Tell me what you think, please

[X-Bard]

I have recently, in the last few months started posting stories. I would love to hear your opinions of them. Especially of The Film Festival in Exhibitionists & Voyeurs. It seems no one likes the ending

Thanks now for your input. I appreciate it.

 

[KillerMuffin]

The Film Festival

I didn't like the ending either. It didn't just slap her in the face, it slapped me too. I couldn't figure out why on earth he'd get up and leave. Men just don't do that without a good reason and nothing in the story previous supplied a good reason. Truthfully, nothing in the end supplied a good reason either.

 

[E.NonnyMuse]

Film Festival by X-Bard

I sent you an email critique via the feedback form. Hope you got it.

 

[Weird Harold]

...The Film Festival in Exhibitionists & Voyeurs. It seems no one likes the ending

I didn't find Bob to be a very likeable character. If you intended him to be a self-centered ass, then you succeeded.

The ending fit the characterization, so I think it's more that people don't like his personality than they don't like the ending.

One minor point about technique: I don't think you used any pronouns for Bob. That's part of why he seemed to be self-centered. It is not necessary to use a character's name every time you refer to him, especially when there are only two people present in a scene -- one him, and one her.

You could have benefited from a proofreader. for example, at the very end, you describe the waman as "covered in sweet" instead of "covered in sweat."

 

[christo]

I think the characterization is a little inconsistent. Bob obviously thinks this woman is attractive-- he decides that he either has to fuck her or go home. She has the upper hand throughout the story, because Bob desires so much.

Yet at the end, Bob could care less about her. I know once guys finish their interest in their partner can wane (Zzzzzzz....), but suddenly Bob is the one in control, and the woman is the weaker. It's just not consistent, I think that's the problem.

I actually enjoy reading (and writing) stories where the narrators aren't especially nice, or they're unreliable. It adds another potential angle to a story that otherwise might be routine. A sexy co-ed allows herself to be seduced by a renowned professor. There are probably 500 stories like that out there. Have a twist like the teenage girl videotaping the encounter and then blackmailing the University and you have a very different story. She may be a manipulative bitch, but it can still be very very erotic.

A question, also-- I would like to write a post with links to my stories so folks on the bulletin boards can read them and give me their impressions. Many of my stories are in the Mature category and while they've been well received, I've read posts & comments that a lot of people don't read stories with a Mature theme. I'd like to put them on the BB so people can judge them as stories. My question (at last) is, How do you put links in these posts? So you can just click on the link & go to the story. Don't want to make people hunt all over creation looking for my stories.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Easy Christo. First, go to your story. Highlight the address in your address bar, right click and copy it. Then come to the bulletin board and paste into your post. You don't have to parse it, the default is set to automatically parse URLs. (the address). However, if you like the parse (shown in reverse order so you can actually see it) looks something like this:

[/url] <-- this goes at the end of the web address.
<-- this goes at the beginning o... this [ url]http://www.literotica.com/mystory, only without the space in . Okay?

 

[Weird Harold]

A question, also-- I would like to write a post with links to my stories so folks on the bulletin boards can read them and give me their impressions.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/index.php?action=bbcode

AKA vB code is the list of all of the codes that work within the body of your posts.

For a quick primer on the syntax of the URL tags, quote this post and look at the two ways I linked the vB code page.

 

[X-Bard]

Thanks for the feedback. I can't learn if I don't know. It is helping a great deal. I will keep all of these things in mind when I write another story.

 

[christo]

Thanks!

Thanks for the info, I'll give it a shot in the next few days and put up a post.

Keep the stories coming X-Bard!