind of thing.) In other words, I will assume automatically that you and He have communicated, so I won't preach that to you.

That being said...

Almost all limits are temporary. Speaking for myself, I want my limits pushed, sometimes not so gently. As a submissive, it's my position in life to please my Dom and to relent to His will, not my own. I place my trust in Him to take me down those darker roads in a safe and caring way, and in an occasionally rough way. I trust Him to know what is best for me and for us.

I want a Dom who has control of me and the relationship while at the same time, allowing me to have input and opinions; knowing that I will always recognize His decisions are final, but still according me my voice when it's appropriate. And a Dom who respects how far I can be pushed at any given time. I may not be able to handle being pushed as far next week as I was yesterday. And He will know and understand that there is always another day.

Well put. I've been kind of stewing and thinking on this, and while there are very hard limits for me (like sex with children), the rest I would like to think of as temporary. I want to grow and change, and I know that K would never harm me, and that sometimes being a good sub means doing things that make me uncomfortable. On the other hand, as Sir W will say LOUDLY and REPEATEDLY if you give him a chance that's where communication comes in. If he pushed too hard and too fast then we're going to have problems. It's really a delicate balancing act.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: Temporary Limits

...If he pushed too hard and too fast then we're going to have problems. It's really a delicate balancing act.

and I said...

...a Dom who respects how far I can be pushed at any given time. I may not be able to handle being pushed as far next week as I was yesterday. And He will know and understand that there is always another day.

Considering that K is your husband and knows more intimately than anyone else, what you can and cannot tolerate, I would say you are more safe than most are.

 

[graceanne]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Temporary Limits

and I said...



Considering that K is your husband and knows more intimately than anyone else, what you can and cannot tolerate, I would say you are more safe than most are.

I am. I'm lucky that way. I think that the whole limits thing would be a lot scarier if it was with someone who doesn't know me as well as he does. While it's a delicate balancing act I have no doubts of his ability to handle it. And that says a lot, since their are very very few people in the world that I trust that much. Frankly, I think he's it.

 

[Desdemona]

Within an established relationship, I may have days when I can endure more than other days due to physical (ex: have a cold) or emotional (ex: death in the family) issues etc. However, that's more about adjusting to daily life than about having temporary limits. I would hope that the dominant partner would be in tune with these issues and not push on such a day. In this case, it's about physical and emotional care for the sub.

Yeah, there are some activities that I like more than others on any given day. However, as a submissive, rather than a bottom, if it's not a hard limit, I'm going to submit to those things to the best of my ability because I want to please my dominant. That's the bottom line...pleasing my dominant within pre-negotiated limits in a relationship. In that circumstance, I'd submit and I have done so in the past. To whine and say "I don't feel like doing *x activity* today is to be a pillow princess or a do me sub. Attempting to manipulate the dominant into not making you submit to that activity is called topping from the bottom. Neither are particularly attractive behaviors IMHO.

As ADR and others have said, pushing soft limits is sometimes a good thing. That helps us grow (and besides, it's kinda fun!). However, things like bestiality, pedophilia, etc that are in my hard limit list are deal breakers.

Now, if you're playing with multiple partners, as described by serijules, I can see having limits that fluctuate based on your comfort level with the skill of the top. That's different than being in an established relationship and it's about self preservation and safety.

 

[slut_4daddy]

Within an established relationship, ...it's about self preservation and safety.

This is entirely off topic, Desdemona, but I love that shoe av!